(no subject)
This morning I woke up feeling lost.
Semi-lost. As in I'm doing good with about 60% of my life right now. I'm happy with how my kids are growing up, I'm happy, for the most part, on how I'm raising them. They seem to be growing up happy and balanced. My job is getting better everyday. My unhappiness comes from my relationship with Javier. The way he makes me feel and how that, in turn, causes me to feel about myself. I feel like he doesn't make me feel special or appreciated so now I feel like I'm not special and don't deserve to be appreciated... and all the while in the back of my heart I know that I should, and could, find someone that would treat me differently. Except I'm stalling on moving on. Why? Why do I stall? So much time has passed and I'm already living a life that wouldn't need Javier in it for myself, so why am I waiting? I know he'll always need to be here for my girls, but that's no different than Abimael is for Randy. I need to let go.