characterdeath!au
Title: characterdeath!au
Pairing: Jongin/Kyungsoo
Note: side sequel to this
Kyungsoo is thirteen when he falls in love. Love feels a lot like wrapping himself in cotton candy and bathing in sweetness. Love feels like clarity and fuzzy pastel colors in the background of his dreams where his Prince Charming will lean in closer and they’ll kiss and everything bleeds out to white. He knows it’s not real but he’ll still wake up happy with his fantasies. Love gives him something to look forward to in life-- regardless if it’s one sided. Kyungsoo’s feelings are real and love makes people inexplicably happy-- that’s how they know it’s love.
♥
Kyungsoo knows this boy named Kim Jongin, who is perfect in every sense of the word. Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to approach Kim Jongin; how do you approach Perfection? He doesn’t, just directs shy smiles and hopes Kim Jongin will come to him.
“Do you love him?”
“I do, I love him so much.” But he’s just thirteen, he shouldn’t know what love is. He shouldn’t know, but still his heart tells him that he is in love because of the way his heartstrings pull for this one person. There is no particular reason why he loves Jongin, he can’t just pick something out of everything. It’s like dissecting a perfect cloud, no matter how it’s dissected it’ll still be pretty until there’s nothing left.
“Why do you love him so much?”
“I don’t know, I wish I did. It would save me a lot of pain if I could try to find it in someone else because it hurts whenever he doesn’t look at me how I want him to.”
Kyungsoo is okay with the hurt, he’s okay with the pain, because he is in love. He is so in love and he is so sure that he can never feel the same for anyone else. It’s only with Jongin that the world blurs out and all Kyungsoo can hear is the beating of his own heart. Even the thought of being near Jongin makes Kyungsoo’s palms sweaty-- that’s how he knows it’s love.
Joonmyun hums, and Kyungsoo knows Joonmyun probably isn’t really listening. Then again, how are you supposed to explain how it feels to fall in love with Perfection? It’s like falling into a pit of happiness so deathly it turns a person blind. He wants to be blindly happy forever because it’s better than opening his eyes and being sad forever. Forever is a very long time.
♥
Kyungsoo should have realized sooner that even though Kyungsoo only has eyes for Jongin, Jongin has never once looked at Kyungsoo. Sehun is everything that Kyungsoo isn’t: lithe body, long legs, and mischievous eyes that seem to draw in everyone’s eyes-- including Jongin’s.
And he thinks he can be okay with Jongin liking Sehun because Sehun seems perfect and Perfection should be with his own kind. Kyungsoo tries to smile in the mirror and his expression crumbles before his very eyes. He can’t look away; it’s a morbid fascination watch himself crying.
He’s so beautifully ugly.
His eyes are too big, rimmed red with tears falling down chubby cheeks. His smile is beautiful because it is truly heartbroken-- it’s not really a smile when his lips keep quivering. He practices in the mirror about telling Jongin I’m so happy for you, but his voice comes out in ten different pitches and it’s not as controlled as he would like.
He breaks down in hiccuping sobs, trying to breathe properly but the oxygen leaves his head and he’s numb.
What would make the difference even if he did congratulate the happy couple? Jongin would stare at him with the eyes of a stranger, and ask Who are you? Kyungsoo thinks he would break because his fantasies are falling apart. Jongin is supposed to smile and tell him that Kyungsoo is all he’s ever wanted and be surprised he hasn’t met Kyungsoo sooner. That can’t possibly happen because Sehun must be all Jongin’s ever wanted because that’s why Kyungsoo is watching them from the sidelines.
A voice in his head tells himself that it’s not true because Kyungsoo’s always been watching from the sidelines.
Joonmyun wipes away Kyungsoo’s tears but they keep coming back no matter how much Kyungsoo wills them away, like the tides of the sea, they will always come back.
“I’ll always be there to make you happy.”
“I know you will.”
Joonmyun will always make Kyungsoo happy but he will never make Kyungsoo feel like he’s wrapped in cotton candy or bathed in sweetness. Joonmyun does not make Kyungsoo feel clarity or fuzzy pastel colors in the background. But Joonmyun is a comfort, and the best that Kyungsoo could hope for in a friend.
“Image is everything.” It’s the real side of people that matters. Like when Jongin pets kittens when he thinks no one is looking. Like when Jongin practices in an empty room until he’s the only light flickering on campus.
“No it’s not. You’re exaggerating.”
“Your image is how people perceive you.”
“Doesn’t it matter more how you perceive yourself?”
“Of course.”
