TCW Explosion! Episode 3
Just realized I forgot to put this up yesterday. So here it is now.
From the city of Minneapolis, This! Is! TWIN CITIES WRESTLING! *Video intro, opening pyro, pan of the crowd, pan to Cole and Ventura. Cole is dressed in a nice suit, Ventura has a sports coat, pink boa, and bandanna*
Cole: Welcome once again, ladies and gentlemen, to Twin Cities Wrestling Explosion! Tonight we bring you an action packed line up, full of...
Ventura: Stop stalling, Cole, and tell them about the main event!
Cole: You're really excited about that match, aren't you partner?
Ventura: You're dang right I am. It's a showcase of *true* wrestling talent, not like these gimmick brawl jobs we've been having lately!
Cole: Now I wouldnt' say that. I think those athletes work just as hard at their chosen division matches as the Singles competitors.
Ventura: You're *really* going to try to compare a Rhino or a Balls Mahoney to our wrestlers in the main event? Come on, Balls Mahoney? That's not the name of a wrestler, it's the name of a n adult film star!
Cole: Well, I can't deny that our main event wrestlers are top notch. Tonight, our main event is the fourth round of the Singles Title tournament. Johnny Saint versus the hometown boy, Mr. Perfect!
Ventura: The man who practically defined mat wrestling versus the man who perfected it! It's gonna be a treat!
Cole: But first, we've got...*Cole puts his hand to his ear, as if getting a message in his earpeice* We've got a situation in the back, is what we've got! Can we get a camera back there?!
*Scene shifts to the back, where Shane McMahon is slamming a trash can onto Jerry Lynn. Security is trying to break them up, but it's not really working*
McMahon: COME ON, YOU WORTHLESS, BLUE COLLAR PIECE OF CRAP! I GOT YOUR NUMBER!
*McMahon breaks through security to try to tackle Lynn, but Lynn manages to catch him and help him along into the nearest wall. Lynn then begins delivering clubbing forearms onto McMahon's back, before Security manages to pull them apart. The camera pulls out with Lynn and McMahon being pulled apart while yelling at each other*
Ventura: You gotta respect McMahon going after his title with gusto!
Cole: Only one problem. It's not *his* title! Jerry Lynn won that title on our first show!
Ventura: We all saw the tape, Cole. What, were you putting in your contacts when ShaneO showed it on the screen?
Cole: Let's just say I was unconvinced. However, while our Commissioner tries to sort out what to do with those two, why don't we head on to our first match of the night.
*The music for Mr. Kennedy begins playing, and out from the back comes Mr. Kennedy! He strides down to the ring, wearing a Green Bay Packer's jersey, before sliding into the ring and calling down the ring microphone*
Kennedy: I weigh in at a stunning, magnificent two hundred and sixty seven pounds! I hail from a town with a *real* football team, Green Bay Wisconsin! I...
*The Anarchist, Arik Cannon's music begins playing. Cannon comes out of the back, much to the cheers of the audience. He heads down o the ring quickly, rolling in and signaling for a microphone*
Cannon: I dunno if you were paying attention or not, but Green Bay? They *lost* the other night. *Crowd pop*. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, didn't your guys' quarterback hate your town so damn much he came over to ours? *Another crowd pop*. But, glad to see you've got some hometown pride. Means I can beat it out of you!
*Kennedy takes a swing at Cannon, who ducks it and drops the microphone. He returns with forearms to the face, driving Kennedy back against the ropes. Irish whip to toss Kennedy off the ropes, and he prepares for a clothesline. Kennedy ducks, and pulls off a neckbreaker. He then proceeds to work Cannon over, sticking to mat work, working on Cannon's leg and using the rope for leverage fairly often. Cannon powers up, reversing a hammerlock and going for his own. Kennedy swings his head back, headbutting Cannon to get him off. Kennedy then turns and swings a punch at Cannon, but gets an admonishment from the Ref for closed fist punching. Kennedy ignores it and grabs Cannon, whipping him to the corner, following it up with splash. Cannon flops to the ground, and Kennedy moves up to the second rope. He raises his arm, eliciting boos from the crowd, and jumps off in an attempt for an elbow drop. Cannon moves out of the way, rolling up to his feet and movcing to grab Kennedy's leg for a leg lock. Kennedy turns around, and kicks Cannon off. Cannon moves in to try again, and gets another kick to the face for his effort. Kennedy gets up while Cannon is stumbling, and hits him with a clothesline. Cannon goes down, and Kennedy puts him in a leg lock. Then it's a long....reach....for...the....ropes! Cannon grabs them, and the Ref warns Kennedy off, needing to invoke a count before Kennedy lets go. Kennedy stands and showboats to the crowd, while Cannon stumbles to his feet. Kenned turns around, and in a flash, Cannon grabs him and delivers the T-Bone suplex. They're both down for a four count. They're up, Kennedy tries for another clotheline, Cannon manages another T-Bone, and then runs up for a Glimmering Warlock. Pin, 1-2, Kennedy kicks out. Cannon pulls him up, lifts him up for a suplex, and holds him for several seconds before dropping into a brainbuster. Pin, 1-2, Kennedy manages to get his foot on the rope. Cannon moves to pick him up, Kennedy grabs him and rolls him into a small package. Pin, 1-2, Cannon kicks out and drops a quick elbow. Pin, 1-2, Kennedy kicks out. Kennedy grabs the Ref quickly, using him as a way to get up. The Ref tries to get Kennedy off of him, but Kennedy then shoves the ref toward Cannon. The two stumble about, trying not to hurt each other, and the second the Ref is distracted, Kennedy moves quickly and delivers a low-blow to Cannon before going for the school boy. Ref shakes it off, goes to count. 1-2-3, Victory goes to Kennedy*
Cole: Oh, a *blatant* low blow by Kennedy!
Ventura: Well what do you expect from someone from Green Bay? Not like he could win any other way!
Cole: I expect a wrestler to have some small amount of sportsmanship and not blatantly cheat to get a victory!
Ventura: Well, I'm not gonna excuse his behaviour, but at the end of the day, the record books are gonna show a win for the boy from Green Bay.
Cole: We have a commercial break coming up, folks. We'll be right back.
(Commercial: *Two boys are sitting on the steps of a building. One is eating something*
Boy 1: Hey, whatcha got there?
Boy 2: RisenChrist!
Boy 1: RisenChrist? That sounds like some kinda health crap!
Boy 2: Naw, RisenChrist are like little cubes of chocolate heaven.
*From behind the boys step Jesus, dressed in his classic white robe and red sash. He leans down, putting his arms around the boys' shoulders*
Jesus: That's right, boys. RisenChrist has a creamy milk chocolate coating a crunchy, Christ filled center. It's the most holy of candies for the most righteous of candy lovers. *Jesus looks up at the camera* And mom's love it because, let's face it, the Trix Rabbit hasn't done shit for your eternal soul.
*Jingle: RisenCHrist, it's RisenChrist, try the Lord today! A bell dings as Jesus smiles broadly for the camera*)
*Back with the camera on the announce booth*
Cole: We're getting word that right now, Commissioner Slaughter is having words with Jerry Lynn and Shane McMahon right now! Let's see if we can get a camera back there!
*Scene shifts to an office. It's nicely, but sparsly, laid out, and Slaughter is standing behind his desk. Lynn and McMahon are sitting on a couch against the far wall*
Slaughter: What the *hell* did I tell you two last week?! You wanna beat the crap out of each other, do it in the ring!
Lynn: He freaking jump...
Slaughter: I don't give a rip who started it! You're both being fined twenty thousand dollars! *Lynn looks quite annoyed by this. McMahon begins digging through his pocket*
McMahon: You want that in cash? I might have to run to the ATM...
Slaughter: Shut your mouth, maggot! Now, you two wanna beat on each other? Fine. You're going to have a match tonight. A No Disqualifications match. *Shane looks excited for the moment* NON! Title. *Shane looks annoyed now* Maybe this'll keep you two in check until the title match at Glory Run in two weeks. Now get the hell out of my office!
Lynn and McMahon stand, and shuffle out of the office. Slaughter sits down, shaking his head, and the scene shifts back to the announce booth*
Cole: We're going to have a non-title No DQ match between the Gimmick Champion and the number one Contender tonight, partner! Isn't that exciting?
