Pretend this is a comment in Emily's Journal.
The comment started here roseforemily
Well, that isn't exactly what I am saying. Granted, I don't know the situation, so anything I say here is completely subjective to whatever may be happening to you. As opposed to just being more forgiving look at it this way, perhaps you should be looking for the intent. (Hmm... this is tough without using details so perhaps I will make up some generic charcters)
Trials of a sheep herd or Some examples of where guys don't pick up on things they probably ought to:
1. Ben and Stacy have been together for quite a while. Durring a conversation Ben throws an off-hand comment that upsets Stacy deeply... let's say it is about Matilda, some mutual friend. Ben puts no stock in this comment as often times he just says stuff as they come into his head and as soon as they leave he totally forgets them. Stacy however keys in on this comment. She is upset, and has every right to be. Ben continues along thinking nothing is the matter. He continues to merrily bob his head and wag his tail until later when Stacy brings up the comment. He is not entirely sure what she is talking about and if he does remember he just says "Oh that was nothing. It didn't even matter. You are even still thinking about that?" And that settles the situation for Ben. Stacy still isn't convinced. Things downward slope from here until a 2x4 smacks ben in the head. Written on said 2x4 is "Hey idiot.. Stacy is upset about something." Ben looks up and around and tries for the life of him to find out what is wrong. Stacy is upset because if he can't figure out what is wrong well then he is an idiot and can just deal with it on his own. Ben tries hard to rectify the situation but he isn't really sure what he is trying to fix, and since he may try and fix things that aren't "broken" he could, in fact, dig himself deeper and deeper into a hole.
These aren't meant to victimize or make one side out to be evil; if it looks that way it is simply a shift in perspective. I am trying really hard to display both sides here but being that I am a guy there is probably a little more depth to the guys side. consider it insight ;)
2. (This one seems like it is less applicable. I am not really sure if the first one was applicable or not either but it seems more likely then the following. Note: I make observations, that is what I do. Everything I am talking about here I have seen from two seperate parties and have gotten both sides of a story. Feel free to disagree as I have no credentials, I just watch and say what I see.) Sam really likes Lynn. Lynn has pretty intesnse feelings for Sam too. This should be an open and shut case. Nope. You see, Sam doesn't know how to react to Lynn. He likes her alot and thinks she is just right for him so he does what most guys do when they really like the girl. He puts her high up on a pedastal of "She > Me" (that's a little inequality for you) and can't think of anyway that he can get her to like him. Meanwhile, she already likes him. I am a little shaky on this part as I have seen this from the male prespective MANY times, both in others and myself... this is probably the one I am most guilty of. But I have only recieved a female perspective on this once or twice, and never in my own ventures but bare with me. Lynn sends signals, lots of them, but Sam, nervous and suffering from a bit of an inferiority complex dosen't catch any of them. They all go right over his head. Lynn gets frusterated but so does Sam. Not catching any signals he thinks nothing is happening and he is fighting a losing battles. Having none of the signals returned is doing the same to Lynn... they both feel kinda like they are talking to a brick wall. Eventually, they both get fed up and move on. What I find truly tragic about these instances is when several years down the road, when they are both more open, confident, and comfortable with one another it comes out they the liked the other the years before and there is this sort of disappointing realization that they could have spent some great time together. That is just another example of the miscommunication.
Aha! It hit the table. I think that is the key to all of this. Miscommunication betwixt genders happens so frequently because of the different ways we communicate. Then mixed in with all kinds of X factors like attraction and third parties and the like it becomes a bit of an elephant in the room. The real issue is probably there.
Again, I don't know the situation and things are all subjective to that but perhaps opening a two-way channel... spelling out clearly in the sand what you want and drawing out what the other party wants. When things can be clearly addressed and the problems dragged out into the light they can be resolved easily. Well, let me re-phrase that. They will get resolved alot easier then if they are not talked about and each expects the other to know. Again, sorry if this dosen't help and I hope things get better.
NOTE: Names above changed to protect the innocent. The names have been replaced with those of a few of my Aunts and Uncles. I here by apologize to those Aunts and Uncles. I am not related to anyone named Matilda, I just thought it was a fun name.
