We used to wait. (Chapter 14/?)
title: We used to wait. (Chapter 14/?)
author:
apodixis
spoilers: Through all seasons, though this takes place in an AU starting at the very end of season 2.
pairings: kara/lee, kara/sam
overall fic rating: R/NC-17
word count: 4,467
notes: See http://apodixis.livejournal.com/685.html for more information.
summary: If God isn't leading the fleet to Earth, can they ever find it?
Caprica: Nineteen years before the Fall.
Though his career hadn’t been what it was only years before, Dreilide managed to keep himself busy in Delphi, no matter how small the option presented. Every time he played, he dreamt of the opera house and how at that time, the world seemed at his fingertips. It had been too good to last, of course, and even the small amount of fame he’d felt the years following it had faded considerably. He was just like everyone else once again. It wasn’t this fact that bothered him, as even when he was living back in Caprica City all those years ago before Socrata had stepped into life, he had been happy. Not the happiest he’d ever been, but there was happiness in him regardless of all the rest. What he felt now was disappointment, not because he’d failed himself in some manner, but because of the daughter and wife he had at home. Socrata had always supported them when necessary, just as he had done when he was able to, but the recent months had begun to leave the burning sting in him that he just wasn’t pulling his weight. He knew it, and more importantly, his wife knew it.
He took the one-off job at the small bar in downtown Delphi for the cash in it. It hadn’t been good, but it was something. It was still better than what he’d gotten paid to pound out the classic selections in that restaurant nearly a decade ago and the drinks on the house didn’t hurt either. The bartender nodded to him as he laid the glass of whiskey down. It reminded him far too much of his life before Socrata, a time he spent wandering without any real focus on whatever kind of future he had in store for himself. He shut his eyes as he sipped the alcohol down, his sense of sound focused as he turned one of his other five senses off.
Across the room he could hear something of a private celebration in progress and though it wasn’t his place, Dreilide listened in anyway. The tone of voice alone told him they were on their way to getting drunk and putting the world behind them. He envied them for one sliver of time. He replaced his empty glass on the bar and stood to head towards the back room where his belongings were stashed, passing the celebrating couple on his way out.
“Back to the fleet! I shouldn’t be happy since it means you’re leaving me,” the woman’s voice was louder than she needed to be, but it was only half the alcohol’s fault for the raise in volume. She poured another shot for herself and downed it quickly, her hand fluidly patting at the cheek of the gentleman beside her. “But I could get used to being a Captain’s wife, Saul.” She purred into the air around them, her hand rubbing over the man’s thigh.
Her partner laughed robustly, an indication of the amount he’d had to drink but also his true excitement over the situation. “Gotta hand it to Bill for pulling this off, I really owe him one.”
“I could think of a few ways to thank him,” she said and laughed out loud at her own suggestion, planting a sloppy kiss to the man’s mouth to quiet his disagreements. “He is a good looking man for a Tauron…” Her voice drawled but she simply kissed him again, a tactic that clearly worked on the company she kept.
“He’s a married man with two young boys, keep your hands to yourself, Ellen.” Despite the fact that such a conversation would have led to a serious disagreement between other couples, it seemed as if the back and forth was second nature for that pair in particular. They were unrestrained, free, and Dreilide couldn’t help but note, probably alcoholics.
Only as he was about to slip beyond the black curtain that served as a form of separation between the main floor and a series of back rooms, did Dreilide freeze in place. The hairs on the back of his neck rose as his body figured something out ahead of his brain. His breath quickened and his blood rain cold. It couldn’t be. He lingered for a moment, listening to the couple talk, a familiar sound and cadence to their voices. He glanced back to them, only a few feet off, and turned on his heel to head for the table they presently occupied.
“Saul?” He interrupted without thought, giving up the general slickness he usually chose to carry and lead with.
Across from him, Saul Tigh reluctantly drew his eyes away from the woman beside him and the fact that the strap of her dress had been sliding slowly off her bare shoulder. “Yeah?” He was gruff, taking on a new tone when addressing the stranger.
“What are you and Ellen doing here?” It came off as more of an accusation than he would have liked, but he wasn’t having the easiest of times keeping calm.
Ellen turned her attention away from her bottle to the intruder. “Hey buddy, either sit down and have a drink or go the frak away.” She was already pouring him some of their pre-purchased alcohol in one of the nearby glasses and pushing it towards him.
Saul laughed at his wife’s outburst, drinking his own shot before turning his attention back to the third party. “Should I know you?” The delivery would have had the effect of letting the other person know they were intruding and to quit while they were ahead. Saul Tigh was not a tiny man and anyone else not looking for a fight would have taken the hint to back down and bow out.
Dreilide’s breath stilled instantly at the question. “Saul, how can you not remember me?” There was concern in his eyes and he turned his attention to Ellen and where she sat leaning over the table, arms pressing inward to emphasize her breasts while she casually licked her lips. “Ellen, tell me you know who I am.” His hands were pressed into the flat of the table as he stood slightly bent over to lean against the surface.
