Racists and genderphobes and hypocrites, oh my!
Okay, just so you don't all get the idea that I'm totally blameless in tonight's entertainment,
It all started when Dawn came in and accused me of having turned the heat up. I denied it, of course, since I didn't. I came to understand later that she was angry because we have steam heat, which vents off the side of the radiator, and the escaping steam from it ruined a nightstand of hers and a teddy bear that Sam got her for Valentine's Day. I'm sorry about the damage, chica, but I had nothing to do with it. Sam had today off. He and Dawn were out all day. Sam dropped Dawn off and bowling and got home about 6.30. As usual, he said nothing to me. Dawn got home about 8.30, and that's when she came in with Sam's accusations. We've had this argument before (often enough that a friend sent me a link earlier to another LJ post where peeps were having the same temperature issues), and I thought it resolved by the simple expedient of my deciding never to touch the thermomstat again, an oath I kept until tonight. Tonight, after going around and around, having Sam call my asthma "bullshit" and then calling me a lazy nigger, I bashed the thermostat off the wall and said, "There. Now the thermostat won't be an issue." From there it devolved to Sam saying I hadn't paid for anything ($300 worth of food apparently not counting), claimed that I couldn't stay because I hadn't paid any bills (and the money for our first month's rent and security deposit just miraculously appeared in our landlord's bank account; and never mind that no other bill here has been paid either, as we just got most of them on Friday, so both he and Dawn are in the exact same spot *I* am on that one), and lots of other childish nonsense, all the way down to saying that I couldn't keep food in his refrigerator because I wasn't helping pay for it. Mind you that he never asked me if I wanted to go in on the expensive new refrigerator he bought literally as we were moving in because he didn't want to make the effort to take his old, perfectly functioning, equally expensive one out of his house. His quote on that point was, "Oh, you think it's so easy to do that!" It's a refrigerator. I don't expect it to be easy, but it would certainly be cheaper than getting a $1200 new one from a rent-to-own place!
So anyway, it's around and around, with him trying to deconstruct my life ("You're useless because you're not working!" "Well, neither is your girlfriend."; "You're just like this because you're in love with Dawn!" "And what does that have to do with anything?" "You think that if she's not with me she'll be with you!" "As I've explained over and over to everyone concerned who will listen, no, I do *not* think that. She may not be with you, but she won't be with me either." "You're not even looking for work! You're just a lazy nigger!" "I am looking for work---" "Yeah, on the Internet! You can't find shit on the Internet!" "My last four jobs I've found on the Internet."), basically reduced to silent sputters as I shot down all of his points, leaving him just with name-calling and how much better he was than me. I almost fell over laughing when he said, "I'm a *man* in bed!" I guess that studworthiness is why his wife of 10 years left him for another woman! But the constant harping on my gender identity and sexuality is what led me to yank my pants down and pretend to jack off, saying how hard I was getting thinking of him. Yeah, it was naughty, but it did irritate him nicely. *holds hand out to be slapped with ruler*
Which does lead to an interesting observation: Sam really wanted to hurt me tonight with what he was saying. But it was hard for him because I've always been upfront and honest in how I felt, and who and what I was. He knew I was unemployed when he agreed to move in with us. He's known I'm transsexual for as long as he's known me, and it's not a fact that I conceal. I've told him several times what I think of him and why, so there was nothing new there. I've called him on his double-standards to his face. And everyone who knows me knows I'm in love with Dawn. It's almost as shocking as finding out Michael Jackson's had plastic surgery. Almost. So the words he was using as weapons were empty, powerless...and that made him even madder.
It was after I pretended to jack off that he called the cops. They showed up, took our names down, said, literally, "No means no. If they don't wanna see it, don't do it." And they left. So worth it. But it was when they came that I said he was having issues with me cuz Dawn and I had been lovers. Dawn was quick to add, "That was last year." I said "No, it wasn't." just to hurt Sam, and I guess he gave her grief for it when I came back to the computer room. Cuz ten minutes later her sister and cousin were at the door demanding an explanation, with Dawn standing behind them insisting that it was last year. I said, "Fine, whatever she says. That's the answer." But unfortunately, Cousin Christina was drunk, very drunk, and began a campaign of harassment that lasted for over half an hour, trying to provoke me into fighting her. She punched me in the side of the head once and was very disappointed that I didn't fight back. But she didn't let go. She counted down from three at least half a dozen times. Finally, when I went to Dawn and Sister Michelle to ask them to take her back home, she rushed me. A scuffle ensued wherein I lost a handful of hair and she lectured me on some point that I don't even remember now. I found out later I cut her forehead and neck. I'm undamaged except for some minor hair loss.
