Fic: The Odyssey, xxiii. meg glasch tel
--
“Unlike the rest, I don’t share the Vengeance;
I left after Vulcan to work on a remote colony.
Unlike the rest, I never respected the captain,
who lost everything on his maiden journey.
They said he saved Earth when he really lost Vulcan;
they said he won battles when it was really defeat.
I don’t blame him for the wins or the losses,
but if he takes credit for one, he must take everything.
I’ve been serving on missions much longer;
my lover and I met our first year in Starfleet.
my lover, he died when the Vengeance crashed into
the bay to the edge of San Francisco city.
We’d been researching together new immunizations
discovered from texts on the planet Exo III.
Roger was on Earth at a medical conference
when the ship shattered skyscraper into the concrete.
I did not learn of his death until a week later;
news travels slow from the center to edge country.
When I heard the name Enterprise, I cursed every starship
that has ever, will ever, flies our galaxy.
Our lives are littered with suppressed casualties.
I am a nurse: as a nurse I am used to
dementia, death, trauma, all kinds of disease.
I am a person: as a person I question
the cause and effect and the meaning of grief.
I have not found an answer: I am on board to witness
my fate unfold under command of this death-hounded ship thief.
I lost my friends in the Farragut, Lǜ Lóng, and Pluton;
I almost lost Carol in her mad curiosity.
I came back for her and for no other reason,
when all your loves die, you cling bodily
to those still alive, you endure every season
of mind-numbing, body-blowing, life-crushing grief.
Leonard I respect, and Spock I admire,
Nyota I now count as one of my friends;
Scotty is a good man, and Keenser is wicked,
Sulu and Chekhov I know, but don’t quite understand.
Carol I love, though we stand like two polars--
she creates weapons while I live to mend.
Sometimes between us there is silent tension
she didn’t live Vulcan, I wasn’t there when
her father showed his bloodthirsty, god-awful colors,
sparing her life at a cost that would have been
unbearable to anyone’s conscience.
She thought she could buy mercy but found nothing.
The captain has changed. He discovered his limits;
he died and recovered-- this, I can respect.
We both carry griefs unspeakable to others.
We now stand as equals. We live to protect
this precious peace, our threaded existence,
more fragile than youth leads us to suspect.
If I have learned one thing from life on this mission,
it is: there is no defeat, nor is there success.
There is only time, thread unspooling wildly,
cut into its pieces, allotted and spread
across the wide worlds, to all species and creatures.
We cannot take credit, we can’t assign blame
for the way things unfold, we can only live in it,
use what we have and remember our name.
I am Christine Meg glasch Tel Chapel;
my grandfather Tellarite, my mother became
the best politician since Lwaxana Troi of Betazoid
this is the secret I hold to profane:
the desperation of grief, the ease of surrender.
This is my story, and for this I remain.”
--
“Unlike the rest, I don’t share the Vengeance;
I left after Vulcan to work on a remote colony.
Unlike the rest, I never respected the captain,
who lost everything on his maiden journey.
They said he saved Earth when he really lost Vulcan;
they said he won battles when it was really defeat.
I don’t blame him for the wins or the losses,
but if he takes credit for one, he must take everything.
I’ve been serving on missions much longer;
my lover and I met our first year in Starfleet.
my lover, he died when the Vengeance crashed into
the bay to the edge of San Francisco city.
We’d been researching together new immunizations
discovered from texts on the planet Exo III.
Roger was on Earth at a medical conference
when the ship shattered skyscraper into the concrete.
I did not learn of his death until a week later;
news travels slow from the center to edge country.
When I heard the name Enterprise, I cursed every starship
that has ever, will ever, flies our galaxy.
Our lives are littered with suppressed casualties.
I am a nurse: as a nurse I am used to
dementia, death, trauma, all kinds of disease.
I am a person: as a person I question
the cause and effect and the meaning of grief.
I have not found an answer: I am on board to witness
my fate unfold under command of this death-hounded ship thief.
I lost my friends in the Farragut, Lǜ Lóng, and Pluton;
I almost lost Carol in her mad curiosity.
I came back for her and for no other reason,
when all your loves die, you cling bodily
to those still alive, you endure every season
of mind-numbing, body-blowing, life-crushing grief.
Leonard I respect, and Spock I admire,
Nyota I now count as one of my friends;
Scotty is a good man, and Keenser is wicked,
Sulu and Chekhov I know, but don’t quite understand.
Carol I love, though we stand like two polars--
she creates weapons while I live to mend.
Sometimes between us there is silent tension
she didn’t live Vulcan, I wasn’t there when
her father showed his bloodthirsty, god-awful colors,
sparing her life at a cost that would have been
unbearable to anyone’s conscience.
She thought she could buy mercy but found nothing.
The captain has changed. He discovered his limits;
he died and recovered-- this, I can respect.
We both carry griefs unspeakable to others.
We now stand as equals. We live to protect
this precious peace, our threaded existence,
more fragile than youth leads us to suspect.
If I have learned one thing from life on this mission,
it is: there is no defeat, nor is there success.
There is only time, thread unspooling wildly,
cut into its pieces, allotted and spread
across the wide worlds, to all species and creatures.
We cannot take credit, we can’t assign blame
for the way things unfold, we can only live in it,
use what we have and remember our name.
I am Christine Meg glasch Tel Chapel;
my grandfather Tellarite, my mother became
the best politician since Lwaxana Troi of Betazoid
this is the secret I hold to profane:
the desperation of grief, the ease of surrender.
This is my story, and for this I remain.”
--