If more is asked of you if you have the strength, even to the point of the asker admitting they ask more than they could do, what is the point in developing strength
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Because other people do not understand the way you are, does not mean you are at fault. There are people out that that will understand you, and they will appear when you least expect them. Just because you are working with yourself, learning things about yourself, and moving foward, does not mean that others are doing the same.
You are who you are.. and if other people cannot accept that, and see you for who you are, then that is their fault, not yours.
Stay true to yourself.. other people's expectations can only lead you astray.. how can they really know you, when they don't even know themselves?
If someone can not accept you for who you are, are they worth your time anyway?
You can never be who someone else wants you to be. Your true self will always show through, and you can never know what they truly want anyway. When you be true to yourself, then you attract similar people. When people lie to themselves and others about who they are, they only attract other people of a similar ilk.. So you get people pretending to be someone else, pretending to like someone else, who is also pretending to like them, who is also pretending to be someone else. You can't base a freindship on a set of lies like that, and expect it to mean anything or get anywhre. If someone in your life does not see things the way you do, or does not accept that you see things differently to them, are they really that close to you anyway? can they ever really be close to anyone ?
the difficulty lies in communication. if i explain, and the person to whom i explain professes understanding and acceptance then what more can i do? i communicate in a variety of ways, i listen and observe to see if what i have shared makes sense. sometimes it seems as though it has not, despite claims to the contrary.
do i allow the person the dignity of presuming they both know themselves and speak truly and that it is i who am mistaken? and what of the next time? and the next? and so forth?
It's hard to have principles and ideals. Especially when the majority of people would publicly agree with them and expect everyone else to have them, but privately suit themselves. I blame greed and laziness for most of this. If people want to misinterpret your actions because they're not insightful enough - let them. As long as your motivations are good, why should it matter. Although, I've often found myself having to second guess people's misinterpretations in order to avoid friction.
I guess it's a matter of how you want to have lived your life, or whether you believe that the way a life is lived has any meaning when all is said and done. Given the insignificance of our actions when compared to the vastness of the Universe, does any of it really matter?
Pursuing an ideal that is valued in name only ends up disturbing a lot of people who justify their laziness by deciding the ideal is impossible.
I dislike philosophies and religions that suggest that some future reward will justify the work of today. If one's actions are 'good', surely there should be some benefit in the short term, not just in the afterlife.
But what is meaning? I have had some - they are neither rewarding nor defensible. Others have different meanings, and they seem to bear fruit.
If one's actions are 'good', surely there should be some benefit in the short term, not just in the afterlife. I dunno about that. I think that we have to be prepared to have absolutely no reward what-so-ever.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to promote myself as perfect. If I was, I would've taken up a more spartan existence and sent every cent I had to some worthy charity. I maintain some selfishness because I do believe that we're here to enjoy "the ride" to some extent.
But what is meaning? Dunno. I'm still struggling to find some meaning that isn't based on religious beliefs.
I dunno about that. I think that we have to be prepared to have absolutely no reward what-so-ever. if true, then what you are describing is dysfunctional. if the reward is ephemeral, if the benefit is a feeling of satisfaction that one did the 'right' thing, then that is still a reward.
If they respond badly then they do not deserve that strength.
my problem is drawing the line. when i have sid yes before, and the offence is incremental, it becomes diificult to say when 'no' becomes appropriate. especially when it seems so needed.
Sometimes it is necessary to partake of both to survive in this world
in those times of confidence, i believe in attempting to survive without the lies. in darker times others seem to profit from them and it grows tempting to indulge
It is difficult but you are a better person for it
better is what i question. i may have grown more, they fit better
Are they the people you want to be with?
when i can see the hurt that holds them back from being what they can be. when i can see that it is fear, or guilt or shame that prevents them from becoming more than they are.
when i can see the hurt that holds them back from being what they can be. when i can see that it is fear, or guilt or shame that prevents them from becoming more than they are.
This is the very clarity of vision that pain creates, that is infinitely valuable, that all the suffering is for. That you are able to see even such with Wonder and understanding and kindness. Nevertheless, for self-preservation and because sometimes others are just not ready to see clearly enough to benefit from your help, sometimes you have to draw a line and hope that they will grow enough to see clearly themselves. Or you have to let go. Sometimes you have to. I am not saying that now is this time, for that is up to you, but sometimes it is necessary. I too have trouble drawing this line because I have self-destructive amounts of tolerance and well, curiosity.
Well, it is possible to become a conglomerate of lowest common denominators, however, you would turn into John Howard.
Lachlan, it frightens me to hear you defining yourself through others values. Surely the company of others is only valuable if it doesn't destroy your sense of self. Wouldn't it make more sense to change your company, not yourself?
If it's acceptance that you crave becoming someone/something else may not be the answer. Perhaps people who respect each other should educate each other on their own ideals and the reasoning behind them. Then you can treat people with such different values that they will damage you with appropriate caution.
Hmm, not 100% sure but I think I understand what your comment refers to - if I have made a mistake please feel free to correct me.
