It's Not Babysitting - chapter 20/27
CHAPTER 20
4 months later
Coming back to his childhood home, where he'd felt like a failure so many times and where he had escaped as soon as he could, was not an easy feat. More than once Cooper considered cancelling the ticket, calling Blaine to tell him that he had to be somewhere else for Christmas, that he couldn't make it after all. But the thought of disappointment in those huge eyes stopped him every time.
That, and Blaine's voice.
Cooper had made it his mission not to lose Bee again, to maintain and strengthen their relationship despite the distance. Ever since his brother's return to Ohio in August they'd been talking at least twice a week, every week. And what he heard in Blaine's voice worried him.
Or maybe it was what he hadn't heard. The usual spark, any emotion, life, was gone. Bee always sounded calm and composed, and that was it. The only time Cooper had managed to spark anything more in him was when he'd mentioned Kurt once, in September.
Blaine's voice had grown sharp then, strong.
"Don't." But it was just a second; the next instant he'd cleared his throat and returned to the usual (so unusual for him) monotone. "Sorry. Please don't. I don't want news about him."
He ended the sentence with barely more than a soft whisper, and Cooper had said nothing else about Kurt from then on.
At first he'd thought it was all just a phase, a reaction to the break-up. But as November turned into December and all he'd heard about Blaine's life had been combinations of "I'm fine, school is great, father's difficult as usual, I've sent out my college applications, yes, I'm sure I'm okay," Cooper could no longer justify being too far away to do anything. He wanted to bodily shake the kid and make him spill what was going on.
So here he was now, back at home on a Christmas Eve afternoon, and it was stunning how much smaller and less threatening this place felt. True, he'd changed a lot in the years since he'd last been here. He'd grown to be his own person, no thanks to his family. Even his father with his ramrod-straight posture and strict face no longer provoked the same fearful kind of respect that Cooper had always associated with him. Though, had it ever been respect if it was born from fear?
Honestly, it was freeing.
Plus, the fact that he no longer felt like a child the minute he crossed the threshold meant that he could focus on what - or rather, who - he came here for. And he was glad he could because he really didn't like what he saw.
It wasn't that Blaine had changed all that much. Okay, he might have grown into his frame more, his shoulders broader now, arms more muscled. If Cooper was to guess, he'd say Bee must have been boxing a lot since he'd returned. His hair was slicked back with an even greater amount of the damn gel, looking completely straight and perfectly controlled.
Everything about his brother seemed controlled, Cooper realized, now that he thought about it. His voice, his movements, his completely fake smile. It took Cooper several hours and countless attempts to finally make Blaine smile - really smile, so that a bit of the spark returned to his eyes - and he wondered how much more talking and gentle bickering and jokes were needed to make the armor crack enough for Blaine to tell him how he really was.
It took another day to start. By the time Christmas dinner rolled around, Blaine was much more relaxed and smiling at least half as much as he had during the summer. They spent the afternoon in his room, Bee gently strumming the guitar as he talked about the Warblers and his academic achievements, about his college applications and the hard time their father was giving him for his insistence to pursue music.
About his desire to come study in New York anyway.
They didn't touch any hard topics - not really. They weren't there yet. But Cooper was staying for two more days and he hoped that by the time he went back home, Blaine would open up enough to really talk. He could see the kid needed it. Maybe he needed it too.
Their mom called from downstairs for them to change and come down for Christmas dinner, and when they met by the stairs ten minutes later, Cooper was delighted to see that Blaine was wearing one of the fancy bowties he'd gotten from Kurt. This one was perfect for the occasion, printed in little Christmas trees and candy canes, and combined beautifully with the white shirt and wine red velvet jacket that Blaine had chosen to wear. His little brother looked dashing indeed. Even his smile was back, warm and real, and suddenly Cooper felt very happy he hadn't given up on coming here. Maybe this Christmas would be nice after all.
The delusion lasted about two minutes.
He went to the kitchen to grab an additional serving spoon at his mom's request and stopped in the doorway on his way back, just to enjoy the festive atmosphere in the room. He hadn't realized that he'd missed it - the Christmas tree and the candles, the smell of food permeating the air, and everyone there, relaxed and cheerful. The little moments when the house felt like home. Even their father was in a good mood, smiling.
