Character/Cast List
Updated June 19, 2007: Added Tricky Woo.
If you do decide to start posting as a character, please let us know in the comments to this entry, so I can add you to the chart. :)
Character
Username/Nickname
Comments
April Patterson
aprilp_katje
April Marian Patterson was born on April 1, 1991, to (nearly) 40-year-old Elly Patterson. An "oops" baby, she was her mother's "April Fool's" joke that year. Now that she's a teenager, her parents act as if she's a hellion, though she's about as mild as teenagers can be. April has cursed hair, which springs into that awful propellor bun against her will! No one is sure what she might have done to deserve all the fugly she develops on a regular basis. More on April at her "real" blog.
Becky McGuire
qnjones
Though she used to be April's best friend, they are not as close as they used to be. (Though they are better friends at ARB than in the strip!) Becky and Jeremy had a sorta-bf/gf, but not really relationship for a while, but this ended over a misunderstanding regarding some comments Jeremy made about Becky's weight. Becky quickly replaced him with Duncan, but was stung when she didn't get from him the jealousy response she expected. She temporarily reunited with Jeremy after his break-up with Alexandra, but that ended when Becky had the chance to date the studly Drew Fontaine. Drew turned out to be a user, though, and eventually Becky dumped him. She is currently engaged to Howard, despite his homosexuality. Their engagement does not preclude Becky dating, though. She recently had a brief relationship with a blind boy name Nolan, aka "No." Since he was blind, Becky knew she didn't like him solely for her good looks. They broke up at the insistence of Nolan's mother, who found Becky's life to be unsavory and scandalous. When Howard became fake-engaged to Marjee Mahaha, Becky's half-sister, Becky and her father Thorvald smuggled Jeremy Jones to the Dominican Republic for a fake betrothal ceremony to Becky (to Eva Abuya's consternation).
Becky's parents are now officially divorced. Her mother is engaged to and living with Dr. Ted McCaulay/ey. Before the divorce was final, Thorvald almost had a Viking wedding to Kortney Krelbutz (but an old friend of Kortney's revealed that Thorvald's bride had begun life as a man, Kurt. He ended up in a Viking marriage to the Icelandic Thora, but they split up after she'd had a hysterical pregnancy and turned out to be infertile, as Thorvald's motive for wedding her had been to father a male heir.
Since leaving 4-Evah, following her solo début at the grade-eight grad, Becky (aka Rebeccah) has had a meteoric rise to fame. Becky, Howard, and Jeremy all wrote comments documenting Becky's tour this past summer, and now Becky has released her second album. The pressure of fame is getting to her.
Learn more about Becky at her blog.
Gerald Forsythe
qnjones
April's boyfriend; his last name is "Forsythe," but it used to be "Delaney." Gerald is a mixture of innocence and the usual teenage horndog qualities. He grudgingly accepts April's decision not to go past third base before they're 16 (April and Becky pinky-swore!)
Honoria Forsythe
howtheduck/aprilp_katje
Honoria is Gerald's sister. She is two years younger than Gerald, and has transferred to the Angus Martin Public School for grade eight, after being expelled from the boarding school her mother had insisted she attend. In the strip, there was one reference to a sister--when Gerald and April were eight years old and the sister was six.
After Jeremy Jones ostensibly lost his life saving Honoria and her ex, Bronson Van Daam at the tulip festival, Honoria became engaged to Bronson and has returned to Cashwell Day School.
Duncan Anderson
the_berserker
April's friend, aka "MC DunC." Has gotten into trouble for his voyeurism. Duncan has had a bit of an identity crisis, but his rep is starting to get decidedly cooler (and studlier). It does not hurt that he has dated Kimmi LaSalle and Keesha Grant, and had a quasi-bf/gf relationship with. While he was pining after Kimmi LaSalle, who found her nunly vocation while at Catholic Military Reform School in Ottawa, he became friendly with then-grade-11 (now grade 12) goth girl Zandra Larson, who was in drama club with him. They slowly progressed to boyfriend/girlfriend. According to Zandra, "Usually around the end of every month Duncan gets nervous and preoccupied for some reason. He says he can't explain it very much, except that it seems like someone is about to rearrange his life suddenly. Then, after the month starts, he calms down." Certain forces, namely Elly and a Northern witch, apparently want Duncan and Eva to be a couple. When Elly altered April's September, 2006 monthly letter to say these two are "together," Elly told her that "it's going to happen." Duncan and Zandra argue otherwise. He and Eva traded derisive remarks about Becky in September 2006.
As of the fall of 2007, it is uncertain whether Duncan will ever return to Milborough from Barbados.
Kimmi LaSalle
aprilp_katje
Kimmi had an ill-fated relationship with Duncan, which began with kissing and "studying." Kimmi gained some notoriety by offering Duncan a private "rainbow party," but adults and circumstances intervened and he never managed to experience this with her. It is unclear so far whether Kimmi is a bonafide roadside gig, or whether she was putting on a front to impress Duncan. Kimmi signs her posts "kiMMi <3 <3 <3." Kimmi had a few run-ins with the law, involving shoplifting, credit-card fraud and, most recently, assault (throwing hot coffee into Duncan's lap when he broke up with her). After spending the remainder of the fall semester in the Milborough Youth Detention Centre, Kimmi was shipped off to a Catholic military reform school in Ottawa. During the summer, Kimmi was back for a visit. Duncan had assumed that when Kimmi had written to her that she'd found her "vocation," she meant she was to be a nun. On the contrary, Kimmi had come to embrace the "military" part of her instruction. Though she did confuse everyone by wearing a nun's habit, even when she went to the Toronto goth club The Vatikan, on its last night.
