[Vorkosigan Saga] becoming habit [2/3] - 1,856/6,403
Rating: T
Summary: in which a life is lived (more or less)
ii.how to woo lovers and influence them
They had sex for the first time a little after Xav's twenty-third birthday. Afterwards they curled together on the bed and Ro mentally sighed at the fact that Xav was still tense, even then.
"Well," Lucy said, "it's a good thing we waited two years. Now we're really sure we like you, even if you are completely terrible in bed." This, for some twisted reason that Ro didn't particularly want to contemplate, actually made Xav relax.
"Hey," he said, trying to sound offended but not bothering to stop stroking Ro's hair, "I went to that class, even if I still can't believe you got me that for my birthday. Ro laughed because Xav's face at the sight of the chip marking his enrollment in 'Fun Sex for Foreigners' was still in the running for the funniest face she had ever seen him make.
"Seriously, if you had to be all Greek and abandoning defenseless children to the wilderness about life, you could of at least brought in a little bit of the sexual training idea," Lucy continued.
"Only a Betan would know the sexual practices of an Earth culture that has been gone for centuries," Xav said.
"Only a Barrayaran would memorize every battle from a world and not even know how to say hello in their main language," Lucy shot back and Ro drifted off to sleep to the sound of their familiar arguments.
In reality, not much had changed. Xav moved from the couch to the bed. They started to seriously discuss whether they could afford, or needed, a larger apartment. Xav's stunner went into the second draw and his knife (it turned out to have taken him five hours to get it through customs) was tucked away on the bookshelf next to Lucy's old school data chips (she always protested that she might need them some day when Ro tried to clean up). A picture of two solemn little boys joined ones of Lucy laughing with her parents and Ro standing with her uncle at her cousins' graduation on the bedside table. Xav swept the apartment for bugs three times a week and sometimes laughed at Lucy's more ridiculous jokes about Barrayaran culture.
Sometimes, though, everything felt very different. It could have just been the passage of time. Xav's hair had grown out to almost Betan normal (incredibly self-indulgent for a Barrayaran) and he moved as quickly as any Betan when the storm warnings started blaring. He could joke about property takes and rolled his eyes in unison with Ro at the over dramatic headlines covering various political scandals. Still, he reached out for them now, instead of curling further into himself, and told stories about his childhood and could laugh while he said, 'I love you.'
Ro liked sex. She liked it quite a lot, actually, and it was even better, in her opinion, with people who knew and loved her. It was still just sex. She had loved Joni and had been loved in return without the fact that the other woman didn't have, and never would, any interest in having sex with her ever coming up. She had also spent the last eight years or so of her life arguing philosophic concepts (something she was no longer allowed to do in the apartment). She had taken up her professor's challenge and spent three hours talking with complete strangers about million year old ideas. She still wouldn't try explaining this to Xav. She loved him but there were certian thing she wasn't sure that he would ever truly understand, however Betan he got. She loved him, though, so it was okay.
A few months before Ro was set to graduate Xav was called back to Barrayar. Ro kissed him goodbye at his shuttle (Lucy had wished him a good trip that morning with a laughing reminder that one of them had to work) and didn't ask when he was coming back. They had never really talked about what would happen if Xav had to return to Barrayar forever. It had been five years since Barrayar regained contact with the outside world. Things could change in five years but Ro doubted that Barrayar would have changed enough. He had left behind most of his things in the apartment and they let them stay without a word.
Ro loved Lucy. She loved her and could live with her alone but it was different without Xav and she missed him. He wasn't the only one who had changed. Their lives fit together now. With him gone there was no one to talk with early in the morning as she prepared for class and he straightened his clothes for his embassy's inspection. Lucy didn't have someone who enjoyed getting into pointless arguments that held no real heat. Even the shopping schedule felt wrong without him there to complain about the expense of fresh fruit and mutter about the lack of meat.
Xav came back in a little over eight week (this left only a few days on Barrayar but then his stories had never included much mention of friends or family). They both met him at the shuttle port and he was the one to initiate their three-way kiss. He showed off his Captain tabs and Ro teased him about missing her exciting new work. They went to lunch and Lucy watched them, strangely quiet. That night as they lay together in their bed Xav glanced over at her, "I was sure you would say something about how nice it was to have a bit more room." Ro smiled into the pillow. It was always nice to have someone who cared as much as you did.
