[McGuffin]
by trixie_chick
Complex
His fingers pushed through the inky black hair. So perfectly black, so lovely and smooth it was probably what silk felt like, though he'd never touched silk threads, so he wouldn't know.
He'd never touched Sai's hair, either, but. It was the same color, right down to the manner in which it played with the light. It was perfectly straight, just like Sai's.
Long, straight, the perfect color... He loved to watch the way the light danced across the strands. Ah, and he loved the smell. It had a nostalgic feel to it, so even if he didn't know what Sai's hair would smell like, he still felt like this would be about the same. Probably. Well, probably not, right, since the smell probably came from whatever shampoo he used? Something like that, but still. Since Sai's hair had no scent in his memory, this scent could fill in that spot.
"Sensei," he sighed, breathily. "You're getting lost in thought again," he teased in his so-called cute sing-song voice.
Hikaru frowned a tiny bit, and thrust, hard. His voice was nothing at all like Sai's. Well, that was practically to be expected, since Sai could be so childish. No, that wasn't quite right. Sai could also be serious and thoughtful, strict, or even virtuous. His voice changed a lot with his moods. But still, Sai was innocent, and that was reflected in each of his voices.
This kid...
"Sen~sei, open your eyes," he cajoled, practically purring.
Brat. Hikaru grabbed his neck and pulled him close to kiss him, long and hard and deep, and then he began to thrust harder, faster.
His lips were just like Sai's. Just. Thin, and almost feminine, but straight. Actually, Sai's lips always seemed rosy, like his, too. Even more than that, the soft curve of his cheek and cute, gentle point of his chin was exactly, exactly like Sai's. Hikaru noticed his face before he noticed his hair, after all. When he first saw him, it really gave Hikaru a fright. He had to be some kind of relation of Sai's, really, since their faces were the same. The noses, too. He had Sai's nose, long and straight, but really cute at the end. And their eyes, their eyes were the same, the same shape and the same color. So dark and lovely, Hikaru would swear the color almost seemed purple.
"Sen... sei... I... I can't hold out much..." he panted. His face really did look like he was about to come.
Hikaru grabbed the base of his cock and gave it a squeeze, leaning down to nip at his earlobe. "Hikaru. Hi~ka~ru. I won't let you come if you don't use my name," Hikaru teased. But.
Sai would never, ever call him sensei. Why would he? Even if he had ten thousand years, Hikaru could never teach Sai anything about go. No, Sai never called him anything but Hikaru. He didn't have much choice in most situations, but here, like this...
With Sai's eyes, his lips, his nose, his face, his hair... he wanted...
"Hi... Hikaru," he sighed, begging.
Hikaru ran his hand down his partner's body. He had no idea at all what kind of body Sai had, except that he seemed very tall when Hikaru was in middle school. Of course, Sai wore that tall hat, so even that was deceptive. His clothes totally disguised the shape of his body, and they didn't even move with the wind to give Hikaru some clue. However, just like the scent of his hair, Hikaru could fill in the gaps. This body was lean and smooth and totally, well, elegant. Hikaru loved to touch him, to see him. He moved his hips a bit, adding some rotation to his thrust.
Those hands... those utterly beautiful hands came up and grabbed onto Hikaru's neck. He was making some damned sexy noises, and those long, strong fingers were digging into him now. Hikaru pushed a bit harder, and kissed him. Those hands...
Sai's hands were so often hidden in his sleeves. Rather than lacking feet, it often felt like Sai, as a ghost, lacked hands. But, when he pushed his sleeves aside to sit before a goban, even unable to lift a single stone, those hands...
They were the same hands that touched Hikaru's body now. It wasn't as if he could resist those hands.
They only had water and some barley tea that Hikaru was sure was at least a few months old. Wait, this was his refrigerator, not theirs. Nevertheless, he needed to go shopping, it seemed. He grabbed a bottle of water and opened it, downing half of it quickly in huge gulps. His body was still hot enough that standing in front of the open refrigerator felt good, though he could hear his mother's voice nagging him in the back of his head.
Shigemi slipped his arms around Hikaru from behind, and pressed his body against Hikaru's. Hikaru dribbled some water as he started, but that was fine. He was now getting cooled and heated at the same time.
"Hey, hey. Back off. You're hot," he gently teased.
"Sensei, don't be mean," Shigemi complained, but he could feel the younger man's smile. Probably. Hikaru was still a bit dazed. Maybe he didn't have the stamina he had when he was young... though, when he was Shigemi's age, he was with Touya, and he didn't remember them being quite that... vigorous... or enthusiastic. He was pretty sure they never had multiple sessions in a day, much less a night. But then.
They were always playing go, so.
"Sensei, do you think about him when we're doing it?" Hikaru started a bit, confused as to why Shigemi would be thinking about Touya. "Your sensei, I mean. The one I resemble."
Hikaru winced a bit. That was a little too on-point. He didn't like that. Though, he wasn't sure on whose behalf he was upset. He should just be mad at himself for being so involved with this brat. "Get your mind out of the gutter. Sai never once laid a hand on me. I was still in middle school when he... passed!"
He hated using euphemisms when talking about Sai. Actually, he hated talking about Sai at all. He should have lied, but when he first met Shigemi, he had to explain his bizarre reaction. And, after all, he just wasn't thinking straight.
Shigemi chuckled a bit, caressing his cheek against Hikaru's back. "You're a naughty boy, sen~sei. Thinking about your old teacher like that. You should think more about me when we're in the middle of it."
That was a bit of a biting comment, but Shigemi's tone was light and teasing. Hikaru wondered a bit, what it was like... being with someone who was mainly interested in you because of someone else. It wasn't accurate to call Shigemi a replacement, though. His relationship with Sai could never and would never have been like this. But.
It wasn't inaccurate to call him a replacement, either.
"You should remember that I'm not your teacher now, or in bed. Cheeky brat," Hikaru sighed, feeling put upon, and he put the water bottle back in the refrigerator, and closed the door. Shrugging, he managed to get some distance from Shigemi. He turned to face the brat, and he couldn't help reaching out to touch his hair. Such beautiful hair... "You're spending too much time here, anyway, aren't you? Don't you have a match tomorrow? You should get a good night's rest before playing," he said, sounding sage or something. He wasn't particularly good at being a teacher, not yet.