That was basically the end of it. Dawn claims to be the one who moved my car, which is fine. I don't really care. She'd actually gotten it to start and moved it to the new spot, and she got it to start again to move it back from the fire hydrant. So that's some good news at least. :) Before it wasn't starting either---well, not reliably. And it still won't stay running. :(
So anyway, I've spent since the end of January trying to keep the peace with this man for Dawn's sake. I've stood by as he insults me, demeans me, devalues my efforts and achievements, while I have done, until tonight, exactly *nothing* to him. If something goes wrong around the house, he blames me. (For example, his comp couldn't connect to the Internet so he spent hours bitching at Dawn about me, reformatting his hard drive and all sorts of ridiculous things, when the problem was a loose Cat-5 cable. And oh, yeah, tonight's thermostat incident. (If you're wondering about my take, I suspect either Dawn's sister did it, since the thermostat controls the heat for both flats and she's been complaining of being cold of late; or it's malfunctioning since no one is watching the boiler. It's been rattling and clanking and making all sorts of horrible sounds that it doesn't normally do. But I don't really know. I'm just guessing. All I *know* is that I didn't touch it, and I've got the space heater in here to prove it. Why would I need that if I had the heat cranked up to a thousand degrees? But that simple logic seems to have escaped everyone.)) Yet he's okay spending everyone's money on an expensive new refrigerator that we didn't need; he's okay to eat part of that $300 worth of food, he's okay to watch the cable and use the Internet service that I provided. He's also okay with his girlfriend not having worked since October, doesn't devalue the unemployment checks she gets, and doesn't complain that she also searches for jobs on the Internet since we have no car to search on foot. Hypocrisy, thy name is Sam.
It all started when Dawn came in and accused me of having turned the heat up. I denied it, of course, since I didn't. I came to understand later that she was angry because we have steam heat, which vents off the side of the radiator, and the escaping steam from it ruined a nightstand of hers and a teddy bear that Sam got her for Valentine's Day. I'm sorry about the damage, chica, but I had nothing to do with it. Sam had today off. He and Dawn were out all day. Sam dropped Dawn off and bowling and got home about 6.30. As usual, he said nothing to me. Dawn got home about 8.30, and that's when she came in with Sam's accusations. We've had this argument before (often enough that a friend sent me a link earlier to another LJ post where peeps were having the same temperature issues), and I thought it resolved by the simple expedient of my deciding never to touch the thermomstat again, an oath I kept until tonight. Tonight, after going around and around, having Sam call my asthma "bullshit" and then calling me a lazy nigger, I bashed the thermostat off the wall and said, "There. Now the thermostat won't be an issue." From there it devolved to Sam saying I hadn't paid for anything ($300 worth of food apparently not counting), claimed that I couldn't stay because I hadn't paid any bills (and the money for our first month's rent and security deposit just miraculously appeared in our landlord's bank account; and never mind that no other bill here has been paid either, as we just got most of them on Friday, so both he and Dawn are in the exact same spot *I* am on that one), and lots of other childish nonsense, all the way down to saying that I couldn't keep food in his refrigerator because I wasn't helping pay for it. Mind you that he never asked me if I wanted to go in on the expensive new refrigerator he bought literally as we were moving in because he didn't want to make the effort to take his old, perfectly functioning, equally expensive one out of his house. His quote on that point was, "Oh, you think it's so easy to do that!" It's a refrigerator. I don't expect it to be easy, but it would certainly be cheaper than getting a $1200 new one from a rent-to-own place!