"Let's get married," Lucy said. Ro propped herself up on one arm and Xav's mouth actually dropped open but Lucy just gave them her brightest (scariest) smile. In that moment Ro knew that she had already said yes. Xav didn't say anything that night and he left early the next morning but he returned that evening with a smile and a pierced ear so all they had to do was figure out how.
Ro didn't really believe in anything (apart from brief flings with Platonism) and Lucy just wanted something meaningful so they turned to Xav for inspiration. It couldn't be a Barrayaran wedding (especially not the wedding of a prince but none of them mentioned that) or even particularly close but it was nice talking about what they could keep. In the end, the official who married them sighed a lot as they drew the three connecting circles and threw handfuls of groats into the air (and he made sure that they picked all of them up afterwards) but they were happy. Then the war came.
Lucy and Ro had been talking about children while waiting for Xav to return home. They both looked up in surprise when he slammed through the door, face sickly pale. He didn't tell them what had happened. He only announced that he would be busy for a few days and would be staying in his quarters at the embassy for a while. They didn't need to wait for his explanation. The news channels were blaring with the invasion. 043 talked about the cruel attack on a helpless planet by the overwhelming Cetagandan force. 334 played endless documentaries on the history of the spread of the Cetagandan Empire, interspersed with a discussion by several experts on its treaty with Komarr. 641 archly commented about the likelihood of an independent Komarr lasting for very long while blocking access to Eta Barrayar. Ro held Lucy's hand they watched it all together.
In the end, it was a full five days before Xav returned home. He didn't appear to have slept, or washed, the entire time. Ro shoved him into the fresher, watching carefully to make sure he didn't fall asleep. The bathroom felt oppressively silent and she wished that Lucy was there to start talking about anything. After, Xav sat at the table with a cup of coffee that was rapidly getting cold, staring down blankly at the plastic surface.
"You've heard," Xav said finally. Ro thought about saying, hard not to, but she isn't particularly good at lighthearted so she simply nodded. "I'm in charge of the embassy now," he continued tonelessly, "I sent Vorramnis to try to get back to Barrayar, told him to see if he could get any orders back to us."
"The Cetagandans have blocked the wormhole," Ro said because she can't say 'that's a suicide mission.' Xav was already well aware of that.
"Yes," Xav said. His face was as blank as his voice. He drank some of the cold coffee. "He said we should all go back, all the Vor. It is our duty, apparently, to throw ourselves at the blockade with the knowledge that if we succeeded we could grant the ground forces all the power of a team of diplomats."
"Doesn't seem the wisest choice of actions," Ro said, trying to keep her voice as calm as his.
"No, but he called me a coward. Said I had become weak and Betan." He carefully didn't look at her.
"I'm surprised he thought there was any difference between weak and Betan."
He smiled crookedly at that, "Hidden depths. I suppose I have some too. A man disagrees with me and I send him to die. There are those in my family who would approve," he stood then and started to pace the kitchen. "I had to, though. We can help but they need to follow me and Vorramnis never would and they would take their lead from him." He looked at her then and she met his eyes evenly. They both knew she wasn't the one he needed to convince.
"Do you think there'll be enough time to send help? She asked quietly.
"I'm sure of it. I've been looking over all the records. Even watched some news. The Cetagandans always work the same way to take over a new planet. Massive ecological destruction or carpet city bombing just means more work for them in the long run. They target transportation systems, government buildings, communications systems; all the things poor, backwards Barrayar doesn't have." He sat back down at the table, his hands tracing an invisible map. "We don't have trains and, believe me, we have no air or traffic controllers. The Emperor is used to moving about with his army. Communications on a major scale are practically nonexistent. The Counts are used to war and so are the people. More than that, we're all used to famine and disease and all those other things the civilized worlds of the Cetagandan Empire don't have to worry about.
"I'm where I can do the most good. Here on Beta Colony: the cutting edge of technology across the galaxy."
"I don't know," Lucy drawled, "after your stirring speech I have a hard time imagining what this Noble Barrayar could possibly need from us over-civilized lumps of flesh." She stood in the doorway, smiling at them, and for a moment Ro knew that it was going to be okay.