“See? I’m always right.” Kyungsoo knows because he’s seen Perfection already, and Perfection only knows how to look forward. Perfection doesn’t always look at his surroundings because if he did, then he might have seen Kyungsoo already.
“Of course.”
♥
Kyungsoo is sixteen when he goes to a basketball game and sees Jongin kissing Chanyeol under the bleachers. Chanyeol’s hands are still tangled in Jongin’s basketball jersey even though the game is supposed to start soon. He tells himself that his heart breaks for Sehun, but Sehun for the most part looks unaffected. Kyungsoo is sorely disappointed in Jongin, but he doesn’t know if Jongin and Sehun have already broken up so why is he so disappointed?
He turns around with corn dog and soda in hand, and he leaves.
Basketball is a dumb sport anyways.
The sound of a heart breaking twice is not as deadly, but it’s still painful.
♥
Kyungsoo is seventeen when Jongin approaches his table in Chemistry. He’s not prepared to see Jongin up close, and he thinks finally, Jongin has noticed someone who actually cares about him. He holds back a wobbly smile when he sees a bouquet of flowers behind Jongin’s back. Jongin’s staring at him, playful grin on his lips. He’s imagined how this moment could happen a million times in his dreams-- not that he ever thought they would ever come true.
Kyungsoo sets down his pencil and sits up straighter only to falter when Jongin motions him to be quiet like this is their secret when Jongin moves to face Baekhyun, who is still dead asleep on his desk.
“Byun Baekhyun, you sleepy princess, will you go to prom with me?”
Baekhyun cracks an eye open, purring his consent at the choice of flowers before he motions Jongin closer and kisses a corner of Jongin’s lips. God, he’s so stupid. Tears sting the edges of his eyes and he looks away in case he cries. No one notices, of course, no one ever notices Do Kyungsoo anyways. Jongin would never notice a person like Do Kyungsoo. The class roars in approval and Kyungsoo sits silently, smile frozen on his face.
Bitterly, Kyungsoo wonders how Baekhyun gets the best lab partner and the best date to prom.
This is why Kyungsoo tells himself to never let his hopes up-- it’s the laws of physics that what comes up, must come down.
♥
Joonmyun always tries to make Kyungsoo feel better; they go to prom together. Kyungsoo doesn’t feel comfortable with going to prom with anyone else because Joonmyun is the only person who will accept Kyungsoo and has accepted Kyungsoo for everything that he is. Anyone else would have seen how ugly Kyungsoo is inside, the Kyungsoo that sees the imperfection in everyone.
“This guy you like, do you like him more than anyone in the world?” Kyungsoo feels sorry for bringing Joonmyun when he knows that his best friend was--is(?)-- dating a boy named Jongdae.
“I love him.” Kyungsoo feels bad, but he knows that Joonmyun would not leave him alone when he’s broken hearted. Joonmyun is just that kind of perfect-- a different perfection from Kim Jongin: Kim Joonmyun is an angel.
“Why are you here with me? I wouldn’t have gone with you if you wanted to go with him.” He still would have.
“No, he’s here. He’s just too far from my reach.”
“Because it’s you, I’m sure you’ll have him in the palm of your hands in no time.” Perfect people can always get what they want. Kyungsoo’s eyes wander towards the middle of the dance floor where King Jongin and Queen Baekhyun dance on the dance floor. They look happy but that might be because Jongin has this effect on people where he makes everyone happy. Kim Jongin had always made Kyungsoo happy, but why does he make Kyungsoo sad now? Kyungsoo’s feelings are real and love makes people inexplicably happy-- that’s how they know it’s love, but it leaves a sour aftertaste.
♥
University is a new start for Kyungsoo. It’s for new beginnings and doors to open. Then Jongin walks into his Literature class and his heart betrays him. The thing about love is that even if your brain tries to make you forget, your body will always remember.
Jongin catches his eyes and smiles, there is recognition on both ends-- one glance more casual than the other.
“Don’t I know you?”
“No.”
“I think I do,” Jongin insists.
“Then I guess you do,” Kyungsoo says. He takes out his pencil case while Jongin takes a seat next to him. His heart is about to beat out of his chest but he keeps his face void of emotions.
He tells himself not to get his hopes up. Hope is a scary thing.
♥
Regardless if Kyungsoo wants to fall deeper in love or not, Jongin refuses to leave him alone. During class, Jongin will get bored of taking notes and continue dooling on Kyungsoo’s arms.
