We used to wait. (Chapter 4/?)
title: We used to wait. (Chapter 4/?)
author:
apodixis
spoilers: Through all seasons, though this takes place in an AU starting at the very end of season 2.
pairings: kara/lee, kara/sam
overall fic rating: R/NC-17
word count: 4,797
notes: See http://apodixis.livejournal.com/685.html for more information.
summary: If God isn't leading the fleet to Earth, can they ever find it?
Kara’s Raptor was the last to arrive on the safety of Galactica’s flight deck. Under other circumstances, she would have argued and strong armed her way into piloting the ship or at the very least riding shotgun. It was a packed cabin, though, and she was content to shut her eyes and let every muscle of her body ease into the folded down jump seat. She heard the commotion even behind the yet to be opened door, people flooded into the hangar in jubilation for the successful rescue. The door hissed and popped as it rose up and the other passengers, her own crew, were welcomed into the open arms of friends and strangers alike. Karl and her evac pilot headed out afterward, giving her a moment of space to let her mind catch up with her body. She was thankful for it.
Any other time she had arrived on this deck within the last year, there had been a call for attention and rigid salutes. Even up until the prior day, it had never felt right to her, and now she knew with Pegasus gone she really wasn’t a Commander anymore. She was both relieved and distressed over it.
She gripped around the opening of the ship, setting her feet down on the wing of the bird as she looked over the crowd, her presence going unnoticed. Despite their weathered and worn appearances, the refugees that were gathered looked absolutely joyful. Emotion like that could even cause the almighty Starbuck to smile. It lasted only a moment before her eyes began to seek out familiar faces to try to prove her worst fears wrong. Duck was there and she expected to see Nora a step behind him, but there were only unwashed foreign faces beside him. She knew what that meant. Duck wouldn’t have gone anywhere without her if he could have helped it. If she was just injured, he would have been at her side, refusing to leave. Nora was gone. She was one of the ones Kara thought for sure would make it until the end, despite all the visions she had of new breeding farms in her head. Strike one from the list.
As she neared the edge of the Raptor, she felt a hand on her arm, helping her down. Her eyes met with the owner of the hands, eyes widening reflexively.
“Chief!” He had mustered out over a year ago, but Kara had never managed to get used to calling him by his name. It just felt funny coming out of her mouth.
“My Gods, Starbuck. They said Pegasus went down. A few Raptors from your ship showed up, but we didn’t think you made it off in time.” He seemed genuinely happy to see her, such a difference from all those times she fought with him on that very deck over repair work on her Viper.
She hated to ask the first thing on her mind, a fear of upsetting him if his answer wasn’t a happy one. “Cally?” Her voice was quiet, especially among the cheers of ‘Adama’ erupting through the large hall.
Galen’s body relaxed despite how surprised he was at hearing and seeing such a subdued version of the pilot he knew. His relaxation spread, heavily bearded face grinning wide and proud. “She’s fine, don’t worry. The sound was upsetting Nicholas, had to get him out of here.” He didn’t say much but it was all she needed to know. His wife and child were okay. Plus two on her mental checklist. The gutted feeling from Nora’s absence eased a little. Maybe the casualties hadn’t been so bad. Maybe most of them were okay after all. She tried to convince herself of that fact, but the looks on the faces around her told her the reality. Despite the joy, everyone looked worn and aged five years in the few months since they’d been away. This moment was temporary. In the coming months, all the horrors from that planet would come forward as everyone attempted to find meaning to their lives again back amongst the fleet.
“I saw Anders come in, myself. Can’t believe you convinced him to go Vipers.” Galen spoke as he saw her eyes dart around the deck, clearly looking for someone in particular.
“His choice, actually.” Kara felt relief at hearing Sam had made it through the fight, but that hadn’t been who she was looking for. “Got to go, Chief!” Her words were called back to him as she pushed through the crowd, unable to stand still any longer.
Through the throngs of people, she saw Karl and Sharon embrace, lost in their own world. Plus one. Sharon had made it back. Adama was held up high on the shoulders and arms of the very people still chanting his name and she pushed towards them, despite how much thicker the crowd got in direct proportion to how close she was to the Admiral.
His familiar deep voice cut through the air as he shouted, “Starbuck!”
The crowd got the hint and set him down, though they still doted on him with lively pats to the back. He pulled her into her arms and hugged her close. Kara buried her face into his shoulder, her own arms gripping at the fabric of his uniform on his back. Adama held her there for what felt like a peaceful eternity before he eased up, kissed her forehead, and took a look at her face. “You did good, Kara.”
She was lost in the moment with him, easily ignoring the bystanders. Despite that the mission was considered a success, she held onto the irrational fear that he would reject her for losing what truly was half of the remaining military fleet in existence. There wasn’t any anger or accusation in his eyes, however. Never had she felt more like his daughter in all her life than she did at that moment. It didn’t come close to filling the void inside of her that formed when her own father had abandoned her, but it was as close as she would ever get without seeing Dreilide Thrace again. Unfortunately, she knew that wouldn’t ever happen. She had even checked the final ship manifests for his name a month after the end of the worlds, hoping beyond reason that perhaps that one part of her past had survived.
Kara wanted to say something, anything, but felt the emotion pooling in her throat. One word would have upset the delicate balance she currently held. The tears in her eyes already gave away more than she was comfortable showing, so she opted for the gentle nod of her head. Adama understood. He squeezed her arm, letting her go just as his attention was pulled away by the demanding crowd.
