th biggest decision of my life so far...
This is gonna be my first really depressing stereotypical lj entry but i have to get this crap off my chest, this is literally the first time in my entire life (besides a few pre-cal tests) when i've had absolutely no idea what the right thing to do is, but i HAD to make a decision so here ya go...In case you didn't know I've been very sick for a very long time (it started LAST winter) with this disease i have called IBS, which has also made my acid refulx disease get worse and all the stres has caused me to be diagnosed with clinical depression/anxiety....So the high school has offered to give me a break. I can't even count the days i've already missed and it seems like all i ever do these days is makeup work, i'm always behind in all my classes. I took a lot of guts for me to make this decision, i cried and cried and called all my friends to see what they thought and begged my parents to just tell me what they thought i should do. But in the end they all said the same thing..."its up to you AlyssA." I am suposed to help OTHER people i thought, not sit around and be sick all the time, so there was an issued, try to go on to school and jsut be sick anyway, or sit around at home and miss opportunities to teach and help all of my babies. When i talk about my babies i'm tlaking about three different groups, my Mystics, I am the captain of the JV dance team... and i love those 20 girls like they were my own, they call me momma, its so sweet. The second group os a class of 2nd graders. I am an Elementary Teacher Assistant and those little ones are a source of pure joy to me. The third "group i guess are two little 11 year old girls that i mentor at seele elementary through PALs. Those girls need me, and i need them. All of those babies are my main worry, i dont' really care about me, but htis stupid sickness has forced me to think about myself and i hate that. All i want to do is help THEM, but i have to get well so i can actually do it, and after all its only 4 weeks and one of them is winterbreak...So for 3 weeks i'm gonna do my school work from home. It kinda sucks cuz its depressing being at home all the time, i know i've done it enough this school year and last, but i REALLY need ta get better.....pray for me guys, please. My friends are mad at me too, that really doesn't help....it really doesn't... i guess they just can't accept it, they just dont' get it...Oh and by the way its summer's 18th birthday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUMMER!