(no subject)
Interesting comments/advice on work parties from a Smith College alumnae forum
www.smith.dailyjolt.com
springflowers:
Work parties are a weird hybrid of not-quite-social-event / not-quite-interview. Speak with people, avoiding work topics unless a superior brings them up to you, and keep moving around. You don't want to monopolize anyone. You can exit a group, or even an individual with "Excuse me, I need more punch" or "Excuse me, I must say 'hello' to Bob." It is also kind to exit an individual by passing them off. Introduce them to someone else you've spotted whom you know, then exit shortly after. All this will happen a lot more naturally than you think, as others are doing this circulating, too. You can also confess that you are new and don't know many people, and ASK to be introduced around, if you fear you are monopolizing the single person you know. You can also interject yourself into a smallish group by commenting, briefly, on what you've overheard. "Did you say you just read Freakonomics? I truly enjoyed that book!" Then hush and let them draw you further in, becoming part of the group, not taking it over.
Safe topics are books, movies, sports, the lovliness of the decorations or the food, other holiday plans, where they've traveled from. You get the idea. Office gossip is NO, unless you want to concur that the X Dept. did wonderfully on the Y deal, and members A, B, and C, are to be congratulated. It's certainly fine to find out with whom your speaking, through their job title or office location, but long inquiries into someone's job or position are boring for them. Go back to being sparkling on non-work topics and you'll make a better impression than drilling them about their position and lauding your own, or its potential.
Be on your best behavior, take it easy on the cocktails, and decline invitations to dance if you don't enjoy dancing. People who insist you dance with them after several polite declines are bores - and they are committing the social faux pas, not you. At that point, you may say, "I'm so VERY sorry, I simply do not dance. Please excuse me" and head for the ladies' looking flustered, not angry. You can also accept an invitation to dance with "I really have never danced at all. I'm afraid I don't know what I'm doing but, if you're willing to muddle through with me, I'd love for you to show me." Truly, that is charming, but gracefully exit after one dance; don't force someone into being your all-night instructor.
Introduce your guest. "This is my guest, Terry Johnson" is sufficient. Unless your guest is your fiance or your spouse, you have no socially-recognized relationship beyond "friends" and this is a wonderful thing, as no one cares to speculate at what your relationship might actually be by a subtle hint at your bedroom habits (boy/girl friend, roommate, lover). Work can be a lot more permanant than relationships, and keeping everyone "guest" until the term fiance or spouse is appropriate just protects you. Please do not take this as advice to use the term fiance lightly.
Others will critique my advice as old-fashioned or out-of-date. I would respond that the superiors in your company are indeed older and, while they recognize changing times, may appreciate not having changing times shoved in their faces at what is supposed to be a pleasant event. This issue is the shoving, not the changing. No one will be made uncomfortable by meeting your guest, and manners are about making others comfortable.
There certainly are times and places for helping to change times for the better, especially at the workplace; this just isn't it. When you ask for partner benefits later, you want everyone to remember you as that lovely couple from the holiday party - not those rather affrontive two who tried to turn the party into a political rally.
It IS a party, people will be having fun. Yes, it's slightly weird, in that your reputation with colleagues is different than your reputation with purely-social friends. But, ultimately, everyone IS there to have a good time, NOT to make little marks in secret books about who is or is not promotable.
***
Monkeycat:
Ahhh, holiday parties. The weird problem of being a fun, social member of your company without making an ass of yourself.
The most obvious key to this is controling your drinking. Other people will be drinking a lot, most likely. At every holiday party I've been at, there's someone who is plainly the person who's taken too many tequilla shots. YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON. To avoid accidentally ending up that way (because, let's face it, after a few drinks it is harder to control oneself, and the thought of tequilla shots with random people you just met becomes more and more attractive) I religiously alternate my drinks, and have a diet coke with lime after every alcoholic beverage. This way, I have the comfort of a drink in my hand and not the hazard of gulping down three cocktails an hour.
I always, always just try to be upbeat, positive, and laugh. There's nothing worse that getting introduced to a debbie downer who bitches and moans about life, holiday stress, having to shop or travel... so don't be that person.
I also refuse to say bad things about anyone I work with. When someone complains about someone else's work or attitude, I usually let them and just say something like "that's interesting, but that hasn't been my experience."
I think SpringFlowers hit it on the head pretty much. Just wanted to share my few hints. Good luck, and have fun!
***
Springflowers:
OH! Keeping a non-alcoholic drink in your hand to moderate your alcohol consumption is EXCELLENT advice. It also fends off those who will want to get you another if you appear drinkless.
On that tangent, though, I try to keep my drink in my left hand so that when I'm shaking hands with others my hand isn't ice cold or even damp. No one likes that.
***
MarxievonTrapp
Don't dance. I danced at my first company holiday party and was mocked for weeks afterwards. Why? Because my colleagues and bosses didn't see me dancing on a regular basis, they all assumed I was wasted. And the more I denied it (because I wasn't), the more it encouraged them.
And that was the very, very last time I will dance at a company holiday party.