Another way in which Sai was better.
Shigemi just laughed, and popped himself up to sit on the counter. Some people would consider that to be unsanitary. Touya used to chide him when he did that. ...Shigemi was right, he needed to spend less time thinking about other men. "I find sex to be very relaxing. Don't you? Isn't it good to clear the mind and get the body focused? You have a match tomorrow, too, Sen~sei," the younger man teased.
Hikaru just shook his head. This brat. Sometimes, he felt like it was a huge, huge mistake to be in this... relationship. Sometimes, though, he felt like this brat might just be the best thing to happen to him in a while. Neither was true, likely.
"You know, Sensei, for such an old man, you're really sexy," Shigemi teased, running his big toe over Hikaru's abs. "I didn't think a man pushing 40 could have such a nice body."
Hikaru shook his head, and grabbed Shigemi's beautiful, beautiful hair, pulling him in for a bruising kiss. Brat. Definitely not the best thing to happen to him. "It's Hikaru, not Sensei. And 32 is not pushing 40!"
Shigemi just laughed. Of course, what he wanted was the kiss. What he wanted was to grab Hikaru's attention. "Oh, that's right, only 32. Well, I guess it's not so strange that you're so sexy, then. But you spend most of your time on your ass in front of a goban, so it's still a little strange."
"I get exercise," Hikaru rejoined, aggressively tickling Shigemi's sides. He was sensitive here. He squeezed Shigemi's hips, pleased that he didn't bother putting on any clothes to come out and tease his lover. Did Sai ever have a lover? It was hard to imagine, since Sai's entire being was focused on go, but it would have been surprising if he didn't, right? In the Heian era, weren't people married off young? And Sai was in an important family... "You're getting senile in your youth if you've already forgotten how serious I am about my exercise."
Shigemi beamed, and wrapped his arms around Hikaru's neck and his legs around Hikaru's waist, and kissed him, long and deep. Hikaru couldn't help but wrap his arms around Shigemi's slim body, either. They were surprisingly compatible, sexually. This kind of sweet intimacy after sex was positively delicious. Though, Shigemi might be angling for another round.
Whatever, Hikaru would continue to go with the flow.
"Mm, Hika~chan. Your hair is getting long again... Do you want me to cut it?" Shigemi asked, his fingers toying with Hikaru's hair. He liked this smile of Shigemi's, totally unlike any smile of Sai's. A complete cat that ate the canary look. This brat could get far, far too pleased with himself for anyone's good.
"Is it? Ah, whatever," Hikaru shrugged. He pulled Shigemi a bit closer, so he was just on the edge of the counter, and kissed him again. Shigemi was still playing with his hair, though.
"I saw a picture of you when you were younger, you had your bangs bleached," Shigemi commented, but it was a question, too.
"Yeah, I outgrew that look," Hikaru shrugged. It wasn't like he needed to say anything more than that.
"You looked cute, though," Shigemi grinned. "Maybe not the bangs, but I could dye your hair for you, too," Shigemi offered, hopeful.
Hikaru ran his fingers through Shigemi's hair. Shigemi's parents owned a salon, so it wasn't too surprising that the young man was interested in hair care. Or that his own hair was so gorgeous. Hikaru was grateful, though, that he hadn't experimented with dying this hair.
"I think I'm too... mature for blond anymore, but if you want to color it, well, whatever," Hikaru shrugged. His hair wasn't that special, anyway, and if it made Shigemi happy...
He chose not to follow that line of thought too much.
Waya came and sat down next to him. The study group was breaking up, but ever since Hikaru had started his own study group, there had always been a strong social aspect to it as well as the study aspect. The fact that most of Hikaru's students were young pretty much guaranteed that. Hikaru just continued to clean up the board he'd been working on, certain that if Waya had something to say, he'd say it.
Shigemi was in the center of a group of five, telling some story with particular enthusiasm. Hikaru wasn't sure what he was talking about, but from the threads he could pick up on, it sounded like he was talking about some concert or something. Hikaru hadn't been to any shows with Shigemi, though the younger man tried to get him to go to one or two since they'd... well, if what they were doing was called dating, then since they'd started to date.
As always, Hikaru couldn't help but think that this would be what Sai would be like, if he'd been born in this age instead of his own. Surrounded by people, looking beautiful, looking happy... though Sai would be talking about go, not some rock group. Well. Who knew? If Sai had been born in this era, maybe he wouldn't have been so myopic about go. That was impossible to imagine, though. And, after all, Touya's father was just like Sai, and he was born in this era, give or take. Thinking about Touya's father was not something Hikaru wanted to do, though.
"You spend too much time watching him," Waya stated quietly.
Well, it wasn't like Hikaru wasn't expecting that. "I know. I try to be more careful at the Institute and all," he said casually, smiling at Waya.
Waya didn't look comforted. "He's too young for you," he said, sounding like he didn't really want to be saying this. Did Isumi tell Waya he had to have 'this talk' with Hikaru? It was possible. Then again, maybe Morishita-sensei made him do it. Hikaru didn't like that thought at all. Whichever, Waya wasn't doing this of his own accord, and those two were the only ones who were capable of compelling him to speak, so. "Forget the fact that you're both guys, that's pretty much a non-issue here. He's your student, and he's underaged. And he's not at all discreet."
Hikaru sighed. Whoever put Waya up to this, he really wished they hadn't. "The old farts are just upset because I lost in the first round of the Meijin tournament, but held onto my Honinbou title. I don't need to bother myself about other people's jealousy. Sure, he's my student... in a way. But I didn't lay a finger on him until he was already a pro, and he'd graduated from high school. It's not really anyone else's business." When he first met Shigemi, he was still in high school, that was true. He was in the shop in the Go Institute, idly looking over fans while trying to decide whether or not to sign up to take the pro exam. He'd never been an insei, but he'd been the spectacular first chair of the Kaio High School go team, which won Nationals. Hikaru had already gone up and started to talk to him before he realized what he was doing, so he somehow ended up tutoring him through the pro exam, along with the students in his study group.
