(Get On My) Love Line - a Bu Fan/Yue Yue fanfic
Fandom: Idol Producer / 偶像练习生
Pairing: Bu Fan/Yue Yue
Rating: Mature.
Word count: 4000+
Chapters: One shot.
Notes: Feelings and phone sex.
“If I see either of your faces again, you’ll be sorry! Don’t ever come back to China!”
Ling Chao’s angry face took up almost all of Yue Yue’s phone screen, lips pursed in a pout and eyes sharp as he glared at Yue Yue and Ziyang through the camera.
Ziyang was practically doubled over laughing, clutching his stomach as he tried to feed Ling Chao another lie about how much of an “awful” time they were having in Thailand.
“Stop talking! Not another word, or I’ll hang up!” Ling Chao snapped, finger hovering threateningly over the end call button.
“But-“
“I’m hanging up!”
Yue Yue’s phone background popped in to view as the call was terminated, which set Ziyang off all over again.
“We’re never going to hear the end of this, you know.” Yue Yue said, sighing.
“Oh I know.” Ziyang replied, grinning from ear to ear. “It’s worth it though. I’m almost glad we got eliminated.”
Yue Yue knew he didn’t mean that, not really, but he snorted in agreement anyway.
It had been jarring at first, when they had left. They had both gotten used to never being alone, used to the sounds of dozens of people all laughing, breathing, living together and now everything seemed so quiet. Brief phone calls to Ling Chao and Bu Fan almost took them back to the dorms, back to what had quickly become their life and everything they knew, but the calls never lasted long enough and sooner or later they had to face reality again.
Yue Yue missed it, all the commotion and camaraderie. Leaving had been one of the hardest things he had ever done in his life.
If he thought about it too long, it made his heart hurt, so he tried not to.
Ziyang stretched his arms high above his head, popping his stiff joints as he did so, which pulled Yue Yue out of his thoughts.
“I’m going to bed.” He announced. “Enjoy the single room, you lucky old man.”
They had drawn lots earlier in the evening to see who got the smaller room with the single double bed, and who had to share with the staff and Yue Yue had won three times out of three. Ziyang had demanded a re-do, saying that Yue Yue had cheated, which was quickly rebuffed and he had sulked for the rest of the afternoon, but it seemed that getting to mess with Bu Fan and Ling Chao had improved his mood.
“I will.” Yue Yue grinned, and Ziyang pouted.
“Don’t push it.” Was all he said, before he turned and left for the twin bedroom.
Yue Yue threw himself on the double bed, humming with content as the plush mattress sank beneath his weight. It had been a long few days, and Yue Yue couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so tired. He was just about to turn on his alarm for the morning before his phone started to vibrate in his hand. He swiped a finger across it and held it to his ear.
“Hey.” Bu Fan’s voice broke through the silence, and Yue Yue felt himself instinctively relax in to the mattress even more. Bu Fan had always had a way of making him feel at ease, which was one of the things Yue Yue liked most about him.
“Hey. I thought you were hanging up?”
“That was Ling Chao’s doing, not mine.” Bu Fan huffed.
“Is he really mad?”
There was a beat of silence before Bu Fan answered. “I don’t think so. Not about Thailand anyway. I think he’s just trying to find something to be mad at, you know. Instead of all of this.” Yue Yue felt Bu Fan’s vague gesture more than he saw it.
He did know. Yue Yue’s heart went out to Ling Chao more than most. Their youngest could be mature beyond his years at times, but he was still just a kid, and their elimination hit him harder than anyone else. Yue Yue hadn’t missed how gaunt his cheeks were and how swollen his eyes had been, and how he had kept his head down the entire time they were leaving.
“Where is he now?” he asked Bu Fan.
“He’s gone to one of the other dorms. Zhangjing’s, I think. He hates staying in his dorm by himself and I think staying with me just reminds him that you two aren’t here.”
That made sense. Even in their own dorm back home, there was barely any space for the four of them. They were always together, whether they wanted to be or not, and Yue Yue could understand why Ling Chao was struggling with just Bu Fan’s company.
There was another beat of silence, and then;
“I miss you.”
Yue Yue had known it was coming. Bu Fan was an open book, and one that Yue Yue knew well. Despite his looks, he was someone who wore his heart on his sleeve, and anything he didn’t say directly could be found etched in to his features and laced in the undertones of his voice if you just knew where to look.
Yue Yue had known it was coming, but those three short words still made him feel winded and for the first time since the evaluation, he truly felt the ache of Bu Fan’s absence.
During the filming, it didn’t take them long to notice that there were a number of couples just like them; boys displaced from their usual comfort zones who had now found themselves in a situation where they were unsure where the boundaries lay, unsure who they could touch and where under the ever watchful eye of the cameras and production team. There was only so much that could be aired and passed off as skinskip, and there was only so far disbelief could stretch to accommodate simple “close friendship” between trainees.
You could see it everywhere you went - touches that lingered too long, fingers over palms, palms over thighs, heads bowed together under the premise of a team discussion, and it was never enough.