“I could get to know you if that’s what you want.” She winked and laughed before taking another drink. “What’s your name? And don’t worry, Saul here doesn’t mind who I talk to.” Beside her, her husband laughed into his beverage.
“Dreilide.” One hand rose to rub the confusion off of his face. “We spent, God-years together! And neither of you have an idea who I am?” Like a broken record, Dreilide was very much stuck on that one thought and the implications it held.
Saul was the one to talk now, that voice reserved for intruders claiming dominance again. “Never seen you a day in my life.” He slipped his arm around Ellen’s shoulders in a primitive display of ownership, clearly feeling slightly threatened by the other man’s presence and just how much attention his wife was paying.
Dreilide dipped his head in a nod to both of them, standing taller and straighter as he let his eyes take in the couple before him one final time. “My mistake.”
He left even quicker than he came, gathering his coat from the back and heading home in a flurry of rapid thoughts that were all consuming. When he arrived back at the small apartment, he was too far lost in his thoughts to even notice that Socrata had waited up for him and was sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of tepid coffee. His coat was abandoned over the living room couch and he went to the piano, opening the bench and the hidden compartment there. Dreilide shuffled through papers, pulling out a small leather bound notebook and carried it in his palm to the kitchen where he went immediately for the phone.
“You’re back late,” his wife said from her seat.
He nearly jumped at her presence, hand clutching the book to his chest as he replaced the phone on its hook. “Frak, did you have to do that?”
“You’re the one who didn’t see me.” She stirred the spoon in her mug idly. Her mouth was stiff, as if it was literally chewing over the words she had carefully been forming. That was never a good look.
Though he didn’t want to stop what he was doing, he knew better than to ignore a moment like this with her. It had been a mistake of his in the past that had only worked out to create even larger problems that benefited no one in the end. “What’s going on?” He slipped the small book into the pocket of his pants and approached the table, pulling a chair out and moving it closer to her. He sat beside her and reached for one of her hands on the table, but she pulled it back and just out of his reach. Another bad sign.
“I was offered a promotion.”
“Then why are you upset? You’ve been waiting for this forever.”
“It means I have to go to Picon.” And there it was. She was strictly business in her tone, her inner marine coming out.
His face fell at her words and he pulled his own hand back, body slumping in his seat. More than anyone, he knew how much she’d been waiting for the chance to again start climbing the ladder of her career. There was nothing there for her if she remained stagnant. The whole point was to go as far as you could until the day you died or were forced into retirement. Now, she was barely over forty and hadn’t gone much of anywhere since their daughter was born. “What are you going to do?” He asked more out of courtesy than anything else.
“I want to take it, Dreilide.”
His eyes were downcast, staring at his shoe clad feet and her bare ones. “You know I can’t go with you, you know my work is here.”
The spoon she’d been using to stir as a distraction came to a harsh stop with the clink of metal on ceramic. Socrata’s body became rigid at his words. “Nothing is happening for you here. I’ve got a chance I need to take and you want me to sit around doing nothing so you can make a couple cubits playing in bars again. It was cute when we were younger, Dreilide, but not anymore.”
The words hurt, but only because he had been thinking them about himself as well. She was right, of course she was, but he wasn’t yet ready to give up on what he had. “Another offer will come up, something around here. Something else will come up.” He tried to reassure her though it wasn’t his promise to make. “Please.” Dreilide’s eyes rose to hers and he knew they were thickly coated in fresh tears.
It broke her heart completely to see him that way. This was the only man she’d ever come close to loving in her life. The person she supported and supported her right back. His was the face she saw when she looked at the daughter they were never supposed to have, but she was happy that they did all the same. More than anything else, she loved him, so for her to have to tell him something like he should consider giving up on the dream they mutually shared for him not only hurt him, but her as well. “You’re hardly around anyway. You leave me to take care of Kara alone all the time. Most of the time I don’t feel like I have a husband.”
He blinked, pausing before he reopened his eyes to face the reality of the situation that had been brewing between husband and wife for years now. “Please, Socrata. Everything will be better. I’ll be home more, I’ll do whatever you ask. You just can’t go.” His voice showed a hint of desperation as he pleaded with her.
Socrata had to look away from him, eyes focused on her fairly untouched coffee mug. The tears hung heavy in her eyes, threatening to spill forward. She’d known for days about the promotion and transfer, but hadn’t been able to bring it up to him. It was going to tear them apart, that much she knew. She didn’t want to be the reason for it. “I don’t believe you.” Her head shook as she reluctantly admitted it, her hand rising to wipe away her tears without drawing too much attention to them.
Dreilide slid to the edge of his chair, one of his knees sliding between her own, allowing him to get as close to her as possible from the position they were in. He took her head in his hands and held her steady. “You can’t go.” His own tears streaked down his cheeks as he faced down the very real possibility of losing both his wife and his daughter. “I love you, Socrata, I can’t not have this. I don’t know who I am without you anymore, don’t you understand?”
