confession:

[applenoire]

i don't want to go to school anymore to sit in front of the computer and do nothing all day and feel nothing all day and feel like i'm not fulfilling myself in anyway. i want to build a cozy little home for myself, read books, be a flaneur, make lovely new food every day, watch the sun set and maybe sometimes even rise, ride my bike, feel the

Comments

[telescopeheart]

you took the thoughts word for word out of mind as I thought them, and laid them on the computer screen I was staring at instead of reading my books or being smart and ambitious like all my classmates like I should be. It was like seeing myself.

I've become physically incapable of reading; my textbooks are still unopened and it's been three weeks. I spend all my time writing letters and poems about separation and trees. I want to drop out and become a professional drifter, looking for painted houses next to the sea and gazing at cloudy skies. It was scary but comforting to find this.
♥
take care

[applenoire]

you telling me that what i wrote describes the way you feel only reiterates my sometimes fledgling believe that it is oh-so important to share what we feel on the inside with others, even so-called strangers.

today i skipped classes for the second day in a row, and had a beautiful, amazing day exploring the river valley, taking pictures; getting down'n'dirty in the fallen leaves, smiling at the sky, listening to the trees, riding as fast as i could on my bike with fellow drifterdreamers like beck & nick drake & nina simone & bob dylan slippin' into my ears and swirlin' around my head; had coffee whilst reading a magically "made-for-me" book; then i made myself a delicious and healthy supper, using pumpkin (something i've always wanted to do, but hadn't); & now i'm going to put off school work to see a movie. i wish we could all live like this, i mean, to suit our tastes, obviously, but just be free and happy, y'know.

[smokypines]

amen

[applenoire]

hallelulah

[pflater]

this is sometimes, possible, to a certain extent. except.. with planning, especially with money. do i sound too pragmatic? i am living a lifestyle that i planned out to do for six months, and while taxing (especially financially), it has been the most amazing thing i've ever set out to do. The loving and learning has come in part with feeling all this, on skin, in heart, and meeting people.

[applenoire]

i tend to be pretty pragmatic, deep down, though at the same time i'm sort of a rebel-rousin' freebird. there's usually a pretty steamy tug-o-war goin' on inside me. suppose it makes for a more interesting life.

[pflater]

these wars are our stories, the best stories

[agreatlake]

me too.

[applenoire]

so, what we gonna do 'bout it? hmm? :) let's have a picnic and eat cake. k?

[aseaoflove]

Uhhuh. Completely and utterly what my heart is trying to tell me right now. I want to walk away from school, it does not satisfy me anymore. It use to be nice, but not anymore. It's quite dull and has left my heart unfulfilled. I want to escape somewhere, maybe to Maine, and live there in a beautiful home by the sea taking photographs all the time and baking sweet breads. Maybe I am not being realistic, but what's more real than what is in your heart?

[telescopeheart]

maybe to Maine, and live there in a beautiful home by the sea taking photographs all the time -> You sound EXACTLY like me,word for word, except I always say "a painted house by the sea" instead. I wonder how many people dream of leaving school to find seaside houses in Maine?

[applenoire]

i feel the same way, except it could be a house by the woods, or a house by a river, or a house by a lake, or a house by an open field of prairie nothingness.......

[applenoire]

mmm...baking is included in my wish-list of desirous past-time activities, not sure if i included it, but it's there.