D/C BB: An Angel in Wonderland - Chapter Nine

[anoradh]

Chapters Seven and Eight

Chapter Nine - The Clever Cat

To Castiel's great surprise, an answer did come to them, although not in the form that either of them had expected. In fact, the form of the answer was so unexpected that it took them a long while to recognize it as an answer. At first, the Hatter, at least, thought of it only as a nuisance.

They were still sitting at the fountain and talking, when they heard footsteps approaching on the gravel behind the hedges. A peculiar creature appeared in view. It had the legs and arms of a human, albeit a very small one, but it had the head and tail of a fish. Just as the Frog, it was dressed in livery, although this creature's livery was slightly different, indicating that he worked for someone else. Castiel remembered the conversation between the Hatter and the Caterpillar and guessed that this was the Queen's footman.

The Hatter looked somewhat wary as the Fish-Footman walked up to him. It took a big letter from underneath its arm and held it out to the Hatter. “From the Queen,” he intoned solemnly. “An invitation for the Hatter and his guest to appear at court.”

“Oh,” the Hatter said. He looked less than thrilled about the invitation. “Well. Tell her we're flattered, but...”

“She knows,” the Fish-Footman said, “but if she is feeling especially generous today, you may be allowed to tell her when you see her.” He turned around and walked back the way he had come, looking as dignified as he could with a fishtail hanging out of the back of its trousers.

The Hatter sighed and opened the letter. “Yeah,” he said, “I thought it'd be a bit much to hope for that the invitation would be addressed to another Hatter.”

Castiel tilted his head. “I thought you were the only Hatter in Wonderland,” he said.

“I am,” the Hatter said. “That's why it was a bit much to hope for.” He sighed again. “Come on, then! I'd tell you to hang on to your hat, but I'm actually far more worried about your head.”

*****

When Castiel and the Hatter got to court, it seemed that every inhabitant of Wonderland was already there. The King and Queen were sitting on their thrones at the front of the room. The King looked very strange, with a great wig on his head and his crown on top of it. He did not look very comfortable. He kept having to adjust the wig and the crown, since one or the other was constantly sliding, taking the other with it. The Rabbit was standing beside the King and the Dormouse was standing in front of them, wearing chains and flanked on either side by a card soldier. There was also a jury-box with twelve jurors and rows of benches on which the curious and the summoned could sit and watch.

The Hare was standing between the first row of benches and the jury box. He looked very tired. His suit was wrinkled and his ears drooped. The Hatter and Castiel walked up to him. “What's going on?” the Hatter asked. “What's all the commotion?” There was a lot of talking and whispering going on, not to mention a lot of craning of necks and looking around.

“I don't know,” the Hare replied. “All I know is that the King had just asked the jury to consider their verdict for the twelfth time today, when he got a letter. Apparently, it mentioned some new evidence that needed to be taken into account.”

“What new evidence?” the Hatter asked, sounding surprised.

“I said it was new,” the Hare said, “not that I knew. If I knew, it wouldn't be new; it would be known.”

“All right,” the Hatter said. “Don't get your scut in a twist!”

The Hare's nose twitched. “That was once,” he said, “and we agreed never to mention it again.”

The Hatter grinned. “I didn't,” he said. “It was hilarious.”

The Hare glared at him. It was obvious that he wanted to retaliate, but he restrained himself. “Be quiet,” he said instead. “Something's happening.”

Something was happening. The great doors at the back of the court had opened. Two club-wielding soldiers entered, dragging a big sack between them. They dragged it up in front of the thrones and dropped it, stepping hurriedly away. Castiel thought they looked nervous. He could not understand why, until he noticed that the sack seemed to be moving. Everyone else seemed to have noticed, as well, because there was an increase in the whispering, talking and craning of necks.

“What the...?” the Hatter and the Hare said at the same time.

The strings that were holding the sack together suddenly came apart and the sack flew open. A great, big cat leaped out.

The first thing that Castiel noticed was the Cat's size. He thought that the Cat was the largest cat that he had ever seen, before he remembered how very small he himself was. Then he thought that the Cat was the largest cat that he had ever seen, relative to his own size.

The second thing that Castiel noticed was how everyone seemed very startled to see the Cat. Some people screamed, some people stared and some people tried to flee. The latter group weren't very successful, unless their idea of fleeing was to run around in circles, until they ran headlong into each other and knocked themselves out.

The third thing that Castiel noticed about the Cat was that, despite his vivid colors, his fluffy fur and his feline body, there was no mistaking that grin or those mischievous eyes.

