Still trying to beat away sadness by filling spare time with anything to avoid prolonged thought.

Having limited success.

Maybe I'm just over-tired and not being stimulated by University enough.
Plus I drink too much.

I think I might be falling into a depression of sorts, and it scares the shit out of me. So I'm refusing to accept it. I want to be happy. There's no reason I shouldn't be happy. Therefore I am happy.

But I'm not really.

Little bit tearful to be honest.

I wonder whether I prefer being happy and numb or sad but emotionally tuned into the world ( Read more... )

Just gotten back from a brief stint in Paris with Aussie flatmate, Kate.

Honestly? - Was a painful experience at times. My tolerance levels have proven to be higher than I previously thought they could possibly be.

I really like Kate - nice girl. She's lovely to chat to, quite grounded, never mean, never moody - but when she bumps into some Aussie ( Read more... )

ok... let's try this...

I turn the lights off, get into bed, close my eyes and try to empty my mind of all thoughts and imagine myself asleep. If I do it for long enough, I'll get bored and actually fall asleep.

Ok.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

I really shouldn't still be awake. Not if I want to fulfill my plan of getting up early tomorrow morning and making the most of the day.

But someone had coffee before they went to bed didn't they!

So I really believe in the power of cognitive processes.

I really believe that if I tell myself enough that I am happy - I will be.

I'm not a victim to external influences.

If something's wrong - I DO have the power to change it.

Even if the problem is within my own mind, my own mind can solve it too.

• Fly a plane
• Donate blood and (maybe) bone marrow
• Sky-dive
• Bungee jump (again)
• Scuba dive in open water?? please?!!

You know you've been reading too long when you have to look up the word "here" because you simply didn't recognise it.

I'm sad and I can't determine why.

Maybe my cold leaving me feeling rubbish?

No, I have a deeply sad feeling. Almost as though I've lost a great friend... Have I, I wonder?