Elizabeth Patterson
qnjones
April's older sister, teaches up in Mtigwaki. Through her mother's machinations, Elizabeth has met the handsome Constable Paul Wright, and they have begun to date. Suspiciously, Liz developed a debilitating case of "homesickness" after she learned from April's e-mail that Anthony was divorcing Thérèse.
With her return south, Liz felt the need to buy a car, and naturally she had to buy from Gordo "Anthony's Employer" Mayes. Anthony insinuated himself into her test drive in order to tell her what a wonderful single father he's not he is.
After completing a summer teaching gig in Mississauga, Liz was conveniently offered a full-time position teaching grade four at the Glenallen Elementary school, which is miraculously located in Milborough. Instead of finding an apartment right away, Liz moved back into the house to live like a teenager while seeking the "ideal" apartment (whatever that means). In September 2006, Liz was served with a subpoena to testify in the trial against Howard "Go-After" Bunt. Anthony, of course, was also issued a subpoena, and grasped upon this excuse to come over to the house and discuss the case with Liz.
Liz's relationship with Paul ended in January 2007, after Warren took her up to Mtigwaki a day earlier than expected, and she found him "with" Susan. It looks as though it's only a matter of time before she ends up with Anthony. They reconnected at Shawna-Marie's wedding during the summer of 2007.
schmooooo originated this role, and aprilp_katje filled in with some Liz posts before qnjones's decision to take on the role as of January 19, 2006.
Michael Patterson
howtheduck
April's big brother. Michael is the editor-in-chief of Portrait magazine and supposedly a gifted writer, though we have yet to see any concrete evidence to support that theory. Not too long ago, Michael endeavored to "modernize" Romeo and Juliet, the result of which was the much-maligned Romie & Julie which drew at least as much from Michael's life and obsessions as from Shakespeare's original. For some unknown reason, Michael has decided he wants to convince the world that April intentionally killed both Farley and Mr. B. With Dunc's help, April has found a lawyer willing to pursue a libel case against Michael if needbe. Michael has a habit of forgetting his children's names, which is probably due to his spending inordinate amounts of time holed up in his attic hideout. For a while, it looked as though Michael might not have replaced Dee with a Dee-bot.
In December of 2007, a fire drove Mike, Dee, and their children from their apartment in Toronto. They squatted at the Pattermanse in Milborough until John convinced Elly that they should sell the family house to Mike and buy the TTH (teen-tiny train house; formerly the Stibbs house) for themselves and What's-'er-name April in the spring. While still squatting at the family house, he quit his job at Portrait rather than face having to lay off an employee. He has written and had accepted for publication a novel of dubious quality, Stone Season. With the usual Patterson luck, he was given a $25K advance.
phatsmacky originated this role.
Deanna Patterson
ellcee
Michael's wife. Dee is a pharmacist, but we don't recommend that you rely on her expertise for advice on effective birth control. She might also have a side job that she doesn't want Michael to know about. Like April, she has cursed hair. Whenever she tries to change it, it returns to the bowlcut. Even shaving her head does not keep the bowl re-formation at bay! Dee is like a single, working mother with two small children and one big one. She and Carleen might have found a brilliant way to give themselves more time away from their "men" while robot counterparts do their domestic work.
Jeremy Jones
howtheduck
Jeremy once tried to run over April on his bike, but of course he got hit by a car. Because bad things happen to people who are mean to Pattersons. Of course, he's probably just mean to her because he likes her. And he probably wants to be in the band when/if it gets back together. Jeremy was working as Becky's roadie and they had an on-again/off-again relationship, that Becky refused to define it that way. After an ugly break-up with Becky, Jeremy very briefly rekindled a relationship with Tangi Origami, a girl with serious eating disorders. When she mistakenly thought Jeremy was making remarks about her having a "spare tire," they broke up once again. Jeremy dated Alexandra Love for a while, but the she eventually broke up with him. He and Becky re-established whatever it was they'd had before, but that ended when Eva was visible only to Jeremy, following her erasure. A while after her unerasing, Eva and Jeremy coupled up, though she feels strangely compelled to flirt with Duncan. Jeremy became fake-betrothed to Becky in September 2006, against his will.
During the summer of 2007, he might have died while valiantly rescuing Honoria Forsythe and Bronson Van Daam from death by tulips.
mst3k4evr originated this role on ARB.
Shannon Lake
howtheduck
Shannon. . . speaks . . . with . . . many . . . . ellipses. Shannon has an older brother named Blair. Her mother, Philandrea Lake, was recently assigned the case of Elly Patterson, following the unfortunate incident of the rancid chicken wrap. Now that Eva is bad-mouthing Becky to April, Shannon feels her "job" has been usurped.
cookie77 of binky_betsy originated this role at ARB. howtheduck has been posting as Shannon quite a bit, though at times aprilp_katje has been known to do a Shannon post.
Kortney Krelbutz
(available)
Former employee of Elly Patterson. Moira fired her for stealing because Elly was too wussy to do it herself. Kortney had no choice but to be evil, what with her "evil double K" name. She threatened April, but Elly refused to believe it. Good mothering! Howard has recently brought out the softer side of Kortney, who went on a wild adventure with him, culminating in Las Vegas. After staying in Vegas for a while, Kortney became engaged to Thorvald McGuire, who wanted to go ahead and have a Viking wedding before his divorce was actually final. During the course of the ceremony, an unwelcome guest revealed that Kortney had actually been born "Kurt" and was still genetically male. Thorvald, though bisexual, called off the wedding, as he wanted to marry someone who could produce an heir.
mst3k4evr originated this role on ARB.