The fourth thing that he noticed was how the appearance of the Cat made all the pieces of the puzzle begin to come together.

“I assume that's the Cheshire Cat,” he said to the Hatter.

The Hatter nodded. He was grinning hugely. “I guess the Knave was right,” he said. “Who would have thought? Maybe now we'll get the answer to the mystery.”

The Cat was prancing and preening in front of the thrones, seemingly very pleased with the reaction that he had got. The King was banging one of the soldiers' clubs on the arm of his throne and shouting for order. The Queen was yelling, “Off with his head! Off with her head!”, but as she failed to specify who ‘he’ or ‘she’ was, her soldiers ignored her. The Hatter had begun laughing so hard that he could barely stay upright. The Hare glared at him, but he did not seem very sincere, and it was not long before he too began laughing. The Dormouse, who had been snoozing on his feet, woke up and took a look around. He rolled his eyes, shook his head, muttered about “idjits and dumbasses”, and went back to sleep.

In the midst of all the chaos, the Cat met Castiel's eyes. He winked once with one eye, then winked out of existence. Castiel blinked. “Where did he go?” he asked the Hatter. He had to wait while the Hatter wiped the tears from his eyes and caught his breath, before he got an answer.

The Hatter looked around, only now noticing that the Cat had gone. He shrugged. “No idea,” he said. “He does that.” He turned to the Hare, who was still leaning against the jury-box and sniggering loudly. “Hey,” he said, punching the Hare in the arm. “You've got this, yeah?” The Hare nodded and waved a paw at them dismissively. The Hatter grabbed Castiel's arm and dragged him away from the pandemonium of the court.

*****

The mystery of where the Cat had gone solved itself very quickly. The Hatter brought Castiel back to his house, and when the Hatter opened the door, they found the Cat lounging on the carpet in front of the Hatter's fireplace. He was purring. The Hatter threw Castiel a surprised look, but said nothing. Instead he merely entered the house, closely followed by Castiel. The Cat opened one lazy eye and purred even more loudly.

“Castiel,” he said. “How wonderrrrful to see you!”

“Gabriel,” Castiel said, bowing his head in greeting. “I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here.”

The Cat, who was also Gabriel, got up onto his four paws and stretched languidly. He was still grinning. “No,” he said. “You really shouldn't. Honestly, Castiel, it's as if you don't know me at all.”

The Hatter was looking between them, frowning. “You two know each other?” he asked.

Castiel nodded, not taking his eyes off the Cat. “He was my brother,” he said.

“Was?” the Hatter asked.

“He's dead,” Castiel replied. He knew it to be true, even though he had not been there to witness Gabriel's demise himself. Dean had told him that Gabriel had been killed by Lucifer, after finally making the choice to stop running and stand up against his brother. It had been a noble death and it had made Castiel regret the fact that he had never truly known his brother. What he did know, however, was that Gabriel never did anything without a reason. His actions may seem like they were done for his sheer amusement, but there was always some deeper thought behind them. Usually, there was some lesson to be taught and Castiel had no doubt that this time, he was the intended pupil.

“Huh,” the Hatter said. He did not sound very shocked to learn that the being in front of him was not actually alive. Castiel supposed that it would take a lot to truly shock an inhabitant of Wonderland. “If you ask me, it looks like the rumors of his death were highly exaggerated.”

“Oh, no,” the Cat said. “Castiel is right. I'm a doornail. You may as well grab your hammer and pound me into the door.” He tilted his head in a thoughtful gesture, before grinning again. “That sounded kind of dirty, didn’t it?”

Castiel did not reply. Instead he asked, “How are you here?”

The Cat shrugged. It was a very strange movement for a cat. “This is Wonderland,” he said, “where impossible things happen all the time.”

“It's true,” the Hatter agreed. “If we haven't had three of them before breakfast, we know it's going to be a dull day.”

Castiel ignored him, focusing instead on his brother. “What do you want, Gabriel?” he asked instead.

Gabriel's grin vanished as quickly as he himself had in court. His eyes were suddenly sad and serious. “I thought you could use some advice, little bro,” he said. “It occurred to me that you're not very used to making your own choices. It's not as easy as it looks. I should know.”

Castiel had to fight the urge to turn around and leave. He had a feeling that this was not going to be a conversation that he would enjoy. “I don't know what you're talking about,” he told Gabriel. It surprised him how easily the lie fell off his tongue.

