Learning To Breathe Again (Chapter 6)
CHAPTER 6. Talking and testing
The boys slept late on Saturday and Burt made sure nobody woke them. Kurt may have thought he was the only one who saw right through Blaine’s façade of polite conversation and charming smiles last night, but it wasn’t so. The kid was visibly exhausted, stressed and barely kept it all together. He needed to rest and recharge his batteries, and if Burt was not mistaken, he still didn’t have the luxury to do this at his own home. It was good to have him back here.
But his being here, and particularly Burt’s looking in on them last night, prompted a realization he wasn’t sure he was ready for: he needed to talk to these two. Which is why that Saturday morning he sent Finn grocery shopping with his mom, where usually he would accompany her himself, and sat by the kitchen table with a newspaper to wait for the boys.
Around ten he could hear voices upstairs, then water running in the bathroom, and soon two pairs of jean-clad legs descended the stairs, followed by two sleepy faces. Admittedly, one was framed by perfectly styled hair.
“Hi boys. Slept well?”
Blaine smiled. “I surely did. Haven’t woken once. Kurt says I hogged the quilt though.”
“Because you totally did. I had to steal it back and you mumbled at me!”
“What did I mumble?”
“No idea, it was all… mumbly. But it sounded dangerous.”
“Oh, so I’m a dangerous, quilt-hogging night mumbler now?”
“Yup.”
The light banter continued all through breakfast and Burt was relieved to see that Blaine seemed to be much better.
When the boys finished eating and stacked their dishes in the dishwasher, ready to go back up to Kurt’s room, Burt stopped them.
“Hey, before you go… I wanted to talk to you two.”
Kurt gave him one look and must have guessed this wasn’t a conversation he would like, because he dodged immediately.
“But dad, we have so much homework to do! Can’t we talk later?”
“Nope. Believe me, it will be easier without Finn here. Sit down, both of you.”
Kurt looked as if he wanted to put fingers in his ears and start singing, and Blaine was clearly nervous as they took their places opposite him. He wanted to tell them that it wouldn’t be that bad, but he wasn’t sure it was true. How the hell do you talk about sex with your gay teenage son and his sexually traumatized boyfriend? He wanted to have this talk with Kurt for a while now, he even educated himself and got proper pamphlets, trying to prepare for it, but it didn’t make it any easier. Finally, he decided to just trust his instinct.
“So, you two… I guess you’re together now, right?”
“Yes,” they answered in unison.
“Well, good. I mean, it’s clear that you are good for each other.”
“Does it mean we have your blessing then?” Kurt flashed him a smile.
“I guess you do. But.”
“Oh, I knew there would be a but!” Kurt exclaimed. Blaine was still silent, his eyes wary and a bit scared.
“Kurt, just let me say what I need to say, okay? Okay. So. I know I’ve let you two sleep together up till now, but…”
“But Dad! We…”
“Kurt. Let me finish. I trust you both. You gave me no reason not to. But I would feel like I’m neglecting my parental duties if I didn’t talk to you. About… stuff. Sex stuff. No, don’t give me that look, I know I don’t have anything to worry about now. I guess after what’s happened, it will take some time before either of you thinks about physical intimacy. But if you are serious about each other, one day you will want to do something - anything - more than holding hands. And I want to make it clear right now, boys,” he could see them both holding their breath, “that I expect two things from you. First, that you respect yourselves. Second, that you respect each other and each other’s boundaries. I won’t tell you what and when you can or can’t do, because it’s frankly none of my business. In time, you will work it out by yourselves, together. I just want you to be safe and not to hurt each other. So don’t hurry and always make sure you both really want something before you do it. Don’t treat yourselves like you don’t matter, boys. Because you matter. And yes, Blaine, you can still stay in Kurt’s room. Now and whenever you are here. And Kurt? I know we’ve never had this talk before, so… whenever you are ready to read them, there will be a bunch of pamphlets for you on your desk later. And if you want to talk about it, just come to me, okay? Okay. I’ve finished. That’s it, you can go.”