Gordon Mayes
(available)
Friend to Michael Patterson. Successful garage mechanic, car dealer, restaurateur, and possibly the Godfather of Milborough. Rumo(u)r has it that he's also the mysterious Shackelford, proprietor of "The Roadside" and "The Gig," and possibly other less-than-savory joints. According to Tracey, after he moved beyond his "Godfather" fantasies and is had a wanna-be gansta phase before going back to his usual "Gordo" persona.
Tracey Mayes
(available)
Wife to Gordon and stay-at-home mom, Tracey has some self-esteem issues. For a while, she seemed to have pulled herself together as the brains behind the Mayes empire, however, and with Howard's help, she turned the restaurant and Mayes Midtown Motor into one of Milborough's most popular eateries. Unfortunately, after Howard left his job with the restaurant, Tracey decided to try an unfortunate Austrian theme for the restaurant. Eventually, Gordon turned the management of the restaurant over to Anthony Caine, and Tracey has since developed a worrisome drinking habit.
qnjones initiated this role at ARB.
Candace Halloran
Revolving/available
Liz's friend and former college roommate. Candace has lately demonstrated some strange proclivities.
qnjones has done some posting as Candace, and so has howtheduck.
Vicki Simone*
greytail088
Vicki is Marjee Mahaha's other half-sister. She is half Native-Canadian and half French-Canadian. Her mother, Marilyn Whirlwind Simone, taught the Creative Nonfiction class that Elly Patterson, Melanie Forsythe, Arne Larson, and Mae Thomas took at the Milborough College of Arts, Technology, and Tractor-Pulling. See Vicki's Blogger profile.
Marjee Mahaha*
aprilp_katje
Marjee is Becky's half-sister, as well as Vicki Simone's half-sister. Marjee is a hairdresser who works at the salon two doors down from Elly's former shop, Lilliput's. Her ex-boyfriend, Maynard Mahoney, is a bodybuilder who worked in a warehouse until he was arrested and imprisoned for his most recent illegal scheme. Before her break-up with Maynard, Marjee had not been without a boyfriend since age thirteen. Her relationship with Maynard was an "open" one. She saw this as preferable to the dishonesty she'd experienced with boyfriends who cheated on her. Shortly after meeting Becky, Marjee gave birth to a little girl whom she gave up for adoption. The father of the girl, a boyfriend named Devon Brown, left her for another woman, claiming she was developing a "navet nose." While with Maynard, Marjee unfortunately purchased her birth control from Dee, and went through an ectopic pregnancy, causing her nearly to lose a fallopian tube. Marjee has become close with Howard, who works with her at Sugar's salon, and now she and Howard are fake-engaged, at the request of Howard's attorney, Mr. Benis. Her first post at ARB appeared on July 5, 2005. See more background on Marjee at Becky's blog.
Anthony Caine
eeknight
Liz's high-school boyfriend, with whom she broke up just before they went off to university. While unhappily married to Thérèse, Anthony convinced her to have a baby although she had not wanted to have one. During the first year after Thérèse gave birth, Anthony stayed home to take care of baby Françoise, while defrauding the Canadian government (taking paternity leave while secretly continuing to work for Gordo). Anthony is in the process of divorcing Thérèse and hopes to marry Liz one day. He is now manager of the restaurant at Mayes Midtown Motors.
Thérèse Caine
aprilp_katje/Rotating
Anthony's wife. According to Anthony, Thérèse has no interest in caring for their "little one," preferring instead to focus on her career. When baby Françoise was born, Thérèse was reviled for having a cash-only baby shower.
She left Anthony in April of 2006, and their divorce has since become final.
ellcee initiated this role at ARB.
Maxine Hébert
greytail088
A friend of Dee's who is French-Canadian and looking for Mr. Right.
Lovey Saltzman
Big Al
Mike and Dee's quirky Polish-Jewish landlady. Lovey uses Yiddish expressions (both real and imagined), and apparently does not keep kosher, as she was prepared to turn Mr. B into bunny-rabbit stew. Lovey would like to evict Melville and Winnie Kelpfroth, but to her dismay, they have rights as tenants.
Morrie Saltzman, aka "Invisible Morrie"
InvisiMorrie
Heard once, but never [as yet] seen in the strip, Morrie is apparently kept hidden, according to Lovey's preference. He was unhappy about their recent move to a condo, and he has been sneaking out of the house to work as a co-editor with Howard at Portrait magazine (position vacated by Michael Patterson)
Howard Bunt
howtheduck
Howard "went after" Liz, but has since come to April's blog with evidence that the attack was a fake, staged event designed to get Liz back together with Anthony. He has become a "big brother" figure to Becky, he has given her voice lessons, became her live-in housekeeper, and is now her fiancé, despite his preference for men. Becky is still allowed to date.
Although it seemed as though Howard might have to face a sentence of 18 months to two years, Tracey Mayes has been able to use her influence with the Johnston Institute For Better Living to have his charges "conveniently forgotten." Or at least this was the case until September of 2006, when the JiFBL responded to pressure from disgruntled non-monthly-letter readers who believed Howard had not been dealt with at all. Suddenly, his story has been retconned so that he has been under surveillance for a year and is to face a trial in October 2006.
Howard worked as a "shampoo girl" at Sugar's salon. He also used to be Becky's live-in housekeeper, but Krystle (Becky's mother) fired him when his legal troubles resumed. He also used to perform at the Valhalla, Thorvald McGuire's supper club, until it burned in an arson fire. See Howard's blog.