Yue Yue felt bad for those like himself and Bu Fan, but he had felt even worse for those who had had the misfortune of finding each other during the competition. At least those that had gone there together and had already left their baggage at the door had the luxury of being able to pick it back up when they left. For those who came from different companies, time was a precious commodity, one that they couldn’t afford to waste and in between the hours blood, sweat and tears, in those few short moments where they were not desperately trying to prove their worth, finding comfort in the arms of someone that they knew they could lose all too soon was bittersweet.
“Aren’t you going to say you miss me?” Bu Fan asked, his husky voice slicing through Yue Yue’s thoughts.
“Do you need to hear me say it?”
Bu Fan made a non-committal sound at the back of his throat, but Yue Yue knew him better than that.
“I miss you too.”
Yue Yue knew it was killing Bu Fan to be separated like this. The younger man was tactile where Yue Yue was cautious and reserved, and again, despite his looks he thrived off of physical contact and felt the constant desire to touch what was his - and Yue Yue was his, there was no doubt about that - but distance was cruel and the will of the general public was even more so.
From the moment they had met, Yue Yue had felt himself drawn to Bu Fan. At first, it was simply because he found him interesting; in fact, he had found it downright fascinating how someone so tall and with a face like thunder could be so tender and childlike at heart.
Yue Yue found that he liked how they fit together, one reserved and introspective and one brash with seemingly no filter. It shouldn’t have worked, and they bickered constantly, but it did. Before long, Yue Yue couldn’t ignore that what he felt was more than simple brotherhood, but he kept his thoughts to himself, as he usually did. That was until Bu Fan came crashing through his walls.
“I’m pretty sure you’re my soulmate.” He had said to Yue Yue one afternoon, with a mouth full of melon that he had stolen from the fridge when Xiao Yu wasn’t looking. There had been no preamble, no warning, and Yue Yue found that he was taken a little off guard.
“What makes you say that?”
Bu Fan shrugged. “It’s just something I’ve been thinking about, but now that I’ve said it aloud, it feels right.”
Yue Yue wasn’t like Bu Fan. He prided himself on being harder to read and he played his cards close to his chest and so he scoffed at Bu Fan and leaned across the table to push the remainder of the melon in his face before getting up to leave. Ziyang gave him a knowing glance as he passed but said nothing.
Yue Yue hadn’t been expecting it, and Yue Yue had never been that good at dealing with the unexpected. He was methodical and lived his life by logic and design. His relationship with Bu Fan didn’t come with blueprints, Bu Fan himself didn’t come with blueprints, and Yue Yue didn’t know how to deal with that.
It had taken him the better part of two days to consider all possible angles, and his hair stuck up like a nest from the amount of times he had tangled his fingers through it trying to solve a problem that had no right answer.
Ziyang still said nothing, but from the quirk of his eyebrow every time he caught Yue Yue’s eye, Yue Yue knew that he could only take so much of Yue Yue’s agonising before he interfered - keeping his mouth shut had never really been Ziyang’s strong suit. If Ling Chao knew anything (and Yue Yue didn’t doubt that he did, because if Ziyang knew, then it was usually right to assume that Ling Chao knew), he was wise enough, or at least innocent enough to pretend that he didn’t. The only one that seemed oblivious to the havoc that his offhanded words had wrought was the source of the problem himself.
Two days, and Yue Yue still didn’t have all the answers but he figured that he knew enough and had reached a logical conclusion, and so one late afternoon before training Yue Yue pulled Bu Fan in to the room he shared with Ziyang and without giving Bu Fan time to speak (and without giving himself time to doubt his actions) Yue Yue had pulled Bu Fan down to his height and had kissed him full on the mouth.
It had been slow at first, lazy and languid almost, before Bu Fan’s brain caught up and kicked in to overdrive. He had wrapped his long arms around Yue Yue’s back, almost crushing him and knocked the wind out of the elder, returning his kiss with a rough sort of passion that only he could deliver.
Once they broke apart, Bu Fan had looked at Yue Yue, dumbfounded, and Yue Yue had chewed over his words for a moment before saying “it’s true. It does feel right.”
Since that day, they had been inseparable, and Yue Yue had found it hard to imagine a day where Bu Fan wasn’t with him, his large and overbearing presence filling up every single room and his loud voice ballooning to fill up every space. But things were different now. Bu Fan wasn’t here, he was thousands of kilometres away, and every room Yue Yue found himself in felt much too large without him in it.
“Baby, stop thinking so hard. I can feel you doing it.” Bu Fan said, voice once again popping the bubble that was Yue Yue’s thoughts.
“I’m sorry. It’s been a long day.”
“Do you want to hang up?”
“No, I- it’s fine. Stay on the phone.” Yue Yue settled back in to the pillows. “It’s been too quiet without you.”
“Oi, are you saying I’m loud?” Bu Fan asked, a tinge of his usual hair-trigger defensiveness creeping in to his voice. Yue Yue laughed.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” He could feel the objection about to burst out of Bu Fan, and cut him off. “I love that about you, though.”
