This is a stressed/depressed/frustrated/disappointed/pathetic/tired rant. I doubt it's entertaining, but it's not so bad for what it is
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Dude. Seriously, you just described my life from age 18-present. I totally understand that feeling of that last two paragraphs looming over your head and just not being able to bring yourself to do them. I understand wanting to get out of your parents house but fearing the cost. I chose to leave and be unable to pay for school, which was probably a bad idea.
I understand having modest goals, I mean come one..I live(d) in a motorhome. It was still *mine* and *my* space and that does make a difference.
I also understand about the paycheck thing. I have walked off many a job. Just say "Screw it" and barge in there, get the money they owe you and leave. You never have to see them again, and they don't matter.
It's not laziness, it's something else. It goes deeper than "I just don't feel like it." When I find the cure for this, I'll let you know. So far for me the best cure for it has been wellbutrin, but even that can't rouse me sometimes.
Well, I've been on welbutrin/bupropion for a while, and on celexa/citalopram for almost as long, and one's at max dosage, and the other's above. So I'm not really sure what to do about that.
I think it would make a lot of difference to have space that was mine, actually. For about 5 years, give or take a few, I didn't have a room of my own (I abandoned my room downstairs. It was too dark, and I couldn't breathe well bc of asthma and a mold-or-mildew-or-something allergy). And now, I don't have a door on my room, and the whole house is just sortof ... ugh, I dunno. Yeah, some space of my own would help.
You're awesome, Mary.
Hah. I looked back up, and I thought for a second you said, "I understand having modest goats. . ." Uh, and it was funny.
I would go bat shit insane with that living arrangement, honestly. Your family seems nice but there is a certain level of "buzzing" that I would need to escape, and that doesn't necessarily mean into a dank hole where I can't breathe or a room with no door!
My parents was all screaming and yelling and smoking. The smoke penetrated everything. There was no hiding. They would barge into my room whenever they wanted, it was "their" house, not mine.
Maybe you can renovate your old room? poke a few holes in the wall and look for mold, treat it, tear out the carpet and lay down throw rugs if you have to, buy a flourescent full spectrum light or something. Everyone needs a place to be alone.
I saw a house for rent that was $1100 that was as big as Jake's. split 3 ways that's $366 a month. that sure would be nice. doubtful anyone would rent to us punk ass kids though.
I clean up nice, and I can kiss ass pretty well when I want to. They'd probably rent to me.
Uuhh. If I had a steady job. hahahaha.
My room wouldn't be so bad if it had a door, a little more sound proofing, and some curtains.
Yours sounds like it was worse. I'd go kinda crazy sharing someone else's room with them at tihs point (like you are now), but would be better than that.
Comments 6
I understand having modest goals, I mean come one..I live(d) in a motorhome. It was still *mine* and *my* space and that does make a difference.
I also understand about the paycheck thing. I have walked off many a job. Just say "Screw it" and barge in there, get the money they owe you and leave. You never have to see them again, and they don't matter.
It's not laziness, it's something else. It goes deeper than "I just don't feel like it." When I find the cure for this, I'll let you know. So far for me the best cure for it has been wellbutrin, but even that can't rouse me sometimes.
Hope you feel better soon.
Reply
I think it would make a lot of difference to have space that was mine, actually. For about 5 years, give or take a few, I didn't have a room of my own (I abandoned my room downstairs. It was too dark, and I couldn't breathe well bc of asthma and a mold-or-mildew-or-something allergy). And now, I don't have a door on my room, and the whole house is just sortof ... ugh, I dunno. Yeah, some space of my own would help.
You're awesome, Mary.
Hah. I looked back up, and I thought for a second you said, "I understand having modest goats. . ." Uh, and it was funny.
Reply
My parents was all screaming and yelling and smoking. The smoke penetrated everything. There was no hiding. They would barge into my room whenever they wanted, it was "their" house, not mine.
Maybe you can renovate your old room? poke a few holes in the wall and look for mold, treat it, tear out the carpet and lay down throw rugs if you have to, buy a flourescent full spectrum light or something. Everyone needs a place to be alone.
I saw a house for rent that was $1100 that was as big as Jake's. split 3 ways that's $366 a month. that sure would be nice. doubtful anyone would rent to us punk ass kids though.
Reply
Uuhh. If I had a steady job. hahahaha.
My room wouldn't be so bad if it had a door, a little more sound proofing, and some curtains.
Yours sounds like it was worse. I'd go kinda crazy sharing someone else's room with them at tihs point (like you are now), but would be better than that.
Reply
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