They scrambled to their feet - Blaine pale, but smiling tremulously, Kurt with a furious blush on his cheeks - and hurried towards the stairs, but then they stopped and turned to him.
“Thank you, Mr. Hummel.”
“Yeah, thanks dad.”
He nodded, sighed deeply and went back to his newspaper.
***
All day long they kept exchanging glances and giggling at the memory of the morning talk. It felt somehow liberating to know that their relationship was out in the open now, that it was approved, at least here, and to the extent neither of them had even thought about before. And the way Kurt kept smiling at him… God, it made Blaine want to just grab him and kiss him senseless.
Whoa, what?
He stiffened, eyes wide, in the middle of working on an equation for their Math homework. Wait. He wanted to kiss Kurt?
Oh.
He wanted to kiss Kurt. And not just a chaste peck either. He wanted proper kisses with his boyfriend. And he didn’t feel uncomfortable about it, the way he thought he would. He felt… certainty, and want, and exhilaration at the thought. He’d imagined that there would be fear when he finally decided to do it, or at least hesitation, that he would have to push himself a little. But there was nothing like that. It was Kurt, his friend, his boyfriend, and they’d kissed already, once, and it was perfect. It was safe and had nothing to do with Eric.
He would kiss Kurt.
Just to be sure, Blaine decided to wait with revealing his thoughts until the evening, checking his reactions in case it was just a momentary slip of hormones over fear. But no, every time his eyes met Kurt’s, he felt the indescribable pull to just lean in and claim these pink lips as his, which made simple sitting next to him a gentle kind of torture. Once realized, the desire to kiss his boyfriend - to touch his lips, trace it with his tongue, delve into the hot cavern of his mouth - became overwhelming, constantly present like a bee buzzing insistently in his ear. He could barely wait until they were alone in Kurt’s room.
But finally, finally it was evening, and they were behind closed door after taking turns in the shower, and Kurt was climbing onto the bed and laying on his back, and all Blaine could think was Now. So he leaned on his elbow and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes - grey in the soft light of the sole lamp on the nightstand - before he asked.
“Kurt, can I try something?”
“What?”
“Just, let me try. Please.”
“Okay.”
And then his hand was on Kurt’s cheek, and their lips were touching - his gentle, but insistent, Kurt’s still - and then there was a sharp inhale and his kiss was reciprocated with enthusiasm he kind of hoped for. And they were kissing, just like that, and it was heaven. At some point one set of lips parted, and then another, and soon their tongues touched, sending shivers down Blaine’s spine. Exploration followed, hesitant at first, then bolder, and still they couldn’t get enough of each other, hands insistent on cheeks, necks, tangled in each other’s hair. Then Kurt moaned quietly, the sound doing things to Blaine that he didn’t suspect simple kissing could do, things that just weren’t there since the rape, and suddenly he was breaking the kiss, withdrawing, the warning light in his head going off. Enough. Regain control. No further. But once his body realized that he wasn’t followed, that no one made him do anything, he relaxed.
“Sorry. It was getting a bit out of control.”
“Did I do something wrong? Should I be quiet?”
“No, god no. I was just… startled by my… reactions.” He could feel himself blush now and when Kurt’s eyes widened in understanding seconds later, he blushed beautifully too.
“Oh.”
“I guess it will all be kind of… trial and error. With time, I mean, you know…”
“I’m fine with trial and error, as long as you tell me about my errors so that I can avoid them later.”
“Deal. But you have to do the same.”
“Oh. Yeah, I will.”
They lay in silence for a while, their fingers intertwined. Then, “Blaine?”
“Hm?”
“Does it mean we can still kiss? It wasn’t an error, was it?”
“Definitely wasn’t. So I hoped we can.”
“Good. Because I really want more of this.”