After being freed on appeal due to the botching of his trial in the Milborough court system, Howard was able to go from being an unpaid co-editor at Portrait (work-release program) to a paid editor.
Billy Keane
mst3k4evr
Billy has been seven years old for a very, very long time.
Brian Dribbledraph*
mst3k4evr
Brian is April's age. He moved to Milborough from Detroit, MI, USA during the summer of 2005.
Jason Fox
schmooooo
10-year-old computer whiz Jason has been posting on the blog and helping April and Becky with some computer issues. He promises to tutor Becky in math, and he recently outed Gerald as a notorious message-board poster known as "The C."
Luann DeGroot
luanndegroot
Luann is a teenage girl who loves her friends and tolerates her older brother. April can relate!
Rob Wilco
luanndegroot
Rob is owned by Bucky Katt and Satchel Pooch.
Brenda Starr
schmooooo
For a while, Ms. Starr was investigating some of the stranger aspects of Milborough, Ontario. With Howard's help, she discovered that the Johnston Institute For Better Living is likely behind them.
Ardith Narayan
Available
Ardith, Dee's friend and former babysitter, had a job caring for Grandpa Jim for a while, shortly after he had taken to doggie-napping Dixie and gorging on cookies. Until their move back to Milborough, she was again providing childcare for the Pattersons-redux.
Constable Paul Wright
howtheduck
After Elly "accidentally" left her prescription sunglasses at his "detachment" in Otter County, Paul made a special trip to Mtigwaki to return them to Liz. There were sparks, and were dating for a little over a year. But Paul's relationship with Liz became endangered when she moved back to Milborough. He'd made two transfer requests to be closer to Liz; one for Spruce Narrows (near Mtigwaki) and one near Toronto. Stunningly, he did not cancel the first when making the second, and the requests did not transfer each other out. When Liz visited Mtigwaki in January of 2007 (arriving a day early through Warren Blackwood's machinations and pilotry) she learned that Paul and Susan were a couple; Paul was staying with her at the teacherage and his Spruce Narrows transfer had been processed.
Alexandra Love*
adrianne_p
Alexandra began as an anonymous poster, as she was worried that her mother, who does not approve of April, would discover that the girls know one another. After her mother learned of their connection, Alexandra decided she might as well use her real name. She drinks prodigious amounts of coffee and is new to Milborough. Alexandra moved here from upstate NY. The reason being her parents saw better job opportunities. With Dee being (a?) the pharmacist the birth rate hasn't dropped in Milborough since the 1950s, which was good news for Alexandra's mother, a delivery nurse. The apparent death rate in Milborough was equally good news for Alexandra's father, a funeral director.
Alex and Jeremy dated for a while, but she ultimately dumped him. She and her family ended up moving back to New York State following a family crisis involving an aunt who was selling her bookstore, Brobdignag's.
Keesha Grant
aprilp_katje
Keesha was, for some unknown reason, Elly Patterson's preferred match for Duncan when he was dating Kimmi LaSalle. They started to date after Kimmi ran into trouble with the law and was incarcerated. However, this relationship was short-lived. Keesha became jealous of the attention Duncan was paying to Becky at the big Brenda Starr party, and she even got into a fist fight with Becky over him at this swanky affair. She left the party in a huff after telling off Duncan. Keesha's father is a minister. The Grants know the Lakes well enough to have had them over for (Canadian) Thanksgiving.
Jesse Mukwa
schmooooo
Jesse is a young student of Liz's who is unusually attached to her. Currently, he finds Liz's new relationship with Paul Wright very threatening.
Eva Abuya
aprilp_katje
Eva and April sat together on the bus in the fall of 2005, and April included her in the list of schoolmates with clear skin when she complained to Elly. It was fairly obvious that Eva was to be April's new friend. Before we knew her name, we were referring to her as NotBecky. For a long time, she displayed little or no personality in the few strips where she appeared--then when she did display a personality, she made crazy cowboy analogies and snotty remarks about Becky.
Eva went through a difficult time when she discovered, to her chagrin, that she had been erased. Jeremy was the only character who could see her. During this time, no one else had any memory of her. Eventually, she was able to become corporeal again by doing things she had never done before. After she returned to visible/hearable/touchable form, she began to display some changes, both in her appearance and personality. She looked as though she'd had her skin bleached and her nose altered, and she began using strange cowboy analogies. She also developed an odd smirk and found herself wanting to flirt with Duncan, despite having paired off with Jeremy.
adrianne_p originated this role.
Warren Blackwood
(available)/rotating
Warren is the dashing helicopter pilot Liz met during university. He has a habit of dropping in and out of her life at interesting moments.
Zandra Larson
susannamoodie
Zandra is a goth girl who, as of fall 2007, is attending UToronto. Duncan began to interact with her in the 2005-06 academic year due to his lawyer-suggested involvement in drama club. Zandra's parents and teachers are still under the misguided assumption that her name is Sandra. Zandra and Duncan slowly began to like each other and eventually began to date. She didn't like the way Eva behaves around her boyfriend, and for various reasons, she and Duncan broke up. Her family moved to Toronto in the summer of 2007. Zandra has a blog, We So Seldom Look on Love.
Iris Richards
underpantz
Second wife of Jim Richards; Elly Patterson's stepmother. Iris has kids and grandkids of her own, but she rarely sees them because they are not as important as Richards-Patterson offspring!
Tricky Woo
Gabe
Tricky Woo is the mom-cat of Bucky Katt, of "Get Fuzzy." She occasionally drops in to share her feline perspective.