“Stop it, that tickles,” Kyungsoo hisses. There’s no heat in his words, because he likes how Jongin marks him up; he likes how Jongin makes him feel like he has a place in Jongin’s life. Kyungsoo’s notes turn out messy and crooked, but the pictures on Kyungsoo’s arm and precise and carefully shaded. Every time he sneaks glances at his marked skin, he remembers the feeling of Jongin’s hands pressed against his skin-- warm and gentle. Goosebumps appear on Kyungsoo’s skin even though it’s hot outside.
Kyungsoo’s feelings are real and love makes people inexplicably happy-- but Jongin’s feelings are hazy and that leaves Kyungsoo anxious and scared.
Love is so much more simpler without added variables.
♥
Sometimes Jongin comes to the Music Department to wait for Kyungsoo even though the Architecture Building is a little farther away. Kyungsoo tries to treat Jongin like a normal person, even treating him with a little more indifference. He wants Jongin to work for this friendship, he wants to know that Jongin wants just as much as Kyungsoo does. Maybe he’s pushing this too far but he’s afraid of having his heart broken for the millionth time without Jongin ever realizing it.
Kyungsoo studies music theory and Jongin studies architecture. Kyungsoo is so in love with Jongin who wants to learn how to build things. Jongin is beginning to love Kyungsoo who wants to create things. Their goals are similar even though their routes are a little different and it forms a bond between them that they didn’t have before.
♥
They’re sitting in lecture, listening to their professor drone about Hamlet. Jongin raises his hand to input his opinion, which he never does.
“Queen Gertrude shouldn’t have left Old Hamlet for King Claudius, it’s not like it made anyone happy.”
Their professor doesn’t comment about Jongin’s grip on Kyungsoo or the graffiti on Kyungsoo’s arm. However, their professor does say, “Put your feet down, Kim Jongin. This isn’t your house.”
Sheepishly, Jongin puts his legs down when Kyungsoo clears his throat.
“I think Queen Gertrude and King Claudius really did love each other, so even if the situation was not ideal, they listened to their hearts.” Jongin makes a retching noise and Kyungsoo glares at him, a little upset.
“Claudius never liked Gertrude, he just wanted to be King instead of giving the throne to Hamlet. The best way to do that was by marrying the Queen right?”
“Claudius and Gertrude liked each other.”
“Boys, it was never explicitly stated. Now it’s time to move on.” Their professor forcefully continues, letting Kyungsoo simmer down.
♥
“Kyungsoo, are you still mad at me? Why? It was just discussion!” Jongin pouts, trying to discretely sneak his onions onto Kyungsoo’s plate. In response, Kyungsoo shifts his plate away and sticks a tongue at Jongin.
“Admit that I’m right.”
“No one is right or wrong-- okay fine. You’re right.”
“Why don’t you want me to be right?”
“Because it’s not like it’s practical.”
“Of course it’s not practical! Love isn’t practical,” Kyungsoo hisses. Jongin flicks a fry at Kyungsoo’s face.
“You’re thinking too much,” Jongin says airily.
“I do not!” Kyungsoo screeches, but the diner they’re eating in is too noisy anyways.
“Love you too,” Jongin replies absentmindedly. Kyungsoo sits in his seat in utter shock, while Jongin sneaks his onions on Kyungsoo’s plate. By the time Jongin looks up, Kyungsoo’s crying.
“My feelings aren’t that easy,” Kyungsoo grumbles. Jongin’s bewildered by the way Kyungsoo storms out of their booth, meal untouched. Jongin plays with his fries, suddenly not hungry anymore.
The next day in class, Jongin announces, “Gertrude and Claudius were totally in love, even though Claudius is sort of a dick.”
Their professor glances at Jongin disdainfully. “We’ve moved on to Macbeth.”
“I know,” Jongin says, beaming with a bright smile.
Jongin sits back down in his seat and draws hearts on Kyungsoo’s palm.
Love feels a lot like being wrapped in cotton candy and bathing in sweetness. Love feels like clarity and fuzzy pastel colors in the background of his reality. Love gives him something to look forward to in life-- and it’s not one sided any longer. Kyungsoo’s feelings are real and love makes people inexplicably happy-- that’s how they know it’s love. Kyungsoo is in love.
Jongin is too.
♥
Kyungsoo’s sitting on their couch with Jongin’s head in his lap, letting Jongin absentmindedly doodle on his arms when Jongin says,
“I’m almost done.”
Kyungsoo spares a glance at his arms.
