goodbye my loves.
I have made so many mistakes in my life...but I don't think I've regretted one as much as this.
When I first got online, I was wanting to look up information about tamagatchis and look up stuff for school.
It's amazing, when I think about my fifth grade self signing online and not having any idea what that little keyboard would do for my life. I joined mailing lists and talked on chatrooms and had penpals and sent e-mails.
And then I started reading fanfiction. And then I got an instant messenger service. That's when I started making the friends that I still have today. And eventually...eventually I lost that keyboard.
And I stopped emailing people.
And joining mailing lists.
And going in chatrooms.
Now I'm building websites and posting on message boards and talking on AIM.
And it's amazing, that I've never been so unhappy in my life.
When I first got the internet, I rarely had time to get on. I was always hanging out with Angel, Maria, Kirstie, Allie, Gina, and all the other random kids around the neighborhood, including Josh's friends, as our 'gang' would just be weird and have fun as we talked about each other behind our backs. Or I'd be riding on my bike or my rollerblades around our neighborhood singing along.
I guess it's when we moved to Mesquite that things changed. I still went outside. Hung out at the park by the school with some other kids. I didn't mean anyone permanent though. I hung out more and more online, because I'd fallen in love with different anime shows and I'd found out about fanfiction...
When I moved to my grandma's house a few weeks after that, things changed. I met my best friend in the world, Sarah, but I also stopped leaving the house as much. I didn't have my rollerblades or my bike, so I'd walk around, but it quickly lost its appeal when I didn't have anyone to do it with. And suddenly I found myself getting on all day. I'd dance around the house and go out with my grandma, but I'd stay up all night so I could go online.
School started. I'd get five hours of sleep or so, and wake up early so I could get on. I'd go to school, and the moment I got back home, I was online again. I never did any work. I surfed online.
Then I moved back to Allen. My life revolved around the internet now. I didn't even try to make friends in real life. And even though I'd had more friends online than I ever did in real life...I'd never felt more alone. I tried to kill myself for the first time then. I remember being in the closet, popping pills while my brother begged me to stop.
And, life hasn't really changed since then. I'm always on the verge of suicide. And when I tell people, they think I'm being overdramatic or something. I'm a dramatic person period, so I guess I can understand that...but it doesn't help.
That's when I realized. Very few of my online 'friends' can possibly understand what I go through in my real life.
And even fewer care.
So. That leads me here. Realizing that I've voluntarily given up this life I had that I loved, despite the horrible things that happened...
I guess you can figure out what's coming next?
I'm going away guys.
If you really want to talk to me, there's four ways you've got.
You can comment on this post...
You can e-mail me at shardsofme@msn.com
You can call me at (972) 912-0181
or you can write me
Jasmine White
301 S. Jupiter
Apt. 1107
Allen, TX
75002
I don't anticipate any calls, any emails, or any letters, but that'd be nice. I suspect I may get some comments, but you guys are so random, so you never know...I won't be signing onto MSN or AIM, and I won't be actively updating any sites, except maybe my fanfiction, since I hate to dissapoint. Probably won't keep up on this either.... I don't know how long this is going to last...so...it could be a day. It could be months. Who knows?
Anyhow, I love you all...
She kisses everyone goodbye
And waves her middle finger high
They're never gonna mess with her again
The drama queen is seventeen
And sleeping with boys for free
She's got a reputation of being easy
Everytime they put her down, she makes a fist and the tears roll down
She packs her bags and plans to run away
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's wasted all her lonely tear drops
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's used up all her lonely tear drops now
She thinks about herself and cares about nobody else
because the only friends she has all put her down
They hate her when she's beautiful and even more when she's a fool
They talk behind her back when it's her birthday
Everytime they put her down, she makes a fist and the tears roll down
She packs her bags and plans to run away
And everytime she makes a friend, the vicous cycle starts again
She's never, ever, ever looking back
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's wasted all her lonely tear drops
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's used up all her lonely tear drops now
She's saying goodbye, she's wasted all her loney tear drops
Saying goodbye, she's used up all her lonely tear drops now
Everytime they put her down, she makes a fist and the tears roll down
She packs her bags and plans to run away from here
And everytime she makes a friend, the vicous cycle starts again
She's never, ever, ever looking back
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's wasted all her lonely tear drops
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's used up all her lonely tear drops now
She's wasted all her lonely tear drops now
I'll miss you.
