..closing the faire chapter..

[anticmuse]

Rather than say the same thing over and over again, I'll attempt to respond to your individual posts regarding mine about faire here. Plus, it helps me to sort things out in my brain to type it, and for your spare time's sake, I will try to condense what I'm feeling enough that you can understand, even if the finer details are in absence

Comments

[runesmythe]

Everything has a beginning. Everything must also have an ending. What's true for the world and the Universe is true for us as well. There's a balance that must be struck, or else we wind up feeling lost, adrift, confused.

Its best to step away while you still have so many good memories. Something that's been so much a part of your life and a source of joy should remain that way in your heart and in your mind. And while there may be the lingering thought to cling to such a thing and try to find what you've lost, the price for failure will be the tainting of so much happiness and joy with feelings of apathy, perhaps even bitterness and anger.

Who can say what will happen in the future? Perhaps in time you'll feel the desire to return to what you're leaving behind now. Or perhaps it will remain simply a memory. Either way, you have to move forward before you can look back.

[anticmuse]

As always your guidance is cherished and appreciated. And what you said is why I'm not trying to fight it and push myself to go--I don't want to make myself hate it. It's best to leave now while I have all the good memories, and leave before I make too many bad ones. This past weekend has shown the great potential to leave a hugely bad taste for faire in my mouth, and I don't want that.

One more faire, to say goodbye, and then leave the rest to fond memories. :\ I just hope it's a depression phase that I can overcome..

[toraneko]

It does sound like depression hon. You've had a lot of major stressors in the last year. If you can see someone about it, do. It might help and it really can't hurt. One of the major markers is that things that you've always found enjoyable are no longer no longer interesting.

Perhaps it would make you feel better to say " I'm not doing this faire right now " instead of I quit. Then you haven't closed any doors :)

[anticmuse]

Well, even a closed door can be re-opened. I figure that if I ever feel the passion again I will definitely return. I don't hate it, not yet anyway. I'm trying to quit before I do hate it, and I have a feeling you're right.

I'm going to seek out a therapist--even if it's not due to depression and I really am just growing out of it, I know that I am buckling under the pressures in my life regardless and something needs to be done.

visalia

[beadchaser]

For me, Visalia this year had a very different vibe than normal. I think it was due to the heat partially, but a couple of people were talking about some really heavy emotional garbage being bandied around.

Don't force yourself to do something you don't enjoy anymore. If it drains you more than it fills you, then it's not worth doing.

((hugs))

Re: visalia

[anticmuse]

Heavy emotional garbage? Amongst the promoters, you suppose?

Re: visalia

[beadchaser]

nah, I don't think tha's who she meant. Snipe said he had the best Visalia he's ever had, and Steve was in a good mood too. Their knighting was a major thing for them in a positive way.

[ribbin]

I, for one, will miss you, especially since it's the only place I ever see you. But I understand the feeling of boredom with faire. A lot of that (for me) was improved when I started playing with the Scots camp and working highland games. Not as a "rennie" (hobbies character actor) but as an actor playing a character (able and allowed to drop character on request) teaching people about history. I find that incredibly fulfilling and fun (for instance, I managed to get some incredibly strong alcohol up my nose this weekend, the mere thought of which gave me hickups hours later). Maybe you just need a different gig? A gig where you don't HAVE to be maintaining a character. Maybe try boothing? Y'know, hang out with only as much character as you like, work for four hours, take off, get a shower, maybe leave faire site for a bit of decent food, come back to hang with people in the evenings

[anticmuse]

I started out as a boothie, actually, and didn't much enjoy it. I've entertained the idea of just switching things up--dropping the guilds I'm with and trying something completely different, like the Dauntless or the Ottomans, but really I just don't want anything to do with faire right now. :\

But we're in a new house now, me and three of the Dauntless crew, and you better believe we'll be hosting parties that you're more than welcome to come to. :) You'll have opportunities to see me. But that is the hardest part of it all--the people I will miss.

[ribbin]

Sweet! Keep me posted!

And- where are you living now? I've somehow got greater Sacramento area in my head- is this correct?