We used to wait. (Chapter 29/32)
title: We used to wait. (Chapter 29/32)
author:
apodixis
spoilers: Through all seasons, though this takes place in an AU starting at the very end of season 2.
pairings: kara/lee, kara/sam
overall fic rating: R/NC-17
word count: 5,535
notes: See http://apodixis.livejournal.com/685.html for more information.
summary: If God isn't leading the fleet to Earth, can they ever find it?
Dreilide stood looking in at the glass and metal fenced enclosure that housed the two cylons he was at least partially responsible for bringing into existence. After what Kara had said to him about this particular model, he’d been unable to settle his curiosity. Once he had a free minute and more importantly, was allowed, Dreilide took that trip down to the brig. The conversation with the Two had been interesting to say the least, and a touch surreal. The last time he’d ever even thought about the model had been the day before he and his peers had integrated into the Twelve Colonies. Leaving the Colony behind, Dreilide also left behind all that he’d done there. Now, here Leoben was, a living, breathing, human being - or a close approximation. He turned his attention to the side when someone approached, relieved to see it was Kara.
“Admiral wants to see you,” she said, her eyes also on the scene before them. Though the cylons were still prisoners, the amount of security on them had been recently relaxed. It wasn’t her call, but she didn’t necessarily disagree with it. If they wanted to try something, they would have a long time ago. They’d been there for months now without incident and after what happened down on Earth with Leoben, she once again felt something for him she couldn’t describe, but it was neither happiness nor gratefulness. Lee had remained tightlipped about New Caprica, even after all this time, but she’d gleaned enough details to put together a bigger picture. Even if Leoben hadn’t frakked with her so much, the facts of what he’d done to Lee would have been more than enough for her to hold a permanent grudge. Truthfully, Kara didn’t know how she felt about the man before her.
Her father nodded his head in receipt of the message, but made no move to go just yet. The conversation they would be having was a serious one, probably one of the most important the fleet had ever had, because now it would give them a place to finally call theirs. Kara had told him about New Caprica, but Dreilide knew that place had never been home. It was just a resting point that people clung to that went horribly, horribly wrong. “You and your mother weren’t the only people I messed up by leaving,” he said gently, as though it was the most casual thought in the world.
She wasn’t sure what he meant at first, but looking into that room and at Leoben, she understood. Though that model hadn’t been his biologically like she was, he would always be a child of Dreilide Thrace to some extent. She’d suffered for his absence and lack of guidance and so had Leoben. “What’d you two talk about?”
His shoulders shrugged and he sighed, his arms moving to cross over his chest. “He asked if I was God.” He laughed, but it was pained and lacking real mirth.
“There’s something about Leoben. I mean, the other Twos anyone else has met haven’t been like him. Similar, but not the same.” Kara, herself, hadn’t had any real interaction with other Twos in her time, but she’d heard about the one on Ragnar and all the copies down on the planet during the occupation.
“He’s older than all the rest of the Twos. The first of his kind, just like you.”
Though in another mood, she would have taken such comparison as a grave insult, Kara let it slide. She understood the sentiments being offered.
“He doesn’t look well,” Dreilide pointed out.
“No, he doesn’t. He and D’Anna caught a virus awhile back. Something humans are immune to, but one thing they’re not. Cottle said it was lymph…something encephalitis. They get injections every so often to keep it in check. It must be getting time for it.” She turned on her heel, head cocking to the side as she looked at her father. “Actually, they said they got it off a beacon your people left out in space on their way from Kobol.”
“I remember a story about that,” he said. Though Kara had placed her focus on him, he hadn’t yet returned it. “I guess it’s like your Pythia, we had-have-books like that too. They talked about an illness on the way to Earth that cut their numbers down incredibly. Something about it doesn’t get left behind with the body when you resurrect. If you allow that person to die and download, it gets into the system and infects anyone else who comes through. That was on top of spreading it by contact.”
“Should you be in here?” She asked quickly, concerned for his health. She was immune due to the half of her that was human, just as Athena was from carrying a partially human child. Her father, on the other hand, was still full cylon.
“I know you don’t think of me as a person,” he started, and this time he did look to her. “But we’re more human than not. We get sick, we get hurt, we evolve. We became immune to it a long time ago, just like you did.”
There was a constant war being raged inside of her as of late. Her emotions, which she always felt but rarely ever showed, were even more up and down than normal, and that was saying a lot considering her usual back and forth. She wanted to go back in time to when things were simpler, to when she thought she was just a human being, one of the few lucky ones left to be alive. She wouldn’t even ask to go back before the attacks, because that was too much. Maybe the Gods could smile down upon her with this one small favor though. Let things be simple again. When she looked at her father, she saw the same face she did when she was a child. He looked just like everyone else, thought like everyone else, but he was inherently different, just as parts of her were. Did it matter how he came about? Or just that he did? Kara kept quiet after his words, not wanting to share her own thoughts on it all. Between Lee and Dreilide, she’d been left absolutely raw on both the outside and inside.
“Do you think they’ll trust me enough to come with us?” He asked her. Though he didn’t know much about his daughter and even less about the intimidating Admiral, he knew there was a closeness there. She would have insight that he didn’t have.
“It’s you or we die. They’ll say yes.”
-
“They named it Earth… again,” Dreilide said. “When we arrived, the population was just cresting around five hundred million.”
“Fifteen thousand to half a billion?” Laura asked weakly and coughed into the back of her hand.
“They did keep resurrection for the first couple hundred years. It helped.”
Roslin took her glasses off and set them on the table, looking to Bill beside her. For the last few hours, they’d been locked away in this room to hear what their guests had to say and offer. Trusting them would be a leap of faith, but so had everything else over the last few years. The fleet had already nearly fallen apart at the news of the nuclear devastated Earth that had once been the only hope that kept them floating through the universe. Their health was going down hill. Their food source wouldn’t last forever and neither would their fuel. It would only be a matter of time before they had to face off against the cylons again in order to secure some resources, and this time they probably wouldn’t make it through. Galactica had seen far better days, and the state of even the interior bulkheads was enough to make everyone wonder just how much the old girl had left in her.