He was aware that to some people in the go community, their relationship looked bad, but at least he'd never had a screaming match with Shigemi in the middle of the Room of Deep Contemplation, and no one made a fuss when he was with Touya.
That he knew of.
Well, technically...
Waya sighed at him, which was a little bit annoying and a little bit cute. Waya just wasn't the sighing type, normally. "Shindou. Just. I mean. Sure, at first, anyone would just think... but it's been a while now, what, like... eight months or something and... what... what is this?"
Hikaru smiled kindly at Waya. He wasn't really making any sense, but then they both knew how this conversation would go before he started, so whoever put him up to this really owed Waya big. Hikaru just hoped like hell it wasn't Morishita-sensei. That would actually be a bit mortifying. "I don't know, Waya, but I doubt we're going to get married or anything, so. Why does it have to be something, anyway? It's just... it is what it is."
Waya grimaced, and Hikaru could understand why. He was being obtuse on this subject, but he didn't think he was wrong. "This isn't going to hurt you all that much, Shindou, because you're the reigning Honinbou, and you have been for enough years that no one can dispute your standing. But it's going to hurt him if people think he's just riding on his lover's coattails."
"How does that work, anyway? The riding on my coattails. Does... having sex with me somehow give him an edge when he plays? Does his opponent have to give him a few moku advantage because of me? He's made 3-dan in pretty damned good time because he's a good player and he's got a good ability to read the board. That's true no matter who he's playing or where or when, and it's true no matter who he's sleeping with, too."
Waya just shook his head, huffing a bit. "Look, I know that, I've played him. But, c'mon. You know not everyone is as high-minded as you are."
Hikaru grinned a bit. High-minded? Really? Was he? He supposed he was, and that was because of Sai. Well, then it was fitting that he'd be high-minded with Shigemi, too. Though, that didn't seem right at all. "Instead of trying to drag me down to their level, let me raise everyone else up to my own high-minded standard, then," he cheerfully shot back.
Waya just rolled his eyes and groaned.
"Sensei!" Shigemi plopped down next to him. Close to him. Waya was right, Shigemi could be more discreet... "Everyone is thinking of going for a ramen run. You want to go, right?" Shigemi winked.
"Why don't you kids go on ahead, Fujii-kun?" Waya answered for him. "These old men are going to go out for a drink."
Hikaru raised an eyebrow at Waya, but he didn't contradict him. Going out drinking, huh? Since it was Waya's idea, Waya would pay, then, right?
Shigemi was watching him, though, waiting for Hikaru to answer, but after a moment, he faced Waya and smirked. "I'm going to be of drinking age soon, Waya-sensei, and then you old men won't be able to ditch me so easily."
"Go and eat some ramen," Hikaru sighed.
"I'll see you later? Sensei?" Shigemi asked quietly, leaning in closer to Hikaru.
He really, really wished that Shigemi wouldn't make Waya's points for him. "Just go," Hikaru ordered, and shifted away slightly.
Shigemi gave him a look, and then smiled brightly at Waya. "Later, then!"
Waya was smirking as they stood up. "I'm going to call Isumi-san. Since you're going to make me pay, he needs to pay for mine."
"Oh! That's a relief!" Hikaru laughed. "I was afraid it was Morishita-sensei who put you up to this!"
Sputtering with laughter, Waya raised the phone to his ear. "Oh, man, I don't ever want to talk to Morishita-sensei about your sex life, thankyouverymuch."
Hikaru got his jacket while Waya talked to Isumi. He really should get a house. Most go pros like him had a house. Touya had a house. He also had a wife, of course. Hikaru wasn't going to get one of those. He rented this place for study, but it always seemed like a waste.
A house felt very permanent, though.
"Are you living with that kid?" Waya asked abruptly. Hikaru turned to look and see if he was still on the phone with Isumi or not.
Seemed this was something he was just curious about himself. "Not really... he still lives with his family."
Waya looked at him curiously. "But...?"
"But..." Hikaru shrugged, looking away. "He's over a lot."
"Does he have a key?" Waya pressed.
Hikaru shook his head. Damn, Waya was persistent. "Ah, well, yeah, he does. That's just a convenience, though."
"Does he keep a toothbrush at your place?" Waya continued.
Hikaru gave Waya a look. "Well, sure, but again..."
"How much of his wardrobe is at your place?" Waya cut him off.
Damn, was he a frustrated prosecutor or something?! "I don't know, Waya, I never cataloged his wardrobe so I can't answer that!"
"Well, you could, if the answer was none. So, he has a key, a toothbrush, and clothes at your place. But you're sure you're not living together?"
"You're kind of an ass, you know that?" Hikaru grumbled.
He expected Waya to laugh. When he didn't, Hikaru turned to face him. "Ah... Touya's wife gave birth today. A little girl. They named her Kyouko."
Hikaru definitely, definitely did not react. "Ah. Lovely name." He turned and started out the door, turning the lights out. "C'mon, you gotta buy me drinks."
"I know, I know," Waya sighed, patting Hikaru on the back as he caught up to him.
It was well past two in the morning when Hikaru came home. He had trouble with the lock and key, but he was pretty sure that the lock's fault. It kept moving or something. He managed to get inside, and get his shoes off, but he forgot to turn on the lights. Well, that was fine. It was his apartment. He knew his way around.
He got to the bedroom and only bumped into the counter, the end table, the couch, and the wall. Twice.
He didn't turn on the lights in the bedroom, either, because he was now used to it being dark. See, he knew right away that Shigemi was in bed. He half fell onto the bed, straddling Shigemi.
Shigemi opened one eye (and Shigemi had such beautiful eyes!) and smirked up at Hikaru. "So, you guys really did go out drinking, huh? I thought Waya-sensei just wanted to lecture you more about sleeping with me."
So, Shigemi overhead that? Well, that was fine. Probably. Or something. It was just. Hikaru touched Shigemi's cheek, and turned his face so he could touch his face with both hands. Beautiful face. Sai's face, but it was beautiful, not just because Sai was beautiful. Right. "Hey, Shi~gemi.
"You're the only one I can see."