Of course, the ease of the lie did not keep Gabriel from recognizing it. After all, he was the master of the art. He shook his head and tutted. “Of course you do,” he said. “Poor little Castiel! They really did a number on you, didn’t they?”

Castiel frowned. “Who did?” he asked.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “The Winchesters, of course,” he said. “They do have a habit of turning people’s lives upside down. That is, when they’re not busy sending you to your death.”

Castiel prepared to defend Sam and Dean, but Gabriel waved him off with one striped paw. “I know,” he said, “and don’t worry. I don’t blame them. It was my choice. Sure, that knucklehead you’re always mooning over may have talked me into it, but that’s only because he had a point. Lucky accident, I’m sure, but every dog has its day. Anyway, the point is that I may have died, but at least I did the right thing. It took me a while, but I got there in the end. And now it’s time for me to impart that hard earned wisdom to you, little bro, because apparently, that’s what big brothers do.”

“Hold on,” the Hatter began to say, “what...?”

Gabriel interrupted him. “Not now, buddy,” he said. “This doesn’t really concern you. Why don’t you just stand there and look pretty, while I talk to my brother here.”

“Okay, seriously,” the Hatter said, sounding exasperated, “what is it with the ‘pretty‘ comments today?”

Gabriel appeared to consider this, as he ran his eyes over the Hatter’s body. “I don’t know,” he said, “but I think it’s the jacket. It really brings out the color of your eyes.”

The Hatter opened his mouth to speak, but immediately closed it again. He blinked twice, before looking down at himself. Then he shrugged and said, “Right, then.” He walked over to the sofa and sat down, leaning forward as if to watch a performance.

The lack of protest seemed to catch Gabriel by surprise. He stared at the Hatter, who simply looked back placidly. After a moment of this, Gabriel sat down on his back haunches and said, “Okay. Good.” He looked at Castiel. “If only Dean were that obedient, eh?”

“Then he wouldn’t be Dean,” Castiel replied, although secretly, a part of him agreed.

Gabriel shrugged one shoulder, as if he reluctantly had to concede the point, before turning serious again. “Look, Castiel,” he said. “I get it. Really, I do. Making decisions is tough. Making the right ones - that’s even tougher. But guess what? That’s what you get when you throw fate out the window and choose free will. No one’s going to tell you how to get from point A to point B; no one’s going to lead you to the answers. And those answers sure as hell aren’t going to just drop into your lap. That shit just happens in Wonderland. Here, you don’t really need to ask any questions; in fact, it’s usually better if you just roll with it. If you start trying to figure things out, you’ll just end up like our friend the Hatter, here.” He raised one paw to his temple and moved it in a circle.

“Hey!” the Hatter said.

Gabriel turned to him with a raised eyebrow. “Seriously?” he said. “You’re going to try to deny it?”

“No,” the Hatter said, somewhat petulantly, “but you say it like it’s a bad thing.”

Gabriel just shook his head, before directing his focus back on Castiel. “You know what’s one of the biggest wonders about Wonderland? How straightforward everything is. I mean, I know that a lot of it just seems like nonsense, but think about it. Most of the confusion is due to the fact that we’re so used to having to look for hidden meanings. People here mean exactly what they say and they say what they mean. They don’t really lie or obfuscate. They rarely have any hidden agenda. Sure, they have secrets. But those secrets aren’t exactly difficult to uncover. All you have to do is ask the right questions.”

Castiel frowned. He wished Gabriel would just say what he meant. “What are you trying to say?” he asked.

“That that’s what you have to start doing, Castiel,” Gabriel replied. “You have to start asking the right questions. Start thinking for yourself. Because now you’re just doing what you’ve always done and going along with someone else’s plan.” He shook his head sadly. “I mean, really, Castiel? Crowley? That’s who chose to ally yourself with?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. He did not appreciate the tone of Gabriel’s voice. “What was I supposed to do?” he asked. “I couldn’t let Raphael win. I couldn’t defeat him on my own. Crowley’s plan was the only solution.”

“Was it?” Gabriel asked. “Or was it just the only one that presented itself to you? I told you, Cas, you can’t just sit around and wait for someone else to give you the answers. You can’t just accept what others tell you. Because people lie, Castiel, and demons lie even more. And a demon like Crowley? You can be pretty sure that he lies, even when he’s telling you the truth. He’ll twist it until it becomes a roller coaster that you can’t get off of.”

“I am aware of that,” Castiel said, his voice rising in frustration. He was tired of being treated like a simpleton. “You can’t seriously believe that I trust him, that I’m happy to be working with him?”

