Comments | apostrophe_esss: letting go

apostrophe_esss

letting go

Apr 08, 2008 13:54

Why do we hang on so desperately and determinedly to parts of our lives that are over, relationships we know won't work? Why is it so hard to let go? My friend Nicki says I need to focus on the future, that I'll meet other people who are better suited to me, all that, etc. But it just doesn't seem real to me. I can't imagine myself with anyone ( Read more... )

Comments 6

sleepyworm April 8 2008, 19:01:20 UTC

If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't have spent untold ages feeling shitty over katie p. Instead, I went rather crazy. And I didn't have any bad times to think of except for the out-of-left-field breakup!

But it did help after a while to sort of fixate on the negative and attempt to block out the positive in an attempt to recontextualize her in my memory. The angrier I felt towards her, the less I felt like OH GOD WE SHOULD BE TOGETHER WHY AREN'T WE TOGETHER. Why would I want to be with someone who would treat me so badly, treat me with such contempt?

Maybe you can find something like that, a mental life preserver, something to hold onto when your thoughts need straightening.

apostrophe_esss April 8 2008, 21:14:09 UTC

Yeah, unfortunately I'm really not angry at all. I don't really blame him for any of this. Which makes it harder to find a mental life preserver because I can't even say, man, what a jerk, I really dodged a bullet. I DON'T feel like I dodged a bullet. I feel like I WANT that bullet to hit me right in the middle of the heart.

That analogy got a little weird but you know what I mean. Maybe.

sleepyworm April 8 2008, 21:20:05 UTC

I understand more than you can imagine. I couldn't find any anger in the beginning. I was only hurt and confused and sad. I felt like she must have been in the right to do what she did, despite all evidence to the contrary. It took a long time of wallowing and wishing I was dead before I started being able to step back from it and see the situation more realistically. I hope it doesn't take you nearly as long.

supercheesegirl April 8 2008, 19:04:38 UTC

It's not going to happen right away. That's the first thing to recognize. You had something great, and it ended, and you need some time to grieve. Be at peace about that. Missing him really sucks, but you need to spend some time doing it so you can move through it and come out the other side.

I would just tell you to keep doing what you're doing. You're exploring, you're reading new books, you're taking walks and spending time with friends. Focusing on you and your interests and what you want to do with your time, those are the things that will get you through it.

apostrophe_esss April 8 2008, 21:12:04 UTC

I know. I'm happy that I'm doing the right things and getting slowly better. It's just DAMN. You know? I'm ready already!

daemon7801 April 9 2008, 01:24:54 UTC

I agree with the points made that you're idealizing the situation and, at the same time, you are doing some very real grieving. The loss of any relationship is almost like a death and you go through the same stages. I know you're not angry now, but I think you have every right to be. He did say he was in love with someone else and then he didn't want to invest time or effort into making the relationship work. You did try very hard, but he didn't reciprocate, which is something I would be angry about. He basically gave up when the going got tough and that's not someone you're going to want around for the long haul ( ... )