“Mhm. Me too.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the next chapter: Admissions
The boys slept late on Saturday and Burt made sure nobody woke them. Kurt may have thought he was the only one who saw right through Blaine’s façade of polite conversation and charming smiles last night, but it wasn’t so. The kid was visibly exhausted, stressed and barely kept it all together. He needed to rest and recharge his batteries, and if Burt was not mistaken, he still didn’t have the luxury to do this at his own home. It was good to have him back here.
But his being here, and particularly Burt’s looking in on them last night, prompted a realization he wasn’t sure he was ready for: he needed to talk to these two. Which is why that Saturday morning he sent Finn grocery shopping with his mom, where usually he would accompany her himself, and sat by the kitchen table with a newspaper to wait for the boys.
Around ten he could hear voices upstairs, then water running in the bathroom, and soon two pairs of jean-clad legs descended the stairs, followed by two sleepy faces. Admittedly, one was framed by perfectly styled hair.
“Hi boys. Slept well?”
Blaine smiled. “I surely did. Haven’t woken once. Kurt says I hogged the quilt though.”
“Because you totally did. I had to steal it back and you mumbled at me!”
“What did I mumble?”
“No idea, it was all… mumbly. But it sounded dangerous.”
“Oh, so I’m a dangerous, quilt-hogging night mumbler now?”
“Yup.”
The light banter continued all through breakfast and Burt was relieved to see that Blaine seemed to be much better.
When the boys finished eating and stacked their dishes in the dishwasher, ready to go back up to Kurt’s room, Burt stopped them.
“Hey, before you go… I wanted to talk to you two.”
Kurt gave him one look and must have guessed this wasn’t a conversation he would like, because he dodged immediately.
“But dad, we have so much homework to do! Can’t we talk later?”
“Nope. Believe me, it will be easier without Finn here. Sit down, both of you.”
Kurt looked as if he wanted to put fingers in his ears and start singing, and Blaine was clearly nervous as they took their places opposite him. He wanted to tell them that it wouldn’t be that bad, but he wasn’t sure it was true. How the hell do you talk about sex with your gay teenage son and his sexually traumatized boyfriend? He wanted to have this talk with Kurt for a while now, he even educated himself and got proper pamphlets, trying to prepare for it, but it didn’t make it any easier. Finally, he decided to just trust his instinct.
“So, you two… I guess you’re together now, right?”
“Yes,” they answered in unison.
“Well, good. I mean, it’s clear that you are good for each other.”
“Does it mean we have your blessing then?” Kurt flashed him a smile.
“I guess you do. But.”
“Oh, I knew there would be a but!” Kurt exclaimed. Blaine was still silent, his eyes wary and a bit scared.
“Kurt, just let me say what I need to say, okay? Okay. So. I know I’ve let you two sleep together up till now, but…”
“But Dad! We…”
“Kurt. Let me finish. I trust you both. You gave me no reason not to. But I would feel like I’m neglecting my parental duties if I didn’t talk to you. About… stuff. Sex stuff. No, don’t give me that look, I know I don’t have anything to worry about now. I guess after what’s happened, it will take some time before either of you thinks about physical intimacy. But if you are serious about each other, one day you will want to do something - anything - more than holding hands. And I want to make it clear right now, boys,” he could see them both holding their breath, “that I expect two things from you. First, that you respect yourselves. Second, that you respect each other and each other’s boundaries. I won’t tell you what and when you can or can’t do, because it’s frankly none of my business. In time, you will work it out by yourselves, together. I just want you to be safe and not to hurt each other. So don’t hurry and always make sure you both really want something before you do it. Don’t treat yourselves like you don’t matter, boys. Because you matter. And yes, Blaine, you can still stay in Kurt’s room. Now and whenever you are here. And Kurt? I know we’ve never had this talk before, so… whenever you are ready to read them, there will be a bunch of pamphlets for you on your desk later. And if you want to talk about it, just come to me, okay? Okay. I’ve finished. That’s it, you can go.”
