It's Not Babysitting - chapter 25/27
CHAPTER 25
Time passed. They were still together and happy. But it didn't mean they didn't have their share of problems and conflicts, just like anyone else.
The age gap alone was basis for some pretty awful situations early on.
When Blaine mentioned that he lived with his 29-year-old boyfriend his freshman year, some people started looking at him funny. Mostly they just seemed shocked, but some looked almost disgusted. When someone recognized Kurt's name and blabbered all around that Blaine was sleeping with a fashion designer, he heard whispers about him having a sugar daddy more than once. It stung, not because there was any amount of truth in it, but because he'd considered some of those people his new friends. Still, in the end he just shrugged it off and decided he needed to choose friends better.
So when the vicious article about Kurt Hummel's barely legal lover came out after he accompanied Kurt to one of the bigger fashion events, stirring heated discussions among gossip-mongers, Blaine was already seasoned with the age stuff. He could calmly comfort Kurt, pull him away from the internet and patiently remind him that he was more than legal and not just his lover, and really, one stupid reporter could just stuff it. In the end, like most of the gutter press "breaking news", it went away pretty fast.
Then one day in his sophomore year, when Kurt went to Boston, Blaine found a thick white folder on the coffee table. He opened it out of curiosity, and his heart sank. It was Kurt's wedding book, almost four years old. Everything planned out and beautiful, pictures and locations, menus, guest lists, color schemes and dried flowers. There was even a picture of Kurt with James - a tall, sandy-haired hunk with a mischievous smile. They stood together and looked so happy...
Clearly, Kurt had been going through the folder, remembering, maybe regretting what he no longer had. Did he miss this guy? Was Blaine not good enough?
He didn't mention it when they talked on the phone that evening, and he finished the call early, saying he was tired.
But when Kurt came back the next day, he only needed one glance to know Blaine was a wreck. Another glance at the coffee table, where the wedding folder still lay, and his eyes flashed with understanding. He sat on the sofa next to Blaine and took his hand.
"You've been going through this old thing and thinking too much, haven't you?" When Blaine just shrugged dejectedly, Kurt sighed and squeezed his hand. "Hey, look at me. Let me explain before you assume anything, okay? I took it out from the back of the closet because I've been looking for a sketch I'd put there. My tux - I'd planned it to perfection, but never got to make it because it was too extravagant for James's taste. He somehow convinced me to go with one off the rack - classy, of course. But still."
Blaine looked at him for the first time then, incredulous, and Kurt chuckled.
"Yeah, I know. I gave the thing away long ago. Must have made some guy happy. Anyway, I remembered my design when I was thinking about the evening collection we're working on, so I was looking for the drawings in a hurry just before I went. Hence the folder. I actually discovered just how much my taste had changed in the process, so this all goes in the trash. And it's all in the past, Bee. It's a relationship that was nice while it lasted and that I learned a lot from, but it's in the past and I don't regret it. I'm with you now and I love you, and I'm so happy, in ways I've never been with anyone before, and just... please. Don't ever doubt that."
It felt like a huge boulder being lifted from Blaine's heart. God, he'd been silly. There was a reason assuming was never a good idea.
Then, right after his 30th birthday, Kurt decided he was too old for him. Blaine came home from classes one day to find Kurt sitting on the floor in their bedroom, looking so miserable he thought something terrible must have happened. But when Kurt actually spoke...
"You should leave me for someone younger, you know. When you're my age now, I'll be 40, Bee. Forty! I'll be old and wrinkly and unable to keep up with you sexually, surely you don't want that in a boyfriend. And... hey, it's not funny!"
Blaine laughed so hard he cried, and then tackled Kurt to the floor and proceeded to show him in very thorough ways how much he didn't care about his senile status.
The deepest crisis came at the beginning of summer after Blaine's sophomore year.
He was exhausted and stressed after weeks of exams and performances, and Kurt barely had time for him, busy with a huge fashion show where he was presenting his own label for the first time. And when Blaine was finally, blissfully free for the summer, they had a major fight.
Blaine wasn't even sure where it all came from. Okay, it must have had something to do with his friends talking about their summer plans earlier that night, when they were all at the bar, celebrating being done with final exams. All the talk about travelling and meeting new people, about new experiences, cute girls and guys waiting out there to be met...
And there he was, barely 20 and all domesticated, feeling like part of an old married couple.