If you imply that I am a brittle extremist who would sooner isolate herself than subject herself to the pain of human contact you are probably correct (I am the worlds biggest bridge burner), however, I am not suggesting that course of action to Lachlan or anyone I care for. Perhaps my wording wasn't as carefully chosen as it should be (I'm typing at work between iterations of my program so I'm a little distracted, I don't usually do this but I felt this post needed a reply).
Perhaps instead of saying
>Wouldn't it make more sense to change your company, not yourself%
No, no, Lachlan's words frighten me as you said. I would that he is careful with himself. By saying they are not just pretty words, I was only saying that I meant what I was saying. What you said, random_llama, was great. I was not writing to you, but to Lachlan.
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There are people out that that will understand you, and they will appear when you least expect them.
Just because you are working with yourself, learning things about yourself, and moving foward, does not mean that others are doing the same.
You are who you are.. and if other people cannot accept that, and see you for who you are, then that is their fault, not yours.
Stay true to yourself.. other people's expectations can only lead you astray.. how can they really know you, when they don't even know themselves?
Reply
Perhaps others 'should' accept me for who I am, and that they do not is their 'fault'. At the end of the day, 'though, I am still unaccepted.
Reply
You can never be who someone else wants you to be. Your true self will always show through, and you can never know what they truly want anyway.
When you be true to yourself, then you attract similar people.
When people lie to themselves and others about who they are, they only attract other people of a similar ilk.. So you get people pretending to be someone else, pretending to like someone else, who is also pretending to like them, who is also pretending to be someone else. You can't base a freindship on a set of lies like that, and expect it to mean anything or get anywhre.
If someone in your life does not see things the way you do, or does not accept that you see things differently to them, are they really that close to you anyway? can they ever really be close to anyone ?
Reply
do i allow the person the dignity of presuming they both know themselves and speak truly and that it is i who am mistaken? and what of the next time? and the next? and so forth?
where do you draw the line?
Reply
If people want to misinterpret your actions because they're not insightful enough - let them. As long as your motivations are good, why should it matter. Although, I've often found myself having to second guess people's misinterpretations in order to avoid friction.
I guess it's a matter of how you want to have lived your life, or whether you believe that the way a life is lived has any meaning when all is said and done. Given the insignificance of our actions when compared to the vastness of the Universe, does any of it really matter?
Reply
I dislike philosophies and religions that suggest that some future reward will justify the work of today. If one's actions are 'good', surely there should be some benefit in the short term, not just in the afterlife.
But what is meaning? I have had some - they are neither rewarding nor defensible. Others have different meanings, and they seem to bear fruit.
Reply
I dunno about that. I think that we have to be prepared to have absolutely no reward what-so-ever.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to promote myself as perfect. If I was, I would've taken up a more spartan existence and sent every cent I had to some worthy charity. I maintain some selfishness because I do believe that we're here to enjoy "the ride" to some extent.
But what is meaning?
Dunno. I'm still struggling to find some meaning that isn't based on religious beliefs.
Reply
if true, then what you are describing is dysfunctional. if the reward is ephemeral, if the benefit is a feeling of satisfaction that one did the 'right' thing, then that is still a reward.
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my problem is drawing the line. when i have sid yes before, and the offence is incremental, it becomes diificult to say when 'no' becomes appropriate. especially when it seems so needed.
Sometimes it is necessary to partake of both to survive in this world
in those times of confidence, i believe in attempting to survive without the lies.
in darker times others seem to profit from them and it grows tempting to indulge
It is difficult but you are a better person for it
better is what i question. i may have grown more, they fit better
Are they the people you want to be with?
when i can see the hurt that holds them back from being what they can be. when i can see that it is fear, or guilt or shame that prevents them from becoming more than they are.
Reply
when i can see the hurt that holds them back from being what they can be. when i can see that it is fear, or guilt or shame that prevents them from becoming more than they are.
This is the very clarity of vision that pain creates, that is infinitely valuable, that all the suffering is for. That you are able to see even such with Wonder and understanding and kindness. Nevertheless, for self-preservation and because sometimes others are just not ready to see clearly enough to benefit from your help, sometimes you have to draw a line and hope that they will grow enough to see clearly themselves. Or you have to let go. Sometimes you have to. I am not saying that now is this time, for that is up to you, but sometimes it is necessary. I too have trouble drawing this line because I have self-destructive amounts of tolerance and well, curiosity.
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good description.
too much empathy, too much understanding
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Lachlan, it frightens me to hear you defining yourself through others values. Surely the company of others is only valuable if it doesn't destroy your sense of self. Wouldn't it make more sense to change your company, not yourself?
If it's acceptance that you crave becoming someone/something else may not be the answer. Perhaps people who respect each other should educate each other on their own ideals and the reasoning behind them. Then you can treat people with such different values that they will damage you with appropriate caution.
Reply
Reply
If you imply that I am a brittle extremist who would sooner isolate herself than subject herself to the pain of human contact you are probably correct (I am the worlds biggest bridge burner), however, I am not suggesting that course of action to Lachlan or anyone I care for. Perhaps my wording wasn't as carefully chosen as it should be (I'm typing at work between iterations of my program so I'm a little distracted, I don't usually do this but I felt this post needed a reply).
Perhaps instead of saying
>Wouldn't it make more sense to change your company, not yourself%
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