***
CurlyMarie
One other thing to keep in mind is to try and dress appropriately for the event. If you can find out the dress code, stick to what is suggested. Even if you don't know the dress code, err on the side of conservative. I've been to several parties and witnessed people wearing too revealing/too short/too tight outfits that made them look completely unprofessional. Though this is off-the-clock and it is a "party," you should never forget that it is still in essence a part of your job and work. Don't show parts of your body off that you would otherwise not want your coworkers/boss to see.
www.smith.dailyjolt.com
springflowers:
Work parties are a weird hybrid of not-quite-social-event / not-quite-interview. Speak with people, avoiding work topics unless a superior brings them up to you, and keep moving around. You don't want to monopolize anyone. You can exit a group, or even an individual with "Excuse me, I need more punch" or "Excuse me, I must say 'hello' to Bob." It is also kind to exit an individual by passing them off. Introduce them to someone else you've spotted whom you know, then exit shortly after. All this will happen a lot more naturally than you think, as others are doing this circulating, too. You can also confess that you are new and don't know many people, and ASK to be introduced around, if you fear you are monopolizing the single person you know. You can also interject yourself into a smallish group by commenting, briefly, on what you've overheard. "Did you say you just read Freakonomics? I truly enjoyed that book!" Then hush and let them draw you further in, becoming part of the group, not taking it over.
Safe topics are books, movies, sports, the lovliness of the decorations or the food, other holiday plans, where they've traveled from. You get the idea. Office gossip is NO, unless you want to concur that the X Dept. did wonderfully on the Y deal, and members A, B, and C, are to be congratulated. It's certainly fine to find out with whom your speaking, through their job title or office location, but long inquiries into someone's job or position are boring for them. Go back to being sparkling on non-work topics and you'll make a better impression than drilling them about their position and lauding your own, or its potential.
Be on your best behavior, take it easy on the cocktails, and decline invitations to dance if you don't enjoy dancing. People who insist you dance with them after several polite declines are bores - and they are committing the social faux pas, not you. At that point, you may say, "I'm so VERY sorry, I simply do not dance. Please excuse me" and head for the ladies' looking flustered, not angry. You can also accept an invitation to dance with "I really have never danced at all. I'm afraid I don't know what I'm doing but, if you're willing to muddle through with me, I'd love for you to show me." Truly, that is charming, but gracefully exit after one dance; don't force someone into being your all-night instructor.
Introduce your guest. "This is my guest, Terry Johnson" is sufficient. Unless your guest is your fiance or your spouse, you have no socially-recognized relationship beyond "friends" and this is a wonderful thing, as no one cares to speculate at what your relationship might actually be by a subtle hint at your bedroom habits (boy/girl friend, roommate, lover). Work can be a lot more permanant than relationships, and keeping everyone "guest" until the term fiance or spouse is appropriate just protects you. Please do not take this as advice to use the term fiance lightly.
Others will critique my advice as old-fashioned or out-of-date. I would respond that the superiors in your company are indeed older and, while they recognize changing times, may appreciate not having changing times shoved in their faces at what is supposed to be a pleasant event. This issue is the shoving, not the changing. No one will be made uncomfortable by meeting your guest, and manners are about making others comfortable.
There certainly are times and places for helping to change times for the better, especially at the workplace; this just isn't it. When you ask for partner benefits later, you want everyone to remember you as that lovely couple from the holiday party - not those rather affrontive two who tried to turn the party into a political rally.
It IS a party, people will be having fun. Yes, it's slightly weird, in that your reputation with colleagues is different than your reputation with purely-social friends. But, ultimately, everyone IS there to have a good time, NOT to make little marks in secret books about who is or is not promotable.
***
Monkeycat:
Ahhh, holiday parties. The weird problem of being a fun, social member of your company without making an ass of yourself.
The most obvious key to this is controling your drinking. Other people will be drinking a lot, most likely. At every holiday party I've been at, there's someone who is plainly the person who's taken too many tequilla shots. YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON. To avoid accidentally ending up that way (because, let's face it, after a few drinks it is harder to control oneself, and the thought of tequilla shots with random people you just met becomes more and more attractive) I religiously alternate my drinks, and have a diet coke with lime after every alcoholic beverage. This way, I have the comfort of a drink in my hand and not the hazard of gulping down three cocktails an hour.
I always, always just try to be upbeat, positive, and laugh. There's nothing worse that getting introduced to a debbie downer who bitches and moans about life, holiday stress, having to shop or travel... so don't be that person.
I also refuse to say bad things about anyone I work with. When someone complains about someone else's work or attitude, I usually let them and just say something like "that's interesting, but that hasn't been my experience."
I think SpringFlowers hit it on the head pretty much. Just wanted to share my few hints. Good luck, and have fun!
***
Springflowers:
OH! Keeping a non-alcoholic drink in your hand to moderate your alcohol consumption is EXCELLENT advice. It also fends off those who will want to get you another if you appear drinkless.
On that tangent, though, I try to keep my drink in my left hand so that when I'm shaking hands with others my hand isn't ice cold or even damp. No one likes that.
***
MarxievonTrapp
Don't dance. I danced at my first company holiday party and was mocked for weeks afterwards. Why? Because my colleagues and bosses didn't see me dancing on a regular basis, they all assumed I was wasted. And the more I denied it (because I wasn't), the more it encouraged them.
And that was the very, very last time I will dance at a company holiday party.
***
CurlyMarie
One other thing to keep in mind is to try and dress appropriately for the event. If you can find out the dress code, stick to what is suggested. Even if you don't know the dress code, err on the side of conservative. I've been to several parties and witnessed people wearing too revealing/too short/too tight outfits that made them look completely unprofessional. Though this is off-the-clock and it is a "party," you should never forget that it is still in essence a part of your job and work. Don't show parts of your body off that you would otherwise not want your coworkers/boss to see.