So anyway, it's around and around, with him trying to deconstruct my life ("You're useless because you're not working!" "Well, neither is your girlfriend."; "You're just like this because you're in love with Dawn!" "And what does that have to do with anything?" "You think that if she's not with me she'll be with you!" "As I've explained over and over to everyone concerned who will listen, no, I do *not* think that. She may not be with you, but she won't be with me either." "You're not even looking for work! You're just a lazy nigger!" "I am looking for work---" "Yeah, on the Internet! You can't find shit on the Internet!" "My last four jobs I've found on the Internet."), basically reduced to silent sputters as I shot down all of his points, leaving him just with name-calling and how much better he was than me. I almost fell over laughing when he said, "I'm a *man* in bed!" I guess that studworthiness is why his wife of 10 years left him for another woman! But the constant harping on my gender identity and sexuality is what led me to yank my pants down and pretend to jack off, saying how hard I was getting thinking of him. Yeah, it was naughty, but it did irritate him nicely. *holds hand out to be slapped with ruler*
Which does lead to an interesting observation: Sam really wanted to hurt me tonight with what he was saying. But it was hard for him because I've always been upfront and honest in how I felt, and who and what I was. He knew I was unemployed when he agreed to move in with us. He's known I'm transsexual for as long as he's known me, and it's not a fact that I conceal. I've told him several times what I think of him and why, so there was nothing new there. I've called him on his double-standards to his face. And everyone who knows me knows I'm in love with Dawn. It's almost as shocking as finding out Michael Jackson's had plastic surgery. Almost. So the words he was using as weapons were empty, powerless...and that made him even madder.
It was after I pretended to jack off that he called the cops. They showed up, took our names down, said, literally, "No means no. If they don't wanna see it, don't do it." And they left. So worth it. But it was when they came that I said he was having issues with me cuz Dawn and I had been lovers. Dawn was quick to add, "That was last year." I said "No, it wasn't." just to hurt Sam, and I guess he gave her grief for it when I came back to the computer room. Cuz ten minutes later her sister and cousin were at the door demanding an explanation, with Dawn standing behind them insisting that it was last year. I said, "Fine, whatever she says. That's the answer." But unfortunately, Cousin Christina was drunk, very drunk, and began a campaign of harassment that lasted for over half an hour, trying to provoke me into fighting her. She punched me in the side of the head once and was very disappointed that I didn't fight back. But she didn't let go. She counted down from three at least half a dozen times. Finally, when I went to Dawn and Sister Michelle to ask them to take her back home, she rushed me. A scuffle ensued wherein I lost a handful of hair and she lectured me on some point that I don't even remember now. I found out later I cut her forehead and neck. I'm undamaged except for some minor hair loss.
That was basically the end of it. Dawn claims to be the one who moved my car, which is fine. I don't really care. She'd actually gotten it to start and moved it to the new spot, and she got it to start again to move it back from the fire hydrant. So that's some good news at least. :) Before it wasn't starting either---well, not reliably. And it still won't stay running. :(
So anyway, I've spent since the end of January trying to keep the peace with this man for Dawn's sake. I've stood by as he insults me, demeans me, devalues my efforts and achievements, while I have done, until tonight, exactly *nothing* to him. If something goes wrong around the house, he blames me. (For example, his comp couldn't connect to the Internet so he spent hours bitching at Dawn about me, reformatting his hard drive and all sorts of ridiculous things, when the problem was a loose Cat-5 cable. And oh, yeah, tonight's thermostat incident. (If you're wondering about my take, I suspect either Dawn's sister did it, since the thermostat controls the heat for both flats and she's been complaining of being cold of late; or it's malfunctioning since no one is watching the boiler. It's been rattling and clanking and making all sorts of horrible sounds that it doesn't normally do. But I don't really know. I'm just guessing. All I *know* is that I didn't touch it, and I've got the space heater in here to prove it. Why would I need that if I had the heat cranked up to a thousand degrees? But that simple logic seems to have escaped everyone.)) Yet he's okay spending everyone's money on an expensive new refrigerator that we didn't need; he's okay to eat part of that $300 worth of food, he's okay to watch the cable and use the Internet service that I provided. He's also okay with his girlfriend not having worked since October, doesn't devalue the unemployment checks she gets, and doesn't complain that she also searches for jobs on the Internet since we have no car to search on foot. Hypocrisy, thy name is Sam.