Suddenly the thought that he would never feel the thrill of a budding love again, never kiss anyone new or see what it was like to have sex with someone who wasn't Kurt felt like a prison. And it was a bad night for Kurt to come home frustrated and snappy, because a tiny argument snowballed into a massive fight where Blaine said a lot of things he didn't really mean, and for the first time since they'd moved in together, he ended up sleeping on Cooper and Melissa's couch.
He came home early the next morning, feeling like an idiot and ready to apologize with a breakfast served in bed, flowers and love songs, only to find Kurt sitting at the kitchen table in yesterday's clothes, tired but calm, with coffee and a stack of sketches, a pencil behind his ear.
"I want you to go away for a bit." Kurt said in lieu of a greeting, and pushed the papers away, focusing all his attention on Blaine.
But... he must have misheard. "What?"
"I want you to take some time away, to travel - wherever you want, Europe maybe? Anywhere." Kurt's voice was rough from sleeplessness, but steady. "Take however long you need, a month, two, no matter the cost; it's my early birthday gift to you. And while you're there, I... I want you to do what you want. Meet other people, flirt with them, kiss them, dance with them, s-sleep with them. Whatever you need, as long as you keep safe."
There was an invisible hand tightening around Blaine's throat, making it ever harder to breathe. "Kurt... are you breaking up with me?"
Kurt's smile was soft, his expression filled with so much love it hurt.
"No, honey. I just don't want you to feel like you've missed out on anything because you met me so young. I love you more than anything and I've been in enough relationships to know you're it for me. But you haven't had that chance. So I'm giving it to you because I love you and I know that if it's meant to be, you'll come back when you're sure I'm what you want. In the meantime, go. Figure it out, taste freedom. I'll be here when you come back."
After a few days of doubts and discussions where his rather feeble arguments were all shot down, Blaine went.
He spent five weeks in Europe, camping - something he'd always wanted to try. He travelled alone, choosing his destinations as he went, meeting new people and experiencing cultures he'd never known. He texted Kurt every day to let him know he was fine. He saw plenty, tried a lot of new things, did some soul searching and understood more than he'd believed possible.
There were nights when he went to clubs and danced till morning, and others when he talked by the fire with interesting strangers, or flirted at bars. He discovered that he could buy alcohol, because in most countries eighteen was the legal age. He was always smart though, no stupid risks, and the few times the situation actually progressed beyond talking and flirting and into making out, he caught himself getting distracted because it didn't feel that good at all. The one hasty handjob he let himself be talked into, in the bathroom of a gay club in Holland, left him feeling a little disgusted and not really interested in trying again. It was all fine, but there was no heart there, no love.
When he came back to New York and into Kurt's waiting arms at the end of July, he knew.
He proposed not a month later.
It was on the night of his 21st birthday. They'd just come home after an evening of celebration - with alcohol, which Blaine could buy this time and it made him feel ridiculously proud.
He'd planned to wait until he was in the bedroom with Kurt, maybe kissing, with less clothes on - or at least their suit jackets off - but his giddiness at the thought of what he wanted to do was difficult enough to contain all day. He couldn't keep it in any longer. The kitchen was a good place too, right?
He wound his arms around Kurt's waist and pressed against his back with his chin hooked over Kurt's shoulder. He could feel the little box against his hip under the jacket, an exciting reminder.
"I don't want to sound greedy, but I'd really like to ask you for one more gift tonight. Something very special, that only you in the entire world can give me."
Kurt's laugh was bright and soft, like a silver bell. "I'm not sure if it's so special, with the frequency we do it, but of course, baby. There will be sex, just let me get some water first."
"That's not what I meant." Something in his voice must have betrayed the awed anticipation he felt because Kurt turned in his arms, his eyes curious, one eyebrow arched.
"So what did you mean?"
"I meant..." Blaine let go of him and lowered himself to his knee, the ring box already in his hand. Kurt's eyes grew wide, his face disbelieving. "Kurt, it would make me the happiest man on earth if you said yes. Will you marry me?"
It took a moment before he got his answer, but between Kurt's tear-filled eyes, his hand covering his mouth and the frantic nodding, he figured he didn't have to panic. Kurt's voice was trembling when he finally spoke.
"Oh my god, yes. Yes, Blaine, of course I'll marry you. I'm sorry, I just... I can't believe -" The last words were whispered against Blaine's neck, their hold on each other tight and desperate.
Blaine chuckled lightly, the joy and relief making him lightheaded. He pulled away slightly to kiss the tip of Kurt's nose.
"What, you've never thought about us getting married?"
"No, I just..." Kurt sniffled, still overwhelmed. "I haven't thought I'd ever be proposed to and... I love you, Blaine. So much."
"I love you too, my future husband."