The Man I Call My Father

[apparentparadox]

I've known my mother's husband -- the man I call my father -- all my conscious life. I know that there have been many times when I've disappointed him, when he wouldn't have chosen me if he hadn't married my mother. It's not like I robbed a bank or anything, just little things like when he and his son Glenn would be out in the garage working on

Comments

[apparentparadox]

In many ways, Mark & I are very fortunate. Aside from my father, all family members on both sides are very supportive of us. And to be quite frank, we can to afford pay a lawyer to draw up wills and powers of attorney and so forth. I feel very sorry for those couples who are struggling financially, and so they can't afford to pay the extra money to get even minimal legal work done.

[apparentparadox]

I do feel sorry for you, living in that huge house with only one child. You should adopt more children.

[mrdreamjeans]

Powerful writing, Tim ... This post just breaks my heart ... Would I could, I'd change the world overnight for Mark and you ....

When I asked my parents how my marrying another man would threaten their 58-year marriage, they had no plausible answer? It's just about denying rights and selfishness ... It's a belief and not rational.

Thanks for sharing this ...

HUGS!

[apparentparadox]

Yes, my father also said that Mark & me getting married was somehow an attack on his marriage, which makes absolutely no sense.

[lcohen]

even after my parents came around on my partners and such, for a long time they didn't "get" why i wanted to be legally married to them. but they did come around and now they volunteer with pflag and everything. my hope for you is that some day your father will understand.

*hugs*

[apparentparadox]

While I still hold out some hope, it is highly unlikely that he will change. He's become more stubborn as he gets older, and I think that he's showing signs of mental decline [his father had senile dementia at roughly the same age], so he may lose his mental capacity before anything changes.

[fuzzygruf]

thanks for posting

[excessor]

It is always difficult to understand why someone close can't make a leap of faith to support you. I hope your other family members are vocal about their support for you and Mark. Warm hugs to you both.

[apparentparadox]

My family is very supportive of us. We went to my aunt's memorial service a few years ago, and my uncle told Mark several times that he was glad that Mark was there (my dad was sitting right next to my uncle when he was doing this).

[excessor]

My family has been wonderful about this, too. My 96-year-old grandmother asks about Curtis without fail and she always asks about Mark-the-Ex. Some family members are quiet about some things, but they're never mean. Maybe they're afraid of me.

Maybe it takes some folks longer to understand. Even now when I talk with my dad, I hear little inklings about the way he thinks. We explore each of them, although not all at once. It's interesting how he thinks about his own sexuality and how he projects that understanding onto me. I get the impression that I make him think a lot.