She hiccuped as emotion took over, still not wanting to look him directly in the eye. It made her words that much harder to deliver, her potential choices that much harder to justify. “I love you, but I’m tired. I thought things would change and nothing has. I can’t spend my whole life waiting for you to come back.”
He shook his head to himself as he listened, trying to refute her claims and fears nonverbally. “Please.” He whispered his plea.
“Just come with us. Do something for me. Come with us.” Socrata met his eyes finally, a small bit of hope written in them.
Had it been an hour earlier, had it been a week before, he would have told her yes. Yes he would go to Picon and raise their daughter while she worked. Yes he would follow her to the end of the universe and beyond that, but Dreilide knew the situation had changed suddenly. Even if he gave up the piano, there was something else tying him to Caprica. Because of that, he couldn’t leave, but he wasn’t about to try to explain it to her. That was one part of his life Socrata couldn’t and wouldn’t ever know about. “I… I can’t.”
She pulled away from him, his words having the effect of a slap on the face to her. “I’ve given up everything for you and for her.” Socrata slid her seat out and walked away from him, anxiously pacing in the open space between kitchen and living room. “I don’t have anything anymore.”
Dreilide followed her, not willing to led the chips fall where they may. If he didn’t do something, he knew his wife would be putting in her formal acceptance of the position in the morning and be packing up her things later that night. “You have us.”
Socrata considered his words, drawing her hands to cover her face as she stopped her movements. She bent forward slightly, the heavy sobs muffled behind her hands. He approached her only a second later, his arms wrapping around the slim body that belonged to his wife, holding her close as his own softer cries equally consumed him. “Just stay, I can’t lose you both.” The words of comfort soothed him as well as he rubbed her back more intimately than casually. The weight of her body pressed into him and he took on the burden of holding them upright for both of them. “Please.” Dreilide kissed her scalp.
“Don’t make me the bad guy, Dreilide. Don’t do it.”
“I’m not, I swear, I swear I’m not. I need you and I need Kara. We’re happy here, aren’t we?” He feared her answer. What if she admitted that their years here hadn’t been on the whole, happy? “I’ll be better for both of you. Just don’t go.” He felt the shuddering of her body. There had only been a few times he’d ever seen her as distraught as this, and only this time did he really think she’d make the decision that would keep them apart.
She pulled back from him, wiping quickly at her tears with both of her hands. Her eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed, cheeks splotchy and pink. “You don’t see your daughter’s face after you leave, you don’t know how much it hurts her when you go. You only see how happy she is when you come back. You never see how hard it is for both of us when you aren’t here.” Her back was given to him and she stepped a few paces off, arms folded around herself in a manner so similar to that first time she’d been in his apartment in Caprica City. All at once, she was that younger version of herself. Slightly unsure and terribly afraid to trust someone. “We’ll stay.”
Had this been ten years ago, Socrata wouldn’t have even consulted anyone else on a decision she made for herself. Her ability to let him influence her was a new personality trait and she still wasn’t sure if it was for the best or not. The truth was that she didn’t even really want to go to Picon. The allure of a promotion, of finally being recognized again after so long, was the only thing that made her even consider it. She realized now that perhaps she was waiting for him to convince her to stay. They fought and didn’t see much of each other and even when they were both around, they had their daughter between them. What she needed now was just Dreilide.
“You won’t regret it,” he spoke quietly with his eyes on the hallway and their daughter’s shut door, thankful Kara hadn’t woken up despite how loud their voices had gotten in the heat of the argument. Dreilide pulled her into his arms again, one hand holding her close while the other stroked back her loose hair from her face. The last ten years had aged them both, but when he looked at her he still saw that woman in the bar or the one that shared his bed the first night. Without question, she would always be the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. “Do you remember that night we met for the second time?” He didn’t wait for her to agree or not before continuing on. “I knew I was going to spend my life with you even back then.”
Her expression softened. She had never been one for hollow reassurances like this. Socrata was the definition of practical, or at least she had been, but years of the way he spoke to her like this had swayed her. Now they were what she lived for.
“You’ve given me everything, Socrata. I never,” he paused as he shook his head. “Never thought this was what my life would be like. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t what I wanted though. You’ll never know how long I wanted this.” His hand brushed through her hair again, committing the feel of it to the recesses of his mind. “And Kara,” he had to stop again as just the very thought of what his life would be like without their daughter flooded his mind. “She’s the best thing you and I will ever have done.” Dreilide’s voice lowered down to a whisper. “I love you, Socrata Thrace.”
“I love you.” She returned the whisper and buried her face into the side of his neck, enjoying the pressure of his arms around her. “I hate it when you go.” Socrata confessed to him timidly.
“I know and it’ll change, I’ll change.” He wasn’t sure if he could keep the promises he was making, but he made them anyway. At that moment in time, there was nothing he could deny her.
He craned his neck and kissed at the space where her jaw met her neck, the easiest part of her in reach. She lifted her head a moment later and their mouths met in a hungry, frenzied clash. They both knew how close they’d come to not having one another anymore and what a fine line they still walked together. For now, they’d push it from their minds and give in to everything else.