“Why would your people offer this to us?” Adama asked, one eyebrow raised slightly as he looked to Dreilide.
“Because it’s the right thing to do,” he said simply. “Because we like to imagine that if we had shown up at the Twelve Colonies with the numbers we had, you would have taken us in and helped us rebuild.” No one raised their voice to mention that upon hearing the Thirteenth Tribe were cylons, the Colonial Fleet probably would have blown them out of the sky. “We can’t and we won’t turn a blind eye and let you all die out here while we try to pretend we didn’t play a part in it.”
With some guilt on her shoulders, Eugenia took the opening in the lull in conversation to speak. “And because we don’t know what would have happened if our people didn’t interfere during your first cylon war. Maybe they would have killed you all there, maybe you would have won. Some of us interfered and despite the intentions we had, we’re responsible for this.”
Laura broke into another fit of coughing, finding herself comforted by Adama’s hand to her back. Though it did nothing for her physical ailments, it did lift her spirits. Bill rose and left for his bedroom quarters, returning to the main room with a blanket. When he sat down beside her again, he wrapped the fabric over her shoulders, something he’d done many times for her before. “Thank you,” she whispered. When her voice came back to her, she was drawn back to the others. “I need to be sure my people will be safe. Where will they live? What will happen to them?”
“Those require specific answers we just don’t have. Where we’ll settle you all down, I don’t know. Most people thought this day would never come and even if it did, no one was sure just how many of you there would be left. We didn’t know what we would be dealing with.” Eugenia paused. “Madame President - are you all right?”
“My cancer returned a few months ago,” she admitted to the complete strangers, despite how dishonest she had been about it to the rest of the fleet. “I won’t escape it this time.” Her eyes sought out Bill as the truth came out, he was one of the few who knew it.
“We have hospitals, you know,” Eugenia said as she tucked her hair back behind her ear. “You of all people should be down there getting treatment.”
“Do cylons even get cancer?”The Admiral asked, trying to hold back his bitter tone, though it came out anyway.
There was a bite to Adama’s words, but Dreilide didn’t give in and return it. “Everything you suffer from, so do we. The same things all go wrong eventually.” He thought of Socrata again and Kara’s words about his wife’s fate. Maybe if he had brought her with him, she would have survived on Earth. Perhaps there was something they could have done for her there that they never considered back on Caprica. “Please,” he said, almost as if he was talking to his wife now and begging her to take the chance to save her life. “At least let us try. Your people need you, especially now, especially in everything that’s going to come.”
“Kara came to me before,” Bill began, “and she asked me to trust you.”
Dreilide never expected anything close to those words to come from anyone about his daughter, especially not so soon. They would never be perfect and he knew that he would never be able to make up for the time missed and the way her life turned because of it, but just perhaps there was something to salvage between the two of them. “Are you going to?”
“When Kara Thrace tells you to do something, even the Admiral does as she says.”
-
The news that the remains of the human race would be following the Meridian towards the second planet they called Earth rocked through the entire fleet. There were a million details that would need to be ironed out, and Roslin had been assured they would be once they at least arrived in the correct solar system. It was the President’s sudden worsening condition that lit a fire underneath everyone and all the putting off they’d done of making a real decision was immediately abandoned. Though Adama had been reluctant, the promise that Earth at least brought the prospect of relief for her illness had persuaded him as well. The next morning, the Meridian would begin to transmit the carefully calculated sets of jump coordinates to all the ships and begin the final leg of their years long journey.
“You’re not happy,” Lee said to Kara from the bar in the Admiral’s quarters, pouring them both a glass of what seemed to be the last bottle of whiskey. He brought their drinks over and passed one to her, his own kept at hand as he sat down to share the small couch.
“I know everyone thinks that this means everything’s over, but you and I both know it doesn’t.” She didn’t even bother to take a sip of her drink, feeling it was more or a prop than anything else. Something to keep her hands busy and to channel her frustration directly into.
“Some people started packing,” he said with a laugh. “We’ll probably be stuck on these ships for months before they let us out.”
“Nothing with fourty thousand people can ever go easy.” All at once, she tipped her head back and poured the liquid down her throat, feeling the burn of it as it quickly emptied into her stomach. Long ago, she may have savored the taste and feel of it over her tongue, but that girl was long gone. “And what about the cylons? Who’s to say they won’t find us? Then we’ll be responsible for millions of people dying on Earth too. I know that if we go there, I’ll never be able to settle down, Lee. My whole life, I’ll spend it worrying that one day we’ll see a basestar in the sky and that will be the end.”
He didn’t finish his glass, instead collected both hers and his with one hand and dumped them on the coffee table. Lee’s body turned in towards hers, one arm along the back of the couch, fingers gently brushing repeatedly through her hair. “What are you saying?” His expression was troubled as he tried to gauge her words for the true meaning behind it all.
Using what little courage she’d earned from the alcohol that had yet to even hit her bloodstream, Kara locked eyes with his own. “I’m not going to Earth.”
His fingers stopped mid-stroke in her hair as she delivered her message. He couldn’t look at her after that. They’d spent years on the run and finally gotten so close to the end. This wasn’t New Caprica, it was Earth. Or at least, Earth Part Two. If they didn’t settle down here, the chances of finding a habitable planet once again was near zero. He gave a shuddering, deep sigh as his body slumped, like the string that had been holding him straight and firm had just been cut. “Why not?”
She watched the life be forced out of him at her very words. Kara knew he’d been holding on to this dream for them, just as she had been as well, albeit much more quietly and secretly. They would find Earth and all their problems would melt away. No cylons, no algae, no tent city in the middle of a frigid planet. The years had aged him, and not just because of the time past. No, all the things he’d seen and endured, all the nights he’d gone without sleep, the malnutrition, it had all worked him over as well. Instead of answering, she deflected. “You should go to Earth. Your Dad’s going to need you.” Kara cupped his cheek, her thumb drawing tiny circles against the skin just beneath his eye. She tried desperately to memorize the prickle of his stubble at her palm, so she’d have something to keep her warm at night, should he decide to agree with her suggestion.