He leaned down and kissed Shigemi, hard. Shigemi wasn't wearing a shirt, but he did have shorts on, and he didn't need those. Actually, Hikaru didn't need his clothes, either. They were somewhat in the way. Shigemi was working on that, though. That was good. That was just what Hikaru wanted him to do. He ran his hand down Shigemi's spine and his teeth over Shigemi's nipple. Shigemi made some nice noises.
"Sen... Sensei!" Shigemi groaned. See, that was nice. But, he shouldn't call him... "Sensei... I love you... Love you... Sensei..."
Hikaru paused for a moment. He might have heard that wrong... expect Shigemi kept repeating it. He got his fingers slick with lube and pushed three straight in, moving them around. Now, the noises Shigemi was making were more insensible. That was better, somehow.
Probably, yeah.
When he was younger, he always thought that a deep desire for tea was a clear sign of age, but he'd had to revise that opinion slightly over the past few years, and not because he was getting old. He was getting old, but tea had nothing to do with it.
Maybe drinking did, he wasn't sure.
He'd been going out regularly with Waya, Isumi, Honda, even once with Ochi, though Ochi took them to a wine bar and it was a bit of a strange night. When he got home, Shigemi was always there, making Hikaru start to doubt if maybe they weren't living together after all. It wouldn't be the worst thing, though. He already knew it, but it was fun to play some speed go with your lover over breakfast, and it was more fun to share the chores.
There was limited time in the break in the match, and Hikaru wanted brewed tea, not canned tea, so he went to a lounge on one of the upper floors of the Institute. At least there wouldn't be too many people in there at this time.
He didn't expect there to be just one person, though.
Touya looked up when he entered, and he smiled at him, and then seemed to become self-conscious. Hikaru smiled back, though, and nodded to him. "Want some tea? I'm about to brew some," he offered. It would have been impolite not to do so, after all.
Right.
Touya shook his head, and then shrugged. "Ah... no, thanks. I've, um, I've already got some coffee." Weakly, he lifted his cup as evidence.
Hikaru nodded, feeling like the awkwardness between them was somehow his fault. It had to be Touya's fault, though, right? "Mm. I guess you need more caffeine lately, huh? Life with a baby..." Hikaru had never once given thought to what life with a baby would be like, so he wasn't sure, but he was fairly certain they didn't sleep or something. Maybe Touya's wife dealt with that stuff, though.
"Oh... she's actually pretty good, but yeah, it's. Well. Different." Touya shyly turned his coffee cup around and around.
Somehow, that irritated Hikaru. "Mm. Well. I haven't really seen you since she was born. Congratulations."
"Thank you. Ah, we did get the blankets you sent." Hikaru must have been staring at him blankly, because Touya then blushed. "Er, well, I think it was from you and your family..."
Ah, his mom sent them, hm? How nice of her. "Well. Ah. You're welcome. I'll, uh, tell my mom you like 'em."
Touya smiled at him a bit, and that irritated Hikaru, too. "It's been a long time since we actually, talked, though. Has to be a few years, at least."
"I don't think it's been that long," Hikaru contradicted, but he immediately wished he could have held his tongue. He just wanted to be difficult, and he knew from experience that Touya could be plenty difficult if he wanted to be, so. He turned to get the water for his tea going. "We've had several matches, after all."
"Not recently, and anyway, I meant a conversation without a goban between us. I think it's been about four years, actually," Touya firmly but quietly asserted. "The night before the wedding, right?"
Hikaru winced, grateful that he had his back to Touya. Damn it, damn it, damn it... "No, I saw you at your father's funeral, too. That wasn't too long ago."
"That was just about two years ago," Touya wearily corrected. "And you didn't talk to me. You talked to my mother for about two hours, but you only nodded at me and Ami."
Ami. Hikaru glared at the pot, willing it to boil faster. "Your mother is a better conversationalist," he countered, childishly.
Touya sighed. "I won't argue with you about that, but still. It's... it's good to see you."
"We used to see each other every day," Hikaru responded before he could stop himself. Damn it. He hated it when he got like this with Touya.
"Yes... well. So I suppose it's my fault, then?" Touya asked, challenging.
Damn it. It was disgusting how quickly they fell back into their old routines. "You were the one to get married. But you're right, that's not your fault. You're just such a damned good son. It's not your fault that your father asked you get married after his second heart attack. It's your father's fault, right? That's rude, Touya, blaming the dead." Damn it, damn it... he had to regain his composure. This was ridiculous. It wasn't like he'd spent the last four years pining for fucking Touya. He absolutely had not. Sai's face floated before his eyes.
No. Wait. That was supposed to be... Shigemi's face... wasn't it?
Touya was quiet for a minute, and that couldn't be good. Hikaru's water finally boiled, so he poured it over his tea and waited for it to steep. Akari had gotten him this tea stick for his birthday last year. It definitely was a sign of age when you got tea-related gifts, perhaps, but that wasn't his choice, so.
"Your young lover is rather the talk of the go world, mm? He seems like the type to enjoy that sort of attention. Where did you meet him, anyway? Some sort of... school cultural festival?" Touya asked coldly.
Hikaru narrowed his eyes, and turned to look at Touya. This little... "I met him here, actually. But you're right. He's exactly the type to flourish with attention."
"Oh, so he's needy?" Touya asked, raising an eyebrow.
Hikaru wouldn't get drawn into this. Mainly because they were talking about Shigemi, not him. "Don't underestimate him. That's a weakness of yours."
He picked up his mug of tea and started to leave. Peace and quiet wasn't really an option here, was it?
"Hikaru," Touya said, and his voice caused Hikaru to stop in his tracks. "Wait... I'm sorry, I. I didn't mean to. I didn't want. I am happy to be able to... just talk with you. Can't we..." He didn't seem to know what he wanted to say.
He should be nicer about this, but he was in danger of completely losing his cool instead. "Touya, I'm sorry, but if you're unhappy in any way with how your life has turned out, just remember. It was all your own choice. I'm not the one who wanted to break up in the first place. And right now... I have to say, I'm not at all unhappy with my life."
He walked out, wondering if he had lied to Touya or not, and feeling inappropriately guilty for being mean to Touya during their first real conversation in years.