They scrambled to their feet - Blaine pale, but smiling tremulously, Kurt with a furious blush on his cheeks - and hurried towards the stairs, but then they stopped and turned to him.
“Thank you, Mr. Hummel.”
“Yeah, thanks dad.”
He nodded, sighed deeply and went back to his newspaper.
***
All day long they kept exchanging glances and giggling at the memory of the morning talk. It felt somehow liberating to know that their relationship was out in the open now, that it was approved, at least here, and to the extent neither of them had even thought about before. And the way Kurt kept smiling at him… God, it made Blaine want to just grab him and kiss him senseless.
Whoa, what?
He stiffened, eyes wide, in the middle of working on an equation for their Math homework. Wait. He wanted to kiss Kurt?
Oh.
He wanted to kiss Kurt. And not just a chaste peck either. He wanted proper kisses with his boyfriend. And he didn’t feel uncomfortable about it, the way he thought he would. He felt… certainty, and want, and exhilaration at the thought. He’d imagined that there would be fear when he finally decided to do it, or at least hesitation, that he would have to push himself a little. But there was nothing like that. It was Kurt, his friend, his boyfriend, and they’d kissed already, once, and it was perfect. It was safe and had nothing to do with Eric.
He would kiss Kurt.
Just to be sure, Blaine decided to wait with revealing his thoughts until the evening, checking his reactions in case it was just a momentary slip of hormones over fear. But no, every time his eyes met Kurt’s, he felt the indescribable pull to just lean in and claim these pink lips as his, which made simple sitting next to him a gentle kind of torture. Once realized, the desire to kiss his boyfriend - to touch his lips, trace it with his tongue, delve into the hot cavern of his mouth - became overwhelming, constantly present like a bee buzzing insistently in his ear. He could barely wait until they were alone in Kurt’s room.
But finally, finally it was evening, and they were behind closed door after taking turns in the shower, and Kurt was climbing onto the bed and laying on his back, and all Blaine could think was Now. So he leaned on his elbow and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes - grey in the soft light of the sole lamp on the nightstand - before he asked.
“Kurt, can I try something?”
“What?”
“Just, let me try. Please.”
“Okay.”
And then his hand was on Kurt’s cheek, and their lips were touching - his gentle, but insistent, Kurt’s still - and then there was a sharp inhale and his kiss was reciprocated with enthusiasm he kind of hoped for. And they were kissing, just like that, and it was heaven. At some point one set of lips parted, and then another, and soon their tongues touched, sending shivers down Blaine’s spine. Exploration followed, hesitant at first, then bolder, and still they couldn’t get enough of each other, hands insistent on cheeks, necks, tangled in each other’s hair. Then Kurt moaned quietly, the sound doing things to Blaine that he didn’t suspect simple kissing could do, things that just weren’t there since the rape, and suddenly he was breaking the kiss, withdrawing, the warning light in his head going off. Enough. Regain control. No further. But once his body realized that he wasn’t followed, that no one made him do anything, he relaxed.
“Sorry. It was getting a bit out of control.”
“Did I do something wrong? Should I be quiet?”
“No, god no. I was just… startled by my… reactions.” He could feel himself blush now and when Kurt’s eyes widened in understanding seconds later, he blushed beautifully too.
“Oh.”
“I guess it will all be kind of… trial and error. With time, I mean, you know…”
“I’m fine with trial and error, as long as you tell me about my errors so that I can avoid them later.”
“Deal. But you have to do the same.”
“Oh. Yeah, I will.”
They lay in silence for a while, their fingers intertwined. Then, “Blaine?”
“Hm?”
“Does it mean we can still kiss? It wasn’t an error, was it?”
“Definitely wasn’t. So I hoped we can.”
“Good. Because I really want more of this.”
“Mhm. Me too.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the next chapter: Admissions