Fic: Love Is the Greatest Sin of All (7/7) (SPN, Dean/Castiel, PG-13)
Title: Love Is the Greatest Sin of All (7/7) - Lust
Author: anoradh
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Warnings: None
Spoilers: All through the series and what we've seen of season 6, just to be safe
Word Count: WIP (this part ~1600)
Author's Notes: This has taken forever for me to write. I so wanted it to be good, to be better than the other parts, but naturally, as is far to common when one's expectations are too high, I failed. That's why it's taken me so long. Finally, I thought to heck with it, I just want it done, so I'll post what I've written and never mind that it isn't good enough. So here it is, the final part of this story (except it's not, since I felt the need to add an epilogue). Sorry if there are lots of mistakes in this! I haven't actually checked it that carefully, since I didn't want to take the chance that I'd start doubting myself again.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I have borrowed the characters. The definition at the beginning is from Merriam-Webster's online dictionary here.
Summary: There are seven deadly sins. Castiel commits them all for Dean.
First Sin - Gluttony
Second Sin - Greed
Third Sin - Sloth
Fourth Sin - Pride
Fifth Sin - Envy
Sixth Sin - Wrath
Pronunciation: \ˈləst\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German lust pleasure and perhaps to Latin lascivus wanton
Date: before 12th century
1 : obsolete a : pleasure, delight b : personal inclination : wish
2 : usu. intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness
3 a : an intense longing : craving b : enthusiasm, eagerness
7. Lust
A long time ago, when mankind was still young and before they grew estranged from their Father, angels would roam the earth. Cloaked in vessels, they would walk amongst their younger brethren, forming alliances and, on rare occasions, even friendships. At times they allowed themselves to be known for what they were by the humans with whom they associated, but more often they would shroud their brightly shining essences and trod the earth as mortals. Many of them found pleasure in consorting with these creatures that were so different and yet so much alike themselves. Through observation, they learned the habits and the compulsions of these strange beings. They studied their joys and their sorrows, their pleasures and their pains, their hopes and their fears, their toils and their leisure.
What they found, if their minds were open to the discovery, was that humans were more than just earth brought to life. Undoubtedly it was true that their physical forms were frail, subject to hunger and disease, requiring nourishment, sleep, warmth and exercise in order to function properly and retain their strength. Equally undeniable was the fact that their minds were limited, unable to stretch beyond the narrow confines of their own private worlds and hemmed in by their own selfish interests. As for their lives, though individually spanning many modern generations, they were brief and ever-changing.
Despite all these imperfections and weaknesses, however, they also carried with them a great force, stronger than any wielded by the Heavenly Host. It was a force the angels did not recognise, but that those who were most perceptive soon realised was deadlier than the lightning, vaster than the sky, deeper than the ocean and more beautiful than the dawn. It spread around the earth in a web that encompassed all humans, reaching out from beating heart to beating heart and even sending questing tentacles into the Heavens. This force, the angels came to understand, was love, but it was a different love from the one that they felt for their Father.
The love that the angels feel for the Father is as spiritual and incorporeal as the beings that experience it, as are its means of expression. As most angels have never even gazed upon the visage of the object of their love, there can be no hope of reciprocation, no intimacy by a human definition and no mutual affinity in their love. Angels express their love through the joyful exultation of their ideas, the glorifying music that is their songs, the unwavering obedience that is their duty and the unquestioning faith that they have in his existence, his goodness, his omniscience and in his illimitable love that is their reward.
Human beings, on the other hand, are beings of the earth and they are bound to it for the duration of their mortal lives; borrowed from its bosom to be returned there in time. Thus, the love that humans feel for other humans is physical and tangible, as are its means of expression. Human languages are limited and insufficient to convey the emotions that set their hearts on fire and make their souls soar and they lack the more immediate forms of communication that the Host share through their collective awareness. When words fail, as they invariably do, humans use their other senses to bring across meaning. A simple smile speaks louder than an endless stream of constant chatter; a slight touch brings across meaning that no voice could carry; a soft caress carries the weight of years of affection; a fleeting kiss expresses emotions too complicated for words.
