Sunday drabbles vol. 5
A/N: Dear Leave Me Breathless readers. Prepare snacks for tomorrow. Chapter 11 is 5000 words of sexy fluff.
Five. Thousand. Words. Yeah. I lost my mind, apparently.
As for today's drabbles - I tried something new. t_megagirl makes amazing, magical things with captions and quotes, and I got her permission to use some of her work as inspiration. Go check her LJ if you haven't yet. It's amazing!
Here are the first two drabbles based on her work. The first one is canon-ish, the second fits in a very angsty, long one-shot I've started writing recently, and just hints what it will be about.
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I know you love me. I do. But I also know you - your insecurities and weaknesses. Your desire to be accepted, approved of. Your innate need to please people. Inability to say no outright, even if you want to. You won’t just reject him, will you? Set him in his place. You’re afraid you’d hurt his feelings. Even though, clearly, he has no feelings for you, can’t you see? Not unless horny is a feeling.
I know what happens next and it kills me to even imagine it.
He won’t stop coming on, hard, and you won’t stop him. You’ll look uncomfortable, feel uncomfortable, but all along, for your insecure inner child who just needs acceptance and praise, always more of it, this will feel so good. And since you always see the best in people, you won’t believe his intentions are anything but nice.
And then there’ll come a day when everything sucks, when your self-esteem is lower than ever or maybe we have a fight, and incidentally you’ll have coffee with him then, and he’ll make you feel all better. And it may happen by accident, or in a moment or weakness, or as a result of bad judgment, but somehow you’ll let him in. Just a little. Maybe let him hold your hand for a minute, on the café table, or kiss you goodbye, chaste and fleeting. Or maybe just talk intimacy - a friendly kind of talk, friends do that, right? And he’ll gain some footing, see a crack to get under your skin. He will, of course; and he won’t stop burrowing deeper until he has you, all of you.
And at some point, there’ll come a moment when there’s no more us. When tiny details you forget to mention to me become secrets, because nothing happened, so why make Kurt worry unnecessarily? But in your head, it will already have happened, even if you won’t know it yet. And we’ll drift apart, separated by currents of uncertainty and distrust. This will be the end. Even if you wake up one day when he’s long gone because he got what he wanted, and realize. It will be too late.
I see it all now, even as I watch him with you for the first time; even though I just met him. You’d say I imagine things if you knew. I’d say I trust my instinct. And my instinct says fight, enemy ahead. And I will fight. And he will lose. Unless you let him win.
Don’t let him. Please.
***********
Tina’s kind, pretty face is worried as she approaches him after everyone else has already left the choir room in twos and threes, laughing and talking. He’d recently taken to waiting till everyone is gone, pretending to be busy looking through his bag or sending a text. It’s easier this way, when he can avoid talking to people. That’s what he wants, just not to be disturbed, shaken out of the silence inside. But today it won’t work. Tina sits down on the chair facing him, touches his hand. It feels weird, to be touched. It’s almost as if his skin forgot the feeling. But it’s only been three months, it couldn’t have. Could it?
“Blaine, what’s going on with you?” Tina’s voice is concerned, gentle. His throat tightens impossibly, but he fights it, his mask already on, brows raised questioningly. “And don’t tell me it’s fine. You weren’t yourself out there. I’ve never seen you so... I don’t know. It’s like you didn’t even try.”
Blaine shrugs. The truth is, he didn’t try. Why would he? He didn’t need a solo; he just wanted to be left alone. Two months ago he’d have jumped at the chance and flattened that freshman he competed with without even trying. Even last month he might have done his best and win what was rightfully his - he was honestly much better than the other boy, his voice deeper and clearer, his charisma natural. But today he just didn’t care anymore.
“I just didn’t like the song.”
It’s as good an answer as any, but Tina doesn’t buy it. They are quite close, the shared experience of having boyfriends away in college naturally connecting, and it’s not just this. But still, she’s not the kind of friend Kurt had been from the very beginning. Blaine has nobody that close now.
“But Blaine, it’s for Sectionals! You know as well as I do that Ben is good, but far from great. It’s you - your voice, your stage presence we need to win this. Especially when we’re up against Vocal Adrenaline this year. We need every asset we have, and you’re one of our best assets, Blaine!”
He shrugs again.
“Tell this to Mr. Schue. Singing background for every new member is apparently all I’m good for this semester.” He gets up and takes his bag. “I have to go. See you tomorrow?”
Tina takes his hand once more, stopping him, her eyes uncertain.
“Blaine… Are you sure you’re all right? I know it’s hard without Kurt here. I get it, you know I do. Maybe we could go out together again? See if there’s anything good at the movies?”
The forced smile hurts his face as he nods.
“I’m fine, Tina. And sure, Friday?”
“Friday.”
