Leave Me Breathless (Chapter 13)
A/N: *evil author alert*
Look, I gave you the new chapter early today! Yay!
But, um... I’m terribly sorry for what I’m about to do and for ruining your weekend. Please don’t kill me? I’m actually really nice. Mostly. Um.
*hides*
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13. NEW
The summer flew by surprisingly fast as they tried to catch last moments and last memories of a passing era. While the summer before had been a time to be together as much as they could, this year it wasn’t the first priority for either Kurt or Blaine. They knew there would be time for that - a lot of time alone together, to do whatever they wanted. That was their future.
But here, and now, time was passing and things would never be the same again. Soon, they’d become guests in their family homes. And they’d probably never get to spend so much time with as many of their friends all together again. So they lived in the moment for all of June and July; their sleepovers less frequent than ever, their time to be alone and intimate reduced to mere hours - only twice in those two months. They didn’t mind.
They spent time with their families instead - quality time, greedily gathering beautiful memories to warm them when they missed home, months from now. They went for another hiking trip like last year - even Blaine’s parents joined them for the final three days, although they slept in a camper.
They met with friends for pool parties, bonfires, coffee; to talk some more, to remember, and to take more memories of the good things into their futures. It was usually the New Directions crowd, sometimes accompanied by some of the Warblers. They were young, without major obligations yet, with nothing much restricting their time and freedom - it wouldn’t be like this for much longer.
Kurt and Blaine were among the first ones to leave. They’d decided to go to New York at the beginning of August, to have time to move in and settle down properly, get used to living together and on their own, and see as much of the city as they could before starting their classes. There was one last farewell party, and August 1st saw them in a rented van, with Kurt’s dad and Blaine’s mom, heading towards New York.
All the bags and boxes had been hauled in. They’d eaten a late dinner with their parents who would be driving home early the next morning, after spending the night in a hotel. There’d been tight hugs then, teary eyes and I love you’s, and waving until the van disappeared behind a corner. Before they knew it, they were in the apartment - their apartment - alone and quiet, standing there together, as if only now realizing.
This was happening.
It was no longer a dream, some fantasy life they’d talked about and imagined. This was real. They were in New York, together, in their own place - well, technically Blaine’s, but it wasn’t about ownership. This was their life now. They’d made it.
Kurt turned to look at Blaine, whose eyes were as wide and astonished as his own felt. For a moment, they just looked at each other before Blaine pulled him closer to kiss him softly on the lips.
“We’re here.”
“We are.”
The apartment had been redecorated and furnished for them - Blaine’s mom had spent a week here in May, after they’d bought it, supervising everything herself, and Kurt loved the effect. Her taste was impeccable and the space was perfect for their needs. There was a bedroom with a queen size bed, and the thought that it would be - no, it was - their bed made Kurt’s heart race. The living room featured a large couch, armchairs, a coffee table and a big flat-screen TV. There was also the study that they both loved immediately - with plenty of bookshelves and a long desk taking up all of the opposite wall, complemented by two ergonomic desk chairs and good lighting. All of their things fit in easily; they would both be able to study without feeling crowded.
The kitchen had been equipped for their needs, with pots and pans, crockery and cutlery. There was a toaster and a microwave, and a quality coffee maker that made them both sigh in delight. In a cabinet, there were even some basic non-perishables, and a bag of excellent coffee beans resided in the fridge. Obviously, Blaine’s mom knew their addictions all too well. The bathroom had a shower, not a tub, but it was large enough for two and Kurt felt a delicious shiver run down his spine at the thought of showering together… maybe, one day.
They spent the next two hours removing the protective plastic covers from furniture, making the bed and unpacking the most essential things, music playing quietly in the background. Soon, the bathroom was ready and their clothes had been placed in the large closet and dressers, even if they weren’t color-ordered yet. The bed looked more and more inviting with every passing minute, so they left the rest of unpacking for the next day.