When I first got online, I was wanting to look up information about tamagatchis and look up stuff for school.
It's amazing, when I think about my fifth grade self signing online and not having any idea what that little keyboard would do for my life. I joined mailing lists and talked on chatrooms and had penpals and sent e-mails.
And then I started reading fanfiction. And then I got an instant messenger service. That's when I started making the friends that I still have today. And eventually...eventually I lost that keyboard.
And I stopped emailing people.
And joining mailing lists.
And going in chatrooms.
Now I'm building websites and posting on message boards and talking on AIM.
And it's amazing, that I've never been so unhappy in my life.
When I first got the internet, I rarely had time to get on. I was always hanging out with Angel, Maria, Kirstie, Allie, Gina, and all the other random kids around the neighborhood, including Josh's friends, as our 'gang' would just be weird and have fun as we talked about each other behind our backs. Or I'd be riding on my bike or my rollerblades around our neighborhood singing along.
I guess it's when we moved to Mesquite that things changed. I still went outside. Hung out at the park by the school with some other kids. I didn't mean anyone permanent though. I hung out more and more online, because I'd fallen in love with different anime shows and I'd found out about fanfiction...
When I moved to my grandma's house a few weeks after that, things changed. I met my best friend in the world, Sarah, but I also stopped leaving the house as much. I didn't have my rollerblades or my bike, so I'd walk around, but it quickly lost its appeal when I didn't have anyone to do it with. And suddenly I found myself getting on all day. I'd dance around the house and go out with my grandma, but I'd stay up all night so I could go online.
School started. I'd get five hours of sleep or so, and wake up early so I could get on. I'd go to school, and the moment I got back home, I was online again. I never did any work. I surfed online.
Then I moved back to Allen. My life revolved around the internet now. I didn't even try to make friends in real life. And even though I'd had more friends online than I ever did in real life...I'd never felt more alone. I tried to kill myself for the first time then. I remember being in the closet, popping pills while my brother begged me to stop.
And, life hasn't really changed since then. I'm always on the verge of suicide. And when I tell people, they think I'm being overdramatic or something. I'm a dramatic person period, so I guess I can understand that...but it doesn't help.
That's when I realized. Very few of my online 'friends' can possibly understand what I go through in my real life.
And even fewer care.
So. That leads me here. Realizing that I've voluntarily given up this life I had that I loved, despite the horrible things that happened...
I guess you can figure out what's coming next?
I'm going away guys.
If you really want to talk to me, there's four ways you've got.
You can comment on this post...
You can e-mail me at shardsofme@msn.com
You can call me at (972) 912-0181
or you can write me
Jasmine White
301 S. Jupiter
Apt. 1107
Allen, TX
75002
I don't anticipate any calls, any emails, or any letters, but that'd be nice. I suspect I may get some comments, but you guys are so random, so you never know...I won't be signing onto MSN or AIM, and I won't be actively updating any sites, except maybe my fanfiction, since I hate to dissapoint. Probably won't keep up on this either.... I don't know how long this is going to last...so...it could be a day. It could be months. Who knows?
Anyhow, I love you all...
She kisses everyone goodbye
And waves her middle finger high
They're never gonna mess with her again
The drama queen is seventeen
And sleeping with boys for free
She's got a reputation of being easy
Everytime they put her down, she makes a fist and the tears roll down
She packs her bags and plans to run away
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's wasted all her lonely tear drops
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's used up all her lonely tear drops now
She thinks about herself and cares about nobody else
because the only friends she has all put her down
They hate her when she's beautiful and even more when she's a fool
They talk behind her back when it's her birthday
Everytime they put her down, she makes a fist and the tears roll down
She packs her bags and plans to run away
And everytime she makes a friend, the vicous cycle starts again
She's never, ever, ever looking back
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's wasted all her lonely tear drops
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's used up all her lonely tear drops now
She's saying goodbye, she's wasted all her loney tear drops
Saying goodbye, she's used up all her lonely tear drops now
Everytime they put her down, she makes a fist and the tears roll down
She packs her bags and plans to run away from here
And everytime she makes a friend, the vicous cycle starts again
She's never, ever, ever looking back
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's wasted all her lonely tear drops
She's saying goodbye and leaving tonight
She's used up all her lonely tear drops now
She's wasted all her lonely tear drops now
I'll miss you.