coup de grace by busting a cap in my crown
nothing is as humbling as being the only 17 year old on a school bus full of elementary children.
i miss people. conversation. people having conversation. its been this weird empty flash where you begin to realize that you have fallen into their trap and that you're just reacting robotically to everyone else's plans for you. the sad thing is that you realize your choices are being rapidly eliminated but that you dont even care to correct your life. its just...numb. unbearably numb. i fear that im going to wake up one day and be 'that guy', the one that hates their life but continues the processes anyway. i find myself questioning my wants, and wondering if its what i want or what they want or if i even care at this point.
sorry. that was stupid.
i think im going to go to bed now. i know its early, but i could seriously use a nap.
maybe things will be better tomorrow.
i feel like some scavenger, ive been living on no natural sunlight and have begun referring to every location above the ground as 'the upper world' and squinting a lot. maybe i am secretly a mole man, wouldnt that be sweet?
goodnight everyone!
zen:
tomorrow we shall meet,
Death and I-
And he shall thrust his sword
Into one who is wide awake
-Dag Hammarskjold
i miss people. conversation. people having conversation. its been this weird empty flash where you begin to realize that you have fallen into their trap and that you're just reacting robotically to everyone else's plans for you. the sad thing is that you realize your choices are being rapidly eliminated but that you dont even care to correct your life. its just...numb. unbearably numb. i fear that im going to wake up one day and be 'that guy', the one that hates their life but continues the processes anyway. i find myself questioning my wants, and wondering if its what i want or what they want or if i even care at this point.
sorry. that was stupid.
i think im going to go to bed now. i know its early, but i could seriously use a nap.
maybe things will be better tomorrow.
i feel like some scavenger, ive been living on no natural sunlight and have begun referring to every location above the ground as 'the upper world' and squinting a lot. maybe i am secretly a mole man, wouldnt that be sweet?
goodnight everyone!
zen:
tomorrow we shall meet,
Death and I-
And he shall thrust his sword
Into one who is wide awake
-Dag Hammarskjold