“You’re right,” Lee started, “he’ll need me.”
Though she had been the one to bring up the idea to begin with, it didn’t make the pang of loss any less. Before, she’d just wanted to rewind a few years to those simpler times, and now she wanted to rewind just a minute, maybe even thirty seconds so she could take it all back.
“But I want to be with you.”
Tears shone in her eyes as he finished his complete thought, a smile tugging over her lips as she immediately felt like a fool for falling for his deceptive words. This was Lee, of course he would follow her to hell and back. Kara slipped her arm around him until the crook of her elbow met his neck, pulling her body in close until she was practically seated over his legs, her mouth eagerly finding his. She smiled into him, feeling the comfort she always knew laid just within his arms. For years, she’d fought against it and him, and now it was the only place she ever wanted to be.
Lee kissed her back just as joyfully, lost in the feel of her and the overwhelming warmth she always seemed to emit directly into him. It was then that his father opened the bedroom door, reappearing in the small living quarters. Kara and Lee tore their mouths apart like children getting caught for the first time. It only made her laugh though, the sound electric in the room until she calmed enough to speak. “Sir,” she offered with a weak salute.
Adama smiled and repeated the gesture. “I’d be careful if I were you, you don’t know where that couch has been.”
Kara laughed harder at the thought and at Lee’s reaction, a sudden amount of disgust marring his features as he tentatively scooted away from the back of the couch with her still draped partially over him, like that inch he moved would save him from whatever had or had not occurred on the leather.
“He’s frakking with you, Lee,” Kara eventually said as she quieted down, finally shifting back to take her own seat instead of sharing half of one with Apollo.
“Real nice,” Lee mumbled and ran his hand over his shortly cropped hair, recalling the cut Kara had given him only the day or so before they’d found the barren Earth. “How’s Roslin?”
“Resting. The sooner we get to Earth, the better. Deloxin’s doing nothing for her anymore.” There was pain in every step he took, even in the way he had smiled at them only a minute before. Laura was the constant worry on his mind, especially with death so close on her heels as of late.
Kara waited before she dared reveal her decision to the Old Man. It would just about break him, even worse now that Lee had decided to include himself in on what she did or didn’t have planned. “Admiral?”
Both of Bill’s eyebrows raised, knowing that voice. She was about to ask of something he wouldn’t want to give. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take with everything else going on around them. Adama wasn’t old, despite his nickname, but a few years into sixty and a few bullets in his chest, he was sure he could fee his body slowing down even more than it had been before.
“Lee and I… we aren’t going to Earth with you tomorrow.”
“Of course you are,” he said, like he hadn’t heard her right. What he was really doing was giving her a chance to take it back without the anger and tears shed between them. “This is the end.”
“No, I know,” her head shook and long grown out blonde bangs fell to obscure her vision. She pushed them back as she tried to grab hold of more determination. “But I need a ship. Whatever you can give me. Something long range with enough supplies.” Though she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be coming back, she at least intended to make it seem so.
“We’ve made our decision. The entire fleet goes and that includes you.” His eyes looked to Lee. “Both of you.”
“I can’t-” She nearly shouted at him. “I can’t go there and wait. They’ll never stop looking for us and one day, one day they’ll find us and all those people. Maybe not in your lifetime or mine, but I can’t settle down there and watch families grow up and know that Hera’s children will have to pay for what we didn’t finish.” Her words were heated and heavy and Kara had stood up sometime during her delivery, as if that would strengthen her argument. “I know how to finish it,” she said. “Please.”
Across from her, Bill teetered between fuming and agreement. While he knew they needed to get to Earth, his own judgment had been much clouded since Laura’s illness had taken a steep turn for the worse. Though they could call Earth home, the threat would always linger in the backs of their minds. What if today was the last day yet again? The facts were, though, that Laura was nearing death, and without intervention she would be there in a week. The civilians were hungry, tired, and dying to feel the sun on their faces. Their numbers dwindled everyday as some gave in to old age or illnesses easily treatable with the right medication. The faster they got their remaining people to Earth and began whatever process was ahead of them for settling down planet side, the better it would be for all of them. Once upon a time he had served the military, now he served humanity. “I won’t lose you again, Kara. I won’t lose you both because you think you can stop them.”
His lack of faith burned her, but at the same time, she understood it. They were done, complete, finished. Years ago he had made that promise on the hangar deck about searching for Earth, even when he hadn’t a clue as to where it was, and now he’d actually come through with it to them. “Just a small ship,” she said again, hoping to break him down.
Adama sighed heavily at the position she was putting him in. “Your father won’t agree to it, you know.”
“You’re more of my father than he is,” she said, and it was the absolute truth. Dreilide had been there for the start of her formative years and had given her life, but Adama had been the one who was there when she had really, truly, needed it. When no one else would take her in, and when she was at her absolute worst after Zak’s death, Bill had stood by her when he didn’t have to. He wasn’t blood, he wasn’t family by legalities, he just was William Adama, the man with a penchant for underdogs and those needing a second chance. She had to have both of her father figures now, not just either or. “I promise you I’ll bring Lee back.” Kara didn’t know if she could keep good on it, but she would swear the worlds to anyone who would let her do this, to have one last moment of protecting the fleet. She needed this not only for the safety of the millions of people, but also for herself. Kara needed to prove that she was more than what her genetics said she was, that she could still be Starbuck, the gallant protector of the fleet.
Bill looked to his son’s face, seeing his pleading there as well. Just as he needed to help Laura do what she had to do, Lee needed to help Kara with her own mission, however ill-advised it was. He could make them come down to Earth, he could make them follow the orders of it all, but would they ever forgive him? And would they ever be able to enjoy their lives on the planet living in that kind of fear? “Let’s hear the plan then.”
-
With all non-essential crew crowded onto the hangar deck of the battlestar late the night before their departure, Kara climbed atop one of the half sets of steps usually used for ease of Viper cockpit entering and exiting. Lee passed her the handheld microphone that patched in to the nearby intercom system and her hand shook as she held it. The nervousness eating at her stomach lining was a strange feeling to her. Getting up in front of a crowd, delivering a battle plan, those were the things she had always been gifted with, even if she never kept much to decorum and regulation. Even her first day as Commander, she hadn’t walked through Pegasus’ halls feeling this uneasy. She raised the receiver to her mouth and held the button down.