Bu Fan’s irritation fizzled out and died in his throat, and he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Flirt.” He said, before sighing heavily. It was involuntary, Yue Yue could tell from how sudden it was. Bu Fan had never been good at hiding how he felt.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. Everything is just…getting to be a bit much. This place isn’t what I thought it would be.” He stopped for a second, but Yue Yue remained silent, knowing from experience that Bu Fan wasn’t finished. “It’s weird. The closer I get to that finish line, the more I feel that I have to lose. I know that Ling Chao should still be here, but what about me? Why have they kept me here? I know I’m not like the othes. I’m nothing like Xukun, or Linong, or Justin, but I’m still here.”
Yue Yue could hear the sound of rustling, and then a shaky breath. “I want it so badly, Yue Yue, but I know better than that. Up until now, I’ve told myself that if it doesn’t happen, that’s just how things are. But things are different now. Everything seems too real, and I don’t know if I can take it.”
“I know, baby.” Yue Yue said, voice soft and delicate. He couldn’t relate to Bu Fan completely; he never had any real ideals of making it, and never had the taste of the top 9 like Bu Fan had. He knew he still had a long way to go before he was ready to debut, but being on that stage lit a fire underneath all of them, and it was almost painful to be away from its heat. “Remember, we still have so much ahead of us. We’re BC221 members first, and you’ve seen how much the fans are anticipating our debut. Even if you don’t make it, Bu Fan, you’ll be coming home to family.”
There was another beat of silence, and then;
“I’ll be coming home to you.”
Yue Yue felt the air get sucked out of him again. No matter how long they were together, Bu Fan’s unabashed honesty was still something he couldn’t get used to. That was another thing that he loved about him.
“Yeah. You’ll be coming home to me.”
Bu Fan sighed again. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed being with you. Like, actually being with you. I can’t stand all these damn cameras.”
Yue Yue chuckled. He didn’t think he would ever forget the sheer irritation on Bu Fan’s face when he had stormed in to the dorms after counting all of the cameras in the building.
“Is this a prison?!” he had griped, arms outspread and gesturing around the room. “You can’t pick your nose in this place without three cameras seeing how far your finger goes in!”
“Eugh, don’t be so disgusting.” Zhangjing had said at the exact same time that Xiao Gui had barked with laughter. The younger grinned, lowering his voice.
“Don’t tell the staff, but I broke the one in mine and Xingjie’s room.” He said, his smile almost impish. “They haven’t noticed, we’ve tested it out.”
“How?” Ling Chao had asked, and Zhangjing shot Xiao Gui with a looking that clearly said don’t you dare.
Xiao Gui snickered, and dismissed Ling Chao’s question with a shrug before turning to Bu Fan. “Do you want me to fix yours?”
“Yes!” Bu Fan had yelled, without hesitation. “Wait, no.” He threw Yue Yue a knowing look. “…maybe.”
But before they knew it, before they had even had time to be wrapped up in things other than the intensive training and constant filming, it was all over for Yue Yue. His bag had been packed, his sweater had been handed in, and it had been months still since he last felt Bu Fan’s body on his.
Thinking about it made Yue Yue ache, both in his body and in his soul. Bu Fan was the one who thrived off of physical contact, but Yue Yue couldn’t deny how much he had come to love whenever Bu Fan’s hands found a place on his body.
“I’ve missed it too.”
“…are you alone right now?”
“Yes, why?”
“I never did tell you. Xiao Gui broke the camera in the dorm after all.”
The corner of Yue Yue’s mouth quirked. “Is that so?”
Bu Fan hummed. “Mm. So, I was thinking. If you wanted to…”
“Are you propositioning me for phone sex, Mr Fan?”
“I’m doing exactly that.”
“And who said romance is dead?”
“Don’t get cute, Lao Yue. Is that a yes?
Yue Yue felt his pulse quicken ever so slightly, but he kept his voice steady as he laughed at Bu Fan. “If you’re being this needy, how can I say no?”
Yue Yue had lost count of the amount of times him and Bu Fan had been together since they had officially become a couple, but this was new territory for them both.
“So,” Bu Fan started, “what are you wearing?”
Yue Yue burst out laughing as his hand moved down his own stomach. “Idiot. I’m in my pyjamas of course. What about you?”
“I’m in my blue sweater that hasn’t been washed in three days.”
“Tell me more.” Yue Yue quipped, voice light and teasing.
If it were anyone else, it would have been awkward and a complete turn off, but nothing with Bu Fan was like it would be with anyone else. Yue Yue’s hand had found its way past the waistband of his loose trousers and he sucked in air through his teeth. Dorm life didn’t really allow for this sort of thing either, at least not properly, and only getting five minutes in the showers every few days was enough to put all the boys on edge.
“Talk to me, Bu Fan.”
“God, I wish I was there with you right now.” The younger said, huffing so hard down the phone that the line popped and crackled in Yue Yue’s ear. “When I’m out of here, Yue Yue, once I get out of here I’m not going to leave you alone.”
“Is that right?” Yue Yue asked, colour rising in his cheeks. Honestly, things like this embarrassed him, that was just the type of person he was, and Bu Fan knew that. Bu Fan enjoyed that, enjoyed seeing how far he could push the elder before he had to leave the room or hide his face to compose himself.
