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[applenoire]

my head is sore. this red-room day is a day i would go back to. i had a panic attack at work today. i cried in front of customers, and then they sent me home after a few hugs. has anyone else noticed that it is friday the 13th? two in one year, that seems to be too many. the last was my birthday. joanna newsom is enhancing my headache; andrew bird

Comments

[foreignshore]

I've had panic attacks in public before - they are just the worst thing.
Where do you work?

[applenoire]

aye, i agree...it was wretched and embarrasing, especially in front of absolute strangers who don't seem to show much sympathy or understanding, and in front of hardcore italian coworkers to boot! oh boy, but the girls i work with (young & old) were very sympathetic, so that was good. it's too bad you have panic attacks too, but it's strangely comforting to know i'm not the only one. anywhoo

i work at a place called the Italian Centre Shop -- a 50+ year old grocery store / deli (mostly imports in the food section, excellent produce, and the largest deli in alberta) in the "heart of little italy". here i am gushing about my work...but yeah, it's really close to where i live, and i love to shop there, so working there is pretty awesome.

[foreignshore]

Last semester I had one right before I had to write a test. It's not even that I'm afraid of writing tests...I don't know why it happened! But it was terrible! I couldn't make it so I had to try and get a hold of the teacher so she wouldn't give me a zero and arrange a new test date and try to explain to her why I couldn't take it - all in a panicked state.

And that place of work sounds wonderful.

[thinmoonsugar_]

i wish i could hug you.
your photos
and your words
make me feel close to you

[applenoire]

thanks. hugs are good.
i'm glad my words & images give you a sense of connection,
i'm sick of alienation.
take care.

[vaiyu]

very nice photography

why did you have a panic attack?? i hope that you are okay now.

[applenoire]

thanks, vaiyu.

i'd rather not say in my journal specifically what happened, but there's this sad folk song that goes:

i'm a long way from home & so all alone, homesick like i never thought i'd be
i'm a long way from home & everything is wrong, someone please watch over me
i'm not accustomed to these feelings, the loneliness is burnin' in my soul
sometimes the mind is so misleading, i wish i'd stayed at home like i was told.

the only friend i thought i had in this city miles away from home has turned out to be anything but a friend. i've been cheated on, used, misled, destroyed and abandoned at whim like a toy by a spoiled child...it hurts, and i discovered it last night, and i couldn't sleep, and then i went to work & i couldn't stop my mind from replaying scenes i'd rather not replay, and i felt so sick and....well, just upset.

[vaiyu]

i am so deeply sorry.
i could only imagine how that may have felt for you. Although, i can kind of understand when someone breaks you into pieces

[applenoire]

thanks, anonymous poster, for your sympathy, but i still don't understand the idea of breaking someone into pieces...i mean, why?