*Characters that posters have invented.
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If you do decide to start posting as a character, please let us know in the comments to this entry, so I can add you to the chart. :)
Character
Username/Nickname
Comments
April Patterson
aprilp_katje
April Marian Patterson was born on April 1, 1991, to (nearly) 40-year-old Elly Patterson. An "oops" baby, she was her mother's "April Fool's" joke that year. Now that she's a teenager, her parents act as if she's a hellion, though she's about as mild as teenagers can be. April has cursed hair, which springs into that awful propellor bun against her will! No one is sure what she might have done to deserve all the fugly she develops on a regular basis. More on April at her "real" blog.
Becky McGuire
qnjones
Though she used to be April's best friend, they are not as close as they used to be. (Though they are better friends at ARB than in the strip!) Becky and Jeremy had a sorta-bf/gf, but not really relationship for a while, but this ended over a misunderstanding regarding some comments Jeremy made about Becky's weight. Becky quickly replaced him with Duncan, but was stung when she didn't get from him the jealousy response she expected. She temporarily reunited with Jeremy after his break-up with Alexandra, but that ended when Becky had the chance to date the studly Drew Fontaine. Drew turned out to be a user, though, and eventually Becky dumped him. She is currently engaged to Howard, despite his homosexuality. Their engagement does not preclude Becky dating, though. She recently had a brief relationship with a blind boy name Nolan, aka "No." Since he was blind, Becky knew she didn't like him solely for her good looks. They broke up at the insistence of Nolan's mother, who found Becky's life to be unsavory and scandalous. When Howard became fake-engaged to Marjee Mahaha, Becky's half-sister, Becky and her father Thorvald smuggled Jeremy Jones to the Dominican Republic for a fake betrothal ceremony to Becky (to Eva Abuya's consternation).
Becky's parents are now officially divorced. Her mother is engaged to and living with Dr. Ted McCaulay/ey. Before the divorce was final, Thorvald almost had a Viking wedding to Kortney Krelbutz (but an old friend of Kortney's revealed that Thorvald's bride had begun life as a man, Kurt. He ended up in a Viking marriage to the Icelandic Thora, but they split up after she'd had a hysterical pregnancy and turned out to be infertile, as Thorvald's motive for wedding her had been to father a male heir.
Since leaving 4-Evah, following her solo début at the grade-eight grad, Becky (aka Rebeccah) has had a meteoric rise to fame. Becky, Howard, and Jeremy all wrote comments documenting Becky's tour this past summer, and now Becky has released her second album. The pressure of fame is getting to her.
Learn more about Becky at her blog.
Gerald Forsythe
qnjones
April's boyfriend; his last name is "Forsythe," but it used to be "Delaney." Gerald is a mixture of innocence and the usual teenage horndog qualities. He grudgingly accepts April's decision not to go past third base before they're 16 (April and Becky pinky-swore!)
Honoria Forsythe
howtheduck/aprilp_katje
Honoria is Gerald's sister. She is two years younger than Gerald, and has transferred to the Angus Martin Public School for grade eight, after being expelled from the boarding school her mother had insisted she attend. In the strip, there was one reference to a sister--when Gerald and April were eight years old and the sister was six.
After Jeremy Jones ostensibly lost his life saving Honoria and her ex, Bronson Van Daam at the tulip festival, Honoria became engaged to Bronson and has returned to Cashwell Day School.
Duncan Anderson
the_berserker
April's friend, aka "MC DunC." Has gotten into trouble for his voyeurism. Duncan has had a bit of an identity crisis, but his rep is starting to get decidedly cooler (and studlier). It does not hurt that he has dated Kimmi LaSalle and Keesha Grant, and had a quasi-bf/gf relationship with. While he was pining after Kimmi LaSalle, who found her nunly vocation while at Catholic Military Reform School in Ottawa, he became friendly with then-grade-11 (now grade 12) goth girl Zandra Larson, who was in drama club with him. They slowly progressed to boyfriend/girlfriend. According to Zandra, "Usually around the end of every month Duncan gets nervous and preoccupied for some reason. He says he can't explain it very much, except that it seems like someone is about to rearrange his life suddenly. Then, after the month starts, he calms down." Certain forces, namely Elly and a Northern witch, apparently want Duncan and Eva to be a couple. When Elly altered April's September, 2006 monthly letter to say these two are "together," Elly told her that "it's going to happen." Duncan and Zandra argue otherwise. He and Eva traded derisive remarks about Becky in September 2006.
As of the fall of 2007, it is uncertain whether Duncan will ever return to Milborough from Barbados.
Kimmi LaSalle
aprilp_katje
Kimmi had an ill-fated relationship with Duncan, which began with kissing and "studying." Kimmi gained some notoriety by offering Duncan a private "rainbow party," but adults and circumstances intervened and he never managed to experience this with her. It is unclear so far whether Kimmi is a bonafide roadside gig, or whether she was putting on a front to impress Duncan. Kimmi signs her posts "kiMMi <3 <3 <3." Kimmi had a few run-ins with the law, involving shoplifting, credit-card fraud and, most recently, assault (throwing hot coffee into Duncan's lap when he broke up with her). After spending the remainder of the fall semester in the Milborough Youth Detention Centre, Kimmi was shipped off to a Catholic military reform school in Ottawa. During the summer, Kimmi was back for a visit. Duncan had assumed that when Kimmi had written to her that she'd found her "vocation," she meant she was to be a nun. On the contrary, Kimmi had come to embrace the "military" part of her instruction. Though she did confuse everyone by wearing a nun's habit, even when she went to the Toronto goth club The Vatikan, on its last night.