Ventura: Yeah, well, we'll see how well Lynn does when he doesn't have a battle royal to keep him safe.
Cole: Anyway, our next match up is the first match of the semi-finals of the Tag Team Title Tournament. Let's go to Lauren to get some pre-match words from one fo the participants, D-Generation X.
*Scene shifts, there's Lauren, standing with HHH and Shawn Michaels. HHH's voice comes in loud and clear*
HHH: Naw, man, I'm telling you. I saw the twineball myself, and it doesn't even measure up.
Michaels: Yours are that much bigger, huh?
Lauren: *Looking disgusted* Ok! I'm standing back here with D-X, who's set to take on the Motor City Machineguns in just a few minutes. Can I get your thoughts on what some are saying is the greatest up and coming tag team in wrestling today?
Michaels: *Takes the microphone from Lauren* Greatest who what? Until I got up here, I'd never even heard of those guys.
HHH: What makes them the greatest up and coming tag team, anyway? That they can jump off the top rope? They can point to their palm? *He points to his palm in mockery* I don't have any clue how that's supposed to come close to matching our stunning physique, our tag team chemistry, or our massive genitalia.
Michaels: It's true. Why, we could probably win the match just by pulling down our pants and watching them fall over with shame.
Lauren: ...can you go one sentence without talking about your genitals?
HHH: Sure we wang.
Michaels: Can.
HHH: Can wang.
Michaels: Anyway, come on, we got a match to win.
*Michaels and HHH walk off, leaving Lauren with a disgusted look on her face*
Lauren: ...back to you, Michael and Jesse.
*Scene shifts back to Cole and Ventura*
Cole: ...they can't be *that* impressive.
Ventura: Look, all I'm saying is that I've been back in the locker room with these guys, and I know what I saw.
*The Machine Guns' music begins playing, and Cole gets a relieved look on his face. The Guns come from the back, posing for the camera. They run down to the ring, and Sabin calls for the microphone.*
Sabin: Massive? Really? Need I remind you that we all share a locker room back there? *Shelly makes a motion with his hands, starting large and then making it smaller and smaller* I mean, where we're from, here up north? We get taught that if you have to brag about it all the time, it means it's not really true.
Shelly: *Shelly takes the microphone for a moment* And what's with those BMW's you guys drive?
Sabin: Actually, Michaels drives the BMW. Triple H drives the Ford F-150. Look, D-X. We're not saying you're not a great tag team. You've done some amazing things in your time. All we're saying, is that you have really, really, *really* tiny...
*D-X's music blares over the loud speaker, and HHH and Michaels step out, looking not amused. They look at each other, look at the guns, give a crotch chop taunt, and then stride down to the ring*
Cole: Well, D-X doesn't look especially thrilled with where Sabin was going with his little speech.
Ventura: The Guns oughta learn to have some respect. D-X is a multiple time tag team championship winner, and Sabin and Shelly are some two bit nobodies from a city that no body cares about.
*Into the ring, bell is rung. HHH and Shelly start out. HHH goes for the lockup, Shelly ducks around and goes for the waistlock. HHH struggles, breaks, and reverses for his own waistlock. Shelly tries to reverse, but HHH hits a forearm to the back. Shelly sells it, and HHH grabs him up and hits an atomic drop, following it up with an irish whip into the corner. Tag to Michaels, Michaels and HHH kick Shelly while the Ref counts to four. HHH levaes the ring, and Michaels snapmares Shelly out of the corner. He moves down to put Shelly in a chin lock, but Shelly powers up almost immediately. Shelly throws Michaels to the rope, Michaels shoulder tackles. Shelly goes down, and Michaels hits the rope for another tackle. Shelly hops up, hits an arm drag, then another arm drag, before hitting a third arm drag and moving into an armbar. Michaels tries to get out, can't, and then thumbs the eye, getting a warning from the Ref. Michaels is up, hits several forearms to Shelly, before tossing him to the corner. Michaels works him over, making quick, constant tags to HHH. HHH throws Shelly against the ropes, and goes for the rising knee. Shelly slides under it, hops up, and delivers a drop kick. They're both down for a moment, but HHH gets up and moves to pull Shelly up. Shelly knocks him away, delivering a kick to the knee, the side, and then an enziguri to the back fo the head. Both go down, both go for a tag. Hot tag to Sabin, tag to Michaels. Sabin comes in a ball of fire, hitting Michaels with a clothes line. He follows through, hitting the ropes, and then delivers a drop kick to the face while Michaels is getting up. Sabin heads to the apron, waits, and when Michaels gets to his feet, he springboards off the rope and hits the flying DDT. Pin, 1-2 kickout. HHH is up by now, however, and moves to hit Sabin. Sabin ducks, and Shelly moves in. In tandem, they deliver a kick to the knees, a kick to the mid-section, and then a superkick/Enziguri combination. HHH falls, and Sabin moves to grab up Michaels. Up on the shoulder, cross the legs, and Cradle Shock! He goes for the pin, but HHH distracts the Ref. Shelly runs across the ring, hitting HHH with a clothesline and they both go tumbling out of the ring/off the apron. The Ref's attention is distracted, and Sabin gets up to hit Michaels with something else. He picks up Michaels, but Michaels hits him with a low blow before standing up and delivering the Sweet Chin Music. Sabin down, Michaels pins and yells at the Ref. Ref turns around, goes to count. 1-2-3, Victory!*
Cole: D-X steals another one!
Ventura: They got the job done, Cole, and that's what matters!
Cole: This is a travesty! D-X is perfectly content to cheat their way to the tag titles!
*Commissioner Slaughter's entrance music plays. D-X stops their celebration, looking at the entrance ramp as Slaughter steps out of the back, microphone in hand*
Slaughter: Now, normally I wouldn't get involved in individual matches.
Ventura: As well he shouldn't! It's not his job to interfere in matches!
Cole: Hush and let the commissioner speak!
Slaughter: But seeing as you boys and I have some history together...and also seeing as how every single fan in this arena saw the same thing I did...I'm gonna make an exception. *The crowd cheers, while D-X looks rather upset,s haking their heads and yelling* I'm gonna reverse the decision, and make the one that would have been made if the Ref had been a little more on the ball. The winners of this match, and the team advancing in the Tag Team Title Tournament, via a disqualification....The Motor City Machine Guns!
*The Guns raise their hands in victory, while D-X looks pissed. So pissed, in fact, that D-X turns to attack the Guns. The guns duck, and at the same time dropkick both Michaels and HHH. HHH stumbles to the ropes, while Michaels falls over it. Sabin grabs HHH, and whips him to the corner. The guns cross the distance, and push HHH up to the second rope. Shelly hops tot he top, Sabin puts himself between HHH's legs, and they deliver the Made in Detroit, hitting the Super Sliced Bread #2 with a sit out powerbomb! While HHH lays there, Sabin and Shelly both crotch chop at him before pointing to their palms and shoving said palms in HHH's unconcious face*
Ventura: That was absolutely disgusting! Slaughter's job isn't to come down here and reverse decisions like that!
Cole: Commissioner Slaughter's in charge around here, partner, and besides. It's not like D-X didn't cheat.
Ventura: It's not cheating if you don't get caught, Cole!
Cole: Well, they got caught. We've gotta take a commecerial break, ladies and gentlmen, but when we get back we've got Bob Holly vs. Ken Shamrock in a singles style match up, the No DQ match between Shane McMahon and Gimmick Champion Jerry Lynn, and our main event, Johnny Saint against Mr. Perfect! Stay tuned!
(Commercial: *All in black and white. Housewife sits in the kitchen, reading a thick physics book. Shotgun shooting comes from the living room. The housewife gets to her feet, and runs in, only to see her husband, dressed in the standard 1950's Father Figure style dress, complete with pipe in mouth, shooting a shotgun at several zombies trying to burst into the house*
Father: Honey, we've got a zombie problem again. Can you get the phonebook and call up a cleric?
Wife: How about a cleric of the All Powerful One?
Father: *Fires another shot at the zombies at the door, and then cocks the shotgun* The All Powerful One? Isn't that the God of Holy Wrath and Bullshit? What can one of *his* Clerics do?