And it was with a smile that he casually said, "Blaine, please go change out of that faggy bowtie, would you?"
And Bee... he just sighed, his smile freezing into the fake, fixed expression that looked so wrong on him, and got up to go back upstairs.
Cooper's jaw dropped. In three strides he was by the table, his hand on Blaine's shoulder to stop him, his eyes focused on their father's calm face.
"What did you say to him?" He hardly recognized his voice, it was so strained and tight with anger. It only got worse when Blaine spoke, quietly.
"It's okay, Coop, I'll just go put on a tie. I'll be right-"
"No you won't." God he hadn't felt this furious in years. "What do you mean ‘It's okay’? It's not okay, it's -"
Blaine answered softly enough for only Cooper to hear. "It's how it is. I'm used to it. I'll just go change, really. Don't worry about it."
And Blaine's voice, placating when it should be angry, caused something in Cooper to snap hard and hot, a piece that had grown and strengthened from living in New York, from his friendship with Kurt and Sebastian, from seeing his own brother flourishing and happy when he was accepted in a way that should be obvious and natural.
It no longer mattered that the man in front of him was his father, that Cooper used to fear and obey him, and cower before his judgment. He didn't owe this man anything. And now when he looked at him, Cooper didn't see the towering figure that cast a shadow over his own childhood with scathing remarks and casual verbal jabs that were too little to be called abuse but enough to hurt to the very core, every day. What he saw was a common asshole, a homophobic jerk like many he'd encountered and despised, a man not worth his attention.
Except he was his father, Blaine's father too, and that alone gave him power and control over them. Or... at least over Blaine. Because Cooper just realized that he no longer gave a fuck about what his father thought. And he would be damned if he let his brother's life be ruined by him the same way his was.
There was so much Cooper wanted to say when he faced their father with the full force of his glare. It was nothing to Kurt's bitchy stare, and he entertained a fleeting thought of his friend's reaction if he'd been here. There might be bloodshed.
But Kurt wasn't here and Cooper said the first thing that came to mind.
"This bowtie was given to him by his boyfriend - and my best friend; a man who made Blaine the happiest I'd ever seen him. And your choice of words is offensive, to say the least, if not -"
Their father interrupted him, frowning at Blaine.
"You have a boyfriend? I thought we talked about ceasing this nonsense, especially while you're under my roof."
"I don't have a boyfriend."
There were tears in Blaine's eyes when he looked at Cooper, an expression that made him look like a small, trapped animal.
"Coop, please don't. I'll just..." He drew a shaky breath and shook Cooper's hand off his shoulder, fleeing upstairs.
Fuck. Cooper winced. Way to go, saying exactly the wrong thing. It wasn't helping, dammit.
With Blaine gone, their father's icy glare focused on him instead.
"I don't like your tone, son."
Oh, look, but the anger was still there, burning in his chest. And Cooper was not going to deny it.
"Well I don't like your attitude, father."
God, it felt good to say it at last, to stand up to this man the way he'd dreamed countless times he would, but never dared. Well, he was done holding himself back.
The man stood up, towering over him.
"You better watch your mouth, son. Did you forget who you are talking to?"
Cooper snorted humorlessly. "Like I could forget. Always the same tone, the same demeaning comments. It's so very you, I couldn't mistake it for anyone else. And now you've added homophobic slurs, too. How nice of you."
"I'm helping him grow up at last. He has to become a man at some point. I won't have my son be a damn fairy who thinks he can feed a family on music."
Cooper arched an eyebrow, surprised.
"Oh, so you accept that he'll have a family one day, that's something."
His father looked at him as if he had grown a second head.
"Of course he'll have a family, a proper wife and children like a man should. Like you should, too."
Oh. Right. And for a moment he'd actually thought...
"And you think it works like that, that he'll just go and do what you tell him to."
There was a shrug, as if everything was clear and settled already.
"He's a smart kid. Misguided, but smart. He'll come around. Just like he will about college. By the way, I want you to support me when we talk about that tonight. You made the right decision with your education, even though you tried to rebel at first, too, and look where you are now. I know Blaine will listen when you convince him that business is the only way to go."