Elizabeth Patterson
qnjones
April's older sister, teaches up in Mtigwaki. Through her mother's machinations, Elizabeth has met the handsome Constable Paul Wright, and they have begun to date. Suspiciously, Liz developed a debilitating case of "homesickness" after she learned from April's e-mail that Anthony was divorcing Thérèse.
With her return south, Liz felt the need to buy a car, and naturally she had to buy from Gordo "Anthony's Employer" Mayes. Anthony insinuated himself into her test drive in order to tell her what a wonderful single father he's not he is.
After completing a summer teaching gig in Mississauga, Liz was conveniently offered a full-time position teaching grade four at the Glenallen Elementary school, which is miraculously located in Milborough. Instead of finding an apartment right away, Liz moved back into the house to live like a teenager while seeking the "ideal" apartment (whatever that means). In September 2006, Liz was served with a subpoena to testify in the trial against Howard "Go-After" Bunt. Anthony, of course, was also issued a subpoena, and grasped upon this excuse to come over to the house and discuss the case with Liz.
Liz's relationship with Paul ended in January 2007, after Warren took her up to Mtigwaki a day earlier than expected, and she found him "with" Susan. It looks as though it's only a matter of time before she ends up with Anthony. They reconnected at Shawna-Marie's wedding during the summer of 2007.
schmooooo originated this role, and aprilp_katje filled in with some Liz posts before qnjones's decision to take on the role as of January 19, 2006.
Michael Patterson
howtheduck
April's big brother. Michael is the editor-in-chief of Portrait magazine and supposedly a gifted writer, though we have yet to see any concrete evidence to support that theory. Not too long ago, Michael endeavored to "modernize" Romeo and Juliet, the result of which was the much-maligned Romie & Julie which drew at least as much from Michael's life and obsessions as from Shakespeare's original. For some unknown reason, Michael has decided he wants to convince the world that April intentionally killed both Farley and Mr. B. With Dunc's help, April has found a lawyer willing to pursue a libel case against Michael if needbe. Michael has a habit of forgetting his children's names, which is probably due to his spending inordinate amounts of time holed up in his attic hideout. For a while, it looked as though Michael might not have replaced Dee with a Dee-bot.
In December of 2007, a fire drove Mike, Dee, and their children from their apartment in Toronto. They squatted at the Pattermanse in Milborough until John convinced Elly that they should sell the family house to Mike and buy the TTH (teen-tiny train house; formerly the Stibbs house) for themselves and What's-'er-name April in the spring. While still squatting at the family house, he quit his job at Portrait rather than face having to lay off an employee. He has written and had accepted for publication a novel of dubious quality, Stone Season. With the usual Patterson luck, he was given a $25K advance.
phatsmacky originated this role.
Deanna Patterson
ellcee
Michael's wife. Dee is a pharmacist, but we don't recommend that you rely on her expertise for advice on effective birth control. She might also have a side job that she doesn't want Michael to know about. Like April, she has cursed hair. Whenever she tries to change it, it returns to the bowlcut. Even shaving her head does not keep the bowl re-formation at bay! Dee is like a single, working mother with two small children and one big one. She and Carleen might have found a brilliant way to give themselves more time away from their "men" while robot counterparts do their domestic work.
Jeremy Jones
howtheduck
Jeremy once tried to run over April on his bike, but of course he got hit by a car. Because bad things happen to people who are mean to Pattersons. Of course, he's probably just mean to her because he likes her. And he probably wants to be in the band when/if it gets back together. Jeremy was working as Becky's roadie and they had an on-again/off-again relationship, that Becky refused to define it that way. After an ugly break-up with Becky, Jeremy very briefly rekindled a relationship with Tangi Origami, a girl with serious eating disorders. When she mistakenly thought Jeremy was making remarks about her having a "spare tire," they broke up once again. Jeremy dated Alexandra Love for a while, but the she eventually broke up with him. He and Becky re-established whatever it was they'd had before, but that ended when Eva was visible only to Jeremy, following her erasure. A while after her unerasing, Eva and Jeremy coupled up, though she feels strangely compelled to flirt with Duncan. Jeremy became fake-betrothed to Becky in September 2006, against his will.
During the summer of 2007, he might have died while valiantly rescuing Honoria Forsythe and Bronson Van Daam from death by tulips.
mst3k4evr originated this role on ARB.
Shannon Lake
howtheduck
Shannon. . . speaks . . . with . . . many . . . . ellipses. Shannon has an older brother named Blair. Her mother, Philandrea Lake, was recently assigned the case of Elly Patterson, following the unfortunate incident of the rancid chicken wrap. Now that Eva is bad-mouthing Becky to April, Shannon feels her "job" has been usurped.
cookie77 of binky_betsy originated this role at ARB. howtheduck has been posting as Shannon quite a bit, though at times aprilp_katje has been known to do a Shannon post.
Kortney Krelbutz
(available)
Former employee of Elly Patterson. Moira fired her for stealing because Elly was too wussy to do it herself. Kortney had no choice but to be evil, what with her "evil double K" name. She threatened April, but Elly refused to believe it. Good mothering! Howard has recently brought out the softer side of Kortney, who went on a wild adventure with him, culminating in Las Vegas. After staying in Vegas for a while, Kortney became engaged to Thorvald McGuire, who wanted to go ahead and have a Viking wedding before his divorce was actually final. During the course of the ceremony, an unwelcome guest revealed that Kortney had actually been born "Kurt" and was still genetically male. Thorvald, though bisexual, called off the wedding, as he wanted to marry someone who could produce an heir.
mst3k4evr originated this role on ARB.