Wife: Well, I was just reading an article in Clerics Monthly about it, and it gave his clerics top billing. Apparently, the Holy Wrath part really destroys things that Should Not Be, and then the Bullshit part keeps you from having to tell the neighbors about your unsightly little problem! Plus, every cleansing from a Cleric of the All Powerful One comes with a free four pack of Surly Cynicale! It's the official beer of Rantin' and Ravin', which is the bi-weekly broadcast of the All Powerful One himself!
Father: *Another shotgun blast* Well, I'm sold! Get one on the phone and tell them it's an emergency!
*Swirly screen to indicate time passing. Scene now shows a guy in jeans and a t-shirt, bottle of beer in hand, wobbeling as if drunk.*
Cleric: Hey zombies! Fuck you!
*The cleric walks up to the zombies, belches, and smashes his bottle into one of the zombie's face. The zombies all turn and run away, yipping like scolded dogs. The housewife and father walk in out fo the kitchen, the Father drinking a can of Surly Cynicale*
Wife: Thank you, Cleric! And thank you for working so quickly!
Father: And this Surly Cynicale really hits the spot!
Cleric: *Gives a thumbs up* I fucked them up good, didn't I?
*The scene blurs out, with white block letters reading http://www.dementiaradio.org and a voiceover*
Narrator: Hear the God that has everyone talking. Join the Church of the All Powerful One, and you, too, can beer-smack a zombie.)
*Open up on the broadcast team*
Ventura: Is it just me, Cole, or are our sponser's commercials getting weirder every week?
Cole: Really? I hadn't noticed. Anyway, coming up next is Bob Holly and Ken Shamrock in a singles style match up! Who do you have your money on, Jesse?
Ventura: Well, I'm gonna have to say that Shamrock can win this if Hemme doesn't come out and ruin it for him again. That woman is about as crazy as they come, I'd say.
Cole: I gotta agree with you, partner. I can't understand why she would thrust her help on someone who clearly doesn't want it.
*Bob Holly's music plays, and he comes out from the back, raising his arms for the crowd. Shamrock's music plays, and Shamrock heads out of the back, roaring for the crowd and hitting his head before heading into the ring. Match starts. Lock up, Shamrock fireman carries Holly to the match and applies an armbar. Holly rolls up, powering out of the hold. Another lock up, and this time Holly fireman carries Shamrock down and puts him in an armbar. Shamrock powers out, and they're up and staring at each other. Shamrock goes for another lockup, but Holly ducks and goes for a waist lock. Shamrock tries to power out, but Holly moves into a headlock. Shamrock throws him to the ropes. Tackle, Shamrock down. Holly hits the ropes again, another tackle, Shamrock down. Holly hits the ropes again, but this time Shamrock is ready and grabs Holly into an overhead belly to belly. Shamrock goes to pick up Holly, but Holly breaks out and hits several forearms before throwing Shamrock to the corner. Holly hits a clothesline in the corner, before veiling him out of it and moving down to put on a rear chinlock. Shamrock manages to power up after a few moments, and picks up Holly into a back suplex. Holly is up while Shamrock's still shaking out cobwebs, and as Shamrock tries to stand, Holly hits him with a clothesline. Pin, 1-2, kickout. Shamrock begins getting to his feet, but Holly hits him in the back with aheavy forearm. He stumbles to the ropes, and Holly picks him up by the feet, pauses for the crowd, and kicks him in the midsection. Ref admonishes him to keep things visibly above the belt while Holly showboats. That's the moment Christie Hemme runs down from the back*
Ventura: OH man, here we go again. This marks he beginning of the end for Clover there!
*Christie tries to give Shamrock a pep talk, yelling about how he can do it and he needs to get up. Shamrock blinks, standing to his feet and realizing who's there. He points and yells at her to get the hell away, while Holly positions himself behind Shamrock. Christie yells at Shamrock to look out, and Shamrock turns right into a boot from Holly. Holly picks him up, and hits the Alabama Slamma! He goes for a pin, but Christie hops up on the ring apron and begins yelling at the Ref. The Ref moves to tell her to get off, not being able to count the pin. Holly gets up after a moment, moving to the rope in order to try grabbing Christie, and Christie jumps off the apron. By the time Holly turns around,S hamrock si up, and hits him with a belly to belly. Shamrock roars for the crowd, and waits. Holly gets to his feet, Shamrock grabs his arm and hits the armbar, before floating over into the anklelock. Holly lasts for all of a few seconds before tapping. Victory Shamrock. The Ref raises Shamrock's hand, and Christie runs into raise his other. Shamrock rips his hand out of Christie's, and leaves the ring, shooting her a glare*
Cole: I don't know what Shamrock is so upset about. Christie helped him get the victory!
Ventura: Yeah, but if that crazy lady hadn't been out there in the first place, Shamrock wouldn't have needed her help! She should have just stayed in the back where she belonged!
Cole: Ok, maybe that's true. But you can't deny that Christie helped Shamrock get the one two three in the end there.
Ventura: I can deny all sorts of things, Cole. Anyway, our next match is when Lynn gets himself thrown around by McMahon, right?
Cole: Well, it's the no-DQ match between Shane McMahon and the Gimmick Champion, Jerry Lynn anyway. And I think Jerry Lynn has a few words for us, too. So let's go back to Lauren.
*Scene shift. Lauren standing with Jerry Lynn, who has the belt hanging over his shoulder*
Lauren: I'm here with Jerry Lynn, the Gimmick Division Champion. Jerry, what are your thoughts about the upcoming No DQ matchw ith Shane McMahon.
Lynn: *He takes the microphoen from Lauren, looking pissed* You wanna jump me from behind, McMahon?! You wanna say that *my* title should be *yours*?! Well, congradulations! You whined your way into a match tonight. Oh, I'll give you your props. You've done some amazing things in your time. Pretty damn easy to go out there and do those amazing things when you've got a team of the best doctors trying to fix you up if you break! Unlike you, I'm not rich enough for the best health care in the country. But I go out there anywhere and take those risks. And you know why? Because of the fans. Because I was brought up right here, in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and I was taught that you always give it everything you've got, because otherwise what's the point?! And tonight, McMahon? I'm gonna give it everything I've got, all over your face! You'll be lucky if you *make* it to Run For Glory! *He shoves the microphone baqck at Lauren, and storms off*
Lauren: Heated words. Back to you, Jesse and...*she pauses, glancing off to the side. The camera shifts, and we see McMahon talking to someone in the shadows*
McMahon: And there's an extra thousand in it for you if he can't make it to Run for Glory, got it? *He pats the figure on the shoulder* Good.
*McMahon walks off, right as the camera tries to zoom in on the shadowy figure. The figure ducks away, and we don't see his or her face. Camera pans back to Lauren, who shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head. Scene shifts back to Cole and Jesse*
Cole: Who was that mysterious figure we saw Shane McMahon talking to?
Ventura: Doesn't matter, Cole. If Lynn is any kind of true champion, and he's not, he'll be able to take on anything!
*The strains of Shane McMahon's music begin playing, and Shane comes down to the ring, dancing the whole way. He stops at the ring apron, reaching under it and pulling out a steel folding chair. He tosses that into the ring, and then rolls in under the ropes. Lynn's music begins playing, and Lynn comes out, raising his title belt into the air. H ethen charges to the ring, sliding in. McMahon starts by delivering several kicks, but Lynn shrugs them off, standing to his feet and swinging several punches at McMahon. He punches him to the ropes, and then throws him. McMahon hits the ropes, Lynn drops to the ground. McMahon hits the ropes again, Lynn jumps over him. McMahon hits the ropes a third time, Lynn hits a cross body block, goes for the pin. 1-2, kickout. Lynn picks up McMahon, but McMahon hits a lowblow*
Cole: Another blatant low blow from Shane McMahon! Has he no shame?!
Ventura: He's got more important things to worry about than shame! He's got a match to win!