When they met in the bedroom after taking their turns showering, it felt a little like a first time - a bit shy, hesitant, almost sacred. Every kiss, every touch was slow and filled with so much love it trembled around the edges. They spent long, quiet moments getting reacquainted with each other’s bodies, exploring every new freckle and tan line, remembering it all anew. When Blaine’s hands finally slid down, Kurt felt a sudden rush of daring.
“Take them off.”
Blaine’s head shot up from where he was licking around Kurt’s bellybutton.
“What?”
“Take my pants off. Please.”
“But Kurt, I… I’m not…”
He could see the worry, almost fear in Blaine’s eyes, so he pulled him up so that they were face to face.
“Blaine, I know. You’re not ready. I’m not asking you to get naked. But I’m ready to be naked with you, is that okay? I want you to undress me completely; to be able to see all of me. Touch all of me. It doesn’t mean you should feel obliged to do the same. It’s about me being ready, I took my time to get there and here I am. You’ll get there when you get there. No pressure. No expectations. Okay?”
He could feel Blaine relax in his arms, so he leaned in to kiss him, deep and languid. When he pulled back, Blaine smiled wickedly, his voice rough.
“God, I’ve dreamed of you naked for so long…”
And then his hands were back at Kurt’s hips, pulling his pajama pants down, lower than ever, until they were off completely and Blaine was staring. Kurt felt himself blush, but refused to be embarrassed. He laughed softly.
“Like what you see?”
Blaine glanced at Kurt’s face, but his eyes immediately returned lower, as if pulled by an invisible string.
“Your pants are always so tight; I should be long used to the idea of you having absolutely fantastic legs. But seeing you like this… Can I hide all your clothes just to be able to see you naked all the time?”
“That might be impractical - what if I had to go out? But I promise to go naked for you, as often as you want.”
Blaine groaned and slid his hands up Kurt’s thighs before following the movement with his tongue.
They made love to each other that night languidly, worshiping with their hands and lips before falling asleep tangled together. Kurt woke up the next morning to Blaine’s hand stroking a warm line up the back of his thigh to his still bare hip, and decided that sleeping naked was the best thing ever.
They spent the weeks before school started getting settled in the apartment and used to living with each other full time. It wasn’t all that difficult - Blaine had spent so many nights at Kurt’s that they knew each other’s habits and quirks pretty well already and had no problem with them. But still, there were things to be learned, discuss and sometimes compromise about.
They figured out how to divide house chores between the two of them (Kurt cooked and did laundry, Blaine cleaned and washed the dishes); learned that each of them needed time for himself every now and then; talked about money, bills and shopping. Blaine quickly learned not to leave dirty socks anywhere but the laundry bag; Kurt stopped hogging all available surfaces in the bathroom with his beauty products. Fortunately, they were both fairly tidy and easy-going, so the adaptation period went smooth and without conflicts. Besides, being able to talk, touch, hug and kiss whenever they felt like it helped to dissolve any gathering tension.
They didn’t spend all their time at home, of course. They wandered the city, getting familiar with the parts of it that would soon become their everyday destinations; they managed to see three plays on Broadway and many interesting places they’d missed the last time they’d been here. They found a café near their apartment that they both loved and a wonderful little bakery just two doors down from theirs. It was time well spent. They loved New York, loved living together even more. When classes started, they were ready and eager for their next big adventure.
And it proved to be great; so different from Lima, Ohio. Here, Kurt’s outfits were admired, not laughed at. Arriving to class holding hands with Blaine caused nothing more than smiles or, in some cases, disappointed expressions (from both girls and boys). Here, they were not only allowed to be who they were, but encouraged to be themselves and express that. Kurt loved that. He felt entirely in his element studying musical theater, and being universally well-liked and popular among peers was a completely new, wonderful experience for him. He dove into student life like he was born for it.