-
Sometime later in the night, Dreilide crawled out of bed with his wife. He pulled the fabric of his boxers on to cover his nude form before pulling the abandoned tangle of his pants up from the floor. He searched through the pockets, first one then the other, until he found the tiny bound notebook he was looking for. With a glance back to Socrata to be reassured she still slept, he slipped out of the room in as close to complete silence as possible.
The apartment was dark, save for the light in the kitchen, and he took the cordless phone from its cradle and sat at the table. It was where his wife usually sat, her cold coffee from a few hours before still remaining. He took a deep breath before setting the phone down and opened the notebook, sifting through a series of earlier pages in the well worn journal. When he found what he was looking for, he reached for the phone again, inputting the series of numbers for the long distance call. A polite person would have respected the timezone differences, but he knew no matter what time of night or day, this was a call that had to be made. It rang once, then continued on in a steady rhythm. Dreilide had all but given up to move onto the second number when he heard the lift of the phone on the other end as someone came to finally answer it.
“Hello?”
Maybe he shouldn’t have called, he thought, but the nagging pain in his stomach told him it was the right thing to do.
“It’s Dreilide.”
The voice on the other end didn’t respond right away either and reluctance was heavy in the woman’s tone when she finally did speak. “What’s happened?”
“I ran into Saul tonight.”
“What? Here?” The voice was now a mix of disbelief and panic. “What did he have to say?”
“Nothing. He didn’t know who I was.” The brief exchange with the husband and wife earlier in the night still haunted him.
“Oh God.” The emotion she showed echoed his own. “Are you sure it was… him? Maybe he…”
“No-you know they never would have. Ellen was with him too and she didn’t have a clue. They were drinking-”
“That sounds like them,” she said.
“You don’t understand. She kept talking about how he just got reinstated as a Captain in the Colonial Fleet.”
“Then what we expected to happen has happened.” There was a sense of defeat in the voice on the other end, something that was equally apparent in Dreilide’s own.
“It could mean nothing,” he offered on a whim.
“Yeah, it could, but we agreed what, seventeen, eighteen years ago? If it came to this, we had a plan in place.”
Dreilide shut his eyes tightly to avoid the reality of it. “Things are just… different now.”
“We’ve all moved on, but you called me, Dreilide. You already knew what was coming by calling here.”
“Yeah-” His words were cut off as he heard the creak of floorboards. Eyes opening quickly, he looked towards the sound and the darkness, only to find Kara’s slowly approaching form. Dreilide held the phone away from his mouth. “Hey baby, what are you doing up?”
A sleepy yawn left his daughter’s mouth. “I heard you talking. It’s late Daddy, why aren’t you asleep?”
“I had to call an old friend.” His hand motioned her close and he pulled her tightly to him with one arm, kissing the crown of her head. “I’ll be done soon. If you go back to bed now, I’ll come lay down with you when I finish, okay?”
She clung to him, her tiny arms around his neck. “I want to stay up with you.”
A quiet laugh left him as he rubbed at the back of the yellow pajama set she wore. “I’ll only be up another minute. Go get in bed, I won’t take long, promise.” He kissed her head again as she pulled reluctantly away from him.
“Only a minute!” Kara admonished him before retreating back to her room.
When he heard the click of her door shutting, he brought the phone back to his ear. “Sorry, my daughter woke up.”
“You have a daughter?” She was surprised, shocked even. “You never said last time we spoke.”
“I know. She’s six now.”
“Do you know what a miracle that is?” The question was rhetorical.
“She really is. You wouldn’t believe the half of it, she’s perfect.” That fatherly pride took him over for the briefest of moments before he was pulled back to the severity of the situation.
“I don’t envy the position you’re in then, but we have to meet, all of us.”
“I know, I know,” he sighed heavily into the phone.
“You go be with your daughter, I’ll make the arrangements and ring you back with the details. You did the right thing tonight.”
“I’m not sure about that.” They exchanged the briefest of goodbyes and hung up. Dreilide took the notebook and tucked it back away in the compartment of the piano bench, then made his way down the hallway. He stopped at the first door, Kara’s room, and opened it to step inside.
“That was more than a minute,” her tired voice quietly spoke as she looked up to him, only barely seeing him in the moonlight that came through her window.
“Mm, I’m sorry. I’ll make you and mom pancakes in the morning to make up for it. Now move on over.”
Her childish giggle rang out in the room as she scooted over towards the wall side on her single bed. Ever since they had upgraded her out of the tiny little thing she’d spent her younger years in, Kara most loved the fact that it meant she could con either of her parents into laying with her at night until she fell asleep. It wasn’t an every night thing, but it worked often enough.
Dreilide laid down, pulling a small stuffed animal out from under his back as he tossed it towards the foot of the bed. Kara nestled in against his side and his arm wrapped around her, holding her impossibly close.
“Love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too.”