*McMahon hits a european uppercut, and then throws several punches at Lynn. Lynn drops, and Shane moves to get the chair. He swings the chair down,t rying to slam it onto Lynn's head, but Lynn rolls out of the way. He moves to try again, but again Lynn rolls out of the way. He moves to try a third time, but Lynn springs to his feet and hits a drop kick, kickingb the chair into McMahon's face. McMahon drops, and Lynn moves to the corner, hopping up quickly on the top turnbuckle. As McMahon gets up, Lynn hits the flying clothesline. Lynn goes for the pin. 1-2, kickout. Lynn looks frusterated, and roll s out of the ring, moving to get his title belt. He grabs it, and rolls back into the ring, only to be met by a spear from McMahon. McMahon straddles him and delivers several punches to the face. He gets up, grabs the title belt, and drops to the ground, slamming it into Lynn. He then leaves the title belt on Lynn's midsection, before going up to the top rope. He climbs up, ponders for a moment, and shakes his head, getting off*
Cole: McMahon showing some rare restraint!
Ventura: I dno't think so, Cole. Look, he's rolling out of the ring!
*McMahon does, indeed, roll out of the rign and reach under the apron. And out comes a small ladder. He slides it in, rolls in after it, and smacks Lynn with it before trying to set it up. He crawls up to the top of it, crosses himself, and then makes a leap of faith, landing a heavy elbow right onto the title and onto Lynn. He rolls for a moment, selling the pain of having delivered such a massive elbow, before crawling over to cover. 1-2, kickout at the last second!*
Cole: There's still some fight left in the Gimmick Division champion!
*McMahon picks Lynn up, but Lynn battles out with a few punches to the mid-section. Lynn stands up, hits the ropes, and McMahon knocks him down with a clothesline. McMahon then moves to hit the ropes, Lynn ducks it, runs to the opposite ropes, and springboards off, htiting a dropkick. McMahon gets up, and Lynn stands to his feet, jumping and hitting a flying headscissors. He then picks McMahon up, tucking McMahon's head between his knees and signaling for a cradle pildriver. From the crowd, however, runs a hefty looking figure*
Cole: Is that...?!
Ventura: It's Horace the Psychopath!
Cole: He's been a longtime rival of Jerry Lynn...do you think that was the mysterious figure Shane McMahon was talking to?!
*Horace runs into the ring, and hits Lynn from behind with a filled cloth sack. Lynn drops, and Horace opens the sack and dumps out a huge mound of thumbtacks. He then picks Lynn up, and powerbombs the man into the thumbtacks. McMahon crawls over, throws his arm over the now prone Lynn. Pin, 1-2-3, Victory for McMahon!*
Ventura: McMahon once again proving why he should be the TCW Gimmick Champion!
Cole: What, by having someone else come in and win the match for him?!
Ventura: It's a no-dq match, Cole! That means anything can be used as a weapon if you need it!
Cole: Yeah, but an entirely different person?!
Ventura: Don't knock it, Cole! You'd have done the same thing if you had the money!
Cole: In any case, as much as it pains me to say it, McMahon has the victory here tonight, over the Hometown Hero Jerry Lynn. But right now, Lauren has an interview with the two wrestlers in tonight's main event. Johnny Saint, and Mr. Perfect! Let's go to Lauren in the back.
*Scene shifts. Johnny Saint and Mr. Perfect stand on either side of Lauren*
Lauren: I'm here with Mr. Perfect and Johnny Saint. You two have been called the best technical wrestlers in the world. Stories of your matches are legendary and epic. Do you two have any words going in to tonight's match?
Saint: *He takes the microphone first, speaking in his English accent* Mr. Perfect, I'm not gonna deny that you're one of the best wrestlers in the world today. And I know that we're here on your home turf, right here in Minnesota. But I promise you, I'm not going to make it easy on you. I hope you're ready to work for it, because I want that Singles Title just as much as you do.
Perfect: *He takes the microphone from Saint* Well, I gotta be honest, Saint. I've seen your matches, and I know it's gonna be tough. But I hope you don't feel too bad when I pull out tonight's victory. Like you said, I'm on my home turf, and when Mr. Perfect is on his home turf, then everythign turns out....Perfect. *He smirks* May the best man win. *He extends a hand, and Saint shakes it. They then head off*
Lauren: Well, a wonderful show of sportsmanship between the two competitors of tonight's main event. We're going to commercial, stay tuned!
(Commercial: *Open on a woman standing in the middle of a street* Do you find yourself often being hit by busses? *People being frantic, surrounding a downed person* Do the shouts and cries of 'Emergency' and 'Call the paramedics' get you down? I understand. In many ways, I'm just like you. The constant being hit by a bus was wearing on me, and I found it hard to live my life. *Swelling inspirational music* But now there's hope. Bus-b-Gone. *She holds up a pill bottle* Bus-b-Gone makes your body emit an oderless, harmless to humans pheremone that scares buses away. SO that you can live your life, bus free. *Narrator's Voice, speaking quickly* Bus-b-Gone is not for everyone. If you are pregnant, planning to get pregnant, have been pregnant at any time in your life, or spend a large amount of time around honey bees, Bus-b-Gone may not be for you. Ask your doctor for more details. *Woman again* Bus-b-Gone. Keep those buses in place.)
*Back to Cole and Jesse*
Cole: And we're back, and we're ready for our main...
*Cole is cut off by Dolph Ziggler's music. Ziggler comes down from the entrance ramp, moving to the broadcast booth and sitting down, picking up a headset*
Ventura: It's Dolph Ziggler! One of *the* up and coming stars in TCW today!
Ziggler: Up and coming? Only as long as it takes me to win the Singles Division Championship.
Cole: You haven't won it yet, Dolph.
Ziggler: It's only a matter of time. By now, it's a foregone conclusion.
Cole: But your next match up is scheduled to be against Awesome Kong! How are you going to take out someone so big, so *powerful*?!
Ziggler: Same way I take out all my opponents, Cole. Skill.
*Johnny Saint's entrance music plays, and Saint comes down to the ring, bowing politely to the crowd. Then comes Mr. Perfect's music. He comes out, slapping hands and raising his arms. The two meet in the ring, and they shake hands as the bell rings. Lockup, Perfect goes around for a waistlock. Saint tries to break free, and then counters into a hammerlock. Perfect sells for a few moments, before countering into his own hammer lock. Saint sells, before countering into his own hammerlock. Perfect struggles, and then breaks free, pulling away. The two stand there for a moment, staring at each other, before they go for another lockup. This time, Perfect simply ducks around for a waist lock. He then delivers a heavy forearm to the back, before grabbing Saint and throwing him to the ropes. Perfect goes for a clothesline, but Saint ducks and grabs Perfect in a headlock. Perfect tries to throw Saint off, but Saint keeps hold, and the two go down to the mat. He holds the headlock for several moments, while Perfect battles up to his feet. He delivers a few elbows to Saint's midsection to break free, and then hits the ropes. Saint hits the ground, and Perfect hits the ropes again. Saint then hits an armdrag, and goes in for the armbar. Perfect swings himself, and rolls up, lifting his legs up and wrapping them around Saint's head. He powers Saint down, putting him in a leg headlock. Saint struggles for a moment, before stretching himself out and doing a handstand, walking himself out of the leg lock. He and Perfect stand to their feet, once more staring at each other. Perfect stretches his hand out for another handshake, and when Saint reaches for it, he moves for a headlock. Saint is prepared, however, and spins around before flipping Perfect over in a judo flip. Saint then goes down, putting Perfect in a wrist lock. Perfect powers up, hits Saint with a forearm, and then throws Saint to the ropes. Shouldertackle, Saint down. Perfect hits the ropes again, this time Saint hits the ground. Perfect against the ropes, another armdrag from Saint, and another wristlock. Saint rolls around into a head scissors, which Perfect kipups out of. They're to their feet, Saint goes for another lockup, Perfect ducks around for a waistlock. Hits a belly to back suplex, bridges. Pin, 1-2, Saint kicks out. Perfect is up, grabs Saint and delivers an inverted atomic drop before hitting a clothesline to knock Saint down again. Pin, 1-2, Kickout. Perfect up, picks up Saint, grapples and hits the Perfect Plex! 1-2-3, Victory for Perfect. The Ref holds up Perfect''s hand.*
Cole: An amazing technical match from two of the best technical wrestlers in the world!
Ziggler: It was pretty good, wasn't it? Now excuse me. *Ziggler gets up*
Cole: Where...where's he going?