“So why are you?” Gabriel asked. The question sounded genuine, as if he truly did not understand.

Castiel stared at him for a moment in exasperation. “Because no one else can help me,” he said finally. It was strangely painful to admit it and he was careful not to look at the Hatter. He did not need any further reminder of just whose help he would have preferred.

Apparently, Gabriel’s mind was turned in a similar direction. “No one else can help you?” he asked.

Castiel shook his head. He felt tired, suddenly; tired and alone. “No,” he said. “No one.”

Gabriel nodded. “I see,” he said. “So there’s no one you know who could defeat an archangel and stop the Apocalypse? Who has, in fact, already done so?”

“Sam was in Hell,” Castiel said, “and Dean...” He hesitated, trying to decide whether or not he should lie. Not that it would do him any good. Gabriel would guess the truth, anyway. Instead, he stared his brother straight in the eye, hoping to make him understand. “He’d already sacrificed everything. I couldn’t burden him with this, as well.”

Gabriel’s eyes were soft and sad. He did seem to understand. “Of course you couldn’t,” he said and it sounded as if he meant it. “But Sam isn’t in Hell anymore. You got him out. Stellar work on that, by the way! I’m sure he must have been easier to carry without that heavy soul to weigh him down.”

“I didn’t know,” Castiel said. It was true. When he had saved Sam, he had had no idea of the mistake that he had made.

“I know,” Gabriel said. “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore. We can’t change the past, after all. My point is that Sam is out of the cage and Dean’s back in the life. And you still haven’t told them. If you’re so sure that what you’re doing is right and that it’s the only option, why all the lies, Castiel?”

Castiel could not answer. Instead he simply stared at Gabriel helplessly.

Fortunately, the Hatter chose that moment to break his silence. “Okay,” he said, “that’s it. Someone needs to explain what’s going on.”

Gabriel sighed and rolled his eyes. “I should have known it’d be too good to last,” he said. He turned to the Hatter. “Listen, kid, I told you...”

“... it doesn’t concern me,” the Hatter finished. “Yeah, I heard you. But here’s the thing: This is my house and the Angel here is my friend, so I think that makes this my business.”

“And you’d be right,” Gabriel said, “except for one thing: This is my playground and we’re playing by my rules. But I can play nice. I can,” he protested, when Castiel gave him a doubtful look. “All you need to know,” he told the Hatter, “is that my brother here has made some bad choices. He’s hanging with the wrong crowd and lying to his friends about it.”

“Cas?” the Hatter said. He sounded hesitant, the way Dean did when he heard something he did not want to believe.

Castiel turned his face away. “You don’t understand,” he told them both. “It was my only choice.”

“It was a crappy choice,” the Hatter said, “if you have to lie about it. You know who lies, Cas? People who have something to hide, something they’re ashamed of. If you really thought you were doing the right thing, you wouldn’t have to hide it.”

“You’re wrong,” Castiel said, finally able to look him in the eye again. “I know what I’m doing is right. The reason that I haven’t talked to Dean about it is because I don’t want to burden him unnecessarily. I can handle it on my own.”

The look that the Hatter gave him looked almost sympathetic. “Didn’t we talk about this earlier?” he asked. “You don’t want to burden him. You don’t want to make him uncomfortable.” He shook his head. “Dude, you’ve got to stop trying to protect him. He’s a grown-ass man; I’m sure he can take care of himself.” He paused, biting his lip and narrowed his eyes shrewdly. “Although,” he said slowly, “if you ask me, it sounds like the person you’re really lying to is yourself. I think you’re afraid. I think the reason you’re keeping things from him is that you’re scared that they’ll drive him away. You’re scared you’d lose him. Well, guess what?” He took a step closer, until his face was all that Castiel could see. “If you keep this up, I can pretty much promise that you’ll lose him. All these lies, all the deception - that’s what’s really going to drive him away. You need to talk to him. Tell him what’s going on! Let him help you! Because that’s what friends do, Angel! They help each other out. It’s what you’ve been doing all day, isn’t it? Helping me out. Not because you had to, not because there was anything in it for you, but because you think of me as your friend. And I am. Which is why I’m trying to return the favor. You’ve got to trust me, Angel. Talk to him. That’s your only option.”

He sighed and took a few steps backwards, until Castiel could see the Cat behind him. Gabriel was watching the Hatter with a pensive look on his face. When he noticed Castiel’s eyes on him, he broke into a grin again. “Hatter,” he said, “don’t take this the wrong way, but that actually made a lot of sense.”