There’s a house on the hillside that has a chimney with smoke puffing out from the top despite the sun drawn hastily in the corner. There are flowerbeds on the windowsill and flowerbeds decorating the sides of a pathway to the steps to the house. It seems like a small step up from a children’s picture, but Kyungsoo’s not as impressed as he should be because drawing buildings is what Jongin wants to do for a living.
“Close your eyes for the best part,” Jongin says. Kyungsoo complies, but that’s only because he knows he’ll be able to feel on his skin whatever it is that Jongin will draw anyways. He feels it on his skin and his smile breaks out before he can school his expression.
“Open your eyes,” Jongin whispers. It’s only two lines and a scribbled dot in the middle, but it’s everything Kyungsoo wanted. It’s everything Kyungsoo could never dream of having happen.
“Kim Jongin, don’t play around,” Kyungsoo chides.
“In the future, I’ll get you a real ring. If you want it, I’ll give you whatever you want,” Jongin says.
“You are everything I could ever want.”
♥
Six years in the future, they’re laying together, Kyungsoo finds himself naked in bed with Jongin drawing shapes into his skin. It’s too early to get up, but too late to have breakfast.
“Guess what this is?”
“A circle.”
“It’s a coin.” Kyungsoo shoves Jongin.
“Again,” Kyungsoo demands. This time, Jongin draws something a little more elaborate.
“Jongin, are you just squiggling lines on my back?”
“No, do you give up?”
“No... yes, fine. What is it?”
“It’s a hotel in Gangnam. I’m one of the main architects.” Kyungsoo’s eyes light up and he kisses Jongin’s cheek happily.
“I knew they would choose you.”
“Okay, close your eyes again.” Kyungsoo closes his eyes and he’s expecting Jongin to draw again but he hears Jongin shuffle around the bed.
“Jongin?” Something cold gets put on Kyungsoo’s finger, and it doesn’t feel skin or the tip of a pen.
“Open your eyes,” Jongin says. It’s a ring, incredibly simple, but sincere. Jongin knows that Kyungsoo could care less about expensive rocks because most of the time, all Kyungsoo can see is Jongin-- Jongin intends on keeping it this way.
“It’s a ring?”
“No,” Jongin says. Kyungsoo’s about ready to smack Jongin across the face.
“It’s a promise of forever.” Kyungsoo falters.
“What if I say no?”
“You won’t.”
“Cocky brat,” Kyungsoo hisses.
“That you love.” Kyungsoo doesn’t deny it, or take off his ring.
♥
Marriage seems like a blur. Jongin wears a black tuxedo and Kyungsoo wears white.
“Kyungsoo, I’ve known him for a very long time. I’ve only ever wanted him to be happy. Today, Kyungsoo is his happiest. And from now on, until forever, he’ll only be happier. He’s my best friend. I love him. And this is everything I’ve always wanted for him.”
Kyungsoo tears up a bit at Joonmyun’s speech. Jongin whispers, “You’re such a big baby,” but he holds Kyungsoo’s hand tight under their table. Kyungsoo tries to kick Jongin’s leg, even though there’s a smile on his face.
When the wedding is about already over, Kyungsoo goes around bidding his guests goodbye, he waves over his best friend.
“You look good today, Kyungsoo.”
“Don’t I always?”
“Of course.”
♥
You have reached Kim Joonmyun, unfortunately I am not here at the time. Leave a message after the tone...
“Joonmyun, I’m bring Jongin over for dinner. I hope you don’t mind.” Kyungsoo hangs up, looking over at Jongin. They’re so in love.
♥
“It looks like we won’t be able to make it, our flight is delayed. Can you tell Joonmyun for us?”
“Yeah, sure. Why me though?”
“I’m positive it has to be you. I think Joonmyun still likes you, you know?”
“Right.”
“I’ll call again once we get back to Seoul.”
“Bye, have a nice flight.”
“Thanks, Jongdae.”
♥
Jongdae walks into the room and all he can hear is his heart dropping with the sounds of his own screams muffled in the background. Jongdae is crying because of Joonmyun again, but he can’t find the effort to hide his tears.
“Stay with me, Joonmyun.”
“You have to stay awake.”
“Please.”
“Goodnight, Kyungsoo.”
Jongdae’s screaming on his phone for an ambulance but he knows they won’t make it on time even if he wants them to.
It’s not fair that he can’t have Joonmyun or his heart.
Jongdae’s tears are flower petals; beautiful even when they fall to unappreciated eyes.
♥
“So, where do you want to go for our next honeymoon?”