But knowing that he had that effect on Bu Fan excited Yue Yue too. “If you were here right now…what would we be doing?”
“Oh God.”
“Are you losing your nerve?”
“Not a chance. We’d-“ Yue Yue could hear Bu Fan swallow on the other end of the line before he continued, voice thick. “We’d be kissing. Slowly at first, trying to- trying to enjoy it, but then-“
“Then I’d stick my tongue down your throat.”
“Bastard.” Bu Fan said, voice rough but with no real anger behind it. “And then you’d stick your tongue down my throat. And then we’d move to the bed- hey wait, what’s the bed like? In the hotel?”
“Oh, I don’t think you’d want me to tell you. You might get jealous.” Yue Yue teased, sinking further in to the mattress as his hand drew a lazy trail on his hip bone. “It’s much better than the bunks.”
“How can I picture fucking you if I don’t know what we’re fucking on?” Bu Fan asked bluntly, and Yue Yue felt the redness on his face rise to his hairline.
“Take it easy, we’ve skipped a few steps there. We’re still just kissing, remember?”
“Lao Yue.” Bu Fan warned, causing the elder to laugh.
“Alright, alright, fine. It’s a double, soft white sheets, deep brown covers. And the mattress feels like you’re lying on a cloud, it’s that soft.”
“Good. So, we’re on the bed, and I’m taking off your ugly pyjamas-“
“And your disgusting sweater.”
“And my disgusting sweater.” Bu Fan conceded, slight irritation seeping in to his voice. “And then I’m pushing you down in to this soft mattress that probably doesn’t stab you with its springs every time you move. And then I’m kissing you, all over.”
Yue Yue let his eyelids flutter shut as his hand reached its final stop. Bu Fan continued to talk, taking the reigns of this little tryst of theirs, and Yue Yue could picture it all so vividly. Bu Fan starting at his jaw like he usually did, kissing it and biting it before trailing down his neck. Yue Yue rested his phone on the pillow next to his ear and let the fingers of his free hand drag along his own skin, imagining it to be Bu Fan instead.
As Bu Fan continued to describe the way he would kiss along his collarbones, across his chest and then along the expanse of his stomach, Yue Yue’s own hand tightened around himself as he got lost in the fantasy, heels digging in to the mattress below him.
The Bu Fan in his head moved lower, and lower still, peppering the inside of his thighs with rough kisses and sharp nips at his skin. The Bu Fan on the phone was struggling to keep his voice even, having to stop every few minutes as his dialogue was punctuated by a low groan. Bu Fan always had been much louder and more vocal than he was.
“And then I’d-“
“Bu Fan” Yue Yue breathed, cutting his boyfriend off, “I’m not going to last for much longer.”
It was frustrating, Yue Yue wanted to hear Bu Fan go further, wanted to continue to paint the picture of the two of them together again, but it had been too long for the both of them, and he felt any touch with ten times the intensity, and he just couldn’t hold out.
“Oh thank God.” Bu Fan said, struggling to get even the shortest of sentences out. “I think I’d die if I had to keep going.”
“Me too.”
Both of them were so close it hurt.
“I bet you look so beautiful right now.” Bu Fan said, and Yue Yue felt his heart twist painfully in his chest.
Even with thousands of kilometres between them, they both reached their limit at the same time, Yue Yue quietly, his back lifting off of the hotel bed as he came and Bu Fan with a shout that was ripped deep from within him, and which ended with a breath that sounded a lot like Yue Yue’s name.
Both of them were quiet for a moment, bodies boneless and chests heaving as they came down.
“You know, everyone in the dorms probably heard you.” Yue Yue said after caught his breath, chuckling at the younger’s recklessness.
“I don’t care.” Bu Fan replied, and he probably didn’t. Shame wasn’t in his vocabulary. “I love you so much, baby.”
Despite everything that had just transpired, Yue Yue still had enough in him to flush once more. “I know you do.”
“And?”
“And I love you too.”
“I know.” Bu Fan said, and Yue Yue could almost see his lopsided grin. “I have to go. If someone comes in, they’re going to see more than they probably want to, and I think I have to give this phone back soon.”
Yue Yue laughed. “Alright.” He said, and then paused, chewing his lip. “Hey…”
“Mmm?”
“Don’t come home yet, do you hear me? I won’t forgive you if you come home.”
“I won’t.”
“And don’t cry any more.”
“Oi, I won’t! I have to go. Tell Ziyang I said he better not touch my stuff when you get back to the dorm.”
“I’ll try.”
“Oh, and Lao Yue! Don’t forget to vote for me and our Didi by going to-“
“I’m hanging up!” Yue Yue interrupted, laughing. “Idiot. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, babe.”
The second Yue Yue hung up the phone, he felt complete and utter exhaustion take over him once again, but this time it was the good kind. After washing up, he set his alarm and sank back in to the mattress and before long he was able to slip in to the most comfortable sleep he had had in months.
No matter how it all ended, no matter how long it took, Yue Yue found that he could rest easy knowing that someday, Bu Fan would be coming home to him once again.
