Canon Excerpt #7a: The Dungeon Dimensions
The human mind is an astonishing thing. It can operate on several levels at once. And, in fact, while Rincewind had been wasting his intellect in groaning and looking for his hat, an inner part of his brain had been observing, assessing, analysing and comparing.
Now it crept up to his cerebellum, tapped it on the shoulder, thrust a message into its hand and ran for it.
The message ran something like this: I hope I find me well. The last trial of magic has been too much for the tortured fabric of reality. It has opened a hole. I am in the Dungeon Dimensions. And the things in front of me are... the Things. It has been nice knowing me.
The particular thing nearest Rincewind was at least twenty feet high. It looked like a dead horse that had been dug up after three months and then introduced to a range of new experiences, at least one of which had included an octopus.
It hadn't noticed Rincewind. It was too busy concentrating on the light.
Rincewind crawled back to the still body of Coin and nudged it gently.
"Are you alive?" he said. "If you're not, I'd prefer it if you didn't answer."
Coin rolled over and stared up at him with puzzled eyes. After a while he said, "I remember-"
"Best not to," said Rincewind.
The boy's hand groped vaguely in the sand beside him.
"It isn't here anymore," said Rincewind, quietly. The hand stopped its searching.
Rincewind helped Coin to sit up. He looked blankly at the cold silver sand, then at the sky, then at the distant Things, and then at Rincewind.
"I don't know what to do," he said.
"No harm in that. I've never known what to do," said Rincewind with hollow cheerfulness. "Been completely at a loss my whole life." He hesitated. "I think it's called being human, or something."
"But I've always known what to do!"
Rincewind opened his mouth to say that he'd seen some of it, but changed his mind. Instead he said, "Chin up. Look on the bright side. It could be worse."
Coin took another look around.
"In what respect, exactly?" he said, his voice a shade more normal.
"Um."
"What is this place?"
"It's a sort of other dimension. The magic broke through and we went with it, I think."
"And those things?"
They regarded the Things.
"I think they"re Things. They're trying to get back through the hole," said Rincewind. "It isn't easy. Energy levels, or something. I remember we had a lecture on them once. Er."
Coin nodded, and reached out a thin pale hand towards Rincewind's forehead.
"Do you mind-?" he began.
Rincewind shuddered at the touch. "Mind what?" he said.
-if I have a look in your head?
"Aargh."
It's rather a mess in here. No wonder you can't find things.
"Ergh."
You ought to have a clear out.
"Oogh."
Ah."
Rincewind felt the presence retreat. Coin frowned.
"We can't let them get through," he announced. "They have horrible powers. They're trying to will the hole bigger, and they can do it. They"ve been waiting to break into our world for-" he frowned- "ians?"
"Aeons," said Rincewind [...] "Just use sourcery. Blow them to bits and let's go home."
"No. They live on magic. It'd only make them worse. I can't use magic."
"Are you sure?" said Rincewind.
"I'm afraid your memory was very clear on the subject."
"Then what shall we do?"
"I don't know!"
Rincewind thought about this and then, with an air of finality, started to take off his last sock.
"No half-bricks," he said, to no-one in particular. "Have to use sand."
"You"re going to attack them with a sockful of sand?"
"No. I'm going to run away from them. The sockful of sand is for when they follow."
Now it crept up to his cerebellum, tapped it on the shoulder, thrust a message into its hand and ran for it.
The message ran something like this: I hope I find me well. The last trial of magic has been too much for the tortured fabric of reality. It has opened a hole. I am in the Dungeon Dimensions. And the things in front of me are... the Things. It has been nice knowing me.
The particular thing nearest Rincewind was at least twenty feet high. It looked like a dead horse that had been dug up after three months and then introduced to a range of new experiences, at least one of which had included an octopus.
It hadn't noticed Rincewind. It was too busy concentrating on the light.
Rincewind crawled back to the still body of Coin and nudged it gently.
"Are you alive?" he said. "If you're not, I'd prefer it if you didn't answer."
Coin rolled over and stared up at him with puzzled eyes. After a while he said, "I remember-"
"Best not to," said Rincewind.
The boy's hand groped vaguely in the sand beside him.
"It isn't here anymore," said Rincewind, quietly. The hand stopped its searching.
Rincewind helped Coin to sit up. He looked blankly at the cold silver sand, then at the sky, then at the distant Things, and then at Rincewind.
"I don't know what to do," he said.
"No harm in that. I've never known what to do," said Rincewind with hollow cheerfulness. "Been completely at a loss my whole life." He hesitated. "I think it's called being human, or something."
"But I've always known what to do!"
Rincewind opened his mouth to say that he'd seen some of it, but changed his mind. Instead he said, "Chin up. Look on the bright side. It could be worse."
Coin took another look around.
"In what respect, exactly?" he said, his voice a shade more normal.
"Um."
"What is this place?"
"It's a sort of other dimension. The magic broke through and we went with it, I think."
"And those things?"
They regarded the Things.
"I think they"re Things. They're trying to get back through the hole," said Rincewind. "It isn't easy. Energy levels, or something. I remember we had a lecture on them once. Er."
Coin nodded, and reached out a thin pale hand towards Rincewind's forehead.
"Do you mind-?" he began.
Rincewind shuddered at the touch. "Mind what?" he said.
-if I have a look in your head?
"Aargh."
It's rather a mess in here. No wonder you can't find things.
"Ergh."
You ought to have a clear out.
"Oogh."
Ah."
Rincewind felt the presence retreat. Coin frowned.
"We can't let them get through," he announced. "They have horrible powers. They're trying to will the hole bigger, and they can do it. They"ve been waiting to break into our world for-" he frowned- "ians?"
"Aeons," said Rincewind [...] "Just use sourcery. Blow them to bits and let's go home."
"No. They live on magic. It'd only make them worse. I can't use magic."
"Are you sure?" said Rincewind.
"I'm afraid your memory was very clear on the subject."
"Then what shall we do?"
"I don't know!"
Rincewind thought about this and then, with an air of finality, started to take off his last sock.
"No half-bricks," he said, to no-one in particular. "Have to use sand."
"You"re going to attack them with a sockful of sand?"
"No. I'm going to run away from them. The sockful of sand is for when they follow."