It wasn’t until after he was lost in the crowd that Kara realized he hadn’t said a word about the whereabouts of his son.
-
Above the crowd, Kara watched from a metal walkway that hung high over the ships and people alike. After seeing Adama, she hadn’t said a word to any of the other familiar faces, just nodded her head in understood hello. More than anything, she needed to get away and breathe, if only for a moment. Her body felt like it was permanently stuck mid-FTL jump, inwardly compressed and waiting for relief. It was only a mix of shock and leftover adrenaline, but instilled enough of a fear into her that in just a moment she’d open her eyes to find all these people still gone.
The sound of steady footsteps clacking against the metal pathway was the only signal that she wasn’t alone any longer. She remained stationary, arms resting against the railing, her body hunched forward.
“Look what the cat dragged in. Or I guess, who dragged in the cat. That’s how the Old Man always says it, right?” His voice was like gravel.
Kara turned to attention suddenly, eyes big as she took in the disheveled appearance Saul Tigh wore. The eye patch should have been the biggest shock to her system, but the overall weight loss and general unkemptness struck her harder. Even at his worst, and Saul had a lot of those when he was on the bottle, he never looked like this.
“Sir.” She raised a halfhearted salute to the colonel.
“You’re the Commander, Starbuck. I should be saluting you.”
She looked back over the hangar deck as she shook her head, turning back to him after a moment. “Can’t be much of a Commander without a ship.” The only things that remained of Pegasus now were the patches on the uniforms of the officers that had escaped its final end and the smell of electrical fire worked into the strands of Kara’s hair.
They held each other’s gaze for a few seconds, a million thoughts and questions on both of their tongues, but it was never either of their strong suit to be the sharing type. Tigh was just as content as Kara was to find comfort in the smell of Galactica’s recycled air.
“Tigh,” she hesitated, her voice quaking. “What happened to Lee?” She hadn’t seen him anywhere despite how hard she looked. His hair would have been longer now. She was certain he wouldn’t have found time for a haircut during the occupation. He would have been a little thinner, but she had a hard time picturing him any other way than how she had always known him to be. He wasn’t anywhere and she hadn’t been brave enough to ask anyone else. In Tigh, she found the unlikeliest of friends, just as she had that morning after Founder’s Day. He was the only other person who knew of what had transpired between Starbuck and Apollo to cause the rift that had been created, although at times she questioned if her husband knew and wisely chose not to mention it. Tigh was the only person who understood, to some small degree, what Adama’s eldest son meant to her.
He wrinkled his forehead. “What do you mean?”
“How…how did he die?” She barely got the words out, her throat and mouth going dry as she began to consider the notion of what she was asking.
“Starbuck…” Kara couldn’t tell if it was a warning or something else. So much about the XO had changed in so little time while he was stuck on New Caprica, and that was without the loss of his eye.
“Just tell me! Was it the cylons? Was he sick? I can’t not know what happened to him!” Her voice wasn’t very loud, but it wasn’t gentle either. Had Tigh looked healthier, she would have risked another night in hack to shove him up against the bulkhead while she demanded answers.
“I don’t know where you got your information, Starbuck, but Lee isn’t dead. Not last I saw him. He was helping get Roslin onto Colonial One with her people. As far as I know, that’s where he is.” He didn’t give her a hard time for her obvious display of emotion and the subtle break in her facade.
Tears pricked at Kara’s eyes and she turned away from him to look back over the hangar deck and to preserve what strength she had left. She was thankful when she heard another person approach, a woman’s voice calling for Tigh by his first name. It was Ellen. She’d made it back as well. Tigh departed from Kara in silence, rejoining his wife to find comfort in her arms. As much as Kara had hated that woman before, she was glad she survived. Plus one.
-
The deck cleared after not much longer, with people eager to settle into the small comforts found in the refugee areas set up throughout the ship. Some of Galactica’s crew remained to begin sorting the new influx of Vipers and Raptors that crowded the hangar. Adama wasn’t sure how the crew were still functioning after the events of the day, but they seemed to do it with smiles on their faces, fueled on by the good mood that just barely still lingered in the air.
One final Raptor was towed in, recently being lowered down from the above flight pod, and Bill watched with rapt attention. He took in every detail, from who the pilots were at the front of it, to the name and number on the side of the ship. It came to a stop eventually, the mechanical sound of the door opening as he stepped in closer until he was at the very edge of the wing. Blue eyes first saw Laura, looking worse for the wear, but just as beautiful as ever to him. He offered his hands to her as she climbed off the ship, lips shaking slightly as she smiled at him.
“Bill.”
He hadn’t heard her voice in months. It was music to his ears.
“Laura,” Adama spoke in a clipped manner, though it was heavy with affection. He wanted to embrace her and let his body finally feel relief at having her near again. Just as the courage was building, Laura stepped aside and Bill’s eyes went back to the compartment of the Raptor, where Laura’s former aide, Tory, emerged from. Behind her, he could see someone else, and even staring straight at the man stepping across the wing, it was hard to understand who it was.
Lee stopped as he neared the edge of the bird’s wing, eyes instantly welling with thick tears. “Dad.” He sounded both surprised and relieved. The pilots behind him were eager to get out of their ship, so he was forced to the floor of the hangar, coming to stand just in front of his father.
They were at a standstill for a moment until Bill faltered, his body nearly thrown at his son as he took him in his arms. “Lee.” The Admiral croaked the words out, his own tears threatening to spill forth as he and his son mutually embraced.