During their time among mortals, the angels witnessed this physical expression of that strange love and it was as tremendous and awe-inspiring as the emotion itself, having as it did the power to bring forth new life and shape new bonds between the people of this world. It awakened their curiosity and many among them wished to experience these apparent pleasures for themselves. As these angels were beautiful and glorious far beyond mortal comparison, they had no difficulties finding willing partners. Gender and sexuality, being mortal concepts, mattered not to the angels when choosing human mates and angels in male shape took both male and female partners, as did angels who manifested themselves as women. However, as soon became apparent, these choices would affect the history of both humans and angels.
As a result of these unions, some of the mortal women conceived. These children, the offspring of a human mother and an angelic father, were known as the Nephilim. With powers exceeding those of their mortal mothers, but without the boundless understanding of their immortal fathers, they became enamoured of the supremacy they held over humans and this love of dominance corrupted them. In order to prevent the chaos that these beings could cause, a decree was issued that no intimacy should ever again be shared by angels and humans that could bring offspring into the world. Thus the carnal relations between humans and angels were all but ended.
Naturally there were angels who ignored this decree or who claimed that it related only to angels in male vessels and human females. Sometimes out of curiosity, sometimes out of affection for a human and sometimes out of sheer perversion, angels would still descend onto Earth and take a mortal mate. But as these affairs were frowned upon by their kindred and as angels grew more estranged from humans, millennia have passed since the last corporeal bond between an angel and a mortal. Angels have far more effective means of achieving ecstasy and so the sin of lust has been all but purged from the Heavenly Host.
Because lust is a sin, whatever modern man may believe, just as surely as wrath or envy or greed. Some people seem to confuse lust with love, believing them to be two sides of the same coin, since one often spawns the other. While this analogy may come close to the truth, it is not the whole truth. Castiel prefers to think of lust as love’s evil twin, the darkness to its light. Where love is pure and unblemished by the vileness of this earth, lust is rank and dirty. Where love exalts, lust debases and brings men down. Love inspires and begets great works; lust corrupts and causes time to be wasted. Love is selfless, wanting nothing for itself; lust is selfish and desires only its own pleasure. Love is divine, of God, by God and for God, opening the path to Heaven; lust is sinful and the path it opens is not even paved with good intentions. Yet for all this, Castiel has come to experience lust.
Castiel wants Dean. There is no other way to put it. He wants everything that is Dean to be his, to mold together their bodies and souls until they are one. The memory haunts of when he rescued Dean from Hell, when he clutched that brightly shining soul in the embrace of his grace as they ascended, until he could no longer tell where Dean ended and he himself began. More than anything else, he wants to experience that again, both in the incorporeal and the corporeal. And he wants Dean to want it too.
Castiel knows every atom of Dean’s body, having painstakingly sculpted them back together. In idle moments, few though they are, he will distract himself with thoughts of what he would do to that body. He imagines the heart, so great and so scarred, beating fiercely and erratically in Dean’s chest. He imagines the blood it sends pumping, the colour of love, burning with the volcanic heat of their passion. Almost he can hear Dean’s lungs gasping for breath, desperate for the air to whisper Castiel‘s name. In his mind’s eye, Dean’s eyes are dark and murky, clouded by desire and ravenous with hunger. He has watched Dean’s lips and imagined them parted, swollen and wet and pleading incoherently. If he tries hard, he can almost taste Dean’s mouth, his velvety tongue, and feel it travel down his own body. He can visualise Dean’s vocal cords, trembling, but insufficient to overcome the pleasure that renders Dean without words. Beneath his fingers, he can feel Dean’s skin, sweating and hot and more precious than silk. He imagines hours spent mapping Dean’s body and feeling Dean map the contours of his. But most pleasing of all his visions is the sound of Dean’s voice, raised in ecstasy, and the sensation of it echoed by the soul within.
To crave without reason and want merely for the sake of pleasure, to desire the possession of another’s body, to lose oneself in pining for this other and allow one‘s love to be tainted by the senses, is to commit the sin of lust. Castiel longs for Dean with every aspect of his being. He yearns to possess him and to belong to him in turn. As his love is boundless, so is its shadow. This is the seventh and most consuming sin that Castiel commits for Dean.