Their exchange was the last thing either of them said before they fell into sleep.
author:
apodixis
spoilers: Through all seasons, though this takes place in an AU starting at the very end of season 2.
pairings: kara/lee, kara/sam
overall fic rating: R/NC-17
word count: 4,467
notes: See http://apodixis.livejournal.com/685.html for more information.
summary: If God isn't leading the fleet to Earth, can they ever find it?
Caprica: Nineteen years before the Fall.
Though his career hadn’t been what it was only years before, Dreilide managed to keep himself busy in Delphi, no matter how small the option presented. Every time he played, he dreamt of the opera house and how at that time, the world seemed at his fingertips. It had been too good to last, of course, and even the small amount of fame he’d felt the years following it had faded considerably. He was just like everyone else once again. It wasn’t this fact that bothered him, as even when he was living back in Caprica City all those years ago before Socrata had stepped into life, he had been happy. Not the happiest he’d ever been, but there was happiness in him regardless of all the rest. What he felt now was disappointment, not because he’d failed himself in some manner, but because of the daughter and wife he had at home. Socrata had always supported them when necessary, just as he had done when he was able to, but the recent months had begun to leave the burning sting in him that he just wasn’t pulling his weight. He knew it, and more importantly, his wife knew it.
He took the one-off job at the small bar in downtown Delphi for the cash in it. It hadn’t been good, but it was something. It was still better than what he’d gotten paid to pound out the classic selections in that restaurant nearly a decade ago and the drinks on the house didn’t hurt either. The bartender nodded to him as he laid the glass of whiskey down. It reminded him far too much of his life before Socrata, a time he spent wandering without any real focus on whatever kind of future he had in store for himself. He shut his eyes as he sipped the alcohol down, his sense of sound focused as he turned one of his other five senses off.
Across the room he could hear something of a private celebration in progress and though it wasn’t his place, Dreilide listened in anyway. The tone of voice alone told him they were on their way to getting drunk and putting the world behind them. He envied them for one sliver of time. He replaced his empty glass on the bar and stood to head towards the back room where his belongings were stashed, passing the celebrating couple on his way out.
“Back to the fleet! I shouldn’t be happy since it means you’re leaving me,” the woman’s voice was louder than she needed to be, but it was only half the alcohol’s fault for the raise in volume. She poured another shot for herself and downed it quickly, her hand fluidly patting at the cheek of the gentleman beside her. “But I could get used to being a Captain’s wife, Saul.” She purred into the air around them, her hand rubbing over the man’s thigh.
Her partner laughed robustly, an indication of the amount he’d had to drink but also his true excitement over the situation. “Gotta hand it to Bill for pulling this off, I really owe him one.”
“I could think of a few ways to thank him,” she said and laughed out loud at her own suggestion, planting a sloppy kiss to the man’s mouth to quiet his disagreements. “He is a good looking man for a Tauron…” Her voice drawled but she simply kissed him again, a tactic that clearly worked on the company she kept.
“He’s a married man with two young boys, keep your hands to yourself, Ellen.” Despite the fact that such a conversation would have led to a serious disagreement between other couples, it seemed as if the back and forth was second nature for that pair in particular. They were unrestrained, free, and Dreilide couldn’t help but note, probably alcoholics.
Only as he was about to slip beyond the black curtain that served as a form of separation between the main floor and a series of back rooms, did Dreilide freeze in place. The hairs on the back of his neck rose as his body figured something out ahead of his brain. His breath quickened and his blood rain cold. It couldn’t be. He lingered for a moment, listening to the couple talk, a familiar sound and cadence to their voices. He glanced back to them, only a few feet off, and turned on his heel to head for the table they presently occupied.
“Saul?” He interrupted without thought, giving up the general slickness he usually chose to carry and lead with.
Across from him, Saul Tigh reluctantly drew his eyes away from the woman beside him and the fact that the strap of her dress had been sliding slowly off her bare shoulder. “Yeah?” He was gruff, taking on a new tone when addressing the stranger.
“What are you and Ellen doing here?” It came off as more of an accusation than he would have liked, but he wasn’t having the easiest of times keeping calm.
Ellen turned her attention away from her bottle to the intruder. “Hey buddy, either sit down and have a drink or go the frak away.” She was already pouring him some of their pre-purchased alcohol in one of the nearby glasses and pushing it towards him.
Saul laughed at his wife’s outburst, drinking his own shot before turning his attention back to the third party. “Should I know you?” The delivery would have had the effect of letting the other person know they were intruding and to quit while they were ahead. Saul Tigh was not a tiny man and anyone else not looking for a fight would have taken the hint to back down and bow out.
Dreilide’s breath stilled instantly at the question. “Saul, how can you not remember me?” There was concern in his eyes and he turned his attention to Ellen and where she sat leaning over the table, arms pressing inward to emphasize her breasts while she casually licked her lips. “Ellen, tell me you know who I am.” His hands were pressed into the flat of the table as he stood slightly bent over to lean against the surface.