Lee could sense his father needed reassurance and for once he was happy to give his father whatever he needed. He squeezed Adama’s shoulders as he spoke, “Dad, it’s all right. I made it back.” Tears broke. At that moment, Lee realized just how much he needed his father’s reassurance as well. He felt like a child again, before he was old enough to form reasons to hate him, instead relishing and living for the times his father showed him a random moment of affection.
Father and son held each other until they felt their tears dry up. Arms relaxed and they both pulled away, Adama moving to put his hand on Lee’s cheek to confirm the reality of it. He looked unwell, that much he could tell right away. Tired, worn, and with something behind his eyes that even Bill hadn’t seen before, and he had been on the receiving end of many disdainful looks from his son. Now wasn’t the time to bring it up.
“Dee’s been waiting up to see you, I ordered her to get some rest, though. You’ll need some sleep and a meal in you first.” The two of them walked together, Laura on Bill’s other side, though not as close as the pair of Adamas were to one another. He missed Lee’s reaction to his words, which was something torn between happiness and anxiety. Dee. He hadn’t thought about her in months. She had been on Galactica when the cylons arrived and Lee had known she would be safe. There were more important things to worry about on the surface.
-
With the knowledge that Lee had been off ship but safe, Kara went looking for a place to rest her head. On autopilot, she headed for the Admiral’s own quarters before remembering they weren’t her own. For a fleeting moment she assumed she might be able to find space in some of the empty married quarters, but Kara changed her mind and aimed herself on the path towards one of the most familiar places on the ship, the pilots’ ready room. It was on her way there that she crossed Showboat.
“Just saw Anders in the head, not looking too well. Thought you might want to know about it.”
Kara gave an exhausted sigh as she turned down another hallway. She pulled the hatch open and moved inside, finding the pilot only head half full with a mix of pilots, crew, and a few lost refugees looking to scrub the dirt off their skin. No one seemed to mind, for once.
“Anders?” She asked the nearest person, who turned out to be Hot Dog.
“Last stall, Sir.” He motioned towards the series of toilets.
Kara clasped her hand on the younger pilot’s shoulder as she spoke. “Made me proud today, Hot Dog.” Before he could get a word off, she released him and moved towards where Anders supposedly laid.
Her hand knocked against the door in a measure of politeness just in case she had the wrong one after all. A general groan came from within that she recognized to be her husband’s, and though the last thing in the worlds Kara wanted to do was coddle someone, she pulled the door open anyway. Anders was tucked between the wall and the toilet, eyes shut as his head leaned back to rest against the wall. She moved inside the small stall, crouching down beside him. Her hand rested against his knee. “What’s going on, Sammy?”
Sam kept his eyes shut as he listened to her voice. He didn’t want to face her, didn’t want to talk to her or anyone for that matter. What had happened in his cockpit still shook him to his core, though he didn’t have a clue what it meant. All he knew was that he had choked on the trigger and he should have died when the Raider chose him as its new focus. He didn’t. That Raider had looked at him, directly into him, even. That cold red eye had never felt more real to him in his life than it had when he stared at it. It looked at him as if it knew every detail of his life and it let him go. Anders didn’t know what it meant, nor what the consequences of it were. All he knew was that it hadn’t been anything good. Right now, on that cold metal floor beside a toilet filled with his own vomit, the last thing he wanted to do was try to tell Kara about it.
“Just not feeling well,” Sam lied to her quietly.
“I can see that.” Kara let the silence remain, hoping he would fill it.
“Let me be, Gods damn it.”
She patted his knee twice as she stood up, leaning forward to take his hands. “Can’t stay here. There aren’t enough toilets on this ship for all the people we just picked up, so you’re going to have to give it up.” He resisted her as she attempted to help him up, but gave in a moment later as he struggled to stand.
After he rinsed his mouth at an empty sink, Kara helped him down the hallway with his arm curled over her shoulders and one of her arms around his waist. She couldn’t imagine how long he had sat in that bathroom. It had been hours since he had landed and his flight suit still hung limply from around his waist. They were almost to the nearby bunk room when Kara caught an approaching body out of the corner of her eye. She could be blind and she’d know the specific sound of his boots hitting the plating of the floor on Galactica. Kara would know the way he walked anywhere.
“Lee,” she breathed in a nearly silent whisper.
As if he heard her, though she knew he couldn’t from where he stood, his eyes locked with her own. The expression on his face was unreadable and he gave nothing away. His glance shifted from her, flickering over to the taller man using her for support, before making contact with her again. He kept quiet and kept on walking, careful not to let their bodies brush as he passed her by.
From beside her, Anders huffed in frustration and took his weight off her entirely.
“Just go, Kara. I’ve got it from here.”
She didn’t hear him at first, her body shutting down to process the sight of Lee and his subsequent brush off. “What?”
“I know you want to go after him, so just frakking go.” Sam leaned his weight up against the bulkhead, eyes set on her as he talked. “I’m sure you two have a lot to say and talk about since he’s been gone. Go.” It was an order.
“What is that even supposed to mean?” She lashed out suddenly, unable to get over the accusation she felt from his eyes. She wasn’t positive if it really was there or if it was just her own guilt coming to the forefront. Kara reluctantly took his hand, squeezing it in apology. Her head jerked towards the hatch a few feet away. “Go get some sleep. You need it.” She was gone a moment later, hurriedly heading in the direction Lee had last gone.