Cooper spluttered, hardly able to believe his ears. "No I won't! Are you kidding? Why would I do that? He loves music and he's so talented! You can't force him to give up his dream."
His father actually snorted. "Dreams are for fools, and of course I can. Who pays for his damn overpriced school?"
Cooper felt all blood leave his face. "You wouldn't."
He hated how calm his father looked, with that little smirk of satisfaction on his face. "I will if I have to. But I don't think it's going to be necessary. When he has to choose between transferring to a public school come January and going to a respectable business school after graduation, I know what he's going to choose."
The fury was choking Cooper now, hot and bubbling, and he snapped. "I will pay for his school if you won't."
A spark of an idea, a shock of instant decision, and he took a deep breath before the dive.
"Actually..."
Cooper had always considered himself a coward. He wasn't proud of it, but he just didn't have the kind of courage needed to stand up to people. He'd accepted that his was the easier, if less admirable way of adapting to circumstances.
Which was why his next words truly surprised him.
The discussion that followed made him feel more certain about what he'd just done than he'd ever been about anything. This was what he knew how to do - presenting an offer, negotiating conditions, sealing the deal. He was good at it, and he had his ways to get to an agreement. Now he only needed one final yes.
He found Blaine in his room, curled up on the bed, worrying the fabric of the bowtie in his hands. He looked so small like this, so vulnerable, his lashes still wet and his hair disheveled, and Cooper's heart broke for him. All that time, years like this. And Cooper hadn't known; he'd never pushed enough to learn. He'd preferred to live in the blissful ignorance, comfortable in his safe little world in New York, happy to escape the mess that was his family home.
God, he'd been so selfish.
"I'm so sorry, Bee. Please forgive me."
He meant so much more than just today's events.
"It was a bad idea." Blaine's voice was rough with tears. "I should never have asked you to come. Now you'll go home and he'll be vicious and mean for days, and I'll never hear the end of it." He turned to look at Cooper and it was so fucked up that Bee was angry at him. "You don't just come and stir the pot. I have to live in this house, Coop."
Oh, right.
"Actually, you don't. Come live with me."
Blaine turned away from him. "Not funny."
"I'm not joking. Come to New York with me."
Blaine sat up now and shrugged dismissively, but at least he was looking at Cooper again.
"You know it's not possible. Not before college."
Cooper put his hand on Blaine's, putting every bit of conviction in his tone.
"I don't want you to stay here. I don't want you to have to hear this shit every day. I don't want to go back to New York and wonder if it won't break you. Please come home with me."
There was a faint glimmer of hope in Blaine's eyes even as he shook his head.
"I'd have to change schools. In the middle of senior year."
"Yes."
"They'll never allow it."
"They already did."
Cooper had to smile at the way Blaine's jaw dropped. It took a moment before he could speak again.
"He won't pay for me to go there."
"I know. I will. Please say yes."
A few deep breaths, a handful of seconds that felt like hours as Cooper waited. Blaine's lip trembled.
"Okay."
"Okay?" Cooper couldn't contain a wide grin.
"Okay, I'll go with you."
"Tomorrow?"
"What?" It was almost a squeak.
"Okay, the day after tomorrow. We'll need a day to get it all sorted out. Now come on, put the bowtie back on and let's go eat that dinner. It would be a shame to waste good food."
A phone call to Sebastian followed right after dinner. Cooper knew it was Christmas. He knew it was rude to call with anything but well wishes today. He also knew Seb wouldn't mind.
He didn't have to explain much. Just the highlights had Sebastian spewing an enraged string of profanities that quickly led to apologizing to someone in the background. When Cooper asked if he knew anyone who could help find a good school for Blaine that would take him now, no matter what the cost, Sebastian didn't hesitate.
"Yeah, I just might. Give me a little while, I'll call you back."
Cooper expected ‘a little while’ to last a few days though, not ten minutes.
"Okay, done. It will cost you, it's one of the top high schools in New York, but somehow I don't think it's a problem."
"It isn't, but... how?"
Sebastian laughed, clearly delighted.