The Hatter grimaced. “I know,” he said. “I think the Angel’s broken me. I’m going to have to drink for a week after he’s gone, just to become myself again.”

Gabriel jumped onto the desk beside him and patted his cheek with one striped paw. “There, there,” he said, consolingly. The Hatter glared at him and swatted at his paw, but Gabriel only laughed. Then he looked at Castiel. “Well?” he asked. “Is any of this getting through that thick skull of yours? Honestly, Cas, you didn’t use to be this dense. I think it must be the company you keep.”

“Dean isn’t stupid,” Castiel said. It felt easier to defend Dean from Gabriel’s usual insults than to address what the Hatter had said. The truth was that his speech had made sense and hearing it spoken in Dean’s voice, from Dean’s lips, only made the impression stronger.

Gabriel sighed and shook his head. He clearly saw straight through Castiel’s weak attempt at diversion. “No,” he agreed with uncharacteristic solemnity, “he’s not. So maybe you should stop underestimating him.”

Castiel did not reply immediately. He stood for a moment, staring at nothing, before he finally came to a decision. “Fine,” he said. “I'll talk to him. Once I get back.” He looked at Gabriel. “Can you take me back?” he asked.

“No,” Gabriel replied, “but he can.” He grinned and nodded at the Hatter. “You see, Wonderland is sort of like a dream and you're kind of like the sleeping princess. And you know how to wake sleeping princesses, don't you?”

Castiel did know. Apparently, so did the Hatter, because his face had suddenly turned flaming red. “Wh-what?” he stuttered. “I haven't... I don't...”

Gabriel smirked. “Now, now, Hatter,” he said reproachfully. “No lies, remember? You have and you do.” As he spoke, he began fading, until finally only his eyes and his grinning mouth remained. Then he winked and was gone.

The Hatter and Castiel simply stared at each other, neither of them able to move. Castiel felt that strange sensation again that he so often felt around Dean, where his vessel became uncomfortably hot and his angelic essence became inexplicably restless. The Hatter licked his lips. When his eyes dropped to Castiel's lips, Castiel realized that he had copied the motion. Then the Hatter's hands were gripping his arms, holding him in place. His face was moving closer and closer.

With a loud pop, the Cat appeared again, causing the Hatter and Castiel to leap apart. Gabriel surveyed them with amusement, before turning to Castiel. “Oh, and bro,” he said, “no welshing or you'll find yourself back here before you can blink. I'll be keeping an eye on you.”

As if to demonstrate this point, he vanished from view again, only leaving one of his big eyes behind, staring at them. The Hatter shifted uncomfortably, obviously trying not to look at it. He was rubbing his neck and glancing up at Castiel from underneath his lashes. Castiel looked back, feeling awkward. He knew what they needed to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but the moment had been broken and Castiel did not know how to get it back. The Cat's eye rolled. It looked sort of disgusting. Then its mouth appeared again.

“Fine,” he said. “I'll leave you two alone, since you're obviously so fricking shy about it. Now pucker up, boys!” He made a series of kissing noises that continued even after he was gone.

“You know,” the Hatter said, “I know he's your brother and all, but I may actually have to kill him after all this is done.”

Castiel shrugged. “You wouldn't be the first,” he said, “and probably not the last.”

The Hatter made a face of agreement. Then he moved closer. “So,” he said, taking Castiel's hand in his.

“So,” Castiel repeated.

“I guess you're leaving,” the Hatter said. It was not a question, so Castiel did not bother replying. Nor did the Hatter seem to expect him to, because he immediately continued, “Don't let this go to your head or anything, but it wasn't exactly a pain having you here.” He bit his lip, then added, “I may even come to miss you.”

Castiel could not help but give him a small smile at that. “And I you,” he said.

The Hatter smirked. His face was inches from Castiel's own. It would have been the prefect opportunity for Castiel to accurately count his freckles, if Castiel could only remember how to count. “Does that mean that you do like me, after all?” the Hatter teased.

Castiel nodded. He could feel the Hatter's breath against his lips and had to swallow hard. “Very much,” he replied. Without realizing it, he had closed his eyes, but it did not matter. The Hatter's hands were gripping his arms again, his lips were brushing against Castiel’s and Castiel could feel it when the smirk softened into a genuine smile. Then the Hatter’s mouth was enveloping his, his tongue sweeping along Castiel’s lower lip and Castiel surrendered himself to the sensation.



Chapter Ten