-
Panic rose inside her when she couldn’t find him. It was as if he had disappeared without a trace down the maze of hallways she wouldn’t be able to ever forget. Exhaustion had long since set in as she checked all the rooms behind the open hatches in the nearby network of walkways, only to find a few crewmen angry at being woken up and empty storage lockers.
Defeated, she went back for her original destination, the pilots’ ready room. She had given up the hope of finding him when she stepped through the hatch and pulled it closed, dogging it behind her for some privacy. She meant to walk across the room to lock the other hatch in a similar manner when she spotted a familiar body tucked away in the first row of the dark room. Kara willed herself to keep moving, and she did so slowly. She kept on her original journey, approaching the other door and locked it. It gave her a purpose and another moment of thinking of the right thing to say.
Lee stayed relatively unmoving, his body sunk into the upholstery and cushioning. Only his eyes followed her as far as they could without turning his head while Kara moved across to the hatch. Part of him was thankful that they were relatively secured from intruders. The last thing he wanted was a couple of people wandering in and trying to chat him up like nothing had happened. The other part of him tensed at the very notion of being locked up in a confined space, even if the room was large and the locking mechanism could be opened from his side of the door. He willed himself to calm, eyes shut, when he felt Starbuck approach. She kept her distance, like he was a stray dog. In equal parts, it amused and upset him.
He breathed out loudly, shoulders slumped. His hand ran along the armrest, fingers drumming at the metal and plastic as he opened his eyes and looked up to her. “What happened to your head?”
Gods, she had missed that voice. The distraction of simply hearing his voice again almost made her ignore the question entirely. Her hand trailed up to her face as she thought over his words, wondering if it was an insult rather than concern. It was concern though, of that she was certain, when she felt the tender flesh of her forehead and dried blood still caked on and flaking off the side of her face.
“Hit my head at some point…not really sure when. It’s fine.” She wanted to scream for a million reasons. Scream at him for being so concerned about her when he was the one stuck on that hellhole for months. Scream at him for not being happy to see her. Scream because she wanted to throw herself into his arms and she knew she wouldn’t.
Lee dug in the pocket of his dirtied and ripped fatigue pants, pulling out a few bits of packaging that were bright white in stark contrast to the rest of him. “Come here,” he said without even looking up at her and Kara obeyed him without a fight for once in her entire life.
She took the seat beside him, her knees turned in towards his own as she watched his hands. His own wounds were taken care of in a most basic manner: a light bandage over part of his arm and a butterfly bandage holding closed a fresh wound on his cheek. His fingers worked with determination, tearing open one package and then another before he raised his hands to her face. Kara obliged, turning her head towards him at a better angle and brushing her hair out of the way.
“I was doing some basic first aid on Colonial One,” he explained to her as he worked, touching the alcohol wipe to her wound as she winced but tried to keep a steady face. Sterilized, he covered it with the smallest of the bandages he had, using the wipe to finish removing as much of the old blood from her skin as he could. Kara shut her eyes and enjoyed having him so close. Even despite knowing he was an absolute mess, she convinced herself she could still smell that familiar scent he always carried. Whether it was real or her mind playing tricks on her, she never wanted to know.
His hands withdrew and he crinkled up the used wrappers, pushing them into his pocket. Same old Lee, Kara thought. Just escaped the cylons after a three month occupation and he couldn’t find it in himself to litter just once. His voice broke up her inner monologue.
“I’d say get it looked at, but you’ll wait a month before you see Cottle or anyone for that matter…so, keep it clean.” Lee did a rather pathetic impression of a doctor, but she enjoyed it far more than the bedside manner the older doctor had. Cottle had made it. Plus one.
They both eased back into their seats, staring straight ahead so they didn’t have to focus on one another. It had been a rare event that they both sat together in the ready room, since either of them were usually up at the front of the classroom, acting as CAG. The last time had been…on Pegasus.
“Heard you trashed the Beast.”
“Everyone’s got a skill.”
The corners of their mouths simultaneously rose only millimeters, but rose nonetheless.
“So what was wrong with Anders?” The moratorium only lasted so long as Lee gave the first punch.
“Not sure. Nerves, maybe.” Short and concise. She wanted to scream again because the last thing she wanted to be talking about was Sam.
“I saw the flight suit. Now I guess he really is everything you ever wanted.” Lee’s words were cold and calculated. He still kept his eyes forward, refusing to look at her beside him.
Kara bit her tongue as she took in the meaning of his words. “I didn’t ask him to do it. He wanted to help and it wasn’t my place to tell him no. He’s an adult, makes his own choices.”
“Yeah. We all make our own choices, right Kara?”
It took everything in her to keep herself from erupting. “Sometimes we make the wrong ones.”
Lee gave a huff. “You’ve made so many, I’m not sure to which one you’re referring.”
The silence stretched on between them and Kara’s idle hands went for the top of her uniform, unbuttoning it slowly until it was loose and open to distract her fingers from the fist they longed to ball up into. It didn’t make much of a difference but she almost felt like she could breathe easier.
“And you’ve always been there to remind me about it.” She spoke soft and defeatedly. Kara stood from her seat and turned to face him once she was a few paces off. “I’m glad you’re okay, Lee.” Kara moved to leave, stopping to undog the hatch.
“Kara.” He called out, though not loudly at all. She waited at the door, fingers curled around the handle. The seconds passed and Lee finally gave up trying to put to words what he needed and wanted to say. “Goodnight, Kara.”