-i feel pretty bad for my beta because this isn't 100% but like freal i don't know what to do im sorry mei i don't think i can continue so i'm just not going to put it on my main because i failed LMAO OKAY
Pairing: Jongin/Kyungsoo
Note: side sequel to this
Kyungsoo is thirteen when he falls in love. Love feels a lot like wrapping himself in cotton candy and bathing in sweetness. Love feels like clarity and fuzzy pastel colors in the background of his dreams where his Prince Charming will lean in closer and they’ll kiss and everything bleeds out to white. He knows it’s not real but he’ll still wake up happy with his fantasies. Love gives him something to look forward to in life-- regardless if it’s one sided. Kyungsoo’s feelings are real and love makes people inexplicably happy-- that’s how they know it’s love.
♥
Kyungsoo knows this boy named Kim Jongin, who is perfect in every sense of the word. Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to approach Kim Jongin; how do you approach Perfection? He doesn’t, just directs shy smiles and hopes Kim Jongin will come to him.
“Do you love him?”
“I do, I love him so much.” But he’s just thirteen, he shouldn’t know what love is. He shouldn’t know, but still his heart tells him that he is in love because of the way his heartstrings pull for this one person. There is no particular reason why he loves Jongin, he can’t just pick something out of everything. It’s like dissecting a perfect cloud, no matter how it’s dissected it’ll still be pretty until there’s nothing left.
“Why do you love him so much?”
“I don’t know, I wish I did. It would save me a lot of pain if I could try to find it in someone else because it hurts whenever he doesn’t look at me how I want him to.”
Kyungsoo is okay with the hurt, he’s okay with the pain, because he is in love. He is so in love and he is so sure that he can never feel the same for anyone else. It’s only with Jongin that the world blurs out and all Kyungsoo can hear is the beating of his own heart. Even the thought of being near Jongin makes Kyungsoo’s palms sweaty-- that’s how he knows it’s love.
Joonmyun hums, and Kyungsoo knows Joonmyun probably isn’t really listening. Then again, how are you supposed to explain how it feels to fall in love with Perfection? It’s like falling into a pit of happiness so deathly it turns a person blind. He wants to be blindly happy forever because it’s better than opening his eyes and being sad forever. Forever is a very long time.
♥
Kyungsoo should have realized sooner that even though Kyungsoo only has eyes for Jongin, Jongin has never once looked at Kyungsoo. Sehun is everything that Kyungsoo isn’t: lithe body, long legs, and mischievous eyes that seem to draw in everyone’s eyes-- including Jongin’s.
And he thinks he can be okay with Jongin liking Sehun because Sehun seems perfect and Perfection should be with his own kind. Kyungsoo tries to smile in the mirror and his expression crumbles before his very eyes. He can’t look away; it’s a morbid fascination watch himself crying.
He’s so beautifully ugly.
His eyes are too big, rimmed red with tears falling down chubby cheeks. His smile is beautiful because it is truly heartbroken-- it’s not really a smile when his lips keep quivering. He practices in the mirror about telling Jongin I’m so happy for you, but his voice comes out in ten different pitches and it’s not as controlled as he would like.
He breaks down in hiccuping sobs, trying to breathe properly but the oxygen leaves his head and he’s numb.
What would make the difference even if he did congratulate the happy couple? Jongin would stare at him with the eyes of a stranger, and ask Who are you? Kyungsoo thinks he would break because his fantasies are falling apart. Jongin is supposed to smile and tell him that Kyungsoo is all he’s ever wanted and be surprised he hasn’t met Kyungsoo sooner. That can’t possibly happen because Sehun must be all Jongin’s ever wanted because that’s why Kyungsoo is watching them from the sidelines.
A voice in his head tells himself that it’s not true because Kyungsoo’s always been watching from the sidelines.
Joonmyun wipes away Kyungsoo’s tears but they keep coming back no matter how much Kyungsoo wills them away, like the tides of the sea, they will always come back.
“I’ll always be there to make you happy.”
“I know you will.”
Joonmyun will always make Kyungsoo happy but he will never make Kyungsoo feel like he’s wrapped in cotton candy or bathed in sweetness. Joonmyun does not make Kyungsoo feel clarity or fuzzy pastel colors in the background. But Joonmyun is a comfort, and the best that Kyungsoo could hope for in a friend.
“Image is everything.” It’s the real side of people that matters. Like when Jongin pets kittens when he thinks no one is looking. Like when Jongin practices in an empty room until he’s the only light flickering on campus.
“No it’s not. You’re exaggerating.”
“Your image is how people perceive you.”
“Doesn’t it matter more how you perceive yourself?”
“Of course.”
