[SR] Everwood quote
[Set in whenitsadream. Sam is imnot_likeyou. Comes after THIS.]
“A heart is a fragile thing. That's why we protect them so vigorously, give them away so rarely and why it means so much when we do. Some hearts are more fragile than others. Purer somehow. Like crystal in a world of glass, even the way they shatter is beautiful.”
James was about two the first time he got stung by a bee.
Sam had taken him to the park with Maddie and the puppy. The twins had something for school and Angie had a doctor’s appointment, so it was just the four of them, as well as James’s first trip to the park. And he was looking at everything. There were just so many colors and things that he couldn’t find in his own backyard. So he just toddled away, going to all of the different flowers and trees, but not quite moving fast enough that Sam couldn’t keep up with him. Not that his father ever couldn’t-Sam was too tall to be left behind for long, and could always see him, no matter where he was. If Dad was around James was safe, which was why he felt it was perfectly okay to grab at one of the bright red flowers that lined the side of the park, not noticing until it was too late the angry looking yellow bug that had come flying out, and was aiming straight for James’s face.
James had never seen a bee before, and it was smaller than he was, so he didn’t see that there was a need to be worried. He thought it was just an angry looking fly and if he just swatted it away, he would be fine. Flies didn’t bite or sting. It wasn’t until he felt the sharp prick of the stinger being driven into the meat of his hand that he realized he was very wrong. It hurt a lot. More than anything he ever felt before. He plopped backwards into the grass and couldn’t stop the tears rushing to his eyes, letting out a sudden wail that was guaranteed to bring his father running.
Problem was, it didn’t stop hurting. Soon his whole body was starting to hurt, and his hand was starting to get bigger, like everything inside his body was pushing at his skin and trying to get out. The second he felt his father next to him, he tried to relax, but his throat was making it hard to breathe, and now he was starting to get scared. “Daddy-Daddy.”
“It’s okay, James. I’ve got you. You’re gonna be okay.” The words were there, and the inflection was too, but Sam was picking up and moving fast, very fast. His head was starting to get at little fuzzy, and he just curled into his father more, trusting him to take care of him as things started to get a little hazy.
The next thing he remembers, he’s curled into his father’s side on a gurney in the ER. His head was hazy and fuzzy, and he didn’t remember much, but he was feeling less itchy and swollen than he was before. His thumb slid into his mouth as he pushed himself closer to the warmth of Sam next to him, relaxing even more as Sam rubbed his back gently.
“Hey, buddy. How’re you feeling?”
“Fuzzy,” he said , rubbing his eyes lightly. They still itched a bit. “What happened?”
“You got stung by a bee, kiddo. Looks like you’re allergic.”
“What’s that mean?”
“I’ll explain later. Just get some sleep, alright? You’re gonna be just fine.”
“Okay.” And he did as he was told. Because his dad didn’t lie to him. Not about stuff like that.
***
“Dad, did you see me!? I was so awesome!”
His arm hurt like crazy, and he was pretty sure from the angle he was looking at that it was very broken. If he hadn’t been wearing a helmet though, it would have been much worse, so he was settling for the fact that he had just a broken arm, so it was all sunshine and roses from here, as far as he was concerned. Plus, he was ten and had just pulled off the skateboard trick of the century. He was awesome.
“Sure did, buddy. And when your mother sees this? She’s gonna kill me for letting you do it.”
Sam was sitting on the side of the hospital bed while they waited for the doctor to come in and cast his arm. They had set it a while ago, but it was still in a cloth sling and bandages, and that wasn’t going to hold for long. James was just grinning bright back at his father, almost as though he hadn’t a care in the world. Morphine was great for that.
“Aww, c’mon. Doesn’t even hurt.”
“That’s because you’re on morphine.”
“So it’s all good, right?”
James knew that if he kept poking long enough he could get a smile out of his father, and it wasn’t long before one stretched across Sam’s face. This was far from James’s first broken limb, let alone his first trip to the ER. It had been so frequent that most of the attendings knew him by name, and that wasn’t an honor they bequeathed on many.
“Besides, Mom’s not gonna kill you. She knows that even if you told me no, I would still have done it anyway.”
“Yeah, but if I had said no, I still wouldn’t have been giving you permission.”
“Still. Totally not your fau-” He was cut off mid-word by a huge yawn. Morphine always made him sleepy. “-ault. I think I need a nap.”
“Sounds like a good plan, James.”
He nodded slowly, his eyes slipping closed as he rolled onto his side, closer to his father. Sam’s thumb brushed a stray bang away from his face, and he blinked his eyes open for a minute. “’t was awesome though, right Dad?”