A sigh of disappointment left her and she exited through the hatch, her own words whispered on the way out. “Goodnight.”
author:
apodixis
spoilers: Through all seasons, though this takes place in an AU starting at the very end of season 2.
pairings: kara/lee, kara/sam
overall fic rating: R/NC-17
word count: 4,797
notes: See http://apodixis.livejournal.com/685.html for more information.
summary: If God isn't leading the fleet to Earth, can they ever find it?
Kara’s Raptor was the last to arrive on the safety of Galactica’s flight deck. Under other circumstances, she would have argued and strong armed her way into piloting the ship or at the very least riding shotgun. It was a packed cabin, though, and she was content to shut her eyes and let every muscle of her body ease into the folded down jump seat. She heard the commotion even behind the yet to be opened door, people flooded into the hangar in jubilation for the successful rescue. The door hissed and popped as it rose up and the other passengers, her own crew, were welcomed into the open arms of friends and strangers alike. Karl and her evac pilot headed out afterward, giving her a moment of space to let her mind catch up with her body. She was thankful for it.
Any other time she had arrived on this deck within the last year, there had been a call for attention and rigid salutes. Even up until the prior day, it had never felt right to her, and now she knew with Pegasus gone she really wasn’t a Commander anymore. She was both relieved and distressed over it.
She gripped around the opening of the ship, setting her feet down on the wing of the bird as she looked over the crowd, her presence going unnoticed. Despite their weathered and worn appearances, the refugees that were gathered looked absolutely joyful. Emotion like that could even cause the almighty Starbuck to smile. It lasted only a moment before her eyes began to seek out familiar faces to try to prove her worst fears wrong. Duck was there and she expected to see Nora a step behind him, but there were only unwashed foreign faces beside him. She knew what that meant. Duck wouldn’t have gone anywhere without her if he could have helped it. If she was just injured, he would have been at her side, refusing to leave. Nora was gone. She was one of the ones Kara thought for sure would make it until the end, despite all the visions she had of new breeding farms in her head. Strike one from the list.
As she neared the edge of the Raptor, she felt a hand on her arm, helping her down. Her eyes met with the owner of the hands, eyes widening reflexively.
“Chief!” He had mustered out over a year ago, but Kara had never managed to get used to calling him by his name. It just felt funny coming out of her mouth.
“My Gods, Starbuck. They said Pegasus went down. A few Raptors from your ship showed up, but we didn’t think you made it off in time.” He seemed genuinely happy to see her, such a difference from all those times she fought with him on that very deck over repair work on her Viper.
She hated to ask the first thing on her mind, a fear of upsetting him if his answer wasn’t a happy one. “Cally?” Her voice was quiet, especially among the cheers of ‘Adama’ erupting through the large hall.
Galen’s body relaxed despite how surprised he was at hearing and seeing such a subdued version of the pilot he knew. His relaxation spread, heavily bearded face grinning wide and proud. “She’s fine, don’t worry. The sound was upsetting Nicholas, had to get him out of here.” He didn’t say much but it was all she needed to know. His wife and child were okay. Plus two on her mental checklist. The gutted feeling from Nora’s absence eased a little. Maybe the casualties hadn’t been so bad. Maybe most of them were okay after all. She tried to convince herself of that fact, but the looks on the faces around her told her the reality. Despite the joy, everyone looked worn and aged five years in the few months since they’d been away. This moment was temporary. In the coming months, all the horrors from that planet would come forward as everyone attempted to find meaning to their lives again back amongst the fleet.
“I saw Anders come in, myself. Can’t believe you convinced him to go Vipers.” Galen spoke as he saw her eyes dart around the deck, clearly looking for someone in particular.
“His choice, actually.” Kara felt relief at hearing Sam had made it through the fight, but that hadn’t been who she was looking for. “Got to go, Chief!” Her words were called back to him as she pushed through the crowd, unable to stand still any longer.
Through the throngs of people, she saw Karl and Sharon embrace, lost in their own world. Plus one. Sharon had made it back. Adama was held up high on the shoulders and arms of the very people still chanting his name and she pushed towards them, despite how much thicker the crowd got in direct proportion to how close she was to the Admiral.
His familiar deep voice cut through the air as he shouted, “Starbuck!”
The crowd got the hint and set him down, though they still doted on him with lively pats to the back. He pulled her into her arms and hugged her close. Kara buried her face into his shoulder, her own arms gripping at the fabric of his uniform on his back. Adama held her there for what felt like a peaceful eternity before he eased up, kissed her forehead, and took a look at her face. “You did good, Kara.”
She was lost in the moment with him, easily ignoring the bystanders. Despite that the mission was considered a success, she held onto the irrational fear that he would reject her for losing what truly was half of the remaining military fleet in existence. There wasn’t any anger or accusation in his eyes, however. Never had she felt more like his daughter in all her life than she did at that moment. It didn’t come close to filling the void inside of her that formed when her own father had abandoned her, but it was as close as she would ever get without seeing Dreilide Thrace again. Unfortunately, she knew that wouldn’t ever happen. She had even checked the final ship manifests for his name a month after the end of the worlds, hoping beyond reason that perhaps that one part of her past had survived.
Kara wanted to say something, anything, but felt the emotion pooling in her throat. One word would have upset the delicate balance she currently held. The tears in her eyes already gave away more than she was comfortable showing, so she opted for the gentle nod of her head. Adama understood. He squeezed her arm, letting her go just as his attention was pulled away by the demanding crowd.