*Ziggler grabs up the nearest steel chair, and slides into the ring, quickly smacking Perfect from behind. Saint tries to get up and help Perfect out, but Ziggler hits him in the head, and Saint drops. Ziggler then goes to attacking Perfect with the chair. The camera fades out on Ziggler, leaving Perfect a bloody mess*
From the city of Minneapolis, This! Is! TWIN CITIES WRESTLING! *Video intro, opening pyro, pan of the crowd, pan to Cole and Ventura. Cole is dressed in a nice suit, Ventura has a sports coat, pink boa, and bandanna*
Cole: Welcome once again, ladies and gentlemen, to Twin Cities Wrestling Explosion! Tonight we bring you an action packed line up, full of...
Ventura: Stop stalling, Cole, and tell them about the main event!
Cole: You're really excited about that match, aren't you partner?
Ventura: You're dang right I am. It's a showcase of *true* wrestling talent, not like these gimmick brawl jobs we've been having lately!
Cole: Now I wouldnt' say that. I think those athletes work just as hard at their chosen division matches as the Singles competitors.
Ventura: You're *really* going to try to compare a Rhino or a Balls Mahoney to our wrestlers in the main event? Come on, Balls Mahoney? That's not the name of a wrestler, it's the name of a n adult film star!
Cole: Well, I can't deny that our main event wrestlers are top notch. Tonight, our main event is the fourth round of the Singles Title tournament. Johnny Saint versus the hometown boy, Mr. Perfect!
Ventura: The man who practically defined mat wrestling versus the man who perfected it! It's gonna be a treat!
Cole: But first, we've got...*Cole puts his hand to his ear, as if getting a message in his earpeice* We've got a situation in the back, is what we've got! Can we get a camera back there?!
*Scene shifts to the back, where Shane McMahon is slamming a trash can onto Jerry Lynn. Security is trying to break them up, but it's not really working*
McMahon: COME ON, YOU WORTHLESS, BLUE COLLAR PIECE OF CRAP! I GOT YOUR NUMBER!
*McMahon breaks through security to try to tackle Lynn, but Lynn manages to catch him and help him along into the nearest wall. Lynn then begins delivering clubbing forearms onto McMahon's back, before Security manages to pull them apart. The camera pulls out with Lynn and McMahon being pulled apart while yelling at each other*
Ventura: You gotta respect McMahon going after his title with gusto!
Cole: Only one problem. It's not *his* title! Jerry Lynn won that title on our first show!
Ventura: We all saw the tape, Cole. What, were you putting in your contacts when ShaneO showed it on the screen?
Cole: Let's just say I was unconvinced. However, while our Commissioner tries to sort out what to do with those two, why don't we head on to our first match of the night.
*The music for Mr. Kennedy begins playing, and out from the back comes Mr. Kennedy! He strides down to the ring, wearing a Green Bay Packer's jersey, before sliding into the ring and calling down the ring microphone*
Kennedy: I weigh in at a stunning, magnificent two hundred and sixty seven pounds! I hail from a town with a *real* football team, Green Bay Wisconsin! I...
*The Anarchist, Arik Cannon's music begins playing. Cannon comes out of the back, much to the cheers of the audience. He heads down o the ring quickly, rolling in and signaling for a microphone*
Cannon: I dunno if you were paying attention or not, but Green Bay? They *lost* the other night. *Crowd pop*. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, didn't your guys' quarterback hate your town so damn much he came over to ours? *Another crowd pop*. But, glad to see you've got some hometown pride. Means I can beat it out of you!
*Kennedy takes a swing at Cannon, who ducks it and drops the microphone. He returns with forearms to the face, driving Kennedy back against the ropes. Irish whip to toss Kennedy off the ropes, and he prepares for a clothesline. Kennedy ducks, and pulls off a neckbreaker. He then proceeds to work Cannon over, sticking to mat work, working on Cannon's leg and using the rope for leverage fairly often. Cannon powers up, reversing a hammerlock and going for his own. Kennedy swings his head back, headbutting Cannon to get him off. Kennedy then turns and swings a punch at Cannon, but gets an admonishment from the Ref for closed fist punching. Kennedy ignores it and grabs Cannon, whipping him to the corner, following it up with splash. Cannon flops to the ground, and Kennedy moves up to the second rope. He raises his arm, eliciting boos from the crowd, and jumps off in an attempt for an elbow drop. Cannon moves out of the way, rolling up to his feet and movcing to grab Kennedy's leg for a leg lock. Kennedy turns around, and kicks Cannon off. Cannon moves in to try again, and gets another kick to the face for his effort. Kennedy gets up while Cannon is stumbling, and hits him with a clothesline. Cannon goes down, and Kennedy puts him in a leg lock. Then it's a long....reach....for...the....ropes! Cannon grabs them, and the Ref warns Kennedy off, needing to invoke a count before Kennedy lets go. Kennedy stands and showboats to the crowd, while Cannon stumbles to his feet. Kenned turns around, and in a flash, Cannon grabs him and delivers the T-Bone suplex. They're both down for a four count. They're up, Kennedy tries for another clotheline, Cannon manages another T-Bone, and then runs up for a Glimmering Warlock. Pin, 1-2, Kennedy kicks out. Cannon pulls him up, lifts him up for a suplex, and holds him for several seconds before dropping into a brainbuster. Pin, 1-2, Kennedy manages to get his foot on the rope. Cannon moves to pick him up, Kennedy grabs him and rolls him into a small package. Pin, 1-2, Cannon kicks out and drops a quick elbow. Pin, 1-2, Kennedy kicks out. Kennedy grabs the Ref quickly, using him as a way to get up. The Ref tries to get Kennedy off of him, but Kennedy then shoves the ref toward Cannon. The two stumble about, trying not to hurt each other, and the second the Ref is distracted, Kennedy moves quickly and delivers a low-blow to Cannon before going for the school boy. Ref shakes it off, goes to count. 1-2-3, Victory goes to Kennedy*
Cole: Oh, a *blatant* low blow by Kennedy!
Ventura: Well what do you expect from someone from Green Bay? Not like he could win any other way!
Cole: I expect a wrestler to have some small amount of sportsmanship and not blatantly cheat to get a victory!
Ventura: Well, I'm not gonna excuse his behaviour, but at the end of the day, the record books are gonna show a win for the boy from Green Bay.
Cole: We have a commercial break coming up, folks. We'll be right back.
(Commercial: *Two boys are sitting on the steps of a building. One is eating something*
Boy 1: Hey, whatcha got there?
Boy 2: RisenChrist!
Boy 1: RisenChrist? That sounds like some kinda health crap!
Boy 2: Naw, RisenChrist are like little cubes of chocolate heaven.
*From behind the boys step Jesus, dressed in his classic white robe and red sash. He leans down, putting his arms around the boys' shoulders*
Jesus: That's right, boys. RisenChrist has a creamy milk chocolate coating a crunchy, Christ filled center. It's the most holy of candies for the most righteous of candy lovers. *Jesus looks up at the camera* And mom's love it because, let's face it, the Trix Rabbit hasn't done shit for your eternal soul.
*Jingle: RisenCHrist, it's RisenChrist, try the Lord today! A bell dings as Jesus smiles broadly for the camera*)
*Back with the camera on the announce booth*
Cole: We're getting word that right now, Commissioner Slaughter is having words with Jerry Lynn and Shane McMahon right now! Let's see if we can get a camera back there!
*Scene shifts to an office. It's nicely, but sparsly, laid out, and Slaughter is standing behind his desk. Lynn and McMahon are sitting on a couch against the far wall*
Slaughter: What the *hell* did I tell you two last week?! You wanna beat the crap out of each other, do it in the ring!
Lynn: He freaking jump...
Slaughter: I don't give a rip who started it! You're both being fined twenty thousand dollars! *Lynn looks quite annoyed by this. McMahon begins digging through his pocket*
McMahon: You want that in cash? I might have to run to the ATM...
Slaughter: Shut your mouth, maggot! Now, you two wanna beat on each other? Fine. You're going to have a match tonight. A No Disqualifications match. *Shane looks excited for the moment* NON! Title. *Shane looks annoyed now* Maybe this'll keep you two in check until the title match at Glory Run in two weeks. Now get the hell out of my office!
Lynn and McMahon stand, and shuffle out of the office. Slaughter sits down, shaking his head, and the scene shifts back to the announce booth*
Cole: We're going to have a non-title No DQ match between the Gimmick Champion and the number one Contender tonight, partner! Isn't that exciting?
