And the winner of Most Awkward Response of the Night goes to...Me! And the gem that wrangled this pretigious title?

Guy I Went To High School With: Wow, your hair got long!
Me: Yeah. It, uh, grew.

Whoooo way to go me! Good to see that stellar wit kick in when needed!

I have begun my wooing. And by wooing, I mean this:

TAO IS CHINESE FOR PEACH
or
THE WOOING

Interior. Coffee Beanery. Day.

An overcast, quiet Thursday afternoon. The coffee shop is empty; tables and counters glisten with sanitizer. The espresso machine hums. White glassy droplets halo around the milk, skim milk, and half and half canisters. That ( Read more... )

Oh my God, I am so happy Metalocalypse is back in full, bone crushing, spleen shredding force. Thank God for Adult Swim. I would not survive the summer without some sort of weekly television fix.

I may start wooing. It would just be the most complicated, complex, non-wooing wooing in the history of wooing.

So, fella, this is what I would have said ( Read more... )

I'm doing a reading at Van Gogh's Ear in Union. It's an open mic night. I'll be up for ten minutes. I'm terrified.

Not so much of actually reading. I'm cool with crowds and public speaking. I'm more terrified of finishing a new piece I want to read by Tuesday. And revising a few others. Gotta bring my A-Game.

I'm also terrified that people won't come ( Read more... )

 We are not going to Colorado for vacation! This is great news!

Although I seem to be the only one who thinks going to Colorado would be as exciting as licking tar. Or going to Ohio. (ZING!) I don't know. My only criteria for family vacation place was "It cannot be landlocked." And what does family say? "NAH, COLORADO HAS RIVERS. IT'S NOT THE SAME ( Read more... )

I have watched that How I Met Your Mother clip at least one thousand times. Yeah. You know which one.

OH MY GOD, I LOVE BEING RIGHT. EEEE.

 I have not cried over a boy since my junior year of high school. I am such a girl.

Fuck you, emotions. And fuck you, skank in the red tanktop. I hope you get the clap.

Dear Boy,

I like you. Please stop making me disolve into an awkward quivering puddle. Someday I would like to have a conversation with you, one that is not about stale rolls or Trapped in the Closet. Oh, God.

Sincerely, since Love is too forward,

Maryrose.

Studio project was ridiculously fun. (I asked strangers if they would want a piece of chocolate in exchange for a word. I filled a whole notebook.) I wound up with sixty bizzare, mostly unrelated words, and jigsawed one helluva poem outta it. I'm not going to write up the whole thing here, but some gem lines include, "Patience, tiger, Jesus loves ( Read more... )

Fourms1r: do you have classes today?
The Velvett Hand: 2-7
Fourms1r: oh that's long day:-(
The Velvett Hand: indeed it is :(
Fourms1r: I'm going to the mall
Fourms1r: by myself
The Velvett Hand: well, aren't you lucky?
The Velvett Hand: any reason?
Fourms1r: yes, yes i am
Fourms1r: shoes
The Velvett Hand: oh, mama

My mother's grasp of technology is astounding ( Read more... )