“I know that most of you are ready to go down to Earth,” she paused, letting the voices quiet down until only silence was heard over the deck. “You’ve earned it.” Some of these faces, she truly hadn’t seen in months, since before her death - which she knew was real now, in all the disturbing senses of it. Kara wondered who of them knew her secret, that her father was among the cylons with the Meridian, and if they questioned her place among them. “But I’m going to ask something of you. I need volunteers. Like the rest of you, I want nothing more than to go down to Earth.” Her eyes flickered down to Lee for the briefest of moments, then back up to the people packed in like sardines. “I can’t though, not knowing the cylons will still be looking for us.”
The dissension in the crowd was evident by the rise of their voices again, a few louder than others, yelling at her to express how they felt.
“If you don’t want to go, you have the right to say no, but hear me out first. It’s come to my attention that there has been a way for us to be rid of them forever right under our noses. I don’t plan on wasting the chance while I have it, not when it can mean the difference between saving your lives and the lives of the people down on that planet who are willing to take us in. They don’t have to, they could leave us here to die, but they’re taking the risk. So I’m asking all of you, if you can, take one last risk with me and I will bring you home.” Though she was usually good at reading people, a skill that made her particularly adept at cards, she couldn’t pick out one emotion on the people before her. “There’s a line of red tape running down the deck. If you’re going to Earth, move to the starboard side. If you’re willing to come with me, move to the port.”
She handed the microphone back to Lee and climbed down the stairs. When his hands were free, she took them, this time in front of any and all of the ship’s crew, and walked to the left side. Their relationship hadn’t been a secret since her death and she’d heard all the details about his breakdown by now, from both him and everyone else. All the different accounts of the tears he’d shed and the broken shell he’d become not too far from where she now stood would stick with her forever. Kara looked to her side, right at the man that had mourned her and loved her, and squeezed his hand. If it was just the two of them in the end, she knew they’d be going on this suicide mission anyway. For his sake, she needed the company of the others to ensure she didn’t back down on her promise to his father.
Helo was the first to walk up to the couple, his head lifting in a silent pledge of his allegiance. Just as he was about to cross the line, Kara released Lee’s hand and reached both of hers out to press against Karl’s chest. She shook her head. “No. You and Athena, it’s important you be there to raise Hera on Earth. The planet’s going to need you.” In case I don’t make it back, she wanted to say. Hera and Nicky Tyrol, those two children would be a sign of the future to come between both sets of peoples. Their future didn’t lie in merely coexisting separately, but joining their people into one and allowing their mutual history to be the force that kept them together. She watched him reluctantly step back into the waiting arms of Athena, who nodded thankfully to Kara.
Hot Dog crossed the line afterward, his head tipping to the woman who had molded him from nothing into one of the fleet’s finest pilots. Duck followed behind him and Racetrack crossed over to their side as well, barely noticeable as she pushed through the people moving the opposite direction. In the end, she was left with a crew of perhaps a hundred, mostly faces of those she’d known and for some reason still felt loyal to her. Those whose uniforms once wore the patch of Pegasus were peppered through as well, and a swell of pride in the men and women that had truly been hers filled her. It wasn’t just human though, she wasn’t surprised to see Sam approach and stand at her side. Saul and Ellen Tigh crossed the line, but like Helo, Kara turned them away.
“Old Man’s going to need you,” she said to Saul. “Besides,” Kara smiled and patted her hand roughly into Lee’s shoulder. “I’ve got an XO.”
“Good luck, Starbuck,” Tigh said, and this time, like all their encounters in the last few months, it was genuine. With Ellen on his arm, he stepped back over to the other side.
“Admiral on deck!” Galen yelled from her half of the hangar floor. Around them, the arms of hundreds snapped up in a sharp salute as Adama approached.
“At ease,” he called out, raising his voice just enough so the echo of his words could be heard by those even towards the back. With heavy eyes and footsteps, he approached Kara and Lee. “I have your ship.”
“The Demetrius?” She asked, assuming it would once again be the ship they were already familiar with. Though with a ship of that small size, she would be sending most of the people standing next to her on back to the other side. Perhaps that would be a blessing.
“No,” he said and glanced his eyes around the walls that surrounded all of them. Bill took in all the details of the aging ship, barely held together with rivets and welds. She had done them proud over the last few years and she would do so again, just once more. “Galactica.”
“Admiral…” His words stunned her. It had been one thing to take Pegasus. The other battlestar had been the bigger of the two and had been in infinitely better condition, but it hadn’t been the beacon that Galactica was. Some may have questioned sacrificing Pegasus to save Galactica back at the battle of New Caprica, though Kara knew it had been the right call. This ship was the embodiment of their very hopes and dreams.
“I’m not the Admiral anymore,” he said all too quickly, his hands reaching to his collar to unfasten the pins that marked his rank. By time the first pin was undone, Lee had already begun to unhook the Major’s pins she wore, making room for the newest addition and highest title one could earn within the Colonial Fleet. His own worn hands that used to be far stronger in the days he flew a Viper, clipped each of the insignia into place on either side of the the navy fabric at her neck. Bill stepped back, his own arm raising to her this time in a rigid salute, one so perfect she hadn’t seen him use since the day Cain arrived on their deck and pulled rank. “Admiral of the Colonial Fleet on deck!” He called out this time, commanding the attention of all those around him, even the ones that had long since decided their future no longer lie with the very battlestar they stood upon still.
“Admiral on deck,” Lee repeated beside her, much softer than his father had, and it was clear his words were only for her.