Complex
His fingers pushed through the inky black hair. So perfectly black, so lovely and smooth it was probably what silk felt like, though he'd never touched silk threads, so he wouldn't know.
He'd never touched Sai's hair, either, but. It was the same color, right down to the manner in which it played with the light. It was perfectly straight, just like Sai's.
Long, straight, the perfect color... He loved to watch the way the light danced across the strands. Ah, and he loved the smell. It had a nostalgic feel to it, so even if he didn't know what Sai's hair would smell like, he still felt like this would be about the same. Probably. Well, probably not, right, since the smell probably came from whatever shampoo he used? Something like that, but still. Since Sai's hair had no scent in his memory, this scent could fill in that spot.
"Sensei," he sighed, breathily. "You're getting lost in thought again," he teased in his so-called cute sing-song voice.
Hikaru frowned a tiny bit, and thrust, hard. His voice was nothing at all like Sai's. Well, that was practically to be expected, since Sai could be so childish. No, that wasn't quite right. Sai could also be serious and thoughtful, strict, or even virtuous. His voice changed a lot with his moods. But still, Sai was innocent, and that was reflected in each of his voices.
This kid...
"Sen~sei, open your eyes," he cajoled, practically purring.
Brat. Hikaru grabbed his neck and pulled him close to kiss him, long and hard and deep, and then he began to thrust harder, faster.
His lips were just like Sai's. Just. Thin, and almost feminine, but straight. Actually, Sai's lips always seemed rosy, like his, too. Even more than that, the soft curve of his cheek and cute, gentle point of his chin was exactly, exactly like Sai's. Hikaru noticed his face before he noticed his hair, after all. When he first saw him, it really gave Hikaru a fright. He had to be some kind of relation of Sai's, really, since their faces were the same. The noses, too. He had Sai's nose, long and straight, but really cute at the end. And their eyes, their eyes were the same, the same shape and the same color. So dark and lovely, Hikaru would swear the color almost seemed purple.
"Sen... sei... I... I can't hold out much..." he panted. His face really did look like he was about to come.
Hikaru grabbed the base of his cock and gave it a squeeze, leaning down to nip at his earlobe. "Hikaru. Hi~ka~ru. I won't let you come if you don't use my name," Hikaru teased. But.
Sai would never, ever call him sensei. Why would he? Even if he had ten thousand years, Hikaru could never teach Sai anything about go. No, Sai never called him anything but Hikaru. He didn't have much choice in most situations, but here, like this...
With Sai's eyes, his lips, his nose, his face, his hair... he wanted...
"Hi... Hikaru," he sighed, begging.
Hikaru ran his hand down his partner's body. He had no idea at all what kind of body Sai had, except that he seemed very tall when Hikaru was in middle school. Of course, Sai wore that tall hat, so even that was deceptive. His clothes totally disguised the shape of his body, and they didn't even move with the wind to give Hikaru some clue. However, just like the scent of his hair, Hikaru could fill in the gaps. This body was lean and smooth and totally, well, elegant. Hikaru loved to touch him, to see him. He moved his hips a bit, adding some rotation to his thrust.
Those hands... those utterly beautiful hands came up and grabbed onto Hikaru's neck. He was making some damned sexy noises, and those long, strong fingers were digging into him now. Hikaru pushed a bit harder, and kissed him. Those hands...
Sai's hands were so often hidden in his sleeves. Rather than lacking feet, it often felt like Sai, as a ghost, lacked hands. But, when he pushed his sleeves aside to sit before a goban, even unable to lift a single stone, those hands...
They were the same hands that touched Hikaru's body now. It wasn't as if he could resist those hands.
They only had water and some barley tea that Hikaru was sure was at least a few months old. Wait, this was his refrigerator, not theirs. Nevertheless, he needed to go shopping, it seemed. He grabbed a bottle of water and opened it, downing half of it quickly in huge gulps. His body was still hot enough that standing in front of the open refrigerator felt good, though he could hear his mother's voice nagging him in the back of his head.
Shigemi slipped his arms around Hikaru from behind, and pressed his body against Hikaru's. Hikaru dribbled some water as he started, but that was fine. He was now getting cooled and heated at the same time.
"Hey, hey. Back off. You're hot," he gently teased.
"Sensei, don't be mean," Shigemi complained, but he could feel the younger man's smile. Probably. Hikaru was still a bit dazed. Maybe he didn't have the stamina he had when he was young... though, when he was Shigemi's age, he was with Touya, and he didn't remember them being quite that... vigorous... or enthusiastic. He was pretty sure they never had multiple sessions in a day, much less a night. But then.
They were always playing go, so.
"Sensei, do you think about him when we're doing it?" Hikaru started a bit, confused as to why Shigemi would be thinking about Touya. "Your sensei, I mean. The one I resemble."
Hikaru winced a bit. That was a little too on-point. He didn't like that. Though, he wasn't sure on whose behalf he was upset. He should just be mad at himself for being so involved with this brat. "Get your mind out of the gutter. Sai never once laid a hand on me. I was still in middle school when he... passed!"
He hated using euphemisms when talking about Sai. Actually, he hated talking about Sai at all. He should have lied, but when he first met Shigemi, he had to explain his bizarre reaction. And, after all, he just wasn't thinking straight.
Shigemi chuckled a bit, caressing his cheek against Hikaru's back. "You're a naughty boy, sen~sei. Thinking about your old teacher like that. You should think more about me when we're in the middle of it."
That was a bit of a biting comment, but Shigemi's tone was light and teasing. Hikaru wondered a bit, what it was like... being with someone who was mainly interested in you because of someone else. It wasn't accurate to call Shigemi a replacement, though. His relationship with Sai could never and would never have been like this. But.
It wasn't inaccurate to call him a replacement, either.
"You should remember that I'm not your teacher now, or in bed. Cheeky brat," Hikaru sighed, feeling put upon, and he put the water bottle back in the refrigerator, and closed the door. Shrugging, he managed to get some distance from Shigemi. He turned to face the brat, and he couldn't help reaching out to touch his hair. Such beautiful hair... "You're spending too much time here, anyway, aren't you? Don't you have a match tomorrow? You should get a good night's rest before playing," he said, sounding sage or something. He wasn't particularly good at being a teacher, not yet.