“See? I’m always right.” Kyungsoo knows because he’s seen Perfection already, and Perfection only knows how to look forward. Perfection doesn’t always look at his surroundings because if he did, then he might have seen Kyungsoo already.
“Of course.”
♥
Kyungsoo is sixteen when he goes to a basketball game and sees Jongin kissing Chanyeol under the bleachers. Chanyeol’s hands are still tangled in Jongin’s basketball jersey even though the game is supposed to start soon. He tells himself that his heart breaks for Sehun, but Sehun for the most part looks unaffected. Kyungsoo is sorely disappointed in Jongin, but he doesn’t know if Jongin and Sehun have already broken up so why is he so disappointed?
He turns around with corn dog and soda in hand, and he leaves.
Basketball is a dumb sport anyways.
The sound of a heart breaking twice is not as deadly, but it’s still painful.
♥
Kyungsoo is seventeen when Jongin approaches his table in Chemistry. He’s not prepared to see Jongin up close, and he thinks finally, Jongin has noticed someone who actually cares about him. He holds back a wobbly smile when he sees a bouquet of flowers behind Jongin’s back. Jongin’s staring at him, playful grin on his lips. He’s imagined how this moment could happen a million times in his dreams-- not that he ever thought they would ever come true.
Kyungsoo sets down his pencil and sits up straighter only to falter when Jongin motions him to be quiet like this is their secret when Jongin moves to face Baekhyun, who is still dead asleep on his desk.
“Byun Baekhyun, you sleepy princess, will you go to prom with me?”
Baekhyun cracks an eye open, purring his consent at the choice of flowers before he motions Jongin closer and kisses a corner of Jongin’s lips. God, he’s so stupid. Tears sting the edges of his eyes and he looks away in case he cries. No one notices, of course, no one ever notices Do Kyungsoo anyways. Jongin would never notice a person like Do Kyungsoo. The class roars in approval and Kyungsoo sits silently, smile frozen on his face.
Bitterly, Kyungsoo wonders how Baekhyun gets the best lab partner and the best date to prom.
This is why Kyungsoo tells himself to never let his hopes up-- it’s the laws of physics that what comes up, must come down.
♥
Joonmyun always tries to make Kyungsoo feel better; they go to prom together. Kyungsoo doesn’t feel comfortable with going to prom with anyone else because Joonmyun is the only person who will accept Kyungsoo and has accepted Kyungsoo for everything that he is. Anyone else would have seen how ugly Kyungsoo is inside, the Kyungsoo that sees the imperfection in everyone.
“This guy you like, do you like him more than anyone in the world?” Kyungsoo feels sorry for bringing Joonmyun when he knows that his best friend was--is(?)-- dating a boy named Jongdae.
“I love him.” Kyungsoo feels bad, but he knows that Joonmyun would not leave him alone when he’s broken hearted. Joonmyun is just that kind of perfect-- a different perfection from Kim Jongin: Kim Joonmyun is an angel.
“Why are you here with me? I wouldn’t have gone with you if you wanted to go with him.” He still would have.
“No, he’s here. He’s just too far from my reach.”
“Because it’s you, I’m sure you’ll have him in the palm of your hands in no time.” Perfect people can always get what they want. Kyungsoo’s eyes wander towards the middle of the dance floor where King Jongin and Queen Baekhyun dance on the dance floor. They look happy but that might be because Jongin has this effect on people where he makes everyone happy. Kim Jongin had always made Kyungsoo happy, but why does he make Kyungsoo sad now? Kyungsoo’s feelings are real and love makes people inexplicably happy-- that’s how they know it’s love, but it leaves a sour aftertaste.
♥
University is a new start for Kyungsoo. It’s for new beginnings and doors to open. Then Jongin walks into his Literature class and his heart betrays him. The thing about love is that even if your brain tries to make you forget, your body will always remember.
Jongin catches his eyes and smiles, there is recognition on both ends-- one glance more casual than the other.
“Don’t I know you?”
“No.”
“I think I do,” Jongin insists.
“Then I guess you do,” Kyungsoo says. He takes out his pencil case while Jongin takes a seat next to him. His heart is about to beat out of his chest but he keeps his face void of emotions.
He tells himself not to get his hopes up. Hope is a scary thing.
♥
Regardless if Kyungsoo wants to fall deeper in love or not, Jongin refuses to leave him alone. During class, Jongin will get bored of taking notes and continue dooling on Kyungsoo’s arms.