Ventura: Yeah, well, we'll see how well Lynn does when he doesn't have a battle royal to keep him safe.
Cole: Anyway, our next match up is the first match of the semi-finals of the Tag Team Title Tournament. Let's go to Lauren to get some pre-match words from one fo the participants, D-Generation X.
*Scene shifts, there's Lauren, standing with HHH and Shawn Michaels. HHH's voice comes in loud and clear*
HHH: Naw, man, I'm telling you. I saw the twineball myself, and it doesn't even measure up.
Michaels: Yours are that much bigger, huh?
Lauren: *Looking disgusted* Ok! I'm standing back here with D-X, who's set to take on the Motor City Machineguns in just a few minutes. Can I get your thoughts on what some are saying is the greatest up and coming tag team in wrestling today?
Michaels: *Takes the microphone from Lauren* Greatest who what? Until I got up here, I'd never even heard of those guys.
HHH: What makes them the greatest up and coming tag team, anyway? That they can jump off the top rope? They can point to their palm? *He points to his palm in mockery* I don't have any clue how that's supposed to come close to matching our stunning physique, our tag team chemistry, or our massive genitalia.
Michaels: It's true. Why, we could probably win the match just by pulling down our pants and watching them fall over with shame.
Lauren: ...can you go one sentence without talking about your genitals?
HHH: Sure we wang.
Michaels: Can.
HHH: Can wang.
Michaels: Anyway, come on, we got a match to win.
*Michaels and HHH walk off, leaving Lauren with a disgusted look on her face*
Lauren: ...back to you, Michael and Jesse.
*Scene shifts back to Cole and Ventura*
Cole: ...they can't be *that* impressive.
Ventura: Look, all I'm saying is that I've been back in the locker room with these guys, and I know what I saw.
*The Machine Guns' music begins playing, and Cole gets a relieved look on his face. The Guns come from the back, posing for the camera. They run down to the ring, and Sabin calls for the microphone.*
Sabin: Massive? Really? Need I remind you that we all share a locker room back there? *Shelly makes a motion with his hands, starting large and then making it smaller and smaller* I mean, where we're from, here up north? We get taught that if you have to brag about it all the time, it means it's not really true.
Shelly: *Shelly takes the microphone for a moment* And what's with those BMW's you guys drive?
Sabin: Actually, Michaels drives the BMW. Triple H drives the Ford F-150. Look, D-X. We're not saying you're not a great tag team. You've done some amazing things in your time. All we're saying, is that you have really, really, *really* tiny...
*D-X's music blares over the loud speaker, and HHH and Michaels step out, looking not amused. They look at each other, look at the guns, give a crotch chop taunt, and then stride down to the ring*
Cole: Well, D-X doesn't look especially thrilled with where Sabin was going with his little speech.
Ventura: The Guns oughta learn to have some respect. D-X is a multiple time tag team championship winner, and Sabin and Shelly are some two bit nobodies from a city that no body cares about.
*Into the ring, bell is rung. HHH and Shelly start out. HHH goes for the lockup, Shelly ducks around and goes for the waistlock. HHH struggles, breaks, and reverses for his own waistlock. Shelly tries to reverse, but HHH hits a forearm to the back. Shelly sells it, and HHH grabs him up and hits an atomic drop, following it up with an irish whip into the corner. Tag to Michaels, Michaels and HHH kick Shelly while the Ref counts to four. HHH levaes the ring, and Michaels snapmares Shelly out of the corner. He moves down to put Shelly in a chin lock, but Shelly powers up almost immediately. Shelly throws Michaels to the rope, Michaels shoulder tackles. Shelly goes down, and Michaels hits the rope for another tackle. Shelly hops up, hits an arm drag, then another arm drag, before hitting a third arm drag and moving into an armbar. Michaels tries to get out, can't, and then thumbs the eye, getting a warning from the Ref. Michaels is up, hits several forearms to Shelly, before tossing him to the corner. Michaels works him over, making quick, constant tags to HHH. HHH throws Shelly against the ropes, and goes for the rising knee. Shelly slides under it, hops up, and delivers a drop kick. They're both down for a moment, but HHH gets up and moves to pull Shelly up. Shelly knocks him away, delivering a kick to the knee, the side, and then an enziguri to the back fo the head. Both go down, both go for a tag. Hot tag to Sabin, tag to Michaels. Sabin comes in a ball of fire, hitting Michaels with a clothes line. He follows through, hitting the ropes, and then delivers a drop kick to the face while Michaels is getting up. Sabin heads to the apron, waits, and when Michaels gets to his feet, he springboards off the rope and hits the flying DDT. Pin, 1-2 kickout. HHH is up by now, however, and moves to hit Sabin. Sabin ducks, and Shelly moves in. In tandem, they deliver a kick to the knees, a kick to the mid-section, and then a superkick/Enziguri combination. HHH falls, and Sabin moves to grab up Michaels. Up on the shoulder, cross the legs, and Cradle Shock! He goes for the pin, but HHH distracts the Ref. Shelly runs across the ring, hitting HHH with a clothesline and they both go tumbling out of the ring/off the apron. The Ref's attention is distracted, and Sabin gets up to hit Michaels with something else. He picks up Michaels, but Michaels hits him with a low blow before standing up and delivering the Sweet Chin Music. Sabin down, Michaels pins and yells at the Ref. Ref turns around, goes to count. 1-2-3, Victory!*
Cole: D-X steals another one!
Ventura: They got the job done, Cole, and that's what matters!
Cole: This is a travesty! D-X is perfectly content to cheat their way to the tag titles!
*Commissioner Slaughter's entrance music plays. D-X stops their celebration, looking at the entrance ramp as Slaughter steps out of the back, microphone in hand*
Slaughter: Now, normally I wouldn't get involved in individual matches.
Ventura: As well he shouldn't! It's not his job to interfere in matches!
Cole: Hush and let the commissioner speak!
Slaughter: But seeing as you boys and I have some history together...and also seeing as how every single fan in this arena saw the same thing I did...I'm gonna make an exception. *The crowd cheers, while D-X looks rather upset,s haking their heads and yelling* I'm gonna reverse the decision, and make the one that would have been made if the Ref had been a little more on the ball. The winners of this match, and the team advancing in the Tag Team Title Tournament, via a disqualification....The Motor City Machine Guns!
*The Guns raise their hands in victory, while D-X looks pissed. So pissed, in fact, that D-X turns to attack the Guns. The guns duck, and at the same time dropkick both Michaels and HHH. HHH stumbles to the ropes, while Michaels falls over it. Sabin grabs HHH, and whips him to the corner. The guns cross the distance, and push HHH up to the second rope. Shelly hops tot he top, Sabin puts himself between HHH's legs, and they deliver the Made in Detroit, hitting the Super Sliced Bread #2 with a sit out powerbomb! While HHH lays there, Sabin and Shelly both crotch chop at him before pointing to their palms and shoving said palms in HHH's unconcious face*
Ventura: That was absolutely disgusting! Slaughter's job isn't to come down here and reverse decisions like that!
Cole: Commissioner Slaughter's in charge around here, partner, and besides. It's not like D-X didn't cheat.
Ventura: It's not cheating if you don't get caught, Cole!
Cole: Well, they got caught. We've gotta take a commecerial break, ladies and gentlmen, but when we get back we've got Bob Holly vs. Ken Shamrock in a singles style match up, the No DQ match between Shane McMahon and Gimmick Champion Jerry Lynn, and our main event, Johnny Saint against Mr. Perfect! Stay tuned!
(Commercial: *All in black and white. Housewife sits in the kitchen, reading a thick physics book. Shotgun shooting comes from the living room. The housewife gets to her feet, and runs in, only to see her husband, dressed in the standard 1950's Father Figure style dress, complete with pipe in mouth, shooting a shotgun at several zombies trying to burst into the house*
Father: Honey, we've got a zombie problem again. Can you get the phonebook and call up a cleric?
Wife: How about a cleric of the All Powerful One?
Father: *Fires another shot at the zombies at the door, and then cocks the shotgun* The All Powerful One? Isn't that the God of Holy Wrath and Bullshit? What can one of *his* Clerics do?