And that was more than enough.
Pairing: Bu Fan/Yue Yue
Rating: Mature.
Word count: 4000+
Chapters: One shot.
Notes: Feelings and phone sex.
“If I see either of your faces again, you’ll be sorry! Don’t ever come back to China!”
Ling Chao’s angry face took up almost all of Yue Yue’s phone screen, lips pursed in a pout and eyes sharp as he glared at Yue Yue and Ziyang through the camera.
Ziyang was practically doubled over laughing, clutching his stomach as he tried to feed Ling Chao another lie about how much of an “awful” time they were having in Thailand.
“Stop talking! Not another word, or I’ll hang up!” Ling Chao snapped, finger hovering threateningly over the end call button.
“But-“
“I’m hanging up!”
Yue Yue’s phone background popped in to view as the call was terminated, which set Ziyang off all over again.
“We’re never going to hear the end of this, you know.” Yue Yue said, sighing.
“Oh I know.” Ziyang replied, grinning from ear to ear. “It’s worth it though. I’m almost glad we got eliminated.”
Yue Yue knew he didn’t mean that, not really, but he snorted in agreement anyway.
It had been jarring at first, when they had left. They had both gotten used to never being alone, used to the sounds of dozens of people all laughing, breathing, living together and now everything seemed so quiet. Brief phone calls to Ling Chao and Bu Fan almost took them back to the dorms, back to what had quickly become their life and everything they knew, but the calls never lasted long enough and sooner or later they had to face reality again.
Yue Yue missed it, all the commotion and camaraderie. Leaving had been one of the hardest things he had ever done in his life.
If he thought about it too long, it made his heart hurt, so he tried not to.
Ziyang stretched his arms high above his head, popping his stiff joints as he did so, which pulled Yue Yue out of his thoughts.
“I’m going to bed.” He announced. “Enjoy the single room, you lucky old man.”
They had drawn lots earlier in the evening to see who got the smaller room with the single double bed, and who had to share with the staff and Yue Yue had won three times out of three. Ziyang had demanded a re-do, saying that Yue Yue had cheated, which was quickly rebuffed and he had sulked for the rest of the afternoon, but it seemed that getting to mess with Bu Fan and Ling Chao had improved his mood.
“I will.” Yue Yue grinned, and Ziyang pouted.
“Don’t push it.” Was all he said, before he turned and left for the twin bedroom.
Yue Yue threw himself on the double bed, humming with content as the plush mattress sank beneath his weight. It had been a long few days, and Yue Yue couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so tired. He was just about to turn on his alarm for the morning before his phone started to vibrate in his hand. He swiped a finger across it and held it to his ear.
“Hey.” Bu Fan’s voice broke through the silence, and Yue Yue felt himself instinctively relax in to the mattress even more. Bu Fan had always had a way of making him feel at ease, which was one of the things Yue Yue liked most about him.
“Hey. I thought you were hanging up?”
“That was Ling Chao’s doing, not mine.” Bu Fan huffed.
“Is he really mad?”
There was a beat of silence before Bu Fan answered. “I don’t think so. Not about Thailand anyway. I think he’s just trying to find something to be mad at, you know. Instead of all of this.” Yue Yue felt Bu Fan’s vague gesture more than he saw it.
He did know. Yue Yue’s heart went out to Ling Chao more than most. Their youngest could be mature beyond his years at times, but he was still just a kid, and their elimination hit him harder than anyone else. Yue Yue hadn’t missed how gaunt his cheeks were and how swollen his eyes had been, and how he had kept his head down the entire time they were leaving.
“Where is he now?” he asked Bu Fan.
“He’s gone to one of the other dorms. Zhangjing’s, I think. He hates staying in his dorm by himself and I think staying with me just reminds him that you two aren’t here.”
That made sense. Even in their own dorm back home, there was barely any space for the four of them. They were always together, whether they wanted to be or not, and Yue Yue could understand why Ling Chao was struggling with just Bu Fan’s company.
There was another beat of silence, and then;
“I miss you.”
Yue Yue had known it was coming. Bu Fan was an open book, and one that Yue Yue knew well. Despite his looks, he was someone who wore his heart on his sleeve, and anything he didn’t say directly could be found etched in to his features and laced in the undertones of his voice if you just knew where to look.
Yue Yue had known it was coming, but those three short words still made him feel winded and for the first time since the evaluation, he truly felt the ache of Bu Fan’s absence.
During the filming, it didn’t take them long to notice that there were a number of couples just like them; boys displaced from their usual comfort zones who had now found themselves in a situation where they were unsure where the boundaries lay, unsure who they could touch and where under the ever watchful eye of the cameras and production team. There was only so much that could be aired and passed off as skinskip, and there was only so far disbelief could stretch to accommodate simple “close friendship” between trainees.
You could see it everywhere you went - touches that lingered too long, fingers over palms, palms over thighs, heads bowed together under the premise of a team discussion, and it was never enough.