“Yeah, kiddo. It was pretty awesome.”
***
When he woke up in the ER, he was scared. The last thing he remembered before this was the bright glare of the headlights of the oncoming car, swerving into his lane, one hand reaching for his sister-oh, God, Rachel. He sat up with a shot, hands reaching for the wires and tubes holding him in place, trying to pull them off, as he had to go find his sister. He had to find her now. Right now. Not five minutes from now, now now.
“James. James!”
His father’s voice broke through his thoughts, and he turned wide eyes on Sam. “Rachel? Where’s Rachel?”
Sam slid an arm around his son’s shoulders, pulling him closer as he tried to calm him down. “She’s with your mom, the doctors are looking her over. She’s fine, James. She’s fine.”
James relaxed against his father’s chest, trying to get his breathing to calm down, but he was still pretty scared. His whole body hurt, and he didn’t know what had happened, and he was so scared that this was all his fault. That he hadn’t known what he was doing and now he was going to pay for it. He was only seventeen. This wasn’t supposed to happen when he was seventeen.
“I didn’t see him coming. I didn’t. I just-I tried to get out of the way when I saw him, but by the time I did it was too late, and he was right there, and I-”
“Shhhhh,” Sam said softly, his arms tightening around him, pulling him closer. “I’ve got you. You’re gonna be fine. You and Rachel are okay, and you’re gonna be just fine, alright?”
James nodded slightly as he just closed his eyes and leaned into his father’s chest, trying not to let the fears get to him. Sam had him. And if his father was there, that pretty much meant he was going to be okay.
***
It was odd, sitting on the other side of the hospital bed. Usually he was the one in it, with his father sitting on the side trying to keep him calm and happy. That was all Sam ever did, really. Keep him calm and keep him happy. He was there for him to make sure he was safe and sound, in one piece, and never in danger. And then this happens.
Dean had brought in an ouija board for them to talk to him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to use it. He didn’t really have to say anything anyway. Anything he had to say could wait until his father woke up. Instead he just reached his hand forward, sliding it into his father’s and giving it a slight squeeze. He could remember when Sam’s hands seemed so much bigger than his own, when his father was this huge looming presence that made him feel safe, and comfortable. But this was situation only made him feel empty.
And that wasn’t a great feeling. At all.
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“A heart is a fragile thing. That's why we protect them so vigorously, give them away so rarely and why it means so much when we do. Some hearts are more fragile than others. Purer somehow. Like crystal in a world of glass, even the way they shatter is beautiful.”
James was about two the first time he got stung by a bee.
Sam had taken him to the park with Maddie and the puppy. The twins had something for school and Angie had a doctor’s appointment, so it was just the four of them, as well as James’s first trip to the park. And he was looking at everything. There were just so many colors and things that he couldn’t find in his own backyard. So he just toddled away, going to all of the different flowers and trees, but not quite moving fast enough that Sam couldn’t keep up with him. Not that his father ever couldn’t-Sam was too tall to be left behind for long, and could always see him, no matter where he was. If Dad was around James was safe, which was why he felt it was perfectly okay to grab at one of the bright red flowers that lined the side of the park, not noticing until it was too late the angry looking yellow bug that had come flying out, and was aiming straight for James’s face.
James had never seen a bee before, and it was smaller than he was, so he didn’t see that there was a need to be worried. He thought it was just an angry looking fly and if he just swatted it away, he would be fine. Flies didn’t bite or sting. It wasn’t until he felt the sharp prick of the stinger being driven into the meat of his hand that he realized he was very wrong. It hurt a lot. More than anything he ever felt before. He plopped backwards into the grass and couldn’t stop the tears rushing to his eyes, letting out a sudden wail that was guaranteed to bring his father running.
Problem was, it didn’t stop hurting. Soon his whole body was starting to hurt, and his hand was starting to get bigger, like everything inside his body was pushing at his skin and trying to get out. The second he felt his father next to him, he tried to relax, but his throat was making it hard to breathe, and now he was starting to get scared. “Daddy-Daddy.”
“It’s okay, James. I’ve got you. You’re gonna be okay.” The words were there, and the inflection was too, but Sam was picking up and moving fast, very fast. His head was starting to get at little fuzzy, and he just curled into his father more, trusting him to take care of him as things started to get a little hazy.
The next thing he remembers, he’s curled into his father’s side on a gurney in the ER. His head was hazy and fuzzy, and he didn’t remember much, but he was feeling less itchy and swollen than he was before. His thumb slid into his mouth as he pushed himself closer to the warmth of Sam next to him, relaxing even more as Sam rubbed his back gently.