It wasn’t until after he was lost in the crowd that Kara realized he hadn’t said a word about the whereabouts of his son.
-
Above the crowd, Kara watched from a metal walkway that hung high over the ships and people alike. After seeing Adama, she hadn’t said a word to any of the other familiar faces, just nodded her head in understood hello. More than anything, she needed to get away and breathe, if only for a moment. Her body felt like it was permanently stuck mid-FTL jump, inwardly compressed and waiting for relief. It was only a mix of shock and leftover adrenaline, but instilled enough of a fear into her that in just a moment she’d open her eyes to find all these people still gone.
The sound of steady footsteps clacking against the metal pathway was the only signal that she wasn’t alone any longer. She remained stationary, arms resting against the railing, her body hunched forward.
“Look what the cat dragged in. Or I guess, who dragged in the cat. That’s how the Old Man always says it, right?” His voice was like gravel.
Kara turned to attention suddenly, eyes big as she took in the disheveled appearance Saul Tigh wore. The eye patch should have been the biggest shock to her system, but the overall weight loss and general unkemptness struck her harder. Even at his worst, and Saul had a lot of those when he was on the bottle, he never looked like this.
“Sir.” She raised a halfhearted salute to the colonel.
“You’re the Commander, Starbuck. I should be saluting you.”
She looked back over the hangar deck as she shook her head, turning back to him after a moment. “Can’t be much of a Commander without a ship.” The only things that remained of Pegasus now were the patches on the uniforms of the officers that had escaped its final end and the smell of electrical fire worked into the strands of Kara’s hair.
They held each other’s gaze for a few seconds, a million thoughts and questions on both of their tongues, but it was never either of their strong suit to be the sharing type. Tigh was just as content as Kara was to find comfort in the smell of Galactica’s recycled air.
“Tigh,” she hesitated, her voice quaking. “What happened to Lee?” She hadn’t seen him anywhere despite how hard she looked. His hair would have been longer now. She was certain he wouldn’t have found time for a haircut during the occupation. He would have been a little thinner, but she had a hard time picturing him any other way than how she had always known him to be. He wasn’t anywhere and she hadn’t been brave enough to ask anyone else. In Tigh, she found the unlikeliest of friends, just as she had that morning after Founder’s Day. He was the only other person who knew of what had transpired between Starbuck and Apollo to cause the rift that had been created, although at times she questioned if her husband knew and wisely chose not to mention it. Tigh was the only person who understood, to some small degree, what Adama’s eldest son meant to her.
He wrinkled his forehead. “What do you mean?”
“How…how did he die?” She barely got the words out, her throat and mouth going dry as she began to consider the notion of what she was asking.
“Starbuck…” Kara couldn’t tell if it was a warning or something else. So much about the XO had changed in so little time while he was stuck on New Caprica, and that was without the loss of his eye.
“Just tell me! Was it the cylons? Was he sick? I can’t not know what happened to him!” Her voice wasn’t very loud, but it wasn’t gentle either. Had Tigh looked healthier, she would have risked another night in hack to shove him up against the bulkhead while she demanded answers.
“I don’t know where you got your information, Starbuck, but Lee isn’t dead. Not last I saw him. He was helping get Roslin onto Colonial One with her people. As far as I know, that’s where he is.” He didn’t give her a hard time for her obvious display of emotion and the subtle break in her facade.
Tears pricked at Kara’s eyes and she turned away from him to look back over the hangar deck and to preserve what strength she had left. She was thankful when she heard another person approach, a woman’s voice calling for Tigh by his first name. It was Ellen. She’d made it back as well. Tigh departed from Kara in silence, rejoining his wife to find comfort in her arms. As much as Kara had hated that woman before, she was glad she survived. Plus one.
-
The deck cleared after not much longer, with people eager to settle into the small comforts found in the refugee areas set up throughout the ship. Some of Galactica’s crew remained to begin sorting the new influx of Vipers and Raptors that crowded the hangar. Adama wasn’t sure how the crew were still functioning after the events of the day, but they seemed to do it with smiles on their faces, fueled on by the good mood that just barely still lingered in the air.
One final Raptor was towed in, recently being lowered down from the above flight pod, and Bill watched with rapt attention. He took in every detail, from who the pilots were at the front of it, to the name and number on the side of the ship. It came to a stop eventually, the mechanical sound of the door opening as he stepped in closer until he was at the very edge of the wing. Blue eyes first saw Laura, looking worse for the wear, but just as beautiful as ever to him. He offered his hands to her as she climbed off the ship, lips shaking slightly as she smiled at him.
“Bill.”
He hadn’t heard her voice in months. It was music to his ears.
“Laura,” Adama spoke in a clipped manner, though it was heavy with affection. He wanted to embrace her and let his body finally feel relief at having her near again. Just as the courage was building, Laura stepped aside and Bill’s eyes went back to the compartment of the Raptor, where Laura’s former aide, Tory, emerged from. Behind her, he could see someone else, and even staring straight at the man stepping across the wing, it was hard to understand who it was.
Lee stopped as he neared the edge of the bird’s wing, eyes instantly welling with thick tears. “Dad.” He sounded both surprised and relieved. The pilots behind him were eager to get out of their ship, so he was forced to the floor of the hangar, coming to stand just in front of his father.
They were at a standstill for a moment until Bill faltered, his body nearly thrown at his son as he took him in his arms. “Lee.” The Admiral croaked the words out, his own tears threatening to spill forth as he and his son mutually embraced.