Yue Yue felt bad for those like himself and Bu Fan, but he had felt even worse for those who had had the misfortune of finding each other during the competition. At least those that had gone there together and had already left their baggage at the door had the luxury of being able to pick it back up when they left. For those who came from different companies, time was a precious commodity, one that they couldn’t afford to waste and in between the hours blood, sweat and tears, in those few short moments where they were not desperately trying to prove their worth, finding comfort in the arms of someone that they knew they could lose all too soon was bittersweet.
“Aren’t you going to say you miss me?” Bu Fan asked, his husky voice slicing through Yue Yue’s thoughts.
“Do you need to hear me say it?”
Bu Fan made a non-committal sound at the back of his throat, but Yue Yue knew him better than that.
“I miss you too.”
Yue Yue knew it was killing Bu Fan to be separated like this. The younger man was tactile where Yue Yue was cautious and reserved, and again, despite his looks he thrived off of physical contact and felt the constant desire to touch what was his - and Yue Yue was his, there was no doubt about that - but distance was cruel and the will of the general public was even more so.
From the moment they had met, Yue Yue had felt himself drawn to Bu Fan. At first, it was simply because he found him interesting; in fact, he had found it downright fascinating how someone so tall and with a face like thunder could be so tender and childlike at heart.
Yue Yue found that he liked how they fit together, one reserved and introspective and one brash with seemingly no filter. It shouldn’t have worked, and they bickered constantly, but it did. Before long, Yue Yue couldn’t ignore that what he felt was more than simple brotherhood, but he kept his thoughts to himself, as he usually did. That was until Bu Fan came crashing through his walls.
“I’m pretty sure you’re my soulmate.” He had said to Yue Yue one afternoon, with a mouth full of melon that he had stolen from the fridge when Xiao Yu wasn’t looking. There had been no preamble, no warning, and Yue Yue found that he was taken a little off guard.
“What makes you say that?”
Bu Fan shrugged. “It’s just something I’ve been thinking about, but now that I’ve said it aloud, it feels right.”
Yue Yue wasn’t like Bu Fan. He prided himself on being harder to read and he played his cards close to his chest and so he scoffed at Bu Fan and leaned across the table to push the remainder of the melon in his face before getting up to leave. Ziyang gave him a knowing glance as he passed but said nothing.
Yue Yue hadn’t been expecting it, and Yue Yue had never been that good at dealing with the unexpected. He was methodical and lived his life by logic and design. His relationship with Bu Fan didn’t come with blueprints, Bu Fan himself didn’t come with blueprints, and Yue Yue didn’t know how to deal with that.
It had taken him the better part of two days to consider all possible angles, and his hair stuck up like a nest from the amount of times he had tangled his fingers through it trying to solve a problem that had no right answer.
Ziyang still said nothing, but from the quirk of his eyebrow every time he caught Yue Yue’s eye, Yue Yue knew that he could only take so much of Yue Yue’s agonising before he interfered - keeping his mouth shut had never really been Ziyang’s strong suit. If Ling Chao knew anything (and Yue Yue didn’t doubt that he did, because if Ziyang knew, then it was usually right to assume that Ling Chao knew), he was wise enough, or at least innocent enough to pretend that he didn’t. The only one that seemed oblivious to the havoc that his offhanded words had wrought was the source of the problem himself.
Two days, and Yue Yue still didn’t have all the answers but he figured that he knew enough and had reached a logical conclusion, and so one late afternoon before training Yue Yue pulled Bu Fan in to the room he shared with Ziyang and without giving Bu Fan time to speak (and without giving himself time to doubt his actions) Yue Yue had pulled Bu Fan down to his height and had kissed him full on the mouth.
It had been slow at first, lazy and languid almost, before Bu Fan’s brain caught up and kicked in to overdrive. He had wrapped his long arms around Yue Yue’s back, almost crushing him and knocked the wind out of the elder, returning his kiss with a rough sort of passion that only he could deliver.
Once they broke apart, Bu Fan had looked at Yue Yue, dumbfounded, and Yue Yue had chewed over his words for a moment before saying “it’s true. It does feel right.”
Since that day, they had been inseparable, and Yue Yue had found it hard to imagine a day where Bu Fan wasn’t with him, his large and overbearing presence filling up every single room and his loud voice ballooning to fill up every space. But things were different now. Bu Fan wasn’t here, he was thousands of kilometres away, and every room Yue Yue found himself in felt much too large without him in it.
“Baby, stop thinking so hard. I can feel you doing it.” Bu Fan said, voice once again popping the bubble that was Yue Yue’s thoughts.
“I’m sorry. It’s been a long day.”
“Do you want to hang up?”
“No, I- it’s fine. Stay on the phone.” Yue Yue settled back in to the pillows. “It’s been too quiet without you.”
“Oi, are you saying I’m loud?” Bu Fan asked, a tinge of his usual hair-trigger defensiveness creeping in to his voice. Yue Yue laughed.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” He could feel the objection about to burst out of Bu Fan, and cut him off. “I love that about you, though.”
