[Arashi] Doubt versus Love - Chapter 29
Pairing: OhnoXNino
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: You're an idiot if you sue.
Summary: The final showdown, sorta.
A/N: Last chapter, girls, on Ohno's birthday. Enjoy <3
Chapter 29 - I'll be back II:
"I just don't want you to go."
Nino froze. A traitorous tendril of hope rose in him yet again; he had lost count of how many times he had dreamt, had hoped, that Ohno would say those words to him. He had tried, really tried, but that little piece of his heart still hoped that all the possessiveness and care Ohno had shown him was because Ohno loved him.
No…
Enough was enough. Ninomiya Kazunari wasn’t supposed to be this pathetic. Ninomiya Kazunari wasn’t supposed to be panting after such a deluded fantasy like a desperate man dying of thirst. Ninomiya Kazunari wasn’t going to let his heart get broken and trampled on yet again. Nino had enough. Hadn’t he?
But yet…
“Why, Oh-chan, why?”
Nino could hear the hollow desperation and that tiny bit of hope in his own voice. He was pathetic, he knew it just too well, but he couldn’t help it. It was all he had left to hold on to. After all that he had gone through, he could allow himself this one last time; one last piece of hope.
Ohno didn’t seem to hear him though. The older man still clung onto Nino, face turned away from Nino. “I don’t want you to go, Nino,” Ohno repeated so softly that Nino wasn’t even sure that Ohno was talking to him. “You can’t go.”
Oh yes he could. Nino was a free man. He could go wherever he wished. All he had to do was to convince his own self that.
“I won’t let you go. You’re mine. Mine. I won’t let you go. You can’t go. You’re mine. I won’t let you… Don’t go, Nino, don’t go….”
Nino stifled a sob. Every single word, soft as they may be, cut deep into him. Once upon a time, he’d have done anything; even murder, just for Ohno to say this to him, to claim possession over him. He would have been satisfied with that little scrap of affection. However, that time was a thing of the past. He was selfish. He was greedy. He wanted more than just being Ohno’s possession; Ohno’s little play toy. He wanted Ohno to love him back.
Horrible, wasn’t he?
He was a cruel, selfish and despicable person; someone who was willing to hurt the person he claimed to love just so that he could fulfil his fanciful fantasy of a relationship with Ohno. He didn’t deserve Ohno’s trust, didn’t deserve Ohno’s friendship, didn’t deserve Ohno. Not after all that he had done.
Nino let his eyes slid shut, his head falling back to rest against the wall. It was difficult, standing there and not let his arms slide themselves around Ohno like he wanted to so desperately. He was starkly aware of the body heat that wasn’t his own but yet still so familiar.
They were so close. Physical intimacy had never been a problem between the two of them. Even before Miyuki, before Nino had decided to let love rear its ugly head; they had never thought much of wounding an arm around the other’s waist or linking their hands together. It slowly grew into an addiction for Nino, and he despicably continued to carry on the charade of Ohno’s best friend while stealing not-so-innocent touches. They were so close; Nino had made sure of that.
Just like how they were so close emotionally before. They were best friends. They thought they understood each other more than anyone else in the world. And that was what made the betrayal so unforgivable. Nino opened his eyes and stared at the older man clutching to him, arms dangling helplessly by his sides.
What was he supposed to do?
If he was honest with himself, he knew exactly what to do; confess his betrayal, set things right for once, and get out of Ohno’s life. But as always, it was always easier said than done; mere thoughts of losing Ohno made him sick to his stomach.
Could he bring himself to leave Ohno?
Nino’s hands clenched and fisted themselves in Ohno’s shirt material; his hands had rose up subconsciously to rest on Ohno’s waist like every other time they had done the same when he was distressed.
It was a stupid question. The answer would always be the same - no. Ohno was like a drug, highly addictive. And Nino was the addict, hopelessly dependent on and desperate for Ohno. No matter what he had decided before, despite his false bravado about leaving Ohno, it wouldn’t be long before he’d return; before he’d come running back to Ohno’s side with his tail between his legs.
He was desperate like that, a fool in love.
He would do anything to be with Ohno; deception, emotional blackmail, he had done them all. And he would do anything for the tiniest scrap of affection, the most careless of an intimate touch. Knowing how Ohno’s touch had felt like made the craving for more worse, and Nino knew that he’d beg, he’d kill for more.
He was dirty like that, a slave to his own carnal desires.
Every single moment without Ohno had caused him grief; he couldn’t do anything without being reminded of his loss or his stupidity. He had thought he done the right thing when he ended the twisted relationship with Ohno, but it had hurt so much that he couldn’t tell if it was the right thing to do anymore.
It wasn’t going to end, was it?
Nino laughed, letting his forehead hit Ohno’s shoulder in defeat, he knew it wasn’t going to. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how despicable he had to be, he wasn’t capable of letting go at all.
“Nino…?”
Ohno’s voice was soft against his ear and Nino turned his head a little to look at him.
“You’re not going to go, are you?”
Ohno sound so lost. They have never been apart for long all these years; all the time spent together had created a sick dependency on each other. Another pang of guilt struck Nino. He was so absorbed in trying to erase his own guilt that he had forgotten all about the pain that he was going to cause Ohno with his actions.
“Oh-chan….”
What could he tell Ohno? The contract had already been signed; he had to go, no matter how much he didn’t want to.
Maybe the regret showed clearly on his face, for Ohno only sighed in resignation before pulling him into a proper embrace. “I don’t want you to go, Nino-chan,” He murmured into Nino’s hair. “I won’t let you go.”
Nino leant into the embrace eagerly even as his heart clenched at his spineless decision; he had missed it too much. He had missed everything about Ohno, be it his scent or the feel of Ohno’s body against his own. It was probably a weird sight with the two of them locked in an embrace in the midst of scattered papers and sketchbooks, but Nino wasn’t going to complain at all.
“Let me stay here tonight?”
Nino shivered when Ohno practically purred in his ear. He could only nod obediently at that, and watch silently as Ohno pulled himself out of Nino’s arms to gather up his sketchbooks and papers, not paying any attention to anything but Ohno himself.
Who was he to refuse Ohno anyway?
He was a toy, Ohno’s toy.
That night, Nino laid in bed with Ohno holding him. He didn’t sleep; couldn’t sleep. He laid there quietly, watching Ohno as Ohno’s words haunted his dreams and thoughts.
I don’t want you to go.
You can’t go.
I won’t let you go.
You’re mine. Mine.
He smiled bitterly as he recognized the ring of truth in Ohno’s words. He was Ohno’s through and through, no doubt about it. He was desperate like that, a fool in love. “I have to go, Oh-chan,” He whispered regretfully. “I have no choice.”
He would never amount to much in Ohno’s eyes. To Ohno, he was something to be owned; a little play toy to entertain whenever Ohno was bored. It hurt more than the saddest love song he could write, but Nino would take whatever he was given. He was desperate like that, a fool in love hungry for the tiniest bit of affection.
He smiled as he gently kissed the tip of Ohno’s nose, remembering the time where things were much simpler and happier.
“But I’ll be back,” He promised, choking back the tears he had no rights to let fall. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
~
Okay girls, that's the end.
And no, don't start blubbering. There's still the deleted scenes to look forward to. Annnnnnd, I'm considering writing a sequel.
So the question is, do you all want a sequel?