Blaine enjoyed it too, both studying and social life. Often, he went out for coffee with Kurt and their new group of friends, but they didn’t share all of their classes and he was doing pre-business too, so his free time was quite limited. And when they both found jobs - Kurt working afternoons at a men’s boutique, Blaine on a shifting schedule at a music café - getting out together to meet other people became even more difficult. But it didn’t matter all that much. They spent plenty of time together; passionate and cuddly nights, lazy mornings, hours spent studying side by side in classes and at home, weekends to do whatever they felt like together. Spending time separately with other friends was normal; it was healthy even, for their relationship.
Or so Kurt thought.
He first realized something was wrong in the middle of September. It was the third time this week that Blaine came home tense and uneasy. But when Kurt tried to learn what was bothering him, Blaine just shrugged and gave him a smile that looked only a little forced.
“I’m just a bit stressed. Don’t worry.”
So Kurt didn’t. He made chamomile tea for Blaine and gave him a long, relaxing backrub. Then they went to bed and Blaine quickly freed him from his pajamas (staying in his own pants; the moment would come when it came) and proceeded to rock Kurt’s world with a blowjob that left him a weak, trembling mess. When did Blaine learn to deepthroat? Not that Kurt was complaining.
By October, Blaine started to have nightmares again. They didn’t happen often at first, but by the end of the month he was waking up screaming and shaking almost every night and it took him hours to get back to sleep in Kurt’s arms afterwards. He’d become more clingy, too, more eager than ever to be close, as close as possible, which Kurt associated with the nightmares. Blaine was obviously feeling insecure, and it was natural, of course, with the stress of so many major changes in his life. But he said it was temporary and nothing to worry about, so Kurt was understanding and soothing, and spent as much time with his boyfriend as he could. He didn’t mind that Blaine was practically glued to his side every time they went out with friends. When Blaine teased that he was flirting with other men, Kurt laughed it off.
Only it stopped being funny pretty quickly and became annoying. Because what started as joking soon began to sound more and more like accusation. And it wasn’t like Kurt really did anything inappropriate. Yes, he talked with people, laughed with them. Blaine was right there, participating in the same conversations, yet somehow he seemed to see something completely different. Kurt was apparently flirting, he was loving their attention, looking at other men like he wanted to fuck them. And no matter how many times Kurt denied and explained, and assured Blaine that he was the only one he wanted, nothing seemed to get through to him. Frankly, it was starting to scare him, the changes he saw in Blaine. He became needy in bed, asking Kurt again and again if he liked what they did, if he loved him. Twice, they argued about Blaine seeing things that obviously weren’t there in Kurt’s behavior towards other people, accusing him of looking at them with open desire.
The third time it happened, in the first week of November, was once too many. Up until that night, Kurt had been understanding and patient, and nothing but loving. But when Blaine yelled at him - really yelled at him, it was all too much. Kurt hadn't left his side the whole evening, and yet Blaine was angry at him for daring to talk with another guy from their classes. For Kurt, it was the last straw, and when he exploded, it was with all the hurt and anger of weeks of accusations and distrust.
“No! Fuck, Blaine, how can you even think I’d want another guy?”
“Oh well, let’s see, you were smiling at him seductively and talking to him an awful lot-“ Blaine’s voice was cold and hard, like a stranger’s.
“It’s called social interaction, Blaine. And Joe is a friend from class, you know that, damn it!”
“Well, maybe you’d be better off with him then.”
Kurt felt a pressing need to punch something but he forced himself to calm down.
“You still don’t trust me, Blaine. After all this time, no matter what I say or do, you still doubt me. And I can’t-“
The words were forced out through gritted teeth, incredulous; angry flush high on his cheeks, and then Kurt was up and marching quickly to the door.
“You know what, I’ve had enough of this. I need a little time. Alone. I’ll be back.”
***The apartment door slammed with a force that shook Blaine like a gunshot.
He curled in on himself and sobbed.
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The next chapter: Bare