“Stop it, that tickles,” Kyungsoo hisses. There’s no heat in his words, because he likes how Jongin marks him up; he likes how Jongin makes him feel like he has a place in Jongin’s life. Kyungsoo’s notes turn out messy and crooked, but the pictures on Kyungsoo’s arm and precise and carefully shaded. Every time he sneaks glances at his marked skin, he remembers the feeling of Jongin’s hands pressed against his skin-- warm and gentle. Goosebumps appear on Kyungsoo’s skin even though it’s hot outside.
Kyungsoo’s feelings are real and love makes people inexplicably happy-- but Jongin’s feelings are hazy and that leaves Kyungsoo anxious and scared.
Love is so much more simpler without added variables.
♥
Sometimes Jongin comes to the Music Department to wait for Kyungsoo even though the Architecture Building is a little farther away. Kyungsoo tries to treat Jongin like a normal person, even treating him with a little more indifference. He wants Jongin to work for this friendship, he wants to know that Jongin wants just as much as Kyungsoo does. Maybe he’s pushing this too far but he’s afraid of having his heart broken for the millionth time without Jongin ever realizing it.
Kyungsoo studies music theory and Jongin studies architecture. Kyungsoo is so in love with Jongin who wants to learn how to build things. Jongin is beginning to love Kyungsoo who wants to create things. Their goals are similar even though their routes are a little different and it forms a bond between them that they didn’t have before.
♥
They’re sitting in lecture, listening to their professor drone about Hamlet. Jongin raises his hand to input his opinion, which he never does.
“Queen Gertrude shouldn’t have left Old Hamlet for King Claudius, it’s not like it made anyone happy.”
Their professor doesn’t comment about Jongin’s grip on Kyungsoo or the graffiti on Kyungsoo’s arm. However, their professor does say, “Put your feet down, Kim Jongin. This isn’t your house.”
Sheepishly, Jongin puts his legs down when Kyungsoo clears his throat.
“I think Queen Gertrude and King Claudius really did love each other, so even if the situation was not ideal, they listened to their hearts.” Jongin makes a retching noise and Kyungsoo glares at him, a little upset.
“Claudius never liked Gertrude, he just wanted to be King instead of giving the throne to Hamlet. The best way to do that was by marrying the Queen right?”
“Claudius and Gertrude liked each other.”
“Boys, it was never explicitly stated. Now it’s time to move on.” Their professor forcefully continues, letting Kyungsoo simmer down.
♥
“Kyungsoo, are you still mad at me? Why? It was just discussion!” Jongin pouts, trying to discretely sneak his onions onto Kyungsoo’s plate. In response, Kyungsoo shifts his plate away and sticks a tongue at Jongin.
“Admit that I’m right.”
“No one is right or wrong-- okay fine. You’re right.”
“Why don’t you want me to be right?”
“Because it’s not like it’s practical.”
“Of course it’s not practical! Love isn’t practical,” Kyungsoo hisses. Jongin flicks a fry at Kyungsoo’s face.
“You’re thinking too much,” Jongin says airily.
“I do not!” Kyungsoo screeches, but the diner they’re eating in is too noisy anyways.
“Love you too,” Jongin replies absentmindedly. Kyungsoo sits in his seat in utter shock, while Jongin sneaks his onions on Kyungsoo’s plate. By the time Jongin looks up, Kyungsoo’s crying.
“My feelings aren’t that easy,” Kyungsoo grumbles. Jongin’s bewildered by the way Kyungsoo storms out of their booth, meal untouched. Jongin plays with his fries, suddenly not hungry anymore.
The next day in class, Jongin announces, “Gertrude and Claudius were totally in love, even though Claudius is sort of a dick.”
Their professor glances at Jongin disdainfully. “We’ve moved on to Macbeth.”
“I know,” Jongin says, beaming with a bright smile.
Jongin sits back down in his seat and draws hearts on Kyungsoo’s palm.
Love feels a lot like being wrapped in cotton candy and bathing in sweetness. Love feels like clarity and fuzzy pastel colors in the background of his reality. Love gives him something to look forward to in life-- and it’s not one sided any longer. Kyungsoo’s feelings are real and love makes people inexplicably happy-- that’s how they know it’s love. Kyungsoo is in love.
Jongin is too.
♥
Kyungsoo’s sitting on their couch with Jongin’s head in his lap, letting Jongin absentmindedly doodle on his arms when Jongin says,
“I’m almost done.”
Kyungsoo spares a glance at his arms.
There’s a house on the hillside that has a chimney with smoke puffing out from the top despite the sun drawn hastily in the corner. There are flowerbeds on the windowsill and flowerbeds decorating the sides of a pathway to the steps to the house. It seems like a small step up from a children’s picture, but Kyungsoo’s not as impressed as he should be because drawing buildings is what Jongin wants to do for a living.