There was no way I was cutting that down to 4300 characters... hell, it is already an edited version.
Well, that isn't exactly what I am saying. Granted, I don't know the situation, so anything I say here is completely subjective to whatever may be happening to you. As opposed to just being more forgiving look at it this way, perhaps you should be looking for the intent. (Hmm... this is tough without using details so perhaps I will make up some generic charcters)
Trials of a sheep herd or Some examples of where guys don't pick up on things they probably ought to:
1. Ben and Stacy have been together for quite a while. Durring a conversation Ben throws an off-hand comment that upsets Stacy deeply... let's say it is about Matilda, some mutual friend. Ben puts no stock in this comment as often times he just says stuff as they come into his head and as soon as they leave he totally forgets them. Stacy however keys in on this comment. She is upset, and has every right to be. Ben continues along thinking nothing is the matter. He continues to merrily bob his head and wag his tail until later when Stacy brings up the comment. He is not entirely sure what she is talking about and if he does remember he just says "Oh that was nothing. It didn't even matter. You are even still thinking about that?" And that settles the situation for Ben. Stacy still isn't convinced. Things downward slope from here until a 2x4 smacks ben in the head. Written on said 2x4 is "Hey idiot.. Stacy is upset about something." Ben looks up and around and tries for the life of him to find out what is wrong. Stacy is upset because if he can't figure out what is wrong well then he is an idiot and can just deal with it on his own. Ben tries hard to rectify the situation but he isn't really sure what he is trying to fix, and since he may try and fix things that aren't "broken" he could, in fact, dig himself deeper and deeper into a hole.
These aren't meant to victimize or make one side out to be evil; if it looks that way it is simply a shift in perspective. I am trying really hard to display both sides here but being that I am a guy there is probably a little more depth to the guys side. consider it insight ;)
2. (This one seems like it is less applicable. I am not really sure if the first one was applicable or not either but it seems more likely then the following. Note: I make observations, that is what I do. Everything I am talking about here I have seen from two seperate parties and have gotten both sides of a story. Feel free to disagree as I have no credentials, I just watch and say what I see.) Sam really likes Lynn. Lynn has pretty intesnse feelings for Sam too. This should be an open and shut case. Nope. You see, Sam doesn't know how to react to Lynn. He likes her alot and thinks she is just right for him so he does what most guys do when they really like the girl. He puts her high up on a pedastal of "She > Me" (that's a little inequality for you) and can't think of anyway that he can get her to like him. Meanwhile, she already likes him. I am a little shaky on this part as I have seen this from the male prespective MANY times, both in others and myself... this is probably the one I am most guilty of. But I have only recieved a female perspective on this once or twice, and never in my own ventures but bare with me. Lynn sends signals, lots of them, but Sam, nervous and suffering from a bit of an inferiority complex dosen't catch any of them. They all go right over his head. Lynn gets frusterated but so does Sam. Not catching any signals he thinks nothing is happening and he is fighting a losing battles. Having none of the signals returned is doing the same to Lynn... they both feel kinda like they are talking to a brick wall. Eventually, they both get fed up and move on. What I find truly tragic about these instances is when several years down the road, when they are both more open, confident, and comfortable with one another it comes out they the liked the other the years before and there is this sort of disappointing realization that they could have spent some great time together. That is just another example of the miscommunication.
Aha! It hit the table. I think that is the key to all of this. Miscommunication betwixt genders happens so frequently because of the different ways we communicate. Then mixed in with all kinds of X factors like attraction and third parties and the like it becomes a bit of an elephant in the room. The real issue is probably there.
Again, I don't know the situation and things are all subjective to that but perhaps opening a two-way channel... spelling out clearly in the sand what you want and drawing out what the other party wants. When things can be clearly addressed and the problems dragged out into the light they can be resolved easily. Well, let me re-phrase that. They will get resolved alot easier then if they are not talked about and each expects the other to know. Again, sorry if this dosen't help and I hope things get better.
NOTE: Names above changed to protect the innocent. The names have been replaced with those of a few of my Aunts and Uncles. I here by apologize to those Aunts and Uncles. I am not related to anyone named Matilda, I just thought it was a fun name.
There was no way I was cutting that down to 4300 characters... hell, it is already an edited version.