(no subject)
Title: Am I stupid?
Author: apostrophe_ess
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JKR, I merely gain from playing these games in her playground.
Pairing/Character: Lily/James and Harry
Word Count: 825
Rating: G
Prompt: For potterverse100, number 54 - food. Prompt table here
Summary: There are bound to be down days when there is a price on your head - aren't there?
Am I stupid?
It was hard not to laugh. In normal times James would have done. For Sneezing Salazar’s sake, in abnormal times he would have done. But something about the way Lily fought to stop her face crumbling stopped him.
“Lil?” James asked.
“Oh James,” she replied, her voice full of emotion, before she turned away.
He could picture her. Her lip would be between her teeth as she bit on it to stop herself from crying. James wondered what to do. He could go to her and stand behind, put one hand on a shoulder. He could carry on as if nothing was happening, and in a way he thought she’d probably prefer that. He could take over what she was doing and give her some time to compose herself. He could take her in his arms and hold her till it all got better, but then when would it all get better? How long would that take?
“Lily,” James whispered taking the first option, his right hand now resting on her left shoulder. “You need to try and relax.”
“I can’t,” she replied.
“Yes, you can. You must.”
“Will you?” she rested her head against his and settled back into his chest as his arm slid around her, no need to finish the question off. He’d know.
“Yes. I’ll clean him up. Go and sit down, we’ll be over in a minute.”
James watched as Lily walked to the settee and slumped into it. She’d not slept properly for days. Usually she was the stronger one of the two of them, keeping him going when he worried. She always seemed so convinced that everything would be okay, and it would - wouldn’t it?
“Come on, young man,” James said, a few quick spells having cleared the food from the front, the hair, the back, and the legs of their young son before he lifted him from his newly cleaned high chair.
“Lil,” James said again, sitting beside her.
“Where is he?”
“He’s fine. He’s tired, he was nearly nodding off. Here, I brought you this.”
Lily took James’s offering and blew her nose. “Do you think I’m really stupid?”
“No, of course not. Don’t be silly. I’ve never thought you were stupid. I’m not sure I understand though.”
“I just wanted him to be able to feed himself.”
“He will. When he’s ready. Just like he sat up when he was ready, and went onto solid food when he was ready, and -“
“I know all that,” Lily cut James off, taking his hand and moving it around her so she could lean into him. “But what if -“
James could feel his throat burning, and his eyes becoming uncomfortable. Even blinking rapidly wasn’t doing much to help. “Ssssh. Let’s not think of what ifs. We agreed.”
“James. What if we die and Harry can’t feed himself, or walk, or -“
“Lily,” James stopped her abruptly. “We’re not going to die. We’re going to protect him, and do everything that it’s possible to do to keep him safe. We’re not going to die.”
“But what if we did?”
James bit his own lip for a moment. “We’re not going to Lily. I want you to stop thinking like that. It’s not good for you, and it’s not good for Harry.”
“But if we did?”
She was persistent and wasn’t going to be fobbed off. James swivelled around and lifted her chin so they looked, through two pairs of tear-filled eyes, at each other. “If we did then he has a Godfather, Lily. But we won’t.”
Lily didn’t even move to brush away the tear that spilled from the corner of her eye and made its way down her face. “I just want him to be okay.”
“He will be okay, he’ll be with us. But even if,” James added, to push away Lily’s protests, “he isn’t then Sirius isn’t stupid.”
“He doesn’t know how Harry likes to be cuddled before sleep.”
“He’d learn.”
“And he doesn’t know the exactly temperature he likes his milk.”
James didn’t answer. He was no coward, but he didn’t want to be thinking like this. Once he started, he was afraid he’d not be able to stop.
“And he doesn’t know all the songs Harry likes to be sung to him, or his favourite books …” Lily’s voice caught again.
“Come here,” James muttered, burying his head into her hair and letting his own tears fall now she couldn’t see. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Lily to see him crying, she’d seen his tears of happiness enough times. No, it wasn’t that at all. He didn’t want her to think he was falling apart when she needed him, just like she never fell apart when he needed her. “Come to bed,” he asked a while later when he could speak again.
Lily nodded. It might not make the world right again, but being in James’s arms always made it feel that way.