“I could get to know you if that’s what you want.” She winked and laughed before taking another drink. “What’s your name? And don’t worry, Saul here doesn’t mind who I talk to.” Beside her, her husband laughed into his beverage.
“Dreilide.” One hand rose to rub the confusion off of his face. “We spent, God-years together! And neither of you have an idea who I am?” Like a broken record, Dreilide was very much stuck on that one thought and the implications it held.
Saul was the one to talk now, that voice reserved for intruders claiming dominance again. “Never seen you a day in my life.” He slipped his arm around Ellen’s shoulders in a primitive display of ownership, clearly feeling slightly threatened by the other man’s presence and just how much attention his wife was paying.
Dreilide dipped his head in a nod to both of them, standing taller and straighter as he let his eyes take in the couple before him one final time. “My mistake.”
He left even quicker than he came, gathering his coat from the back and heading home in a flurry of rapid thoughts that were all consuming. When he arrived back at the small apartment, he was too far lost in his thoughts to even notice that Socrata had waited up for him and was sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of tepid coffee. His coat was abandoned over the living room couch and he went to the piano, opening the bench and the hidden compartment there. Dreilide shuffled through papers, pulling out a small leather bound notebook and carried it in his palm to the kitchen where he went immediately for the phone.
“You’re back late,” his wife said from her seat.
He nearly jumped at her presence, hand clutching the book to his chest as he replaced the phone on its hook. “Frak, did you have to do that?”
“You’re the one who didn’t see me.” She stirred the spoon in her mug idly. Her mouth was stiff, as if it was literally chewing over the words she had carefully been forming. That was never a good look.
Though he didn’t want to stop what he was doing, he knew better than to ignore a moment like this with her. It had been a mistake of his in the past that had only worked out to create even larger problems that benefited no one in the end. “What’s going on?” He slipped the small book into the pocket of his pants and approached the table, pulling a chair out and moving it closer to her. He sat beside her and reached for one of her hands on the table, but she pulled it back and just out of his reach. Another bad sign.
“I was offered a promotion.”
“Then why are you upset? You’ve been waiting for this forever.”
“It means I have to go to Picon.” And there it was. She was strictly business in her tone, her inner marine coming out.
His face fell at her words and he pulled his own hand back, body slumping in his seat. More than anyone, he knew how much she’d been waiting for the chance to again start climbing the ladder of her career. There was nothing there for her if she remained stagnant. The whole point was to go as far as you could until the day you died or were forced into retirement. Now, she was barely over forty and hadn’t gone much of anywhere since their daughter was born. “What are you going to do?” He asked more out of courtesy than anything else.
“I want to take it, Dreilide.”
His eyes were downcast, staring at his shoe clad feet and her bare ones. “You know I can’t go with you, you know my work is here.”
The spoon she’d been using to stir as a distraction came to a harsh stop with the clink of metal on ceramic. Socrata’s body became rigid at his words. “Nothing is happening for you here. I’ve got a chance I need to take and you want me to sit around doing nothing so you can make a couple cubits playing in bars again. It was cute when we were younger, Dreilide, but not anymore.”
The words hurt, but only because he had been thinking them about himself as well. She was right, of course she was, but he wasn’t yet ready to give up on what he had. “Another offer will come up, something around here. Something else will come up.” He tried to reassure her though it wasn’t his promise to make. “Please.” Dreilide’s eyes rose to hers and he knew they were thickly coated in fresh tears.
It broke her heart completely to see him that way. This was the only man she’d ever come close to loving in her life. The person she supported and supported her right back. His was the face she saw when she looked at the daughter they were never supposed to have, but she was happy that they did all the same. More than anything else, she loved him, so for her to have to tell him something like he should consider giving up on the dream they mutually shared for him not only hurt him, but her as well. “You’re hardly around anyway. You leave me to take care of Kara alone all the time. Most of the time I don’t feel like I have a husband.”
He blinked, pausing before he reopened his eyes to face the reality of the situation that had been brewing between husband and wife for years now. “Please, Socrata. Everything will be better. I’ll be home more, I’ll do whatever you ask. You just can’t go.” His voice showed a hint of desperation as he pleaded with her.
Socrata had to look away from him, eyes focused on her fairly untouched coffee mug. The tears hung heavy in her eyes, threatening to spill forward. She’d known for days about the promotion and transfer, but hadn’t been able to bring it up to him. It was going to tear them apart, that much she knew. She didn’t want to be the reason for it. “I don’t believe you.” Her head shook as she reluctantly admitted it, her hand rising to wipe away her tears without drawing too much attention to them.
Dreilide slid to the edge of his chair, one of his knees sliding between her own, allowing him to get as close to her as possible from the position they were in. He took her head in his hands and held her steady. “You can’t go.” His own tears streaked down his cheeks as he faced down the very real possibility of losing both his wife and his daughter. “I love you, Socrata, I can’t not have this. I don’t know who I am without you anymore, don’t you understand?”