Lee could sense his father needed reassurance and for once he was happy to give his father whatever he needed. He squeezed Adama’s shoulders as he spoke, “Dad, it’s all right. I made it back.” Tears broke. At that moment, Lee realized just how much he needed his father’s reassurance as well. He felt like a child again, before he was old enough to form reasons to hate him, instead relishing and living for the times his father showed him a random moment of affection.
Father and son held each other until they felt their tears dry up. Arms relaxed and they both pulled away, Adama moving to put his hand on Lee’s cheek to confirm the reality of it. He looked unwell, that much he could tell right away. Tired, worn, and with something behind his eyes that even Bill hadn’t seen before, and he had been on the receiving end of many disdainful looks from his son. Now wasn’t the time to bring it up.
“Dee’s been waiting up to see you, I ordered her to get some rest, though. You’ll need some sleep and a meal in you first.” The two of them walked together, Laura on Bill’s other side, though not as close as the pair of Adamas were to one another. He missed Lee’s reaction to his words, which was something torn between happiness and anxiety. Dee. He hadn’t thought about her in months. She had been on Galactica when the cylons arrived and Lee had known she would be safe. There were more important things to worry about on the surface.
-
With the knowledge that Lee had been off ship but safe, Kara went looking for a place to rest her head. On autopilot, she headed for the Admiral’s own quarters before remembering they weren’t her own. For a fleeting moment she assumed she might be able to find space in some of the empty married quarters, but Kara changed her mind and aimed herself on the path towards one of the most familiar places on the ship, the pilots’ ready room. It was on her way there that she crossed Showboat.
“Just saw Anders in the head, not looking too well. Thought you might want to know about it.”
Kara gave an exhausted sigh as she turned down another hallway. She pulled the hatch open and moved inside, finding the pilot only head half full with a mix of pilots, crew, and a few lost refugees looking to scrub the dirt off their skin. No one seemed to mind, for once.
“Anders?” She asked the nearest person, who turned out to be Hot Dog.
“Last stall, Sir.” He motioned towards the series of toilets.
Kara clasped her hand on the younger pilot’s shoulder as she spoke. “Made me proud today, Hot Dog.” Before he could get a word off, she released him and moved towards where Anders supposedly laid.
Her hand knocked against the door in a measure of politeness just in case she had the wrong one after all. A general groan came from within that she recognized to be her husband’s, and though the last thing in the worlds Kara wanted to do was coddle someone, she pulled the door open anyway. Anders was tucked between the wall and the toilet, eyes shut as his head leaned back to rest against the wall. She moved inside the small stall, crouching down beside him. Her hand rested against his knee. “What’s going on, Sammy?”
Sam kept his eyes shut as he listened to her voice. He didn’t want to face her, didn’t want to talk to her or anyone for that matter. What had happened in his cockpit still shook him to his core, though he didn’t have a clue what it meant. All he knew was that he had choked on the trigger and he should have died when the Raider chose him as its new focus. He didn’t. That Raider had looked at him, directly into him, even. That cold red eye had never felt more real to him in his life than it had when he stared at it. It looked at him as if it knew every detail of his life and it let him go. Anders didn’t know what it meant, nor what the consequences of it were. All he knew was that it hadn’t been anything good. Right now, on that cold metal floor beside a toilet filled with his own vomit, the last thing he wanted to do was try to tell Kara about it.
“Just not feeling well,” Sam lied to her quietly.
“I can see that.” Kara let the silence remain, hoping he would fill it.
“Let me be, Gods damn it.”
She patted his knee twice as she stood up, leaning forward to take his hands. “Can’t stay here. There aren’t enough toilets on this ship for all the people we just picked up, so you’re going to have to give it up.” He resisted her as she attempted to help him up, but gave in a moment later as he struggled to stand.
After he rinsed his mouth at an empty sink, Kara helped him down the hallway with his arm curled over her shoulders and one of her arms around his waist. She couldn’t imagine how long he had sat in that bathroom. It had been hours since he had landed and his flight suit still hung limply from around his waist. They were almost to the nearby bunk room when Kara caught an approaching body out of the corner of her eye. She could be blind and she’d know the specific sound of his boots hitting the plating of the floor on Galactica. Kara would know the way he walked anywhere.
“Lee,” she breathed in a nearly silent whisper.
As if he heard her, though she knew he couldn’t from where he stood, his eyes locked with her own. The expression on his face was unreadable and he gave nothing away. His glance shifted from her, flickering over to the taller man using her for support, before making contact with her again. He kept quiet and kept on walking, careful not to let their bodies brush as he passed her by.
From beside her, Anders huffed in frustration and took his weight off her entirely.
“Just go, Kara. I’ve got it from here.”
She didn’t hear him at first, her body shutting down to process the sight of Lee and his subsequent brush off. “What?”
“I know you want to go after him, so just frakking go.” Sam leaned his weight up against the bulkhead, eyes set on her as he talked. “I’m sure you two have a lot to say and talk about since he’s been gone. Go.” It was an order.
“What is that even supposed to mean?” She lashed out suddenly, unable to get over the accusation she felt from his eyes. She wasn’t positive if it really was there or if it was just her own guilt coming to the forefront. Kara reluctantly took his hand, squeezing it in apology. Her head jerked towards the hatch a few feet away. “Go get some sleep. You need it.” She was gone a moment later, hurriedly heading in the direction Lee had last gone.