"Cooper dearest, you called in the middle of the famous annual Smythe family Christmas party. It's the crème de la crème here right now. You couldn't have chosen a better moment when it comes to connections. All it took was approaching the right woman and telling her the sad, moving story of an astonishingly talented boy needing an emergency removal from a homophobic family environment. She's the dean there. And she's here with her wife. Any other questions?"
"Um... I... yeah, just give me a moment -"
Seb chuckled. "I'll give you more than that, sweet pea. She'll mail me all the papers and requirements tomorrow so I'll call and tell you everything then. It is Christmas, after all."
"God, I'd kiss you if you were here right now." He couldn't believe it; the decision was made not two hours ago and already almost everything was in place for Blaine's relocation.
Sebastian sighed dramatically in his ear. "Damn. What a waste of a good kiss. Save it for me."
"I promise."
***
Blaine couldn't sleep that night, overwhelmed with everything that had happened. And yet, as he was tossing and turning in his suddenly uncomfortable bed, he couldn't shake off the feeling that it was all a dream: Cooper standing up to their father, for him. The offer to move to New York, and not in six or eight months - now. Sebastian's phone call with news that he already had a place at a new school - a good school, great even, apparently. In New York.
He was going to New York, to stay with Cooper. To be free.
He couldn't believe it. It was too good to happen to him, too much like his most secret dreams coming true.
Everyone was long asleep, the house completely quiet around him, when Blaine finally gave up and did something he hadn’t tried since he was six.
Cooper no longer had his own room here, obviously; it had been turned into a guest room years ago. But it was in this particular guest room that he slept now, and sneaking out across the hall on his bare feet, Blaine felt the same old mixture of anxiety and need for comfort that had always lead him to his older brother's room when he was a kid. The door opened and closed soundlessly, and even though the layout of the room was different (not to mention, it was a lot cleaner), Cooper's sleeping form brought the same feeling of safe it had back then.
Of course, this was where the similarities ended. As a toddler and then a preschooler, Blaine used to sneak into Coop's room after a nightmare or an upsetting day, worming his way under the covers into the comforting warmth of another human being, and falling asleep. Their parents had never been the hugging kind. Their father believed it made boys soft when they were doted upon, and he'd been angry every time he found Blaine cuddled to his brother's side in the morning.
But Blaine couldn't help it; sometimes he just needed to be close to somebody - his skin itching like it was starved for human contact. That was why, years later, he loved the simple pleasure of sleeping with Kurt so much.
Okay, no. No thinking about Kurt.
Blaine wasn't six anymore, though; they were both more or less adult. It felt awkward to even be here with Cooper. So he just sat gingerly on the edge of the bed and whispered, "Coop?"
The fact that Cooper opened his eyes immediately was a proof that he was having a restless night, too. Usually he slept like a log.
Coop blinked blearily and burrowed deeper under the covers to keep the winter chill of the house away. His voice was a little raspy and a lot concerned when he spoke.
"What's wrong, Bee?"
Blaine really didn't mean to sound desperate - in fact, he was aiming for cool and nonchalant. But his inner blurter was ahead of him.
"Please tell me I haven't dreamed it all."
He expected Coop to laugh, but his brother just moved closer to the wall, making room for him in the double bed, and raised the corner of the comforter.
"Hop in." When Blaine hesitated, Cooper chuckled humorlessly. "You still remember that last time he found you here, huh? I guess if he came in now, he'd have a plethora of comments about us being inappropriately close. I'm almost tempted to see how creative he'd get."
Blaine let out a choked noise and Cooper grew serious immediately.
"But I won't. Come on, it's cold. I wake up at dawn anyway, I'll kick you out to your room to start packing, deal?"
Blaine nodded and settled in, the bed warm and comfy.
"So... I am going with you?"
"You're absolutely coming with me. I promise." Coop answered solemnly.
"So it means you're going to be my guardian now?"
"Technically... I mean, yes. We'll see how it goes."
Blaine had to smile at the self-deprecating note in his brother's voice.
"You did fine in the summer and I promise not to be a menace. So... do I get to study what I want?"
He was pretty sure Cooper wouldn't try and control his college choices, but after months of battles about music versus business (well, music versus anything, really) he had to make sure. The comforter moved as Coop shrugged.