Gordon Mayes
(available)
Friend to Michael Patterson. Successful garage mechanic, car dealer, restaurateur, and possibly the Godfather of Milborough. Rumo(u)r has it that he's also the mysterious Shackelford, proprietor of "The Roadside" and "The Gig," and possibly other less-than-savory joints. According to Tracey, after he moved beyond his "Godfather" fantasies and is had a wanna-be gansta phase before going back to his usual "Gordo" persona.
Tracey Mayes
(available)
Wife to Gordon and stay-at-home mom, Tracey has some self-esteem issues. For a while, she seemed to have pulled herself together as the brains behind the Mayes empire, however, and with Howard's help, she turned the restaurant and Mayes Midtown Motor into one of Milborough's most popular eateries. Unfortunately, after Howard left his job with the restaurant, Tracey decided to try an unfortunate Austrian theme for the restaurant. Eventually, Gordon turned the management of the restaurant over to Anthony Caine, and Tracey has since developed a worrisome drinking habit.
qnjones initiated this role at ARB.
Candace Halloran
Revolving/available
Liz's friend and former college roommate. Candace has lately demonstrated some strange proclivities.
qnjones has done some posting as Candace, and so has howtheduck.
Vicki Simone*
greytail088
Vicki is Marjee Mahaha's other half-sister. She is half Native-Canadian and half French-Canadian. Her mother, Marilyn Whirlwind Simone, taught the Creative Nonfiction class that Elly Patterson, Melanie Forsythe, Arne Larson, and Mae Thomas took at the Milborough College of Arts, Technology, and Tractor-Pulling. See Vicki's Blogger profile.
Marjee Mahaha*
aprilp_katje
Marjee is Becky's half-sister, as well as Vicki Simone's half-sister. Marjee is a hairdresser who works at the salon two doors down from Elly's former shop, Lilliput's. Her ex-boyfriend, Maynard Mahoney, is a bodybuilder who worked in a warehouse until he was arrested and imprisoned for his most recent illegal scheme. Before her break-up with Maynard, Marjee had not been without a boyfriend since age thirteen. Her relationship with Maynard was an "open" one. She saw this as preferable to the dishonesty she'd experienced with boyfriends who cheated on her. Shortly after meeting Becky, Marjee gave birth to a little girl whom she gave up for adoption. The father of the girl, a boyfriend named Devon Brown, left her for another woman, claiming she was developing a "navet nose." While with Maynard, Marjee unfortunately purchased her birth control from Dee, and went through an ectopic pregnancy, causing her nearly to lose a fallopian tube. Marjee has become close with Howard, who works with her at Sugar's salon, and now she and Howard are fake-engaged, at the request of Howard's attorney, Mr. Benis. Her first post at ARB appeared on July 5, 2005. See more background on Marjee at Becky's blog.
Anthony Caine
eeknight
Liz's high-school boyfriend, with whom she broke up just before they went off to university. While unhappily married to Thérèse, Anthony convinced her to have a baby although she had not wanted to have one. During the first year after Thérèse gave birth, Anthony stayed home to take care of baby Françoise, while defrauding the Canadian government (taking paternity leave while secretly continuing to work for Gordo). Anthony is in the process of divorcing Thérèse and hopes to marry Liz one day. He is now manager of the restaurant at Mayes Midtown Motors.
Thérèse Caine
aprilp_katje/Rotating
Anthony's wife. According to Anthony, Thérèse has no interest in caring for their "little one," preferring instead to focus on her career. When baby Françoise was born, Thérèse was reviled for having a cash-only baby shower.
She left Anthony in April of 2006, and their divorce has since become final.
ellcee initiated this role at ARB.
Maxine Hébert
greytail088
A friend of Dee's who is French-Canadian and looking for Mr. Right.
Lovey Saltzman
Big Al
Mike and Dee's quirky Polish-Jewish landlady. Lovey uses Yiddish expressions (both real and imagined), and apparently does not keep kosher, as she was prepared to turn Mr. B into bunny-rabbit stew. Lovey would like to evict Melville and Winnie Kelpfroth, but to her dismay, they have rights as tenants.
Morrie Saltzman, aka "Invisible Morrie"
InvisiMorrie
Heard once, but never [as yet] seen in the strip, Morrie is apparently kept hidden, according to Lovey's preference. He was unhappy about their recent move to a condo, and he has been sneaking out of the house to work as a co-editor with Howard at Portrait magazine (position vacated by Michael Patterson)
Howard Bunt
howtheduck
Howard "went after" Liz, but has since come to April's blog with evidence that the attack was a fake, staged event designed to get Liz back together with Anthony. He has become a "big brother" figure to Becky, he has given her voice lessons, became her live-in housekeeper, and is now her fiancé, despite his preference for men. Becky is still allowed to date.
Although it seemed as though Howard might have to face a sentence of 18 months to two years, Tracey Mayes has been able to use her influence with the Johnston Institute For Better Living to have his charges "conveniently forgotten." Or at least this was the case until September of 2006, when the JiFBL responded to pressure from disgruntled non-monthly-letter readers who believed Howard had not been dealt with at all. Suddenly, his story has been retconned so that he has been under surveillance for a year and is to face a trial in October 2006.
Howard worked as a "shampoo girl" at Sugar's salon. He also used to be Becky's live-in housekeeper, but Krystle (Becky's mother) fired him when his legal troubles resumed. He also used to perform at the Valhalla, Thorvald McGuire's supper club, until it burned in an arson fire. See Howard's blog.