Kara stood, overwhelmed, and it wasn’t until she heard Lee speak that she drew her hand to her brow in a return of the sign of respect they all offered her. Though she’d been treated similarly as Commander, the connotations of the word Admiral now in front of her name made a world of difference. Kara Thrace, one time frak up and half cylon, was Admiral to the Colonial Fleet, even if after today, only a hundred would remain under her care.
author:
apodixis
spoilers: Through all seasons, though this takes place in an AU starting at the very end of season 2.
pairings: kara/lee, kara/sam
overall fic rating: R/NC-17
word count: 5,535
notes: See http://apodixis.livejournal.com/685.html for more information.
summary: If God isn't leading the fleet to Earth, can they ever find it?
Dreilide stood looking in at the glass and metal fenced enclosure that housed the two cylons he was at least partially responsible for bringing into existence. After what Kara had said to him about this particular model, he’d been unable to settle his curiosity. Once he had a free minute and more importantly, was allowed, Dreilide took that trip down to the brig. The conversation with the Two had been interesting to say the least, and a touch surreal. The last time he’d ever even thought about the model had been the day before he and his peers had integrated into the Twelve Colonies. Leaving the Colony behind, Dreilide also left behind all that he’d done there. Now, here Leoben was, a living, breathing, human being - or a close approximation. He turned his attention to the side when someone approached, relieved to see it was Kara.
“Admiral wants to see you,” she said, her eyes also on the scene before them. Though the cylons were still prisoners, the amount of security on them had been recently relaxed. It wasn’t her call, but she didn’t necessarily disagree with it. If they wanted to try something, they would have a long time ago. They’d been there for months now without incident and after what happened down on Earth with Leoben, she once again felt something for him she couldn’t describe, but it was neither happiness nor gratefulness. Lee had remained tightlipped about New Caprica, even after all this time, but she’d gleaned enough details to put together a bigger picture. Even if Leoben hadn’t frakked with her so much, the facts of what he’d done to Lee would have been more than enough for her to hold a permanent grudge. Truthfully, Kara didn’t know how she felt about the man before her.
Her father nodded his head in receipt of the message, but made no move to go just yet. The conversation they would be having was a serious one, probably one of the most important the fleet had ever had, because now it would give them a place to finally call theirs. Kara had told him about New Caprica, but Dreilide knew that place had never been home. It was just a resting point that people clung to that went horribly, horribly wrong. “You and your mother weren’t the only people I messed up by leaving,” he said gently, as though it was the most casual thought in the world.
She wasn’t sure what he meant at first, but looking into that room and at Leoben, she understood. Though that model hadn’t been his biologically like she was, he would always be a child of Dreilide Thrace to some extent. She’d suffered for his absence and lack of guidance and so had Leoben. “What’d you two talk about?”
His shoulders shrugged and he sighed, his arms moving to cross over his chest. “He asked if I was God.” He laughed, but it was pained and lacking real mirth.
“There’s something about Leoben. I mean, the other Twos anyone else has met haven’t been like him. Similar, but not the same.” Kara, herself, hadn’t had any real interaction with other Twos in her time, but she’d heard about the one on Ragnar and all the copies down on the planet during the occupation.
“He’s older than all the rest of the Twos. The first of his kind, just like you.”
Though in another mood, she would have taken such comparison as a grave insult, Kara let it slide. She understood the sentiments being offered.
“He doesn’t look well,” Dreilide pointed out.
“No, he doesn’t. He and D’Anna caught a virus awhile back. Something humans are immune to, but one thing they’re not. Cottle said it was lymph…something encephalitis. They get injections every so often to keep it in check. It must be getting time for it.” She turned on her heel, head cocking to the side as she looked at her father. “Actually, they said they got it off a beacon your people left out in space on their way from Kobol.”
“I remember a story about that,” he said. Though Kara had placed her focus on him, he hadn’t yet returned it. “I guess it’s like your Pythia, we had-have-books like that too. They talked about an illness on the way to Earth that cut their numbers down incredibly. Something about it doesn’t get left behind with the body when you resurrect. If you allow that person to die and download, it gets into the system and infects anyone else who comes through. That was on top of spreading it by contact.”
“Should you be in here?” She asked quickly, concerned for his health. She was immune due to the half of her that was human, just as Athena was from carrying a partially human child. Her father, on the other hand, was still full cylon.
“I know you don’t think of me as a person,” he started, and this time he did look to her. “But we’re more human than not. We get sick, we get hurt, we evolve. We became immune to it a long time ago, just like you did.”
There was a constant war being raged inside of her as of late. Her emotions, which she always felt but rarely ever showed, were even more up and down than normal, and that was saying a lot considering her usual back and forth. She wanted to go back in time to when things were simpler, to when she thought she was just a human being, one of the few lucky ones left to be alive. She wouldn’t even ask to go back before the attacks, because that was too much. Maybe the Gods could smile down upon her with this one small favor though. Let things be simple again. When she looked at her father, she saw the same face she did when she was a child. He looked just like everyone else, thought like everyone else, but he was inherently different, just as parts of her were. Did it matter how he came about? Or just that he did? Kara kept quiet after his words, not wanting to share her own thoughts on it all. Between Lee and Dreilide, she’d been left absolutely raw on both the outside and inside.
“Do you think they’ll trust me enough to come with us?” He asked her. Though he didn’t know much about his daughter and even less about the intimidating Admiral, he knew there was a closeness there. She would have insight that he didn’t have.
“It’s you or we die. They’ll say yes.”
-
“They named it Earth… again,” Dreilide said. “When we arrived, the population was just cresting around five hundred million.”
“Fifteen thousand to half a billion?” Laura asked weakly and coughed into the back of her hand.
“They did keep resurrection for the first couple hundred years. It helped.”
Roslin took her glasses off and set them on the table, looking to Bill beside her. For the last few hours, they’d been locked away in this room to hear what their guests had to say and offer. Trusting them would be a leap of faith, but so had everything else over the last few years. The fleet had already nearly fallen apart at the news of the nuclear devastated Earth that had once been the only hope that kept them floating through the universe. Their health was going down hill. Their food source wouldn’t last forever and neither would their fuel. It would only be a matter of time before they had to face off against the cylons again in order to secure some resources, and this time they probably wouldn’t make it through. Galactica had seen far better days, and the state of even the interior bulkheads was enough to make everyone wonder just how much the old girl had left in her.