"Well, I'd rather you didn't study black magic, maybe, but it's your life and your choices. You know what you want and I'll support it. We'll talk about the financial side of college at some point since I may not be able to pay for it completely, but that's for the future. For now, I just want you to focus on graduating and getting into the school you want. And... to be happy," he added softly and Blaine felt tears sting his eyes again.
It was dark. He let them flow.
"Thank you." It was all he could say, and he hoped Coop understood just how much it all meant to him.
They lay in silence for a long moment but even when Blaine's tears dried, sleep still didn't come. There was one more thing he really wanted to know.
"Coop?"
"Hm?"
"How's Kurt?"
Cooper hesitated, as if deciding what to say. Or maybe he was just falling asleep when Blaine spoke.
"He's been... busy. The line of clothes he designed is out now and selling phenomenally. They've offered him a lot of new opportunities at the company, so he quit his day job at the theater and only works from home now."
Blaine smiled. He'd always known Kurt would make it big at La Nuit. He cleared his throat before asking quietly.
"Does he... has he been dating?"
Cooper turned to him in the dark. "Bee... don't do this to yourself."
"Tell me." He already knew he wouldn't like the answer but suddenly, it was all he could think of.
"He... there have been a few guys. As far as I know."
"... oh."
He really shouldn't have expected any different but still, it stung. What was he thinking, really? Well, he knew what. Some small, silly part of him kept hoping that even though Kurt had never admitted he loved him, maybe - just maybe - his I really care about you had meant just that. That Kurt was just too afraid to call it love, but he'd felt it nonetheless. So many of his actions this past summer had suggested it.
Well, Blaine had been deluding himself. Again. And it was time to let go.
"Coop? Don't tell him I'm moving." He almost managed to keep his voice steady.
"But -"
"Please. Don't tell him. Ask Sebastian not to, as well. I... It will be enough of a challenge with the move and the new school. I can't deal with my feelings if I see him, too. Please?"
Cooper looked like he wanted to say something but in the end, he just nodded.
"If you're sure that's what you want."
"I'm sure."
The next two days were absolutely crazy. There was plenty of packing, choosing what to take with him and what to leave behind - an important choice, considering he wouldn't be coming back. The next time he came here, whenever it might be, he would be a guest. His home, his room - these words would no longer be associated with Westerville, Ohio.
The resulting stack of boxes was too large to take with them, and Cooper ended up arranging a moving company to transport it. It would arrive in New York a day after they did.
Dalton was closed for Christmas and there wasn't much that could be done about it, but their father surprised them by saying he'd go and take care of the transfer formalities as soon as it opened after the break. Now that the decision had been made, he was shockingly polite to both of them, accommodating even, and not once in two days did he utter any of his biting comments. It kept Blaine wondering what exactly Cooper had told him.
Still, he wouldn't miss his father. He was sad to leave his mom, and she shed a few tears too while helping him pack, but the truth was, they were both more than ready for this day. It had always been clear that Blaine would move away for college and the few months didn't really change much. At least Blaine knew that she would try and keep in contact with him.
Their flight was on the evening of the 27th and that morning Blaine had managed to gather half of the Warblers - those that hadn't gone away for Christmas - for coffee and goodbyes. This was the hardest part of all, it turned out. Leaving his friends so suddenly, and in the middle of the competition season, too - Blaine's sense of responsibility kept him apologizing for most of the hour they had, but they understood, especially those who were close enough to know about his family's attitude. They sent him away with smiles and wishes of good luck, and promises to update him with news and show recordings by email. Wes wrote down the combination to Blaine's locker and promised to empty it and send the few personal things Blaine kept in there to New York.
Finally, everything was ready and with one last look at the house, they started towards Columbus. Huddled in the passenger seat of Coop's rented car, Blaine felt dazed, the amount of changes that had come in a mere three days too sudden and overwhelming. It still didn't compute fully.
It was only when the plane took off that Blaine let out a breath and realized he'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop all along. For Cooper to change his mind. Or their parents. For a phone call saying that no, transferring now wouldn't be possible after all. To wake up from this strange, wonderful dream.
But it hadn't happened, and it wouldn't now. He was on his way to New York.