Wife: Well, I was just reading an article in Clerics Monthly about it, and it gave his clerics top billing. Apparently, the Holy Wrath part really destroys things that Should Not Be, and then the Bullshit part keeps you from having to tell the neighbors about your unsightly little problem! Plus, every cleansing from a Cleric of the All Powerful One comes with a free four pack of Surly Cynicale! It's the official beer of Rantin' and Ravin', which is the bi-weekly broadcast of the All Powerful One himself!
Father: *Another shotgun blast* Well, I'm sold! Get one on the phone and tell them it's an emergency!
*Swirly screen to indicate time passing. Scene now shows a guy in jeans and a t-shirt, bottle of beer in hand, wobbeling as if drunk.*
Cleric: Hey zombies! Fuck you!
*The cleric walks up to the zombies, belches, and smashes his bottle into one of the zombie's face. The zombies all turn and run away, yipping like scolded dogs. The housewife and father walk in out fo the kitchen, the Father drinking a can of Surly Cynicale*
Wife: Thank you, Cleric! And thank you for working so quickly!
Father: And this Surly Cynicale really hits the spot!
Cleric: *Gives a thumbs up* I fucked them up good, didn't I?
*The scene blurs out, with white block letters reading http://www.dementiaradio.org and a voiceover*
Narrator: Hear the God that has everyone talking. Join the Church of the All Powerful One, and you, too, can beer-smack a zombie.)
*Open up on the broadcast team*
Ventura: Is it just me, Cole, or are our sponser's commercials getting weirder every week?
Cole: Really? I hadn't noticed. Anyway, coming up next is Bob Holly and Ken Shamrock in a singles style match up! Who do you have your money on, Jesse?
Ventura: Well, I'm gonna have to say that Shamrock can win this if Hemme doesn't come out and ruin it for him again. That woman is about as crazy as they come, I'd say.
Cole: I gotta agree with you, partner. I can't understand why she would thrust her help on someone who clearly doesn't want it.
*Bob Holly's music plays, and he comes out from the back, raising his arms for the crowd. Shamrock's music plays, and Shamrock heads out of the back, roaring for the crowd and hitting his head before heading into the ring. Match starts. Lock up, Shamrock fireman carries Holly to the match and applies an armbar. Holly rolls up, powering out of the hold. Another lock up, and this time Holly fireman carries Shamrock down and puts him in an armbar. Shamrock powers out, and they're up and staring at each other. Shamrock goes for another lockup, but Holly ducks and goes for a waist lock. Shamrock tries to power out, but Holly moves into a headlock. Shamrock throws him to the ropes. Tackle, Shamrock down. Holly hits the ropes again, another tackle, Shamrock down. Holly hits the ropes again, but this time Shamrock is ready and grabs Holly into an overhead belly to belly. Shamrock goes to pick up Holly, but Holly breaks out and hits several forearms before throwing Shamrock to the corner. Holly hits a clothesline in the corner, before veiling him out of it and moving down to put on a rear chinlock. Shamrock manages to power up after a few moments, and picks up Holly into a back suplex. Holly is up while Shamrock's still shaking out cobwebs, and as Shamrock tries to stand, Holly hits him with a clothesline. Pin, 1-2, kickout. Shamrock begins getting to his feet, but Holly hits him in the back with aheavy forearm. He stumbles to the ropes, and Holly picks him up by the feet, pauses for the crowd, and kicks him in the midsection. Ref admonishes him to keep things visibly above the belt while Holly showboats. That's the moment Christie Hemme runs down from the back*
Ventura: OH man, here we go again. This marks he beginning of the end for Clover there!
*Christie tries to give Shamrock a pep talk, yelling about how he can do it and he needs to get up. Shamrock blinks, standing to his feet and realizing who's there. He points and yells at her to get the hell away, while Holly positions himself behind Shamrock. Christie yells at Shamrock to look out, and Shamrock turns right into a boot from Holly. Holly picks him up, and hits the Alabama Slamma! He goes for a pin, but Christie hops up on the ring apron and begins yelling at the Ref. The Ref moves to tell her to get off, not being able to count the pin. Holly gets up after a moment, moving to the rope in order to try grabbing Christie, and Christie jumps off the apron. By the time Holly turns around,S hamrock si up, and hits him with a belly to belly. Shamrock roars for the crowd, and waits. Holly gets to his feet, Shamrock grabs his arm and hits the armbar, before floating over into the anklelock. Holly lasts for all of a few seconds before tapping. Victory Shamrock. The Ref raises Shamrock's hand, and Christie runs into raise his other. Shamrock rips his hand out of Christie's, and leaves the ring, shooting her a glare*
Cole: I don't know what Shamrock is so upset about. Christie helped him get the victory!
Ventura: Yeah, but if that crazy lady hadn't been out there in the first place, Shamrock wouldn't have needed her help! She should have just stayed in the back where she belonged!
Cole: Ok, maybe that's true. But you can't deny that Christie helped Shamrock get the one two three in the end there.
Ventura: I can deny all sorts of things, Cole. Anyway, our next match is when Lynn gets himself thrown around by McMahon, right?
Cole: Well, it's the no-DQ match between Shane McMahon and the Gimmick Champion, Jerry Lynn anyway. And I think Jerry Lynn has a few words for us, too. So let's go back to Lauren.
*Scene shift. Lauren standing with Jerry Lynn, who has the belt hanging over his shoulder*
Lauren: I'm here with Jerry Lynn, the Gimmick Division Champion. Jerry, what are your thoughts about the upcoming No DQ matchw ith Shane McMahon.
Lynn: *He takes the microphoen from Lauren, looking pissed* You wanna jump me from behind, McMahon?! You wanna say that *my* title should be *yours*?! Well, congradulations! You whined your way into a match tonight. Oh, I'll give you your props. You've done some amazing things in your time. Pretty damn easy to go out there and do those amazing things when you've got a team of the best doctors trying to fix you up if you break! Unlike you, I'm not rich enough for the best health care in the country. But I go out there anywhere and take those risks. And you know why? Because of the fans. Because I was brought up right here, in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and I was taught that you always give it everything you've got, because otherwise what's the point?! And tonight, McMahon? I'm gonna give it everything I've got, all over your face! You'll be lucky if you *make* it to Run For Glory! *He shoves the microphone baqck at Lauren, and storms off*
Lauren: Heated words. Back to you, Jesse and...*she pauses, glancing off to the side. The camera shifts, and we see McMahon talking to someone in the shadows*
McMahon: And there's an extra thousand in it for you if he can't make it to Run for Glory, got it? *He pats the figure on the shoulder* Good.
*McMahon walks off, right as the camera tries to zoom in on the shadowy figure. The figure ducks away, and we don't see his or her face. Camera pans back to Lauren, who shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head. Scene shifts back to Cole and Jesse*
Cole: Who was that mysterious figure we saw Shane McMahon talking to?
Ventura: Doesn't matter, Cole. If Lynn is any kind of true champion, and he's not, he'll be able to take on anything!
*The strains of Shane McMahon's music begin playing, and Shane comes down to the ring, dancing the whole way. He stops at the ring apron, reaching under it and pulling out a steel folding chair. He tosses that into the ring, and then rolls in under the ropes. Lynn's music begins playing, and Lynn comes out, raising his title belt into the air. H ethen charges to the ring, sliding in. McMahon starts by delivering several kicks, but Lynn shrugs them off, standing to his feet and swinging several punches at McMahon. He punches him to the ropes, and then throws him. McMahon hits the ropes, Lynn drops to the ground. McMahon hits the ropes again, Lynn jumps over him. McMahon hits the ropes a third time, Lynn hits a cross body block, goes for the pin. 1-2, kickout. Lynn picks up McMahon, but McMahon hits a lowblow*
Cole: Another blatant low blow from Shane McMahon! Has he no shame?!
Ventura: He's got more important things to worry about than shame! He's got a match to win!
*McMahon hits a european uppercut, and then throws several punches at Lynn. Lynn drops, and Shane moves to get the chair. He swings the chair down,t rying to slam it onto Lynn's head, but Lynn rolls out of the way. He moves to try again, but again Lynn rolls out of the way. He moves to try a third time, but Lynn springs to his feet and hits a drop kick, kickingb the chair into McMahon's face. McMahon drops, and Lynn moves to the corner, hopping up quickly on the top turnbuckle. As McMahon gets up, Lynn hits the flying clothesline. Lynn goes for the pin. 1-2, kickout. Lynn looks frusterated, and roll s out of the ring, moving to get his title belt. He grabs it, and rolls back into the ring, only to be met by a spear from McMahon. McMahon straddles him and delivers several punches to the face. He gets up, grabs the title belt, and drops to the ground, slamming it into Lynn. He then leaves the title belt on Lynn's midsection, before going up to the top rope. He climbs up, ponders for a moment, and shakes his head, getting off*
Cole: McMahon showing some rare restraint!