“Why would your people offer this to us?” Adama asked, one eyebrow raised slightly as he looked to Dreilide.
“Because it’s the right thing to do,” he said simply. “Because we like to imagine that if we had shown up at the Twelve Colonies with the numbers we had, you would have taken us in and helped us rebuild.” No one raised their voice to mention that upon hearing the Thirteenth Tribe were cylons, the Colonial Fleet probably would have blown them out of the sky. “We can’t and we won’t turn a blind eye and let you all die out here while we try to pretend we didn’t play a part in it.”
With some guilt on her shoulders, Eugenia took the opening in the lull in conversation to speak. “And because we don’t know what would have happened if our people didn’t interfere during your first cylon war. Maybe they would have killed you all there, maybe you would have won. Some of us interfered and despite the intentions we had, we’re responsible for this.”
Laura broke into another fit of coughing, finding herself comforted by Adama’s hand to her back. Though it did nothing for her physical ailments, it did lift her spirits. Bill rose and left for his bedroom quarters, returning to the main room with a blanket. When he sat down beside her again, he wrapped the fabric over her shoulders, something he’d done many times for her before. “Thank you,” she whispered. When her voice came back to her, she was drawn back to the others. “I need to be sure my people will be safe. Where will they live? What will happen to them?”
“Those require specific answers we just don’t have. Where we’ll settle you all down, I don’t know. Most people thought this day would never come and even if it did, no one was sure just how many of you there would be left. We didn’t know what we would be dealing with.” Eugenia paused. “Madame President - are you all right?”
“My cancer returned a few months ago,” she admitted to the complete strangers, despite how dishonest she had been about it to the rest of the fleet. “I won’t escape it this time.” Her eyes sought out Bill as the truth came out, he was one of the few who knew it.
“We have hospitals, you know,” Eugenia said as she tucked her hair back behind her ear. “You of all people should be down there getting treatment.”
“Do cylons even get cancer?”The Admiral asked, trying to hold back his bitter tone, though it came out anyway.
There was a bite to Adama’s words, but Dreilide didn’t give in and return it. “Everything you suffer from, so do we. The same things all go wrong eventually.” He thought of Socrata again and Kara’s words about his wife’s fate. Maybe if he had brought her with him, she would have survived on Earth. Perhaps there was something they could have done for her there that they never considered back on Caprica. “Please,” he said, almost as if he was talking to his wife now and begging her to take the chance to save her life. “At least let us try. Your people need you, especially now, especially in everything that’s going to come.”
“Kara came to me before,” Bill began, “and she asked me to trust you.”
Dreilide never expected anything close to those words to come from anyone about his daughter, especially not so soon. They would never be perfect and he knew that he would never be able to make up for the time missed and the way her life turned because of it, but just perhaps there was something to salvage between the two of them. “Are you going to?”
“When Kara Thrace tells you to do something, even the Admiral does as she says.”
-
The news that the remains of the human race would be following the Meridian towards the second planet they called Earth rocked through the entire fleet. There were a million details that would need to be ironed out, and Roslin had been assured they would be once they at least arrived in the correct solar system. It was the President’s sudden worsening condition that lit a fire underneath everyone and all the putting off they’d done of making a real decision was immediately abandoned. Though Adama had been reluctant, the promise that Earth at least brought the prospect of relief for her illness had persuaded him as well. The next morning, the Meridian would begin to transmit the carefully calculated sets of jump coordinates to all the ships and begin the final leg of their years long journey.
“You’re not happy,” Lee said to Kara from the bar in the Admiral’s quarters, pouring them both a glass of what seemed to be the last bottle of whiskey. He brought their drinks over and passed one to her, his own kept at hand as he sat down to share the small couch.
“I know everyone thinks that this means everything’s over, but you and I both know it doesn’t.” She didn’t even bother to take a sip of her drink, feeling it was more or a prop than anything else. Something to keep her hands busy and to channel her frustration directly into.
“Some people started packing,” he said with a laugh. “We’ll probably be stuck on these ships for months before they let us out.”
“Nothing with fourty thousand people can ever go easy.” All at once, she tipped her head back and poured the liquid down her throat, feeling the burn of it as it quickly emptied into her stomach. Long ago, she may have savored the taste and feel of it over her tongue, but that girl was long gone. “And what about the cylons? Who’s to say they won’t find us? Then we’ll be responsible for millions of people dying on Earth too. I know that if we go there, I’ll never be able to settle down, Lee. My whole life, I’ll spend it worrying that one day we’ll see a basestar in the sky and that will be the end.”
He didn’t finish his glass, instead collected both hers and his with one hand and dumped them on the coffee table. Lee’s body turned in towards hers, one arm along the back of the couch, fingers gently brushing repeatedly through her hair. “What are you saying?” His expression was troubled as he tried to gauge her words for the true meaning behind it all.
Using what little courage she’d earned from the alcohol that had yet to even hit her bloodstream, Kara locked eyes with his own. “I’m not going to Earth.”
His fingers stopped mid-stroke in her hair as she delivered her message. He couldn’t look at her after that. They’d spent years on the run and finally gotten so close to the end. This wasn’t New Caprica, it was Earth. Or at least, Earth Part Two. If they didn’t settle down here, the chances of finding a habitable planet once again was near zero. He gave a shuddering, deep sigh as his body slumped, like the string that had been holding him straight and firm had just been cut. “Why not?”
She watched the life be forced out of him at her very words. Kara knew he’d been holding on to this dream for them, just as she had been as well, albeit much more quietly and secretly. They would find Earth and all their problems would melt away. No cylons, no algae, no tent city in the middle of a frigid planet. The years had aged him, and not just because of the time past. No, all the things he’d seen and endured, all the nights he’d gone without sleep, the malnutrition, it had all worked him over as well. Instead of answering, she deflected. “You should go to Earth. Your Dad’s going to need you.” Kara cupped his cheek, her thumb drawing tiny circles against the skin just beneath his eye. She tried desperately to memorize the prickle of his stubble at her palm, so she’d have something to keep her warm at night, should he decide to agree with her suggestion.