She hiccuped as emotion took over, still not wanting to look him directly in the eye. It made her words that much harder to deliver, her potential choices that much harder to justify. “I love you, but I’m tired. I thought things would change and nothing has. I can’t spend my whole life waiting for you to come back.”
He shook his head to himself as he listened, trying to refute her claims and fears nonverbally. “Please.” He whispered his plea.
“Just come with us. Do something for me. Come with us.” Socrata met his eyes finally, a small bit of hope written in them.
Had it been an hour earlier, had it been a week before, he would have told her yes. Yes he would go to Picon and raise their daughter while she worked. Yes he would follow her to the end of the universe and beyond that, but Dreilide knew the situation had changed suddenly. Even if he gave up the piano, there was something else tying him to Caprica. Because of that, he couldn’t leave, but he wasn’t about to try to explain it to her. That was one part of his life Socrata couldn’t and wouldn’t ever know about. “I… I can’t.”
She pulled away from him, his words having the effect of a slap on the face to her. “I’ve given up everything for you and for her.” Socrata slid her seat out and walked away from him, anxiously pacing in the open space between kitchen and living room. “I don’t have anything anymore.”
Dreilide followed her, not willing to led the chips fall where they may. If he didn’t do something, he knew his wife would be putting in her formal acceptance of the position in the morning and be packing up her things later that night. “You have us.”
Socrata considered his words, drawing her hands to cover her face as she stopped her movements. She bent forward slightly, the heavy sobs muffled behind her hands. He approached her only a second later, his arms wrapping around the slim body that belonged to his wife, holding her close as his own softer cries equally consumed him. “Just stay, I can’t lose you both.” The words of comfort soothed him as well as he rubbed her back more intimately than casually. The weight of her body pressed into him and he took on the burden of holding them upright for both of them. “Please.” Dreilide kissed her scalp.
“Don’t make me the bad guy, Dreilide. Don’t do it.”
“I’m not, I swear, I swear I’m not. I need you and I need Kara. We’re happy here, aren’t we?” He feared her answer. What if she admitted that their years here hadn’t been on the whole, happy? “I’ll be better for both of you. Just don’t go.” He felt the shuddering of her body. There had only been a few times he’d ever seen her as distraught as this, and only this time did he really think she’d make the decision that would keep them apart.
She pulled back from him, wiping quickly at her tears with both of her hands. Her eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed, cheeks splotchy and pink. “You don’t see your daughter’s face after you leave, you don’t know how much it hurts her when you go. You only see how happy she is when you come back. You never see how hard it is for both of us when you aren’t here.” Her back was given to him and she stepped a few paces off, arms folded around herself in a manner so similar to that first time she’d been in his apartment in Caprica City. All at once, she was that younger version of herself. Slightly unsure and terribly afraid to trust someone. “We’ll stay.”
Had this been ten years ago, Socrata wouldn’t have even consulted anyone else on a decision she made for herself. Her ability to let him influence her was a new personality trait and she still wasn’t sure if it was for the best or not. The truth was that she didn’t even really want to go to Picon. The allure of a promotion, of finally being recognized again after so long, was the only thing that made her even consider it. She realized now that perhaps she was waiting for him to convince her to stay. They fought and didn’t see much of each other and even when they were both around, they had their daughter between them. What she needed now was just Dreilide.
“You won’t regret it,” he spoke quietly with his eyes on the hallway and their daughter’s shut door, thankful Kara hadn’t woken up despite how loud their voices had gotten in the heat of the argument. Dreilide pulled her into his arms again, one hand holding her close while the other stroked back her loose hair from her face. The last ten years had aged them both, but when he looked at her he still saw that woman in the bar or the one that shared his bed the first night. Without question, she would always be the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. “Do you remember that night we met for the second time?” He didn’t wait for her to agree or not before continuing on. “I knew I was going to spend my life with you even back then.”
Her expression softened. She had never been one for hollow reassurances like this. Socrata was the definition of practical, or at least she had been, but years of the way he spoke to her like this had swayed her. Now they were what she lived for.
“You’ve given me everything, Socrata. I never,” he paused as he shook his head. “Never thought this was what my life would be like. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t what I wanted though. You’ll never know how long I wanted this.” His hand brushed through her hair again, committing the feel of it to the recesses of his mind. “And Kara,” he had to stop again as just the very thought of what his life would be like without their daughter flooded his mind. “She’s the best thing you and I will ever have done.” Dreilide’s voice lowered down to a whisper. “I love you, Socrata Thrace.”
“I love you.” She returned the whisper and buried her face into the side of his neck, enjoying the pressure of his arms around her. “I hate it when you go.” Socrata confessed to him timidly.
“I know and it’ll change, I’ll change.” He wasn’t sure if he could keep the promises he was making, but he made them anyway. At that moment in time, there was nothing he could deny her.
He craned his neck and kissed at the space where her jaw met her neck, the easiest part of her in reach. She lifted her head a moment later and their mouths met in a hungry, frenzied clash. They both knew how close they’d come to not having one another anymore and what a fine line they still walked together. For now, they’d push it from their minds and give in to everything else.