Epilogue
Author: anoradh
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Warnings: None
Spoilers: All through the series and what we've seen of season 6, just to be safe
Word Count: WIP (this part ~1600)
Author's Notes: This has taken forever for me to write. I so wanted it to be good, to be better than the other parts, but naturally, as is far to common when one's expectations are too high, I failed. That's why it's taken me so long. Finally, I thought to heck with it, I just want it done, so I'll post what I've written and never mind that it isn't good enough. So here it is, the final part of this story (except it's not, since I felt the need to add an epilogue). Sorry if there are lots of mistakes in this! I haven't actually checked it that carefully, since I didn't want to take the chance that I'd start doubting myself again.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I have borrowed the characters. The definition at the beginning is from Merriam-Webster's online dictionary here.
Summary: There are seven deadly sins. Castiel commits them all for Dean.
First Sin - Gluttony
Second Sin - Greed
Third Sin - Sloth
Fourth Sin - Pride
Fifth Sin - Envy
Sixth Sin - Wrath
Pronunciation: \ˈləst\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German lust pleasure and perhaps to Latin lascivus wanton
Date: before 12th century
1 : obsolete a : pleasure, delight b : personal inclination : wish
2 : usu. intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness
3 a : an intense longing : craving b : enthusiasm, eagerness
7. Lust
A long time ago, when mankind was still young and before they grew estranged from their Father, angels would roam the earth. Cloaked in vessels, they would walk amongst their younger brethren, forming alliances and, on rare occasions, even friendships. At times they allowed themselves to be known for what they were by the humans with whom they associated, but more often they would shroud their brightly shining essences and trod the earth as mortals. Many of them found pleasure in consorting with these creatures that were so different and yet so much alike themselves. Through observation, they learned the habits and the compulsions of these strange beings. They studied their joys and their sorrows, their pleasures and their pains, their hopes and their fears, their toils and their leisure.
What they found, if their minds were open to the discovery, was that humans were more than just earth brought to life. Undoubtedly it was true that their physical forms were frail, subject to hunger and disease, requiring nourishment, sleep, warmth and exercise in order to function properly and retain their strength. Equally undeniable was the fact that their minds were limited, unable to stretch beyond the narrow confines of their own private worlds and hemmed in by their own selfish interests. As for their lives, though individually spanning many modern generations, they were brief and ever-changing.
Despite all these imperfections and weaknesses, however, they also carried with them a great force, stronger than any wielded by the Heavenly Host. It was a force the angels did not recognise, but that those who were most perceptive soon realised was deadlier than the lightning, vaster than the sky, deeper than the ocean and more beautiful than the dawn. It spread around the earth in a web that encompassed all humans, reaching out from beating heart to beating heart and even sending questing tentacles into the Heavens. This force, the angels came to understand, was love, but it was a different love from the one that they felt for their Father.
The love that the angels feel for the Father is as spiritual and incorporeal as the beings that experience it, as are its means of expression. As most angels have never even gazed upon the visage of the object of their love, there can be no hope of reciprocation, no intimacy by a human definition and no mutual affinity in their love. Angels express their love through the joyful exultation of their ideas, the glorifying music that is their songs, the unwavering obedience that is their duty and the unquestioning faith that they have in his existence, his goodness, his omniscience and in his illimitable love that is their reward.
Human beings, on the other hand, are beings of the earth and they are bound to it for the duration of their mortal lives; borrowed from its bosom to be returned there in time. Thus, the love that humans feel for other humans is physical and tangible, as are its means of expression. Human languages are limited and insufficient to convey the emotions that set their hearts on fire and make their souls soar and they lack the more immediate forms of communication that the Host share through their collective awareness. When words fail, as they invariably do, humans use their other senses to bring across meaning. A simple smile speaks louder than an endless stream of constant chatter; a slight touch brings across meaning that no voice could carry; a soft caress carries the weight of years of affection; a fleeting kiss expresses emotions too complicated for words.
