i can't help but want to stay awake. he broke mom's arm today. she won't let me take her to the hospital. still. i feel so useless. helpless. i'm tired, but i'm not. everything else i'm feeling is overruling that. i've been so sick the last few days. and it's messing with me too. i just don't have enough in me to fight anything or be of any use. it
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