-
Sometime later in the night, Dreilide crawled out of bed with his wife. He pulled the fabric of his boxers on to cover his nude form before pulling the abandoned tangle of his pants up from the floor. He searched through the pockets, first one then the other, until he found the tiny bound notebook he was looking for. With a glance back to Socrata to be reassured she still slept, he slipped out of the room in as close to complete silence as possible.
The apartment was dark, save for the light in the kitchen, and he took the cordless phone from its cradle and sat at the table. It was where his wife usually sat, her cold coffee from a few hours before still remaining. He took a deep breath before setting the phone down and opened the notebook, sifting through a series of earlier pages in the well worn journal. When he found what he was looking for, he reached for the phone again, inputting the series of numbers for the long distance call. A polite person would have respected the timezone differences, but he knew no matter what time of night or day, this was a call that had to be made. It rang once, then continued on in a steady rhythm. Dreilide had all but given up to move onto the second number when he heard the lift of the phone on the other end as someone came to finally answer it.
“Hello?”
Maybe he shouldn’t have called, he thought, but the nagging pain in his stomach told him it was the right thing to do.
“It’s Dreilide.”
The voice on the other end didn’t respond right away either and reluctance was heavy in the woman’s tone when she finally did speak. “What’s happened?”
“I ran into Saul tonight.”
“What? Here?” The voice was now a mix of disbelief and panic. “What did he have to say?”
“Nothing. He didn’t know who I was.” The brief exchange with the husband and wife earlier in the night still haunted him.
“Oh God.” The emotion she showed echoed his own. “Are you sure it was… him? Maybe he…”
“No-you know they never would have. Ellen was with him too and she didn’t have a clue. They were drinking-”
“That sounds like them,” she said.
“You don’t understand. She kept talking about how he just got reinstated as a Captain in the Colonial Fleet.”
“Then what we expected to happen has happened.” There was a sense of defeat in the voice on the other end, something that was equally apparent in Dreilide’s own.
“It could mean nothing,” he offered on a whim.
“Yeah, it could, but we agreed what, seventeen, eighteen years ago? If it came to this, we had a plan in place.”
Dreilide shut his eyes tightly to avoid the reality of it. “Things are just… different now.”
“We’ve all moved on, but you called me, Dreilide. You already knew what was coming by calling here.”
“Yeah-” His words were cut off as he heard the creak of floorboards. Eyes opening quickly, he looked towards the sound and the darkness, only to find Kara’s slowly approaching form. Dreilide held the phone away from his mouth. “Hey baby, what are you doing up?”
A sleepy yawn left his daughter’s mouth. “I heard you talking. It’s late Daddy, why aren’t you asleep?”
“I had to call an old friend.” His hand motioned her close and he pulled her tightly to him with one arm, kissing the crown of her head. “I’ll be done soon. If you go back to bed now, I’ll come lay down with you when I finish, okay?”
She clung to him, her tiny arms around his neck. “I want to stay up with you.”
A quiet laugh left him as he rubbed at the back of the yellow pajama set she wore. “I’ll only be up another minute. Go get in bed, I won’t take long, promise.” He kissed her head again as she pulled reluctantly away from him.
“Only a minute!” Kara admonished him before retreating back to her room.
When he heard the click of her door shutting, he brought the phone back to his ear. “Sorry, my daughter woke up.”
“You have a daughter?” She was surprised, shocked even. “You never said last time we spoke.”
“I know. She’s six now.”
“Do you know what a miracle that is?” The question was rhetorical.
“She really is. You wouldn’t believe the half of it, she’s perfect.” That fatherly pride took him over for the briefest of moments before he was pulled back to the severity of the situation.
“I don’t envy the position you’re in then, but we have to meet, all of us.”
“I know, I know,” he sighed heavily into the phone.
“You go be with your daughter, I’ll make the arrangements and ring you back with the details. You did the right thing tonight.”
“I’m not sure about that.” They exchanged the briefest of goodbyes and hung up. Dreilide took the notebook and tucked it back away in the compartment of the piano bench, then made his way down the hallway. He stopped at the first door, Kara’s room, and opened it to step inside.
“That was more than a minute,” her tired voice quietly spoke as she looked up to him, only barely seeing him in the moonlight that came through her window.
“Mm, I’m sorry. I’ll make you and mom pancakes in the morning to make up for it. Now move on over.”
Her childish giggle rang out in the room as she scooted over towards the wall side on her single bed. Ever since they had upgraded her out of the tiny little thing she’d spent her younger years in, Kara most loved the fact that it meant she could con either of her parents into laying with her at night until she fell asleep. It wasn’t an every night thing, but it worked often enough.
Dreilide laid down, pulling a small stuffed animal out from under his back as he tossed it towards the foot of the bed. Kara nestled in against his side and his arm wrapped around her, holding her impossibly close.
“Love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too.”
Their exchange was the last thing either of them said before they fell into sleep.