Author: apostrophe_ess
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JKR, I merely gain from playing these games in her playground.
Pairing/Character: Lily/James and Harry
Word Count: 825
Rating: G
Prompt: For potterverse100, number 54 - food. Prompt table here
Summary: There are bound to be down days when there is a price on your head - aren't there?
Am I stupid?
It was hard not to laugh. In normal times James would have done. For Sneezing Salazar’s sake, in abnormal times he would have done. But something about the way Lily fought to stop her face crumbling stopped him.
“Lil?” James asked.
“Oh James,” she replied, her voice full of emotion, before she turned away.
He could picture her. Her lip would be between her teeth as she bit on it to stop herself from crying. James wondered what to do. He could go to her and stand behind, put one hand on a shoulder. He could carry on as if nothing was happening, and in a way he thought she’d probably prefer that. He could take over what she was doing and give her some time to compose herself. He could take her in his arms and hold her till it all got better, but then when would it all get better? How long would that take?
“Lily,” James whispered taking the first option, his right hand now resting on her left shoulder. “You need to try and relax.”
“I can’t,” she replied.
“Yes, you can. You must.”
“Will you?” she rested her head against his and settled back into his chest as his arm slid around her, no need to finish the question off. He’d know.
“Yes. I’ll clean him up. Go and sit down, we’ll be over in a minute.”
James watched as Lily walked to the settee and slumped into it. She’d not slept properly for days. Usually she was the stronger one of the two of them, keeping him going when he worried. She always seemed so convinced that everything would be okay, and it would - wouldn’t it?
“Come on, young man,” James said, a few quick spells having cleared the food from the front, the hair, the back, and the legs of their young son before he lifted him from his newly cleaned high chair.
“Lil,” James said again, sitting beside her.
“Where is he?”
“He’s fine. He’s tired, he was nearly nodding off. Here, I brought you this.”
Lily took James’s offering and blew her nose. “Do you think I’m really stupid?”
“No, of course not. Don’t be silly. I’ve never thought you were stupid. I’m not sure I understand though.”
“I just wanted him to be able to feed himself.”
“He will. When he’s ready. Just like he sat up when he was ready, and went onto solid food when he was ready, and -“
“I know all that,” Lily cut James off, taking his hand and moving it around her so she could lean into him. “But what if -“
James could feel his throat burning, and his eyes becoming uncomfortable. Even blinking rapidly wasn’t doing much to help. “Ssssh. Let’s not think of what ifs. We agreed.”
“James. What if we die and Harry can’t feed himself, or walk, or -“
“Lily,” James stopped her abruptly. “We’re not going to die. We’re going to protect him, and do everything that it’s possible to do to keep him safe. We’re not going to die.”
“But what if we did?”
James bit his own lip for a moment. “We’re not going to Lily. I want you to stop thinking like that. It’s not good for you, and it’s not good for Harry.”
“But if we did?”
She was persistent and wasn’t going to be fobbed off. James swivelled around and lifted her chin so they looked, through two pairs of tear-filled eyes, at each other. “If we did then he has a Godfather, Lily. But we won’t.”
Lily didn’t even move to brush away the tear that spilled from the corner of her eye and made its way down her face. “I just want him to be okay.”
“He will be okay, he’ll be with us. But even if,” James added, to push away Lily’s protests, “he isn’t then Sirius isn’t stupid.”
“He doesn’t know how Harry likes to be cuddled before sleep.”
“He’d learn.”
“And he doesn’t know the exactly temperature he likes his milk.”
James didn’t answer. He was no coward, but he didn’t want to be thinking like this. Once he started, he was afraid he’d not be able to stop.
“And he doesn’t know all the songs Harry likes to be sung to him, or his favourite books …” Lily’s voice caught again.
“Come here,” James muttered, burying his head into her hair and letting his own tears fall now she couldn’t see. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Lily to see him crying, she’d seen his tears of happiness enough times. No, it wasn’t that at all. He didn’t want her to think he was falling apart when she needed him, just like she never fell apart when he needed her. “Come to bed,” he asked a while later when he could speak again.
Lily nodded. It might not make the world right again, but being in James’s arms always made it feel that way.