After being freed on appeal due to the botching of his trial in the Milborough court system, Howard was able to go from being an unpaid co-editor at Portrait (work-release program) to a paid editor.
Billy Keane
mst3k4evr
Billy has been seven years old for a very, very long time.
Brian Dribbledraph*
mst3k4evr
Brian is April's age. He moved to Milborough from Detroit, MI, USA during the summer of 2005.
Jason Fox
schmooooo
10-year-old computer whiz Jason has been posting on the blog and helping April and Becky with some computer issues. He promises to tutor Becky in math, and he recently outed Gerald as a notorious message-board poster known as "The C."
Luann DeGroot
luanndegroot
Luann is a teenage girl who loves her friends and tolerates her older brother. April can relate!
Rob Wilco
luanndegroot
Rob is owned by Bucky Katt and Satchel Pooch.
Brenda Starr
schmooooo
For a while, Ms. Starr was investigating some of the stranger aspects of Milborough, Ontario. With Howard's help, she discovered that the Johnston Institute For Better Living is likely behind them.
Ardith Narayan
Available
Ardith, Dee's friend and former babysitter, had a job caring for Grandpa Jim for a while, shortly after he had taken to doggie-napping Dixie and gorging on cookies. Until their move back to Milborough, she was again providing childcare for the Pattersons-redux.
Constable Paul Wright
howtheduck
After Elly "accidentally" left her prescription sunglasses at his "detachment" in Otter County, Paul made a special trip to Mtigwaki to return them to Liz. There were sparks, and were dating for a little over a year. But Paul's relationship with Liz became endangered when she moved back to Milborough. He'd made two transfer requests to be closer to Liz; one for Spruce Narrows (near Mtigwaki) and one near Toronto. Stunningly, he did not cancel the first when making the second, and the requests did not transfer each other out. When Liz visited Mtigwaki in January of 2007 (arriving a day early through Warren Blackwood's machinations and pilotry) she learned that Paul and Susan were a couple; Paul was staying with her at the teacherage and his Spruce Narrows transfer had been processed.
Alexandra Love*
adrianne_p
Alexandra began as an anonymous poster, as she was worried that her mother, who does not approve of April, would discover that the girls know one another. After her mother learned of their connection, Alexandra decided she might as well use her real name. She drinks prodigious amounts of coffee and is new to Milborough. Alexandra moved here from upstate NY. The reason being her parents saw better job opportunities. With Dee being (a?) the pharmacist the birth rate hasn't dropped in Milborough since the 1950s, which was good news for Alexandra's mother, a delivery nurse. The apparent death rate in Milborough was equally good news for Alexandra's father, a funeral director.
Alex and Jeremy dated for a while, but she ultimately dumped him. She and her family ended up moving back to New York State following a family crisis involving an aunt who was selling her bookstore, Brobdignag's.
Keesha Grant
aprilp_katje
Keesha was, for some unknown reason, Elly Patterson's preferred match for Duncan when he was dating Kimmi LaSalle. They started to date after Kimmi ran into trouble with the law and was incarcerated. However, this relationship was short-lived. Keesha became jealous of the attention Duncan was paying to Becky at the big Brenda Starr party, and she even got into a fist fight with Becky over him at this swanky affair. She left the party in a huff after telling off Duncan. Keesha's father is a minister. The Grants know the Lakes well enough to have had them over for (Canadian) Thanksgiving.
Jesse Mukwa
schmooooo
Jesse is a young student of Liz's who is unusually attached to her. Currently, he finds Liz's new relationship with Paul Wright very threatening.
Eva Abuya
aprilp_katje
Eva and April sat together on the bus in the fall of 2005, and April included her in the list of schoolmates with clear skin when she complained to Elly. It was fairly obvious that Eva was to be April's new friend. Before we knew her name, we were referring to her as NotBecky. For a long time, she displayed little or no personality in the few strips where she appeared--then when she did display a personality, she made crazy cowboy analogies and snotty remarks about Becky.
Eva went through a difficult time when she discovered, to her chagrin, that she had been erased. Jeremy was the only character who could see her. During this time, no one else had any memory of her. Eventually, she was able to become corporeal again by doing things she had never done before. After she returned to visible/hearable/touchable form, she began to display some changes, both in her appearance and personality. She looked as though she'd had her skin bleached and her nose altered, and she began using strange cowboy analogies. She also developed an odd smirk and found herself wanting to flirt with Duncan, despite having paired off with Jeremy.
adrianne_p originated this role.
Warren Blackwood
(available)/rotating
Warren is the dashing helicopter pilot Liz met during university. He has a habit of dropping in and out of her life at interesting moments.
Zandra Larson
susannamoodie
Zandra is a goth girl who, as of fall 2007, is attending UToronto. Duncan began to interact with her in the 2005-06 academic year due to his lawyer-suggested involvement in drama club. Zandra's parents and teachers are still under the misguided assumption that her name is Sandra. Zandra and Duncan slowly began to like each other and eventually began to date. She didn't like the way Eva behaves around her boyfriend, and for various reasons, she and Duncan broke up. Her family moved to Toronto in the summer of 2007. Zandra has a blog, We So Seldom Look on Love.
Iris Richards
underpantz
Second wife of Jim Richards; Elly Patterson's stepmother. Iris has kids and grandkids of her own, but she rarely sees them because they are not as important as Richards-Patterson offspring!
Tricky Woo
Gabe
Tricky Woo is the mom-cat of Bucky Katt, of "Get Fuzzy." She occasionally drops in to share her feline perspective.
*Characters that posters have invented.
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