-
Panic rose inside her when she couldn’t find him. It was as if he had disappeared without a trace down the maze of hallways she wouldn’t be able to ever forget. Exhaustion had long since set in as she checked all the rooms behind the open hatches in the nearby network of walkways, only to find a few crewmen angry at being woken up and empty storage lockers.
Defeated, she went back for her original destination, the pilots’ ready room. She had given up the hope of finding him when she stepped through the hatch and pulled it closed, dogging it behind her for some privacy. She meant to walk across the room to lock the other hatch in a similar manner when she spotted a familiar body tucked away in the first row of the dark room. Kara willed herself to keep moving, and she did so slowly. She kept on her original journey, approaching the other door and locked it. It gave her a purpose and another moment of thinking of the right thing to say.
Lee stayed relatively unmoving, his body sunk into the upholstery and cushioning. Only his eyes followed her as far as they could without turning his head while Kara moved across to the hatch. Part of him was thankful that they were relatively secured from intruders. The last thing he wanted was a couple of people wandering in and trying to chat him up like nothing had happened. The other part of him tensed at the very notion of being locked up in a confined space, even if the room was large and the locking mechanism could be opened from his side of the door. He willed himself to calm, eyes shut, when he felt Starbuck approach. She kept her distance, like he was a stray dog. In equal parts, it amused and upset him.
He breathed out loudly, shoulders slumped. His hand ran along the armrest, fingers drumming at the metal and plastic as he opened his eyes and looked up to her. “What happened to your head?”
Gods, she had missed that voice. The distraction of simply hearing his voice again almost made her ignore the question entirely. Her hand trailed up to her face as she thought over his words, wondering if it was an insult rather than concern. It was concern though, of that she was certain, when she felt the tender flesh of her forehead and dried blood still caked on and flaking off the side of her face.
“Hit my head at some point…not really sure when. It’s fine.” She wanted to scream for a million reasons. Scream at him for being so concerned about her when he was the one stuck on that hellhole for months. Scream at him for not being happy to see her. Scream because she wanted to throw herself into his arms and she knew she wouldn’t.
Lee dug in the pocket of his dirtied and ripped fatigue pants, pulling out a few bits of packaging that were bright white in stark contrast to the rest of him. “Come here,” he said without even looking up at her and Kara obeyed him without a fight for once in her entire life.
She took the seat beside him, her knees turned in towards his own as she watched his hands. His own wounds were taken care of in a most basic manner: a light bandage over part of his arm and a butterfly bandage holding closed a fresh wound on his cheek. His fingers worked with determination, tearing open one package and then another before he raised his hands to her face. Kara obliged, turning her head towards him at a better angle and brushing her hair out of the way.
“I was doing some basic first aid on Colonial One,” he explained to her as he worked, touching the alcohol wipe to her wound as she winced but tried to keep a steady face. Sterilized, he covered it with the smallest of the bandages he had, using the wipe to finish removing as much of the old blood from her skin as he could. Kara shut her eyes and enjoyed having him so close. Even despite knowing he was an absolute mess, she convinced herself she could still smell that familiar scent he always carried. Whether it was real or her mind playing tricks on her, she never wanted to know.
His hands withdrew and he crinkled up the used wrappers, pushing them into his pocket. Same old Lee, Kara thought. Just escaped the cylons after a three month occupation and he couldn’t find it in himself to litter just once. His voice broke up her inner monologue.
“I’d say get it looked at, but you’ll wait a month before you see Cottle or anyone for that matter…so, keep it clean.” Lee did a rather pathetic impression of a doctor, but she enjoyed it far more than the bedside manner the older doctor had. Cottle had made it. Plus one.
They both eased back into their seats, staring straight ahead so they didn’t have to focus on one another. It had been a rare event that they both sat together in the ready room, since either of them were usually up at the front of the classroom, acting as CAG. The last time had been…on Pegasus.
“Heard you trashed the Beast.”
“Everyone’s got a skill.”
The corners of their mouths simultaneously rose only millimeters, but rose nonetheless.
“So what was wrong with Anders?” The moratorium only lasted so long as Lee gave the first punch.
“Not sure. Nerves, maybe.” Short and concise. She wanted to scream again because the last thing she wanted to be talking about was Sam.
“I saw the flight suit. Now I guess he really is everything you ever wanted.” Lee’s words were cold and calculated. He still kept his eyes forward, refusing to look at her beside him.
Kara bit her tongue as she took in the meaning of his words. “I didn’t ask him to do it. He wanted to help and it wasn’t my place to tell him no. He’s an adult, makes his own choices.”
“Yeah. We all make our own choices, right Kara?”
It took everything in her to keep herself from erupting. “Sometimes we make the wrong ones.”
Lee gave a huff. “You’ve made so many, I’m not sure to which one you’re referring.”
The silence stretched on between them and Kara’s idle hands went for the top of her uniform, unbuttoning it slowly until it was loose and open to distract her fingers from the fist they longed to ball up into. It didn’t make much of a difference but she almost felt like she could breathe easier.
“And you’ve always been there to remind me about it.” She spoke soft and defeatedly. Kara stood from her seat and turned to face him once she was a few paces off. “I’m glad you’re okay, Lee.” Kara moved to leave, stopping to undog the hatch.
“Kara.” He called out, though not loudly at all. She waited at the door, fingers curled around the handle. The seconds passed and Lee finally gave up trying to put to words what he needed and wanted to say. “Goodnight, Kara.”
A sigh of disappointment left her and she exited through the hatch, her own words whispered on the way out. “Goodnight.”