Bu Fan’s irritation fizzled out and died in his throat, and he clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Flirt.” He said, before sighing heavily. It was involuntary, Yue Yue could tell from how sudden it was. Bu Fan had never been good at hiding how he felt.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. Everything is just…getting to be a bit much. This place isn’t what I thought it would be.” He stopped for a second, but Yue Yue remained silent, knowing from experience that Bu Fan wasn’t finished. “It’s weird. The closer I get to that finish line, the more I feel that I have to lose. I know that Ling Chao should still be here, but what about me? Why have they kept me here? I know I’m not like the othes. I’m nothing like Xukun, or Linong, or Justin, but I’m still here.”
Yue Yue could hear the sound of rustling, and then a shaky breath. “I want it so badly, Yue Yue, but I know better than that. Up until now, I’ve told myself that if it doesn’t happen, that’s just how things are. But things are different now. Everything seems too real, and I don’t know if I can take it.”
“I know, baby.” Yue Yue said, voice soft and delicate. He couldn’t relate to Bu Fan completely; he never had any real ideals of making it, and never had the taste of the top 9 like Bu Fan had. He knew he still had a long way to go before he was ready to debut, but being on that stage lit a fire underneath all of them, and it was almost painful to be away from its heat. “Remember, we still have so much ahead of us. We’re BC221 members first, and you’ve seen how much the fans are anticipating our debut. Even if you don’t make it, Bu Fan, you’ll be coming home to family.”
There was another beat of silence, and then;
“I’ll be coming home to you.”
Yue Yue felt the air get sucked out of him again. No matter how long they were together, Bu Fan’s unabashed honesty was still something he couldn’t get used to. That was another thing that he loved about him.
“Yeah. You’ll be coming home to me.”
Bu Fan sighed again. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed being with you. Like, actually being with you. I can’t stand all these damn cameras.”
Yue Yue chuckled. He didn’t think he would ever forget the sheer irritation on Bu Fan’s face when he had stormed in to the dorms after counting all of the cameras in the building.
“Is this a prison?!” he had griped, arms outspread and gesturing around the room. “You can’t pick your nose in this place without three cameras seeing how far your finger goes in!”
“Eugh, don’t be so disgusting.” Zhangjing had said at the exact same time that Xiao Gui had barked with laughter. The younger grinned, lowering his voice.
“Don’t tell the staff, but I broke the one in mine and Xingjie’s room.” He said, his smile almost impish. “They haven’t noticed, we’ve tested it out.”
“How?” Ling Chao had asked, and Zhangjing shot Xiao Gui with a looking that clearly said don’t you dare.
Xiao Gui snickered, and dismissed Ling Chao’s question with a shrug before turning to Bu Fan. “Do you want me to fix yours?”
“Yes!” Bu Fan had yelled, without hesitation. “Wait, no.” He threw Yue Yue a knowing look. “…maybe.”
But before they knew it, before they had even had time to be wrapped up in things other than the intensive training and constant filming, it was all over for Yue Yue. His bag had been packed, his sweater had been handed in, and it had been months still since he last felt Bu Fan’s body on his.
Thinking about it made Yue Yue ache, both in his body and in his soul. Bu Fan was the one who thrived off of physical contact, but Yue Yue couldn’t deny how much he had come to love whenever Bu Fan’s hands found a place on his body.
“I’ve missed it too.”
“…are you alone right now?”
“Yes, why?”
“I never did tell you. Xiao Gui broke the camera in the dorm after all.”
The corner of Yue Yue’s mouth quirked. “Is that so?”
Bu Fan hummed. “Mm. So, I was thinking. If you wanted to…”
“Are you propositioning me for phone sex, Mr Fan?”
“I’m doing exactly that.”
“And who said romance is dead?”
“Don’t get cute, Lao Yue. Is that a yes?
Yue Yue felt his pulse quicken ever so slightly, but he kept his voice steady as he laughed at Bu Fan. “If you’re being this needy, how can I say no?”
Yue Yue had lost count of the amount of times him and Bu Fan had been together since they had officially become a couple, but this was new territory for them both.
“So,” Bu Fan started, “what are you wearing?”
Yue Yue burst out laughing as his hand moved down his own stomach. “Idiot. I’m in my pyjamas of course. What about you?”
“I’m in my blue sweater that hasn’t been washed in three days.”
“Tell me more.” Yue Yue quipped, voice light and teasing.
If it were anyone else, it would have been awkward and a complete turn off, but nothing with Bu Fan was like it would be with anyone else. Yue Yue’s hand had found its way past the waistband of his loose trousers and he sucked in air through his teeth. Dorm life didn’t really allow for this sort of thing either, at least not properly, and only getting five minutes in the showers every few days was enough to put all the boys on edge.
“Talk to me, Bu Fan.”
“God, I wish I was there with you right now.” The younger said, huffing so hard down the phone that the line popped and crackled in Yue Yue’s ear. “When I’m out of here, Yue Yue, once I get out of here I’m not going to leave you alone.”
“Is that right?” Yue Yue asked, colour rising in his cheeks. Honestly, things like this embarrassed him, that was just the type of person he was, and Bu Fan knew that. Bu Fan enjoyed that, enjoyed seeing how far he could push the elder before he had to leave the room or hide his face to compose himself.