She lets him go, and as he walks to his car, the mask falls away, the numbness is back. The thought that Kurt would have realized, would have noticed his lie, sucks a little more color from the world.
Five. Thousand. Words. Yeah. I lost my mind, apparently.
As for today's drabbles - I tried something new. t_megagirl makes amazing, magical things with captions and quotes, and I got her permission to use some of her work as inspiration. Go check her LJ if you haven't yet. It's amazing!
Here are the first two drabbles based on her work. The first one is canon-ish, the second fits in a very angsty, long one-shot I've started writing recently, and just hints what it will be about.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know you love me. I do. But I also know you - your insecurities and weaknesses. Your desire to be accepted, approved of. Your innate need to please people. Inability to say no outright, even if you want to. You won’t just reject him, will you? Set him in his place. You’re afraid you’d hurt his feelings. Even though, clearly, he has no feelings for you, can’t you see? Not unless horny is a feeling.
I know what happens next and it kills me to even imagine it.
He won’t stop coming on, hard, and you won’t stop him. You’ll look uncomfortable, feel uncomfortable, but all along, for your insecure inner child who just needs acceptance and praise, always more of it, this will feel so good. And since you always see the best in people, you won’t believe his intentions are anything but nice.
And then there’ll come a day when everything sucks, when your self-esteem is lower than ever or maybe we have a fight, and incidentally you’ll have coffee with him then, and he’ll make you feel all better. And it may happen by accident, or in a moment or weakness, or as a result of bad judgment, but somehow you’ll let him in. Just a little. Maybe let him hold your hand for a minute, on the café table, or kiss you goodbye, chaste and fleeting. Or maybe just talk intimacy - a friendly kind of talk, friends do that, right? And he’ll gain some footing, see a crack to get under your skin. He will, of course; and he won’t stop burrowing deeper until he has you, all of you.
And at some point, there’ll come a moment when there’s no more us. When tiny details you forget to mention to me become secrets, because nothing happened, so why make Kurt worry unnecessarily? But in your head, it will already have happened, even if you won’t know it yet. And we’ll drift apart, separated by currents of uncertainty and distrust. This will be the end. Even if you wake up one day when he’s long gone because he got what he wanted, and realize. It will be too late.
I see it all now, even as I watch him with you for the first time; even though I just met him. You’d say I imagine things if you knew. I’d say I trust my instinct. And my instinct says fight, enemy ahead. And I will fight. And he will lose. Unless you let him win.
Don’t let him. Please.
***********
Tina’s kind, pretty face is worried as she approaches him after everyone else has already left the choir room in twos and threes, laughing and talking. He’d recently taken to waiting till everyone is gone, pretending to be busy looking through his bag or sending a text. It’s easier this way, when he can avoid talking to people. That’s what he wants, just not to be disturbed, shaken out of the silence inside. But today it won’t work. Tina sits down on the chair facing him, touches his hand. It feels weird, to be touched. It’s almost as if his skin forgot the feeling. But it’s only been three months, it couldn’t have. Could it?
“Blaine, what’s going on with you?” Tina’s voice is concerned, gentle. His throat tightens impossibly, but he fights it, his mask already on, brows raised questioningly. “And don’t tell me it’s fine. You weren’t yourself out there. I’ve never seen you so... I don’t know. It’s like you didn’t even try.”
Blaine shrugs. The truth is, he didn’t try. Why would he? He didn’t need a solo; he just wanted to be left alone. Two months ago he’d have jumped at the chance and flattened that freshman he competed with without even trying. Even last month he might have done his best and win what was rightfully his - he was honestly much better than the other boy, his voice deeper and clearer, his charisma natural. But today he just didn’t care anymore.
“I just didn’t like the song.”
It’s as good an answer as any, but Tina doesn’t buy it. They are quite close, the shared experience of having boyfriends away in college naturally connecting, and it’s not just this. But still, she’s not the kind of friend Kurt had been from the very beginning. Blaine has nobody that close now.
“But Blaine, it’s for Sectionals! You know as well as I do that Ben is good, but far from great. It’s you - your voice, your stage presence we need to win this. Especially when we’re up against Vocal Adrenaline this year. We need every asset we have, and you’re one of our best assets, Blaine!”
He shrugs again.
“Tell this to Mr. Schue. Singing background for every new member is apparently all I’m good for this semester.” He gets up and takes his bag. “I have to go. See you tomorrow?”
Tina takes his hand once more, stopping him, her eyes uncertain.
“Blaine… Are you sure you’re all right? I know it’s hard without Kurt here. I get it, you know I do. Maybe we could go out together again? See if there’s anything good at the movies?”
The forced smile hurts his face as he nods.
“I’m fine, Tina. And sure, Friday?”
“Friday.”
She lets him go, and as he walks to his car, the mask falls away, the numbness is back. The thought that Kurt would have realized, would have noticed his lie, sucks a little more color from the world.