“You’re right,” Lee started, “he’ll need me.”
Though she had been the one to bring up the idea to begin with, it didn’t make the pang of loss any less. Before, she’d just wanted to rewind a few years to those simpler times, and now she wanted to rewind just a minute, maybe even thirty seconds so she could take it all back.
“But I want to be with you.”
Tears shone in her eyes as he finished his complete thought, a smile tugging over her lips as she immediately felt like a fool for falling for his deceptive words. This was Lee, of course he would follow her to hell and back. Kara slipped her arm around him until the crook of her elbow met his neck, pulling her body in close until she was practically seated over his legs, her mouth eagerly finding his. She smiled into him, feeling the comfort she always knew laid just within his arms. For years, she’d fought against it and him, and now it was the only place she ever wanted to be.
Lee kissed her back just as joyfully, lost in the feel of her and the overwhelming warmth she always seemed to emit directly into him. It was then that his father opened the bedroom door, reappearing in the small living quarters. Kara and Lee tore their mouths apart like children getting caught for the first time. It only made her laugh though, the sound electric in the room until she calmed enough to speak. “Sir,” she offered with a weak salute.
Adama smiled and repeated the gesture. “I’d be careful if I were you, you don’t know where that couch has been.”
Kara laughed harder at the thought and at Lee’s reaction, a sudden amount of disgust marring his features as he tentatively scooted away from the back of the couch with her still draped partially over him, like that inch he moved would save him from whatever had or had not occurred on the leather.
“He’s frakking with you, Lee,” Kara eventually said as she quieted down, finally shifting back to take her own seat instead of sharing half of one with Apollo.
“Real nice,” Lee mumbled and ran his hand over his shortly cropped hair, recalling the cut Kara had given him only the day or so before they’d found the barren Earth. “How’s Roslin?”
“Resting. The sooner we get to Earth, the better. Deloxin’s doing nothing for her anymore.” There was pain in every step he took, even in the way he had smiled at them only a minute before. Laura was the constant worry on his mind, especially with death so close on her heels as of late.
Kara waited before she dared reveal her decision to the Old Man. It would just about break him, even worse now that Lee had decided to include himself in on what she did or didn’t have planned. “Admiral?”
Both of Bill’s eyebrows raised, knowing that voice. She was about to ask of something he wouldn’t want to give. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take with everything else going on around them. Adama wasn’t old, despite his nickname, but a few years into sixty and a few bullets in his chest, he was sure he could fee his body slowing down even more than it had been before.
“Lee and I… we aren’t going to Earth with you tomorrow.”
“Of course you are,” he said, like he hadn’t heard her right. What he was really doing was giving her a chance to take it back without the anger and tears shed between them. “This is the end.”
“No, I know,” her head shook and long grown out blonde bangs fell to obscure her vision. She pushed them back as she tried to grab hold of more determination. “But I need a ship. Whatever you can give me. Something long range with enough supplies.” Though she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be coming back, she at least intended to make it seem so.
“We’ve made our decision. The entire fleet goes and that includes you.” His eyes looked to Lee. “Both of you.”
“I can’t-” She nearly shouted at him. “I can’t go there and wait. They’ll never stop looking for us and one day, one day they’ll find us and all those people. Maybe not in your lifetime or mine, but I can’t settle down there and watch families grow up and know that Hera’s children will have to pay for what we didn’t finish.” Her words were heated and heavy and Kara had stood up sometime during her delivery, as if that would strengthen her argument. “I know how to finish it,” she said. “Please.”
Across from her, Bill teetered between fuming and agreement. While he knew they needed to get to Earth, his own judgment had been much clouded since Laura’s illness had taken a steep turn for the worse. Though they could call Earth home, the threat would always linger in the backs of their minds. What if today was the last day yet again? The facts were, though, that Laura was nearing death, and without intervention she would be there in a week. The civilians were hungry, tired, and dying to feel the sun on their faces. Their numbers dwindled everyday as some gave in to old age or illnesses easily treatable with the right medication. The faster they got their remaining people to Earth and began whatever process was ahead of them for settling down planet side, the better it would be for all of them. Once upon a time he had served the military, now he served humanity. “I won’t lose you again, Kara. I won’t lose you both because you think you can stop them.”
His lack of faith burned her, but at the same time, she understood it. They were done, complete, finished. Years ago he had made that promise on the hangar deck about searching for Earth, even when he hadn’t a clue as to where it was, and now he’d actually come through with it to them. “Just a small ship,” she said again, hoping to break him down.
Adama sighed heavily at the position she was putting him in. “Your father won’t agree to it, you know.”
“You’re more of my father than he is,” she said, and it was the absolute truth. Dreilide had been there for the start of her formative years and had given her life, but Adama had been the one who was there when she had really, truly, needed it. When no one else would take her in, and when she was at her absolute worst after Zak’s death, Bill had stood by her when he didn’t have to. He wasn’t blood, he wasn’t family by legalities, he just was William Adama, the man with a penchant for underdogs and those needing a second chance. She had to have both of her father figures now, not just either or. “I promise you I’ll bring Lee back.” Kara didn’t know if she could keep good on it, but she would swear the worlds to anyone who would let her do this, to have one last moment of protecting the fleet. She needed this not only for the safety of the millions of people, but also for herself. Kara needed to prove that she was more than what her genetics said she was, that she could still be Starbuck, the gallant protector of the fleet.
Bill looked to his son’s face, seeing his pleading there as well. Just as he needed to help Laura do what she had to do, Lee needed to help Kara with her own mission, however ill-advised it was. He could make them come down to Earth, he could make them follow the orders of it all, but would they ever forgive him? And would they ever be able to enjoy their lives on the planet living in that kind of fear? “Let’s hear the plan then.”
-
With all non-essential crew crowded onto the hangar deck of the battlestar late the night before their departure, Kara climbed atop one of the half sets of steps usually used for ease of Viper cockpit entering and exiting. Lee passed her the handheld microphone that patched in to the nearby intercom system and her hand shook as she held it. The nervousness eating at her stomach lining was a strange feeling to her. Getting up in front of a crowd, delivering a battle plan, those were the things she had always been gifted with, even if she never kept much to decorum and regulation. Even her first day as Commander, she hadn’t walked through Pegasus’ halls feeling this uneasy. She raised the receiver to her mouth and held the button down.