But knowing that he had that effect on Bu Fan excited Yue Yue too. “If you were here right now…what would we be doing?”
“Oh God.”
“Are you losing your nerve?”
“Not a chance. We’d-“ Yue Yue could hear Bu Fan swallow on the other end of the line before he continued, voice thick. “We’d be kissing. Slowly at first, trying to- trying to enjoy it, but then-“
“Then I’d stick my tongue down your throat.”
“Bastard.” Bu Fan said, voice rough but with no real anger behind it. “And then you’d stick your tongue down my throat. And then we’d move to the bed- hey wait, what’s the bed like? In the hotel?”
“Oh, I don’t think you’d want me to tell you. You might get jealous.” Yue Yue teased, sinking further in to the mattress as his hand drew a lazy trail on his hip bone. “It’s much better than the bunks.”
“How can I picture fucking you if I don’t know what we’re fucking on?” Bu Fan asked bluntly, and Yue Yue felt the redness on his face rise to his hairline.
“Take it easy, we’ve skipped a few steps there. We’re still just kissing, remember?”
“Lao Yue.” Bu Fan warned, causing the elder to laugh.
“Alright, alright, fine. It’s a double, soft white sheets, deep brown covers. And the mattress feels like you’re lying on a cloud, it’s that soft.”
“Good. So, we’re on the bed, and I’m taking off your ugly pyjamas-“
“And your disgusting sweater.”
“And my disgusting sweater.” Bu Fan conceded, slight irritation seeping in to his voice. “And then I’m pushing you down in to this soft mattress that probably doesn’t stab you with its springs every time you move. And then I’m kissing you, all over.”
Yue Yue let his eyelids flutter shut as his hand reached its final stop. Bu Fan continued to talk, taking the reigns of this little tryst of theirs, and Yue Yue could picture it all so vividly. Bu Fan starting at his jaw like he usually did, kissing it and biting it before trailing down his neck. Yue Yue rested his phone on the pillow next to his ear and let the fingers of his free hand drag along his own skin, imagining it to be Bu Fan instead.
As Bu Fan continued to describe the way he would kiss along his collarbones, across his chest and then along the expanse of his stomach, Yue Yue’s own hand tightened around himself as he got lost in the fantasy, heels digging in to the mattress below him.
The Bu Fan in his head moved lower, and lower still, peppering the inside of his thighs with rough kisses and sharp nips at his skin. The Bu Fan on the phone was struggling to keep his voice even, having to stop every few minutes as his dialogue was punctuated by a low groan. Bu Fan always had been much louder and more vocal than he was.
“And then I’d-“
“Bu Fan” Yue Yue breathed, cutting his boyfriend off, “I’m not going to last for much longer.”
It was frustrating, Yue Yue wanted to hear Bu Fan go further, wanted to continue to paint the picture of the two of them together again, but it had been too long for the both of them, and he felt any touch with ten times the intensity, and he just couldn’t hold out.
“Oh thank God.” Bu Fan said, struggling to get even the shortest of sentences out. “I think I’d die if I had to keep going.”
“Me too.”
Both of them were so close it hurt.
“I bet you look so beautiful right now.” Bu Fan said, and Yue Yue felt his heart twist painfully in his chest.
Even with thousands of kilometres between them, they both reached their limit at the same time, Yue Yue quietly, his back lifting off of the hotel bed as he came and Bu Fan with a shout that was ripped deep from within him, and which ended with a breath that sounded a lot like Yue Yue’s name.
Both of them were quiet for a moment, bodies boneless and chests heaving as they came down.
“You know, everyone in the dorms probably heard you.” Yue Yue said after caught his breath, chuckling at the younger’s recklessness.
“I don’t care.” Bu Fan replied, and he probably didn’t. Shame wasn’t in his vocabulary. “I love you so much, baby.”
Despite everything that had just transpired, Yue Yue still had enough in him to flush once more. “I know you do.”
“And?”
“And I love you too.”
“I know.” Bu Fan said, and Yue Yue could almost see his lopsided grin. “I have to go. If someone comes in, they’re going to see more than they probably want to, and I think I have to give this phone back soon.”
Yue Yue laughed. “Alright.” He said, and then paused, chewing his lip. “Hey…”
“Mmm?”
“Don’t come home yet, do you hear me? I won’t forgive you if you come home.”
“I won’t.”
“And don’t cry any more.”
“Oi, I won’t! I have to go. Tell Ziyang I said he better not touch my stuff when you get back to the dorm.”
“I’ll try.”
“Oh, and Lao Yue! Don’t forget to vote for me and our Didi by going to-“
“I’m hanging up!” Yue Yue interrupted, laughing. “Idiot. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, babe.”
The second Yue Yue hung up the phone, he felt complete and utter exhaustion take over him once again, but this time it was the good kind. After washing up, he set his alarm and sank back in to the mattress and before long he was able to slip in to the most comfortable sleep he had had in months.
No matter how it all ended, no matter how long it took, Yue Yue found that he could rest easy knowing that someday, Bu Fan would be coming home to him once again.
And that was more than enough.