Another way in which Sai was better.
Shigemi just laughed, and popped himself up to sit on the counter. Some people would consider that to be unsanitary. Touya used to chide him when he did that. ...Shigemi was right, he needed to spend less time thinking about other men. "I find sex to be very relaxing. Don't you? Isn't it good to clear the mind and get the body focused? You have a match tomorrow, too, Sen~sei," the younger man teased.
Hikaru just shook his head. This brat. Sometimes, he felt like it was a huge, huge mistake to be in this... relationship. Sometimes, though, he felt like this brat might just be the best thing to happen to him in a while. Neither was true, likely.
"You know, Sensei, for such an old man, you're really sexy," Shigemi teased, running his big toe over Hikaru's abs. "I didn't think a man pushing 40 could have such a nice body."
Hikaru shook his head, and grabbed Shigemi's beautiful, beautiful hair, pulling him in for a bruising kiss. Brat. Definitely not the best thing to happen to him. "It's Hikaru, not Sensei. And 32 is not pushing 40!"
Shigemi just laughed. Of course, what he wanted was the kiss. What he wanted was to grab Hikaru's attention. "Oh, that's right, only 32. Well, I guess it's not so strange that you're so sexy, then. But you spend most of your time on your ass in front of a goban, so it's still a little strange."
"I get exercise," Hikaru rejoined, aggressively tickling Shigemi's sides. He was sensitive here. He squeezed Shigemi's hips, pleased that he didn't bother putting on any clothes to come out and tease his lover. Did Sai ever have a lover? It was hard to imagine, since Sai's entire being was focused on go, but it would have been surprising if he didn't, right? In the Heian era, weren't people married off young? And Sai was in an important family... "You're getting senile in your youth if you've already forgotten how serious I am about my exercise."
Shigemi beamed, and wrapped his arms around Hikaru's neck and his legs around Hikaru's waist, and kissed him, long and deep. Hikaru couldn't help but wrap his arms around Shigemi's slim body, either. They were surprisingly compatible, sexually. This kind of sweet intimacy after sex was positively delicious. Though, Shigemi might be angling for another round.
Whatever, Hikaru would continue to go with the flow.
"Mm, Hika~chan. Your hair is getting long again... Do you want me to cut it?" Shigemi asked, his fingers toying with Hikaru's hair. He liked this smile of Shigemi's, totally unlike any smile of Sai's. A complete cat that ate the canary look. This brat could get far, far too pleased with himself for anyone's good.
"Is it? Ah, whatever," Hikaru shrugged. He pulled Shigemi a bit closer, so he was just on the edge of the counter, and kissed him again. Shigemi was still playing with his hair, though.
"I saw a picture of you when you were younger, you had your bangs bleached," Shigemi commented, but it was a question, too.
"Yeah, I outgrew that look," Hikaru shrugged. It wasn't like he needed to say anything more than that.
"You looked cute, though," Shigemi grinned. "Maybe not the bangs, but I could dye your hair for you, too," Shigemi offered, hopeful.
Hikaru ran his fingers through Shigemi's hair. Shigemi's parents owned a salon, so it wasn't too surprising that the young man was interested in hair care. Or that his own hair was so gorgeous. Hikaru was grateful, though, that he hadn't experimented with dying this hair.
"I think I'm too... mature for blond anymore, but if you want to color it, well, whatever," Hikaru shrugged. His hair wasn't that special, anyway, and if it made Shigemi happy...
He chose not to follow that line of thought too much.
Waya came and sat down next to him. The study group was breaking up, but ever since Hikaru had started his own study group, there had always been a strong social aspect to it as well as the study aspect. The fact that most of Hikaru's students were young pretty much guaranteed that. Hikaru just continued to clean up the board he'd been working on, certain that if Waya had something to say, he'd say it.
Shigemi was in the center of a group of five, telling some story with particular enthusiasm. Hikaru wasn't sure what he was talking about, but from the threads he could pick up on, it sounded like he was talking about some concert or something. Hikaru hadn't been to any shows with Shigemi, though the younger man tried to get him to go to one or two since they'd... well, if what they were doing was called dating, then since they'd started to date.
As always, Hikaru couldn't help but think that this would be what Sai would be like, if he'd been born in this age instead of his own. Surrounded by people, looking beautiful, looking happy... though Sai would be talking about go, not some rock group. Well. Who knew? If Sai had been born in this era, maybe he wouldn't have been so myopic about go. That was impossible to imagine, though. And, after all, Touya's father was just like Sai, and he was born in this era, give or take. Thinking about Touya's father was not something Hikaru wanted to do, though.
"You spend too much time watching him," Waya stated quietly.
Well, it wasn't like Hikaru wasn't expecting that. "I know. I try to be more careful at the Institute and all," he said casually, smiling at Waya.
Waya didn't look comforted. "He's too young for you," he said, sounding like he didn't really want to be saying this. Did Isumi tell Waya he had to have 'this talk' with Hikaru? It was possible. Then again, maybe Morishita-sensei made him do it. Hikaru didn't like that thought at all. Whichever, Waya wasn't doing this of his own accord, and those two were the only ones who were capable of compelling him to speak, so. "Forget the fact that you're both guys, that's pretty much a non-issue here. He's your student, and he's underaged. And he's not at all discreet."
Hikaru sighed. Whoever put Waya up to this, he really wished they hadn't. "The old farts are just upset because I lost in the first round of the Meijin tournament, but held onto my Honinbou title. I don't need to bother myself about other people's jealousy. Sure, he's my student... in a way. But I didn't lay a finger on him until he was already a pro, and he'd graduated from high school. It's not really anyone else's business." When he first met Shigemi, he was still in high school, that was true. He was in the shop in the Go Institute, idly looking over fans while trying to decide whether or not to sign up to take the pro exam. He'd never been an insei, but he'd been the spectacular first chair of the Kaio High School go team, which won Nationals. Hikaru had already gone up and started to talk to him before he realized what he was doing, so he somehow ended up tutoring him through the pro exam, along with the students in his study group.
