Baby Cthulhu weeps for decent literature.

[anunspiritedsue]

I'm sixteen and I've never been half as bitchy as this girl is in four short paragraphs.

Story or Series Title: Spirited Away: Trials
Fandom: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi/Spirited Away
Culprit Author's Name: kossmoe
Summary: CH 3+4 UP!! Chihiro committed suicide in the Ohaku river to be with Haku forever. However, a dark creature counteracts that

Comments

[yrnextboldmove]

"Iced-nitrogen heart"?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[tatooine]

Icon LOVE!!! Who *is* that? (Oh, hell, it doesn't matter, it's funny...)

I wondered about that "iced-nitrogen" thing myself. Somehow, the random quasi-scientific bit threw me completely off... you know what the cool thing about nitrogen is? It's not ice at room temperature. *watches the Sue's heart go up in a cloud of nitrogen gas*

[alienchrist]

the concept isn't actually a bad one. the whole drowning in a river thing is rather mysterious. however... what's with this angst? i mean i understand any 11-year-old would be traumatized by the death of her older sister, closer or not, but "Somebody rip my heart out. Just leave me here to bleed to death."??? i didn't have thoughts like that when i was 11, and i was genuinely fucked up.

i guess she listened to too much of the linkin park...

and ripping off everything in the story? things haven't changed AT ALL since Chihiro went there and messed thigns up? Haku has a little brother (uh, he's a RIVER...)? that's pretty lame. it makes me sad to see a good concept get such poor treatment. it's so disappointing.

Re:

[anunspiritedsue]

Precisely. The concept was very intriguing, hence why I read the fic. I'm not sure I was too clear above, but the biggest problem in the execution of the concept was Kiutsu: she had the potential to be something more than a cut-out angst Sue, but as the fic centered more on her and began stealing ideas straight from the source material, I was less inclined to like the fic.

As is, the concept is something I would have loved to have seen treated better, and the biggest let-down was that it wasn't.

Re:

[swiftgold]

>>Haku has a little brother (uh, he's a RIVER...)? that's pretty lame.

Maybe he's just, uh... a tributary? ::grin::

[byakugan]

"Her eyes wandered back towards the casket, it was a closed funeral. Her parents wouldn't let her see the body, and she figured that being in the water for the amount of time it was would have made the body bloated and not very pleasant looking."

Uuhh.. WATER doesn't make the human body bloat after death. Nice try to sound morbid, but EHHHHHHHHH goes the buzzer.

"Her face was like porcelin and her usually iced-nitrogen heart was shattered, as the jagged parts of ice dug into her internally, slashing her open."

Stop getting our hopes up. I hate the goth Sues so very much, the fuckin' angst and stupid METAPHORS they try to use to sound dramatic could choke an elephant.

She noticed as parts of her began to become transparent, like someone was trying to fade her out like a picture on Photoshop.

Because you know, we all stop and compare horrible things happening to use to tricks in PhotoShop. Oh all the time. This one time, at band camp..

Re:

[byakugan]

I hate to defend the author, but actually, water does cause the body to bloat. Skin is semipermeable. It's why skin seems to wrinkle in water, actually. The skin is absorbing water and is puffing up irregularly. Leave your hands in water long enough and the wrinkles go away again as a uniform layer amount of water forms under the skin.
If it helps, it's still a dumb reason. It's very rare that a body can't be properly dressed to allow for an open-casket funeral. Unless the body was horribly rotted and mutilated (her entire face gone, for example) there shouldn't have been any trouble. And if the author knew that, I'm sure she would have mentioned it and maybe let the girl sneak a look to add to her suffering.

Re:

[byakugan]

The body can bloat very much without water also. The way she worded it made it seem like it was the only reason the body would do so. (My mistake on my own wording, I didn't mean to make it seem that a drowned body wouldn't bloat either. It's a disgusting sight with or without water in any event.)

[avianthropy]

Somebody rip my heart out. Just leave me here to bleed to death.

Nice try, Author. Think that just because you added a couple extra words, nobody's going to notice those as Avril lyrics?

[zarla]

Um...wasn't the Kohaku river filled up? Therefore, how could Sue drown in it?

Re:

[onnawufei]

Good point.