“Hey, buddy. How’re you feeling?”
“Fuzzy,” he said , rubbing his eyes lightly. They still itched a bit. “What happened?”
“You got stung by a bee, kiddo. Looks like you’re allergic.”
“What’s that mean?”
“I’ll explain later. Just get some sleep, alright? You’re gonna be just fine.”
“Okay.” And he did as he was told. Because his dad didn’t lie to him. Not about stuff like that.
***
“Dad, did you see me!? I was so awesome!”
His arm hurt like crazy, and he was pretty sure from the angle he was looking at that it was very broken. If he hadn’t been wearing a helmet though, it would have been much worse, so he was settling for the fact that he had just a broken arm, so it was all sunshine and roses from here, as far as he was concerned. Plus, he was ten and had just pulled off the skateboard trick of the century. He was awesome.
“Sure did, buddy. And when your mother sees this? She’s gonna kill me for letting you do it.”
Sam was sitting on the side of the hospital bed while they waited for the doctor to come in and cast his arm. They had set it a while ago, but it was still in a cloth sling and bandages, and that wasn’t going to hold for long. James was just grinning bright back at his father, almost as though he hadn’t a care in the world. Morphine was great for that.
“Aww, c’mon. Doesn’t even hurt.”
“That’s because you’re on morphine.”
“So it’s all good, right?”
James knew that if he kept poking long enough he could get a smile out of his father, and it wasn’t long before one stretched across Sam’s face. This was far from James’s first broken limb, let alone his first trip to the ER. It had been so frequent that most of the attendings knew him by name, and that wasn’t an honor they bequeathed on many.
“Besides, Mom’s not gonna kill you. She knows that even if you told me no, I would still have done it anyway.”
“Yeah, but if I had said no, I still wouldn’t have been giving you permission.”
“Still. Totally not your fau-” He was cut off mid-word by a huge yawn. Morphine always made him sleepy. “-ault. I think I need a nap.”
“Sounds like a good plan, James.”
He nodded slowly, his eyes slipping closed as he rolled onto his side, closer to his father. Sam’s thumb brushed a stray bang away from his face, and he blinked his eyes open for a minute. “’t was awesome though, right Dad?”
“Yeah, kiddo. It was pretty awesome.”
***
When he woke up in the ER, he was scared. The last thing he remembered before this was the bright glare of the headlights of the oncoming car, swerving into his lane, one hand reaching for his sister-oh, God, Rachel. He sat up with a shot, hands reaching for the wires and tubes holding him in place, trying to pull them off, as he had to go find his sister. He had to find her now. Right now. Not five minutes from now, now now.
“James. James!”
His father’s voice broke through his thoughts, and he turned wide eyes on Sam. “Rachel? Where’s Rachel?”
Sam slid an arm around his son’s shoulders, pulling him closer as he tried to calm him down. “She’s with your mom, the doctors are looking her over. She’s fine, James. She’s fine.”
James relaxed against his father’s chest, trying to get his breathing to calm down, but he was still pretty scared. His whole body hurt, and he didn’t know what had happened, and he was so scared that this was all his fault. That he hadn’t known what he was doing and now he was going to pay for it. He was only seventeen. This wasn’t supposed to happen when he was seventeen.
“I didn’t see him coming. I didn’t. I just-I tried to get out of the way when I saw him, but by the time I did it was too late, and he was right there, and I-”
“Shhhhh,” Sam said softly, his arms tightening around him, pulling him closer. “I’ve got you. You’re gonna be fine. You and Rachel are okay, and you’re gonna be just fine, alright?”
James nodded slightly as he just closed his eyes and leaned into his father’s chest, trying not to let the fears get to him. Sam had him. And if his father was there, that pretty much meant he was going to be okay.
***
It was odd, sitting on the other side of the hospital bed. Usually he was the one in it, with his father sitting on the side trying to keep him calm and happy. That was all Sam ever did, really. Keep him calm and keep him happy. He was there for him to make sure he was safe and sound, in one piece, and never in danger. And then this happens.
Dean had brought in an ouija board for them to talk to him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to use it. He didn’t really have to say anything anyway. Anything he had to say could wait until his father woke up. Instead he just reached his hand forward, sliding it into his father’s and giving it a slight squeeze. He could remember when Sam’s hands seemed so much bigger than his own, when his father was this huge looming presence that made him feel safe, and comfortable. But this was situation only made him feel empty.
And that wasn’t a great feeling. At all.
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