He was aware that to some people in the go community, their relationship looked bad, but at least he'd never had a screaming match with Shigemi in the middle of the Room of Deep Contemplation, and no one made a fuss when he was with Touya.
That he knew of.
Well, technically...
Waya sighed at him, which was a little bit annoying and a little bit cute. Waya just wasn't the sighing type, normally. "Shindou. Just. I mean. Sure, at first, anyone would just think... but it's been a while now, what, like... eight months or something and... what... what is this?"
Hikaru smiled kindly at Waya. He wasn't really making any sense, but then they both knew how this conversation would go before he started, so whoever put him up to this really owed Waya big. Hikaru just hoped like hell it wasn't Morishita-sensei. That would actually be a bit mortifying. "I don't know, Waya, but I doubt we're going to get married or anything, so. Why does it have to be something, anyway? It's just... it is what it is."
Waya grimaced, and Hikaru could understand why. He was being obtuse on this subject, but he didn't think he was wrong. "This isn't going to hurt you all that much, Shindou, because you're the reigning Honinbou, and you have been for enough years that no one can dispute your standing. But it's going to hurt him if people think he's just riding on his lover's coattails."
"How does that work, anyway? The riding on my coattails. Does... having sex with me somehow give him an edge when he plays? Does his opponent have to give him a few moku advantage because of me? He's made 3-dan in pretty damned good time because he's a good player and he's got a good ability to read the board. That's true no matter who he's playing or where or when, and it's true no matter who he's sleeping with, too."
Waya just shook his head, huffing a bit. "Look, I know that, I've played him. But, c'mon. You know not everyone is as high-minded as you are."
Hikaru grinned a bit. High-minded? Really? Was he? He supposed he was, and that was because of Sai. Well, then it was fitting that he'd be high-minded with Shigemi, too. Though, that didn't seem right at all. "Instead of trying to drag me down to their level, let me raise everyone else up to my own high-minded standard, then," he cheerfully shot back.
Waya just rolled his eyes and groaned.
"Sensei!" Shigemi plopped down next to him. Close to him. Waya was right, Shigemi could be more discreet... "Everyone is thinking of going for a ramen run. You want to go, right?" Shigemi winked.
"Why don't you kids go on ahead, Fujii-kun?" Waya answered for him. "These old men are going to go out for a drink."
Hikaru raised an eyebrow at Waya, but he didn't contradict him. Going out drinking, huh? Since it was Waya's idea, Waya would pay, then, right?
Shigemi was watching him, though, waiting for Hikaru to answer, but after a moment, he faced Waya and smirked. "I'm going to be of drinking age soon, Waya-sensei, and then you old men won't be able to ditch me so easily."
"Go and eat some ramen," Hikaru sighed.
"I'll see you later? Sensei?" Shigemi asked quietly, leaning in closer to Hikaru.
He really, really wished that Shigemi wouldn't make Waya's points for him. "Just go," Hikaru ordered, and shifted away slightly.
Shigemi gave him a look, and then smiled brightly at Waya. "Later, then!"
Waya was smirking as they stood up. "I'm going to call Isumi-san. Since you're going to make me pay, he needs to pay for mine."
"Oh! That's a relief!" Hikaru laughed. "I was afraid it was Morishita-sensei who put you up to this!"
Sputtering with laughter, Waya raised the phone to his ear. "Oh, man, I don't ever want to talk to Morishita-sensei about your sex life, thankyouverymuch."
Hikaru got his jacket while Waya talked to Isumi. He really should get a house. Most go pros like him had a house. Touya had a house. He also had a wife, of course. Hikaru wasn't going to get one of those. He rented this place for study, but it always seemed like a waste.
A house felt very permanent, though.
"Are you living with that kid?" Waya asked abruptly. Hikaru turned to look and see if he was still on the phone with Isumi or not.
Seemed this was something he was just curious about himself. "Not really... he still lives with his family."
Waya looked at him curiously. "But...?"
"But..." Hikaru shrugged, looking away. "He's over a lot."
"Does he have a key?" Waya pressed.
Hikaru shook his head. Damn, Waya was persistent. "Ah, well, yeah, he does. That's just a convenience, though."
"Does he keep a toothbrush at your place?" Waya continued.
Hikaru gave Waya a look. "Well, sure, but again..."
"How much of his wardrobe is at your place?" Waya cut him off.
Damn, was he a frustrated prosecutor or something?! "I don't know, Waya, I never cataloged his wardrobe so I can't answer that!"
"Well, you could, if the answer was none. So, he has a key, a toothbrush, and clothes at your place. But you're sure you're not living together?"
"You're kind of an ass, you know that?" Hikaru grumbled.
He expected Waya to laugh. When he didn't, Hikaru turned to face him. "Ah... Touya's wife gave birth today. A little girl. They named her Kyouko."
Hikaru definitely, definitely did not react. "Ah. Lovely name." He turned and started out the door, turning the lights out. "C'mon, you gotta buy me drinks."
"I know, I know," Waya sighed, patting Hikaru on the back as he caught up to him.
It was well past two in the morning when Hikaru came home. He had trouble with the lock and key, but he was pretty sure that the lock's fault. It kept moving or something. He managed to get inside, and get his shoes off, but he forgot to turn on the lights. Well, that was fine. It was his apartment. He knew his way around.
He got to the bedroom and only bumped into the counter, the end table, the couch, and the wall. Twice.
He didn't turn on the lights in the bedroom, either, because he was now used to it being dark. See, he knew right away that Shigemi was in bed. He half fell onto the bed, straddling Shigemi.
Shigemi opened one eye (and Shigemi had such beautiful eyes!) and smirked up at Hikaru. "So, you guys really did go out drinking, huh? I thought Waya-sensei just wanted to lecture you more about sleeping with me."
So, Shigemi overhead that? Well, that was fine. Probably. Or something. It was just. Hikaru touched Shigemi's cheek, and turned his face so he could touch his face with both hands. Beautiful face. Sai's face, but it was beautiful, not just because Sai was beautiful. Right. "Hey, Shi~gemi.
"You're the only one I can see."
