2013 edition

[anonfeedback]

☃ ❄ END OF YEAR FEEDBACK MEME ❄ ☃
adapted from here.
Time to spread some holiday cheer in the form of feedback for authors!

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[qiguai]

qiguai | masterlist

[qiguai]

your writing is a bit clunky, i think? a bit overly formal.

Leaning in for another kiss, Hoseok planted his hands on either side in hopes of not falling forward.

something like this might could definitely be rearranged to read easier- "Hoseok planted his hands on either side of Taehyung in hopes of not falling forward as he leaned in for another kiss" or something.

i mostly like what you write but i would like to see what you could do with a more relaxed style, something that comes off as a little more natural? if you need more examples i can provide!

[qiguai]

Go right ahead!

[qiguai]

The front door smacked against his left calf as he squeezed through with his heavy backpack in tow and his right foot caught on the slight rise where the carpet stopped and the gleaming tile began, but he stumbled forward and ignored the impending bruise.

there's a lot going on that you tried to fit into one sentence, but it reads jumbled up. it might read better if you cut down on the adjectives (heavy backpack, possibly important. slight rise or gleaming tile, are they?) but the structure needs work too because there's three separate actions in this sentence but there's not really a logical follow through between them.

Turning away, Hoseok moved to join the others, and Taehyung latched on from behind.

this isn't always the case, but sentences that start with doing [verb], he did [verb] could usually be phrased better. in this case maybe Hoseok turned to join the others, while Taehyung latched on from behind.

Comforting was how Seokjin took all of the younger ones under his wing and cared for them in his sensitive way, giving

[qiguai]

I understand you're just trying to help, so no worries! I've been struggling lately with my writing and to be honest both fics you've referenced aren't ones I feel very proud of, writing-wise (though I know I have similar issues in others). I appreciate that you've taken the time to point these out and hopefully I can write more naturally in the future.

[qiguai]

i wish you luck! push through the struggle and you'll come out a better writer on the other side. i look forward to seeing more of your fic in the future (especially bangtan ;;)

[qiguai]

sorry diff anon jumping in

[qiguai]

Thank you, second anon! Your input is absolutely not useless. I'll keep an eye out for these things in the future. also gdi I've been TRYING to catch myself when I use passive voice, ugh.

sa

[qiguai]

and speaking of clunky sentences i meant to say "could definitely" /o\

[qiguai]

i think you have improved quite a bit since your days of writing xing/dgna, beast, etc fic.

your characterizations come off as more believable now.

[qiguai]

This means a lot to me because I've really tried to work on my characterization over the years. Thanks so much, anon. :)