I think that the last sentence would be better if it was combined witht he last sentence of the first paragraph. The problem is, the last sentence of the first paragraph is a great transition into the second, so I can't move it. Repeating the same line again would not have the required effect either. Perhaps you're right, it works as is. Getting the last line of the first paragraph to the end would probably require a complete restructuring of the beginning two paragraphs.
I gave the prompt a shot, as well, though I think yours is better.
It is here if you want to read it. And thanks for posting about writing excuses. I've started listening to the podcast, as well. Interesting and funny to say the least.
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Also, I personally, like the last sentence the way it is. The rest of the story lets you know what he might be looking forward to.
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Oh well. That's why I'm doing the prompts, helps fuel discussion. :D
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It is here if you want to read it. And thanks for posting about writing excuses. I've started listening to the podcast, as well. Interesting and funny to say the least.
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