Chapter 1
Chapter 3
Summary: in which a life is lived (more or less)
ii.how to woo lovers and influence them
They had sex for the first time a little after Xav's twenty-third birthday. Afterwards they curled together on the bed and Ro mentally sighed at the fact that Xav was still tense, even then.
"Well," Lucy said, "it's a good thing we waited two years. Now we're really sure we like you, even if you are completely terrible in bed." This, for some twisted reason that Ro didn't particularly want to contemplate, actually made Xav relax.
"Hey," he said, trying to sound offended but not bothering to stop stroking Ro's hair, "I went to that class, even if I still can't believe you got me that for my birthday. Ro laughed because Xav's face at the sight of the chip marking his enrollment in 'Fun Sex for Foreigners' was still in the running for the funniest face she had ever seen him make.
"Seriously, if you had to be all Greek and abandoning defenseless children to the wilderness about life, you could of at least brought in a little bit of the sexual training idea," Lucy continued.
"Only a Betan would know the sexual practices of an Earth culture that has been gone for centuries," Xav said.
"Only a Barrayaran would memorize every battle from a world and not even know how to say hello in their main language," Lucy shot back and Ro drifted off to sleep to the sound of their familiar arguments.
In reality, not much had changed. Xav moved from the couch to the bed. They started to seriously discuss whether they could afford, or needed, a larger apartment. Xav's stunner went into the second draw and his knife (it turned out to have taken him five hours to get it through customs) was tucked away on the bookshelf next to Lucy's old school data chips (she always protested that she might need them some day when Ro tried to clean up). A picture of two solemn little boys joined ones of Lucy laughing with her parents and Ro standing with her uncle at her cousins' graduation on the bedside table. Xav swept the apartment for bugs three times a week and sometimes laughed at Lucy's more ridiculous jokes about Barrayaran culture.
Sometimes, though, everything felt very different. It could have just been the passage of time. Xav's hair had grown out to almost Betan normal (incredibly self-indulgent for a Barrayaran) and he moved as quickly as any Betan when the storm warnings started blaring. He could joke about property takes and rolled his eyes in unison with Ro at the over dramatic headlines covering various political scandals. Still, he reached out for them now, instead of curling further into himself, and told stories about his childhood and could laugh while he said, 'I love you.'
Ro liked sex. She liked it quite a lot, actually, and it was even better, in her opinion, with people who knew and loved her. It was still just sex. She had loved Joni and had been loved in return without the fact that the other woman didn't have, and never would, any interest in having sex with her ever coming up. She had also spent the last eight years or so of her life arguing philosophic concepts (something she was no longer allowed to do in the apartment). She had taken up her professor's challenge and spent three hours talking with complete strangers about million year old ideas. She still wouldn't try explaining this to Xav. She loved him but there were certian thing she wasn't sure that he would ever truly understand, however Betan he got. She loved him, though, so it was okay.
A few months before Ro was set to graduate Xav was called back to Barrayar. Ro kissed him goodbye at his shuttle (Lucy had wished him a good trip that morning with a laughing reminder that one of them had to work) and didn't ask when he was coming back. They had never really talked about what would happen if Xav had to return to Barrayar forever. It had been five years since Barrayar regained contact with the outside world. Things could change in five years but Ro doubted that Barrayar would have changed enough. He had left behind most of his things in the apartment and they let them stay without a word.
Ro loved Lucy. She loved her and could live with her alone but it was different without Xav and she missed him. He wasn't the only one who had changed. Their lives fit together now. With him gone there was no one to talk with early in the morning as she prepared for class and he straightened his clothes for his embassy's inspection. Lucy didn't have someone who enjoyed getting into pointless arguments that held no real heat. Even the shopping schedule felt wrong without him there to complain about the expense of fresh fruit and mutter about the lack of meat.
Xav came back in a little over eight week (this left only a few days on Barrayar but then his stories had never included much mention of friends or family). They both met him at the shuttle port and he was the one to initiate their three-way kiss. He showed off his Captain tabs and Ro teased him about missing her exciting new work. They went to lunch and Lucy watched them, strangely quiet. That night as they lay together in their bed Xav glanced over at her, "I was sure you would say something about how nice it was to have a bit more room." Ro smiled into the pillow. It was always nice to have someone who cared as much as you did.