“I know that most of you are ready to go down to Earth,” she paused, letting the voices quiet down until only silence was heard over the deck. “You’ve earned it.” Some of these faces, she truly hadn’t seen in months, since before her death - which she knew was real now, in all the disturbing senses of it. Kara wondered who of them knew her secret, that her father was among the cylons with the Meridian, and if they questioned her place among them. “But I’m going to ask something of you. I need volunteers. Like the rest of you, I want nothing more than to go down to Earth.” Her eyes flickered down to Lee for the briefest of moments, then back up to the people packed in like sardines. “I can’t though, not knowing the cylons will still be looking for us.”
The dissension in the crowd was evident by the rise of their voices again, a few louder than others, yelling at her to express how they felt.
“If you don’t want to go, you have the right to say no, but hear me out first. It’s come to my attention that there has been a way for us to be rid of them forever right under our noses. I don’t plan on wasting the chance while I have it, not when it can mean the difference between saving your lives and the lives of the people down on that planet who are willing to take us in. They don’t have to, they could leave us here to die, but they’re taking the risk. So I’m asking all of you, if you can, take one last risk with me and I will bring you home.” Though she was usually good at reading people, a skill that made her particularly adept at cards, she couldn’t pick out one emotion on the people before her. “There’s a line of red tape running down the deck. If you’re going to Earth, move to the starboard side. If you’re willing to come with me, move to the port.”
She handed the microphone back to Lee and climbed down the stairs. When his hands were free, she took them, this time in front of any and all of the ship’s crew, and walked to the left side. Their relationship hadn’t been a secret since her death and she’d heard all the details about his breakdown by now, from both him and everyone else. All the different accounts of the tears he’d shed and the broken shell he’d become not too far from where she now stood would stick with her forever. Kara looked to her side, right at the man that had mourned her and loved her, and squeezed his hand. If it was just the two of them in the end, she knew they’d be going on this suicide mission anyway. For his sake, she needed the company of the others to ensure she didn’t back down on her promise to his father.
Helo was the first to walk up to the couple, his head lifting in a silent pledge of his allegiance. Just as he was about to cross the line, Kara released Lee’s hand and reached both of hers out to press against Karl’s chest. She shook her head. “No. You and Athena, it’s important you be there to raise Hera on Earth. The planet’s going to need you.” In case I don’t make it back, she wanted to say. Hera and Nicky Tyrol, those two children would be a sign of the future to come between both sets of peoples. Their future didn’t lie in merely coexisting separately, but joining their people into one and allowing their mutual history to be the force that kept them together. She watched him reluctantly step back into the waiting arms of Athena, who nodded thankfully to Kara.
Hot Dog crossed the line afterward, his head tipping to the woman who had molded him from nothing into one of the fleet’s finest pilots. Duck followed behind him and Racetrack crossed over to their side as well, barely noticeable as she pushed through the people moving the opposite direction. In the end, she was left with a crew of perhaps a hundred, mostly faces of those she’d known and for some reason still felt loyal to her. Those whose uniforms once wore the patch of Pegasus were peppered through as well, and a swell of pride in the men and women that had truly been hers filled her. It wasn’t just human though, she wasn’t surprised to see Sam approach and stand at her side. Saul and Ellen Tigh crossed the line, but like Helo, Kara turned them away.
“Old Man’s going to need you,” she said to Saul. “Besides,” Kara smiled and patted her hand roughly into Lee’s shoulder. “I’ve got an XO.”
“Good luck, Starbuck,” Tigh said, and this time, like all their encounters in the last few months, it was genuine. With Ellen on his arm, he stepped back over to the other side.
“Admiral on deck!” Galen yelled from her half of the hangar floor. Around them, the arms of hundreds snapped up in a sharp salute as Adama approached.
“At ease,” he called out, raising his voice just enough so the echo of his words could be heard by those even towards the back. With heavy eyes and footsteps, he approached Kara and Lee. “I have your ship.”
“The Demetrius?” She asked, assuming it would once again be the ship they were already familiar with. Though with a ship of that small size, she would be sending most of the people standing next to her on back to the other side. Perhaps that would be a blessing.
“No,” he said and glanced his eyes around the walls that surrounded all of them. Bill took in all the details of the aging ship, barely held together with rivets and welds. She had done them proud over the last few years and she would do so again, just once more. “Galactica.”
“Admiral…” His words stunned her. It had been one thing to take Pegasus. The other battlestar had been the bigger of the two and had been in infinitely better condition, but it hadn’t been the beacon that Galactica was. Some may have questioned sacrificing Pegasus to save Galactica back at the battle of New Caprica, though Kara knew it had been the right call. This ship was the embodiment of their very hopes and dreams.
“I’m not the Admiral anymore,” he said all too quickly, his hands reaching to his collar to unfasten the pins that marked his rank. By time the first pin was undone, Lee had already begun to unhook the Major’s pins she wore, making room for the newest addition and highest title one could earn within the Colonial Fleet. His own worn hands that used to be far stronger in the days he flew a Viper, clipped each of the insignia into place on either side of the the navy fabric at her neck. Bill stepped back, his own arm raising to her this time in a rigid salute, one so perfect she hadn’t seen him use since the day Cain arrived on their deck and pulled rank. “Admiral of the Colonial Fleet on deck!” He called out this time, commanding the attention of all those around him, even the ones that had long since decided their future no longer lie with the very battlestar they stood upon still.
“Admiral on deck,” Lee repeated beside her, much softer than his father had, and it was clear his words were only for her.
Kara stood, overwhelmed, and it wasn’t until she heard Lee speak that she drew her hand to her brow in a return of the sign of respect they all offered her. Though she’d been treated similarly as Commander, the connotations of the word Admiral now in front of her name made a world of difference. Kara Thrace, one time frak up and half cylon, was Admiral to the Colonial Fleet, even if after today, only a hundred would remain under her care.