I know I used to be part of the second group, hating everyone, everything, yadda yadda yadda, but then one day something just clicked and I no longer despise everything on the face of the planet.
I have a somewhat viable excuse though, a whole plethora of wonderful mental illnesses and being pumped full of various drugs.
I think that eventually every person realizes that they can be happy, and make a change. If they don't they're bound to be miserable for the rest of their lives, and no one really wants that.
Ok I'm half asleep and I apologize if this makes no sense.
I guess I find myself feeling that a lot of the things that fucked me up before weren't nessecarily intentionally done to fuck myself over, but if I had stopped for a moment and paid attention, I would have realized that's all the decisions were.
And I don't mean just the idea of choosing to keep bad things out of your life. I have a lot of bad shit, but I know that, in the end, the bad things are the things that shape my life and who I am and it's this feeling that everything is just too god-damn beautiful to really be in a place where it's even *possible* to let the bad outweigh the good. Maybe it's horribly idealistic of me, or just shows how little I understand people, but I think that everyone could look at the world this way, value it inexplicably. And it's not that they wouldn't be sad or upset sometimes, but just not most of the time.
But I could just be dillusional. Am I making any sense?
There's a certain threshold level of badness, I guess. I'm pretty happy with life, but my life, all told, is pretty good; I would not expect a 16-year-old girl with no education and two illegitimate children and a crack habit to support to be able walk on pink fluffy clouds through the power of positive thinking.
it's weird. i used to be in the second-half. i did anything to fuck my life up. i was miserable. but i think i was so miserable because i wanted myself to be. so now i'm more in the first category. i appreciate days where there is tons of snow because even if it is depressing, it's still beautiful. i love summer days where all i can feel is the sun in my face.
i have come to realize, there is beauty in the letdown.
i think it just takes awhile for people to realize that. but they'll only realize it, if they want to.
I feel like I'm always just trying to say to people hey,excuse me, too busy, writing your tragedy can't you just smile and at how light it is outside? these mishaps you bubble wrap and won't you just embrace right now? when you've no idea what you're like
but I know it's not like that for everyone. I know everyone can't be where I am and it just hurts sometimes to see how far away it can be for people I really care for.
i know how you feel. i'm trying to save myself before i save others...but i'm sure when i'm feeling like you, i'll wish people would understand that you can be happy. if you let yourself. and being happy, really, isn't all that bad. nor hard.
story of my life. i had to see how low i could go, punish myself, for what, now, i don't even know.
i'll spend the rest of my life learning how to be happy. seems so simple, and i love that. as long as i don't forget, i'll be okay from here on in, and have made a choice that i want to be happy, and not do things that won't allow me to be that way.
how many people realize that they can be happy, then continue to be happy? some people do something, like put their hand on a hot stove, and realize it's stupid and never do it again. most have to go back, possibly again and again, to see if there will be a different reaction. how many people learn on the first try, and never in their life burn themselves again? That's how many live happily. It's a small few. And it's more than being just content.
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I have a somewhat viable excuse though, a whole plethora of wonderful mental illnesses and being pumped full of various drugs.
I think that eventually every person realizes that they can be happy, and make a change. If they don't they're bound to be miserable for the rest of their lives, and no one really wants that.
Ok I'm half asleep and I apologize if this makes no sense.
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And I don't mean just the idea of choosing to keep bad things out of your life. I have a lot of bad shit, but I know that, in the end, the bad things are the things that shape my life and who I am and it's this feeling that everything is just too god-damn beautiful to really be in a place where it's even *possible* to let the bad outweigh the good. Maybe it's horribly idealistic of me, or just shows how little I understand people, but I think that everyone could look at the world this way, value it inexplicably. And it's not that they wouldn't be sad or upset sometimes, but just not most of the time.
But I could just be dillusional. Am I making any sense?
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i have come to realize, there is beauty in the letdown.
i think it just takes awhile for people to realize that. but they'll only realize it, if they want to.
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but I know it's not like that for everyone. I know everyone can't be where I am and it just hurts sometimes to see how far away it can be for people I really care for.
I guess I just wish I could save everyone.
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if you let yourself.
and being happy, really, isn't all that bad. nor hard.
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i'll spend the rest of my life learning how to be happy. seems so simple, and i love that. as long as i don't forget, i'll be okay from here on in, and have made a choice that i want to be happy, and not do things that won't allow me to be that way.
how many people realize that they can be happy, then continue to be happy? some people do something, like put their hand on a hot stove, and realize it's stupid and never do it again. most have to go back, possibly again and again, to see if there will be a different reaction. how many people learn on the first try, and never in their life burn themselves again? That's how many live happily. It's a small few. And it's more than being just content.
Never settle, my dear. Never.
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