"Let's get married," Lucy said. Ro propped herself up on one arm and Xav's mouth actually dropped open but Lucy just gave them her brightest (scariest) smile. In that moment Ro knew that she had already said yes. Xav didn't say anything that night and he left early the next morning but he returned that evening with a smile and a pierced ear so all they had to do was figure out how.
Ro didn't really believe in anything (apart from brief flings with Platonism) and Lucy just wanted something meaningful so they turned to Xav for inspiration. It couldn't be a Barrayaran wedding (especially not the wedding of a prince but none of them mentioned that) or even particularly close but it was nice talking about what they could keep. In the end, the official who married them sighed a lot as they drew the three connecting circles and threw handfuls of groats into the air (and he made sure that they picked all of them up afterwards) but they were happy. Then the war came.
Lucy and Ro had been talking about children while waiting for Xav to return home. They both looked up in surprise when he slammed through the door, face sickly pale. He didn't tell them what had happened. He only announced that he would be busy for a few days and would be staying in his quarters at the embassy for a while. They didn't need to wait for his explanation. The news channels were blaring with the invasion. 043 talked about the cruel attack on a helpless planet by the overwhelming Cetagandan force. 334 played endless documentaries on the history of the spread of the Cetagandan Empire, interspersed with a discussion by several experts on its treaty with Komarr. 641 archly commented about the likelihood of an independent Komarr lasting for very long while blocking access to Eta Barrayar. Ro held Lucy's hand they watched it all together.
In the end, it was a full five days before Xav returned home. He didn't appear to have slept, or washed, the entire time. Ro shoved him into the fresher, watching carefully to make sure he didn't fall asleep. The bathroom felt oppressively silent and she wished that Lucy was there to start talking about anything. After, Xav sat at the table with a cup of coffee that was rapidly getting cold, staring down blankly at the plastic surface.
"You've heard," Xav said finally. Ro thought about saying, hard not to, but she isn't particularly good at lighthearted so she simply nodded. "I'm in charge of the embassy now," he continued tonelessly, "I sent Vorramnis to try to get back to Barrayar, told him to see if he could get any orders back to us."
"The Cetagandans have blocked the wormhole," Ro said because she can't say 'that's a suicide mission.' Xav was already well aware of that.
"Yes," Xav said. His face was as blank as his voice. He drank some of the cold coffee. "He said we should all go back, all the Vor. It is our duty, apparently, to throw ourselves at the blockade with the knowledge that if we succeeded we could grant the ground forces all the power of a team of diplomats."
"Doesn't seem the wisest choice of actions," Ro said, trying to keep her voice as calm as his.
"No, but he called me a coward. Said I had become weak and Betan." He carefully didn't look at her.
"I'm surprised he thought there was any difference between weak and Betan."
He smiled crookedly at that, "Hidden depths. I suppose I have some too. A man disagrees with me and I send him to die. There are those in my family who would approve," he stood then and started to pace the kitchen. "I had to, though. We can help but they need to follow me and Vorramnis never would and they would take their lead from him." He looked at her then and she met his eyes evenly. They both knew she wasn't the one he needed to convince.
"Do you think there'll be enough time to send help? She asked quietly.
"I'm sure of it. I've been looking over all the records. Even watched some news. The Cetagandans always work the same way to take over a new planet. Massive ecological destruction or carpet city bombing just means more work for them in the long run. They target transportation systems, government buildings, communications systems; all the things poor, backwards Barrayar doesn't have." He sat back down at the table, his hands tracing an invisible map. "We don't have trains and, believe me, we have no air or traffic controllers. The Emperor is used to moving about with his army. Communications on a major scale are practically nonexistent. The Counts are used to war and so are the people. More than that, we're all used to famine and disease and all those other things the civilized worlds of the Cetagandan Empire don't have to worry about.
"I'm where I can do the most good. Here on Beta Colony: the cutting edge of technology across the galaxy."
"I don't know," Lucy drawled, "after your stirring speech I have a hard time imagining what this Noble Barrayar could possibly need from us over-civilized lumps of flesh." She stood in the doorway, smiling at them, and for a moment Ro knew that it was going to be okay.
Chapter 1
Chapter 3