“Close your eyes for the best part,” Jongin says. Kyungsoo complies, but that’s only because he knows he’ll be able to feel on his skin whatever it is that Jongin will draw anyways. He feels it on his skin and his smile breaks out before he can school his expression.
“Open your eyes,” Jongin whispers. It’s only two lines and a scribbled dot in the middle, but it’s everything Kyungsoo wanted. It’s everything Kyungsoo could never dream of having happen.
“Kim Jongin, don’t play around,” Kyungsoo chides.
“In the future, I’ll get you a real ring. If you want it, I’ll give you whatever you want,” Jongin says.
“You are everything I could ever want.”
♥
Six years in the future, they’re laying together, Kyungsoo finds himself naked in bed with Jongin drawing shapes into his skin. It’s too early to get up, but too late to have breakfast.
“Guess what this is?”
“A circle.”
“It’s a coin.” Kyungsoo shoves Jongin.
“Again,” Kyungsoo demands. This time, Jongin draws something a little more elaborate.
“Jongin, are you just squiggling lines on my back?”
“No, do you give up?”
“No... yes, fine. What is it?”
“It’s a hotel in Gangnam. I’m one of the main architects.” Kyungsoo’s eyes light up and he kisses Jongin’s cheek happily.
“I knew they would choose you.”
“Okay, close your eyes again.” Kyungsoo closes his eyes and he’s expecting Jongin to draw again but he hears Jongin shuffle around the bed.
“Jongin?” Something cold gets put on Kyungsoo’s finger, and it doesn’t feel skin or the tip of a pen.
“Open your eyes,” Jongin says. It’s a ring, incredibly simple, but sincere. Jongin knows that Kyungsoo could care less about expensive rocks because most of the time, all Kyungsoo can see is Jongin-- Jongin intends on keeping it this way.
“It’s a ring?”
“No,” Jongin says. Kyungsoo’s about ready to smack Jongin across the face.
“It’s a promise of forever.” Kyungsoo falters.
“What if I say no?”
“You won’t.”
“Cocky brat,” Kyungsoo hisses.
“That you love.” Kyungsoo doesn’t deny it, or take off his ring.
♥
Marriage seems like a blur. Jongin wears a black tuxedo and Kyungsoo wears white.
“Kyungsoo, I’ve known him for a very long time. I’ve only ever wanted him to be happy. Today, Kyungsoo is his happiest. And from now on, until forever, he’ll only be happier. He’s my best friend. I love him. And this is everything I’ve always wanted for him.”
Kyungsoo tears up a bit at Joonmyun’s speech. Jongin whispers, “You’re such a big baby,” but he holds Kyungsoo’s hand tight under their table. Kyungsoo tries to kick Jongin’s leg, even though there’s a smile on his face.
When the wedding is about already over, Kyungsoo goes around bidding his guests goodbye, he waves over his best friend.
“You look good today, Kyungsoo.”
“Don’t I always?”
“Of course.”
♥
You have reached Kim Joonmyun, unfortunately I am not here at the time. Leave a message after the tone...
“Joonmyun, I’m bring Jongin over for dinner. I hope you don’t mind.” Kyungsoo hangs up, looking over at Jongin. They’re so in love.
♥
“It looks like we won’t be able to make it, our flight is delayed. Can you tell Joonmyun for us?”
“Yeah, sure. Why me though?”
“I’m positive it has to be you. I think Joonmyun still likes you, you know?”
“Right.”
“I’ll call again once we get back to Seoul.”
“Bye, have a nice flight.”
“Thanks, Jongdae.”
♥
Jongdae walks into the room and all he can hear is his heart dropping with the sounds of his own screams muffled in the background. Jongdae is crying because of Joonmyun again, but he can’t find the effort to hide his tears.
“Stay with me, Joonmyun.”
“You have to stay awake.”
“Please.”
“Goodnight, Kyungsoo.”
Jongdae’s screaming on his phone for an ambulance but he knows they won’t make it on time even if he wants them to.
It’s not fair that he can’t have Joonmyun or his heart.
Jongdae’s tears are flower petals; beautiful even when they fall to unappreciated eyes.
♥
“So, where do you want to go for our next honeymoon?”
-i feel pretty bad for my beta because this isn't 100% but like freal i don't know what to do im sorry mei i don't think i can continue so i'm just not going to put it on my main because i failed LMAO OKAY