zayn/liam ficlet
The thing is, he wants to do stupid things.
Stupid things, like find a tree and a pocketknife and carve Z+L into the side, or maybe Zayn loves Liam. (Because he does. A lot.)
Stupid things, like slipping out of Liam’s bed at early hours of the morning after Liam’s had one too many. After Liam’s spent the evening being mostly not fine, staring into his glass, eyes hurt and sad. (When what he really wants to do is stay, stay and never ever ever leave, stay and wrap himself around every possible inch of Liam he can. Cover every sliver of skin, nose into the curve of Liam’s jaw, whisper things like Iloveyousomuch and pleasedon’tbesad until Liam relaxes in his arms.
In that case, he wonders what is the worse choice. And he doesn’t know.) In the morning, Liam didn’t mention it anyway.
He wants to do stupid things, like scowl at interviewers who try to ask about Danielle, then drag Liam away so Liam doesn’t have to deal with it anymore.
(He settles for pressing in closer on the couch until Liam is a long line of heat beside him, slipping his fingers behind and into the bumps on Liam’s spine over his shirt, and not moving his hand until he hears a tiny little sigh escape Liam’s mouth.)
Louis looks at him with a sad sort of fondness until Zayn can’t meet his eyes. Harry says, “Be patient,” and then sneakily tries to mess up Zayn’s hair until Zayn grins and Harry flings himself into Zayn’s arms and whispers, “It’ll be okay, we love you, we all do.” Niall brings him food, and eats most of it, looking only a little bit sorry. Zayn giggles into his shoulder and Niall cuddles him until he feels better.
(Zayn loves his bandmates, a lot.)
He doesn’t do any stupid things. He stays quiet, stays close to Liam, and waits.
(“Pining,” Louis informs him dramatically, “Is what it is.” But he doesn’t say “Tell him, tell Liam.” And for that, Zayn is grateful.)
One day, he’s drawing. He’s been doing a lot of that lately. He’s been working on this page for months. It needs to be exactly right - the shade of Liam’s eyes, the slant of his cheekbones, the exact curve of Liam’s mouth and the quirk of his lips - it needs to be perfect.
Sometimes he thinks it will never get there.
(But he keeps working on it.)
Liam finds it.
Zayn goes hot, and then cold, and then hot all over. His limbs won’t work properly. “I.”
“This is me,” Liam says unnecessarily, looking at him, and back to the sketch pad in his hand, and then back at Zayn. “Zayn, this is -”
“No,” Zayn mumbles. “No. It’s not. It’s not finished.” His arm reaches out for it, unfrozen now, and Liam looks sad, why does he look sad?
He lets Zayn take it, lets Zayn flip it closed and curl his fingers tightly around it, like a shield in front of him. Liam swallows. Says, “It’s beautiful,” in a voice that makes Zayn feel like his stomach is being torn to shreds. He steps back, instinctively, shaking his head.
“You’re beautiful.”
Liam’s mouth makes an oh, shape.
Zayn is terrified. His heart is beating too fast, and he can feel sharp edges of paper digging into his fingers, and his feet won’t go any further. Liam’s making that face, that face that none of the boys can ever say no to, even though Liam doesn’t always realize he’s making it. Please don’t, Zayn thinks desperately, but somehow he knows it’s too late.
“I love you, Liam,” he says, and there it is. Hanging in the air, wisping between them like a cloud.
(God, it hurts. It hurts.)
But Liam keeps looking at him, and his lips are doing a thing. Zayn wants to tear his eyes away, but he can’t. Liam’s mouth is curving, just like the drawing in Zayn’s hands. Curving, until Zayn (thinks he) sees hope, and light, and happiness. Where he hasn’t seen very much of that in a while.
Liam says, “I know,” sounding not convinced of his own words. He comes closer, closer, and then closer still, and covers Zayn’s hands wrapped around the sketch pad with his own, and kisses Zayn, and -
(Zayn’s stomach drops to somewhere below his feet)
- Zayn makes a tiny noise into Liam’s mouth, and Liam touches his fingertips of one hand to the side of Zayn’s neck, and Zayn tries not to shake until he breaks apart.