Ventura: I dno't think so, Cole. Look, he's rolling out of the ring!
*McMahon does, indeed, roll out of the rign and reach under the apron. And out comes a small ladder. He slides it in, rolls in after it, and smacks Lynn with it before trying to set it up. He crawls up to the top of it, crosses himself, and then makes a leap of faith, landing a heavy elbow right onto the title and onto Lynn. He rolls for a moment, selling the pain of having delivered such a massive elbow, before crawling over to cover. 1-2, kickout at the last second!*
Cole: There's still some fight left in the Gimmick Division champion!
*McMahon picks Lynn up, but Lynn battles out with a few punches to the mid-section. Lynn stands up, hits the ropes, and McMahon knocks him down with a clothesline. McMahon then moves to hit the ropes, Lynn ducks it, runs to the opposite ropes, and springboards off, htiting a dropkick. McMahon gets up, and Lynn stands to his feet, jumping and hitting a flying headscissors. He then picks McMahon up, tucking McMahon's head between his knees and signaling for a cradle pildriver. From the crowd, however, runs a hefty looking figure*
Cole: Is that...?!
Ventura: It's Horace the Psychopath!
Cole: He's been a longtime rival of Jerry Lynn...do you think that was the mysterious figure Shane McMahon was talking to?!
*Horace runs into the ring, and hits Lynn from behind with a filled cloth sack. Lynn drops, and Horace opens the sack and dumps out a huge mound of thumbtacks. He then picks Lynn up, and powerbombs the man into the thumbtacks. McMahon crawls over, throws his arm over the now prone Lynn. Pin, 1-2-3, Victory for McMahon!*
Ventura: McMahon once again proving why he should be the TCW Gimmick Champion!
Cole: What, by having someone else come in and win the match for him?!
Ventura: It's a no-dq match, Cole! That means anything can be used as a weapon if you need it!
Cole: Yeah, but an entirely different person?!
Ventura: Don't knock it, Cole! You'd have done the same thing if you had the money!
Cole: In any case, as much as it pains me to say it, McMahon has the victory here tonight, over the Hometown Hero Jerry Lynn. But right now, Lauren has an interview with the two wrestlers in tonight's main event. Johnny Saint, and Mr. Perfect! Let's go to Lauren in the back.
*Scene shifts. Johnny Saint and Mr. Perfect stand on either side of Lauren*
Lauren: I'm here with Mr. Perfect and Johnny Saint. You two have been called the best technical wrestlers in the world. Stories of your matches are legendary and epic. Do you two have any words going in to tonight's match?
Saint: *He takes the microphone first, speaking in his English accent* Mr. Perfect, I'm not gonna deny that you're one of the best wrestlers in the world today. And I know that we're here on your home turf, right here in Minnesota. But I promise you, I'm not going to make it easy on you. I hope you're ready to work for it, because I want that Singles Title just as much as you do.
Perfect: *He takes the microphone from Saint* Well, I gotta be honest, Saint. I've seen your matches, and I know it's gonna be tough. But I hope you don't feel too bad when I pull out tonight's victory. Like you said, I'm on my home turf, and when Mr. Perfect is on his home turf, then everythign turns out....Perfect. *He smirks* May the best man win. *He extends a hand, and Saint shakes it. They then head off*
Lauren: Well, a wonderful show of sportsmanship between the two competitors of tonight's main event. We're going to commercial, stay tuned!
(Commercial: *Open on a woman standing in the middle of a street* Do you find yourself often being hit by busses? *People being frantic, surrounding a downed person* Do the shouts and cries of 'Emergency' and 'Call the paramedics' get you down? I understand. In many ways, I'm just like you. The constant being hit by a bus was wearing on me, and I found it hard to live my life. *Swelling inspirational music* But now there's hope. Bus-b-Gone. *She holds up a pill bottle* Bus-b-Gone makes your body emit an oderless, harmless to humans pheremone that scares buses away. SO that you can live your life, bus free. *Narrator's Voice, speaking quickly* Bus-b-Gone is not for everyone. If you are pregnant, planning to get pregnant, have been pregnant at any time in your life, or spend a large amount of time around honey bees, Bus-b-Gone may not be for you. Ask your doctor for more details. *Woman again* Bus-b-Gone. Keep those buses in place.)
*Back to Cole and Jesse*
Cole: And we're back, and we're ready for our main...
*Cole is cut off by Dolph Ziggler's music. Ziggler comes down from the entrance ramp, moving to the broadcast booth and sitting down, picking up a headset*
Ventura: It's Dolph Ziggler! One of *the* up and coming stars in TCW today!
Ziggler: Up and coming? Only as long as it takes me to win the Singles Division Championship.
Cole: You haven't won it yet, Dolph.
Ziggler: It's only a matter of time. By now, it's a foregone conclusion.
Cole: But your next match up is scheduled to be against Awesome Kong! How are you going to take out someone so big, so *powerful*?!
Ziggler: Same way I take out all my opponents, Cole. Skill.
*Johnny Saint's entrance music plays, and Saint comes down to the ring, bowing politely to the crowd. Then comes Mr. Perfect's music. He comes out, slapping hands and raising his arms. The two meet in the ring, and they shake hands as the bell rings. Lockup, Perfect goes around for a waistlock. Saint tries to break free, and then counters into a hammerlock. Perfect sells for a few moments, before countering into his own hammer lock. Saint sells, before countering into his own hammerlock. Perfect struggles, and then breaks free, pulling away. The two stand there for a moment, staring at each other, before they go for another lockup. This time, Perfect simply ducks around for a waist lock. He then delivers a heavy forearm to the back, before grabbing Saint and throwing him to the ropes. Perfect goes for a clothesline, but Saint ducks and grabs Perfect in a headlock. Perfect tries to throw Saint off, but Saint keeps hold, and the two go down to the mat. He holds the headlock for several moments, while Perfect battles up to his feet. He delivers a few elbows to Saint's midsection to break free, and then hits the ropes. Saint hits the ground, and Perfect hits the ropes again. Saint then hits an armdrag, and goes in for the armbar. Perfect swings himself, and rolls up, lifting his legs up and wrapping them around Saint's head. He powers Saint down, putting him in a leg headlock. Saint struggles for a moment, before stretching himself out and doing a handstand, walking himself out of the leg lock. He and Perfect stand to their feet, once more staring at each other. Perfect stretches his hand out for another handshake, and when Saint reaches for it, he moves for a headlock. Saint is prepared, however, and spins around before flipping Perfect over in a judo flip. Saint then goes down, putting Perfect in a wrist lock. Perfect powers up, hits Saint with a forearm, and then throws Saint to the ropes. Shouldertackle, Saint down. Perfect hits the ropes again, this time Saint hits the ground. Perfect against the ropes, another armdrag from Saint, and another wristlock. Saint rolls around into a head scissors, which Perfect kipups out of. They're to their feet, Saint goes for another lockup, Perfect ducks around for a waistlock. Hits a belly to back suplex, bridges. Pin, 1-2, Saint kicks out. Perfect is up, grabs Saint and delivers an inverted atomic drop before hitting a clothesline to knock Saint down again. Pin, 1-2, Kickout. Perfect up, picks up Saint, grapples and hits the Perfect Plex! 1-2-3, Victory for Perfect. The Ref holds up Perfect''s hand.*
Cole: An amazing technical match from two of the best technical wrestlers in the world!
Ziggler: It was pretty good, wasn't it? Now excuse me. *Ziggler gets up*
Cole: Where...where's he going?
*Ziggler grabs up the nearest steel chair, and slides into the ring, quickly smacking Perfect from behind. Saint tries to get up and help Perfect out, but Ziggler hits him in the head, and Saint drops. Ziggler then goes to attacking Perfect with the chair. The camera fades out on Ziggler, leaving Perfect a bloody mess*