He leaned down and kissed Shigemi, hard. Shigemi wasn't wearing a shirt, but he did have shorts on, and he didn't need those. Actually, Hikaru didn't need his clothes, either. They were somewhat in the way. Shigemi was working on that, though. That was good. That was just what Hikaru wanted him to do. He ran his hand down Shigemi's spine and his teeth over Shigemi's nipple. Shigemi made some nice noises.
"Sen... Sensei!" Shigemi groaned. See, that was nice. But, he shouldn't call him... "Sensei... I love you... Love you... Sensei..."
Hikaru paused for a moment. He might have heard that wrong... expect Shigemi kept repeating it. He got his fingers slick with lube and pushed three straight in, moving them around. Now, the noises Shigemi was making were more insensible. That was better, somehow.
Probably, yeah.
When he was younger, he always thought that a deep desire for tea was a clear sign of age, but he'd had to revise that opinion slightly over the past few years, and not because he was getting old. He was getting old, but tea had nothing to do with it.
Maybe drinking did, he wasn't sure.
He'd been going out regularly with Waya, Isumi, Honda, even once with Ochi, though Ochi took them to a wine bar and it was a bit of a strange night. When he got home, Shigemi was always there, making Hikaru start to doubt if maybe they weren't living together after all. It wouldn't be the worst thing, though. He already knew it, but it was fun to play some speed go with your lover over breakfast, and it was more fun to share the chores.
There was limited time in the break in the match, and Hikaru wanted brewed tea, not canned tea, so he went to a lounge on one of the upper floors of the Institute. At least there wouldn't be too many people in there at this time.
He didn't expect there to be just one person, though.
Touya looked up when he entered, and he smiled at him, and then seemed to become self-conscious. Hikaru smiled back, though, and nodded to him. "Want some tea? I'm about to brew some," he offered. It would have been impolite not to do so, after all.
Right.
Touya shook his head, and then shrugged. "Ah... no, thanks. I've, um, I've already got some coffee." Weakly, he lifted his cup as evidence.
Hikaru nodded, feeling like the awkwardness between them was somehow his fault. It had to be Touya's fault, though, right? "Mm. I guess you need more caffeine lately, huh? Life with a baby..." Hikaru had never once given thought to what life with a baby would be like, so he wasn't sure, but he was fairly certain they didn't sleep or something. Maybe Touya's wife dealt with that stuff, though.
"Oh... she's actually pretty good, but yeah, it's. Well. Different." Touya shyly turned his coffee cup around and around.
Somehow, that irritated Hikaru. "Mm. Well. I haven't really seen you since she was born. Congratulations."
"Thank you. Ah, we did get the blankets you sent." Hikaru must have been staring at him blankly, because Touya then blushed. "Er, well, I think it was from you and your family..."
Ah, his mom sent them, hm? How nice of her. "Well. Ah. You're welcome. I'll, uh, tell my mom you like 'em."
Touya smiled at him a bit, and that irritated Hikaru, too. "It's been a long time since we actually, talked, though. Has to be a few years, at least."
"I don't think it's been that long," Hikaru contradicted, but he immediately wished he could have held his tongue. He just wanted to be difficult, and he knew from experience that Touya could be plenty difficult if he wanted to be, so. He turned to get the water for his tea going. "We've had several matches, after all."
"Not recently, and anyway, I meant a conversation without a goban between us. I think it's been about four years, actually," Touya firmly but quietly asserted. "The night before the wedding, right?"
Hikaru winced, grateful that he had his back to Touya. Damn it, damn it, damn it... "No, I saw you at your father's funeral, too. That wasn't too long ago."
"That was just about two years ago," Touya wearily corrected. "And you didn't talk to me. You talked to my mother for about two hours, but you only nodded at me and Ami."
Ami. Hikaru glared at the pot, willing it to boil faster. "Your mother is a better conversationalist," he countered, childishly.
Touya sighed. "I won't argue with you about that, but still. It's... it's good to see you."
"We used to see each other every day," Hikaru responded before he could stop himself. Damn it. He hated it when he got like this with Touya.
"Yes... well. So I suppose it's my fault, then?" Touya asked, challenging.
Damn it. It was disgusting how quickly they fell back into their old routines. "You were the one to get married. But you're right, that's not your fault. You're just such a damned good son. It's not your fault that your father asked you get married after his second heart attack. It's your father's fault, right? That's rude, Touya, blaming the dead." Damn it, damn it... he had to regain his composure. This was ridiculous. It wasn't like he'd spent the last four years pining for fucking Touya. He absolutely had not. Sai's face floated before his eyes.
No. Wait. That was supposed to be... Shigemi's face... wasn't it?
Touya was quiet for a minute, and that couldn't be good. Hikaru's water finally boiled, so he poured it over his tea and waited for it to steep. Akari had gotten him this tea stick for his birthday last year. It definitely was a sign of age when you got tea-related gifts, perhaps, but that wasn't his choice, so.
"Your young lover is rather the talk of the go world, mm? He seems like the type to enjoy that sort of attention. Where did you meet him, anyway? Some sort of... school cultural festival?" Touya asked coldly.
Hikaru narrowed his eyes, and turned to look at Touya. This little... "I met him here, actually. But you're right. He's exactly the type to flourish with attention."
"Oh, so he's needy?" Touya asked, raising an eyebrow.
Hikaru wouldn't get drawn into this. Mainly because they were talking about Shigemi, not him. "Don't underestimate him. That's a weakness of yours."
He picked up his mug of tea and started to leave. Peace and quiet wasn't really an option here, was it?
"Hikaru," Touya said, and his voice caused Hikaru to stop in his tracks. "Wait... I'm sorry, I. I didn't mean to. I didn't want. I am happy to be able to... just talk with you. Can't we..." He didn't seem to know what he wanted to say.
He should be nicer about this, but he was in danger of completely losing his cool instead. "Touya, I'm sorry, but if you're unhappy in any way with how your life has turned out, just remember. It was all your own choice. I'm not the one who wanted to break up in the first place. And right now... I have to say, I'm not at all unhappy with my life."
He walked out, wondering if he had lied to Touya or not, and feeling inappropriately guilty for being mean to Touya during their first real conversation in years.