During their time among mortals, the angels witnessed this physical expression of that strange love and it was as tremendous and awe-inspiring as the emotion itself, having as it did the power to bring forth new life and shape new bonds between the people of this world. It awakened their curiosity and many among them wished to experience these apparent pleasures for themselves. As these angels were beautiful and glorious far beyond mortal comparison, they had no difficulties finding willing partners. Gender and sexuality, being mortal concepts, mattered not to the angels when choosing human mates and angels in male shape took both male and female partners, as did angels who manifested themselves as women. However, as soon became apparent, these choices would affect the history of both humans and angels.
As a result of these unions, some of the mortal women conceived. These children, the offspring of a human mother and an angelic father, were known as the Nephilim. With powers exceeding those of their mortal mothers, but without the boundless understanding of their immortal fathers, they became enamoured of the supremacy they held over humans and this love of dominance corrupted them. In order to prevent the chaos that these beings could cause, a decree was issued that no intimacy should ever again be shared by angels and humans that could bring offspring into the world. Thus the carnal relations between humans and angels were all but ended.
Naturally there were angels who ignored this decree or who claimed that it related only to angels in male vessels and human females. Sometimes out of curiosity, sometimes out of affection for a human and sometimes out of sheer perversion, angels would still descend onto Earth and take a mortal mate. But as these affairs were frowned upon by their kindred and as angels grew more estranged from humans, millennia have passed since the last corporeal bond between an angel and a mortal. Angels have far more effective means of achieving ecstasy and so the sin of lust has been all but purged from the Heavenly Host.
Because lust is a sin, whatever modern man may believe, just as surely as wrath or envy or greed. Some people seem to confuse lust with love, believing them to be two sides of the same coin, since one often spawns the other. While this analogy may come close to the truth, it is not the whole truth. Castiel prefers to think of lust as love’s evil twin, the darkness to its light. Where love is pure and unblemished by the vileness of this earth, lust is rank and dirty. Where love exalts, lust debases and brings men down. Love inspires and begets great works; lust corrupts and causes time to be wasted. Love is selfless, wanting nothing for itself; lust is selfish and desires only its own pleasure. Love is divine, of God, by God and for God, opening the path to Heaven; lust is sinful and the path it opens is not even paved with good intentions. Yet for all this, Castiel has come to experience lust.
Castiel wants Dean. There is no other way to put it. He wants everything that is Dean to be his, to mold together their bodies and souls until they are one. The memory haunts of when he rescued Dean from Hell, when he clutched that brightly shining soul in the embrace of his grace as they ascended, until he could no longer tell where Dean ended and he himself began. More than anything else, he wants to experience that again, both in the incorporeal and the corporeal. And he wants Dean to want it too.
Castiel knows every atom of Dean’s body, having painstakingly sculpted them back together. In idle moments, few though they are, he will distract himself with thoughts of what he would do to that body. He imagines the heart, so great and so scarred, beating fiercely and erratically in Dean’s chest. He imagines the blood it sends pumping, the colour of love, burning with the volcanic heat of their passion. Almost he can hear Dean’s lungs gasping for breath, desperate for the air to whisper Castiel‘s name. In his mind’s eye, Dean’s eyes are dark and murky, clouded by desire and ravenous with hunger. He has watched Dean’s lips and imagined them parted, swollen and wet and pleading incoherently. If he tries hard, he can almost taste Dean’s mouth, his velvety tongue, and feel it travel down his own body. He can visualise Dean’s vocal cords, trembling, but insufficient to overcome the pleasure that renders Dean without words. Beneath his fingers, he can feel Dean’s skin, sweating and hot and more precious than silk. He imagines hours spent mapping Dean’s body and feeling Dean map the contours of his. But most pleasing of all his visions is the sound of Dean’s voice, raised in ecstasy, and the sensation of it echoed by the soul within.
To crave without reason and want merely for the sake of pleasure, to desire the possession of another’s body, to lose oneself in pining for this other and allow one‘s love to be tainted by the senses, is to commit the sin of lust. Castiel longs for Dean with every aspect of his being. He yearns to possess him and to belong to him in turn. As his love is boundless, so is its shadow. This is the seventh and most consuming sin that Castiel commits for Dean.
Epilogue