the salt you breathed
Title: the salt you breathed
Rating: p for profanity
Length: 1800 words
Pairing: tao/kris
kris doesn’t think much of zitao the first time he sees him. kris has been training for three years and has seen trainees come and go, with varying degrees of talent and drive. only the strong survive and zitao seems weak in all the wrong ways.
“you can fall in love with me if you want” kris tells him “but i’ll never love you”
he doesn’t know why he says it. it’s not something one guy should say to another at their first meeting. but there’s a glint of something in zitao’s eyes as he stares up at kris, as though kris is made of something beautiful and he wants to touch.
“okay” zitao replies and it’s not a denial. he doesn’t even sound surprised or upset at the insinuation that he is destined to fall into unrequited love with kris.
and then he smiles and it’s not a nice smile, more of a knowing smirk. and kris thinks that maybe he’s underestimated zitao after all.
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he returns to his original opinion later though. he watches zitao struggle through korean and struggle through dancing and struggle through singing and thinks i was right he won’t make it.
and most of all he watches zitao fall into a painfully obvious crush on him with no hesitation or apparent shame.
“it isn’t okay” he complains to chanyeol “shouldn’t he be embarrassed? normal people don’t just...act like that. especially not about other guys.”
“i don’t know. i think it’s cute” chanyeol replies with a shrug “he seems pretty naive. he probably just thinks he’s acting like a really eager friend.”
but kris remembers that smirk during their first meeting and the way zitao watches him, eyes full of something, and he knows better. no, zitao knows exactly what he’s doing and kris hates that he doesn’t.
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kris gets a girlfriend a few months after zitao joins the company. he’s lasted longer than kris thought he would and he’s steadily improving in everything he does. kris reluctantly thinks that maybe he’ll be sticking around after all.
so he gets a girlfriend.
he tells himself that it has nothing to do with zitao and wanting to watch his face fall when he finds out but he’s never been very good at lying to himself. she’s a fellow chinese trainee, pretty and petite and shy. he spends three weeks holding her hand and kissing her cheek and waiting for zitao’s heartbreak.
but it never comes. zitao just watches and smiles that smile, like he can see inside all the dark corners of kris’ heart and finds all his secrets amusing.
so kris breaks up with her and wishes that her crying face were zitao’s instead.
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“i really don’t like you very much” kris tells zitao one day
“okay” zitao replies wearing that same smile that kris hates
but it’s not okay because zitao comes to dance practice the next day with the mark of someone else’s mouth on his collarbone and kris feels more angry than he thinks he ever has before in his life.
“what the fuck is this” he hisses and presses a finger hard into the mark that isn’t his
“yunho has been helping me with my dancing” zitao says calmly “he gets very... hands-on”
and kris almost can’t breathe from how furious he is because what the fuck. yunho is older and famous and handsome and respected and zitao is a fucking nobody with poor social skills and too heavy eyebags who doesn’t even know how to have a crush properly.
but kris also sees the shift of firm muscles under zitao’s skin and his sharp eyes and curving lips and maybe understands it after all. but he shoves that down along with the knowledge that zitao has quite possibly been having copious amounts of sex while kris was desperately trying to ignore him because those are not things he wants to think about.
“you can’t” kris says and he hates how desperate he sounds “you’re supposed to be in love with me”
“i never said i was in love with you” zitao replies. he sounds amused. kris wants to tear him apart and leave him bleeding and broken on the floor but he’s beginning to think that maybe he never really had that power.
“you back hug me for selcas. you follow me around. you beg for me to go places with you. you watch me.” he’s almost pleading now. he doesn’t know how things got so turned around but he’s never felt more out-of-control with a person before.
“that’s true. i guess i am pretty in love with you.” and zitao shrugs like saying that is normal and like everything he’s been doing is normal and it’s not.
“then don’t fuck other people” kris snaps and regrets it instantly because saying that makes it sound like he actually cares and he doesn’t, he can’t.
“okay” zitao says with that stupid smirk on his face and then walks away.
what. the. fuck.
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kris thinks that maybe all of it was bullshit, part of some weird plan that zitao has thought up to torment him.
but yunho comes to watch them practice a few days later and he looks tired in a way kris has never seen before. he stands by the door and watches zitao, eyes lingering over the lines of his body as he moves through the familiar steps.
oh god they really did fuck kris thinks and that knowledge burns through him.
yunho leaves after half an hour. zitao never even looks at him.
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he likes to think about zitao on his knees with kris’ cock stretching his mouth wide. he can’t talk or smile because his mouth is too busy sucking kris deep and moaning because he loves the taste and feel of him on his tongue.
sometimes kris thinks about other things too like cupping zitao’s face in his hands and kissing him long and slow and deep. but he shoves those thoughts away and replaces them with images of zitao on his knees begging for kris to fuck him.
kris doesn’t call them fantasies even though they’re the only things on his mind as he wraps his hand around his cock every night.
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by the time it’s officially announced that they will be debuting in a group together kris has mostly gotten used to the idea. zitao ended up being a lot stronger than kris expected.
things mostly stay the same until zitao and baekhyun fall into a strange close friendship and zitao’s crush on kris seems to fade away. the two of them are often together whispering and smiling softly at each other and kris watches and seethes. everyone teases kris about zitao having a new crush and asks if he’s jealous.
he is.
he corners baekhyun one day because he’s easy and nice and kris needs to know.
“are you fucking zitao” he spits out and it comes out angrier than he intends
“he told me you’d ask me that” baekhyun replies and he smirks like he knows. and suddenly zitao’s friendship with baekhyun makes a lot more sense because neither of them is as kind as they pretend.
“are you fucking him” kris asks again although he doesn’t really want to hear the answer anymore.
“why don’t you ask him” baekhyun says and laughs as he walks away, leaving kris even angrier than he had been before.
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he doesn’t ask zitao though. he still doesn’t know what game he’s playing but kris knows that he’s losing and doesn’t want to give zitao the satisfaction of gaining even more ground on him. he knows baekhyun tells him about what happened between them because for days after zitao follows him with knowing eyes and a smug grin.
kris sort of hates baekhyun and he definitely hates zitao but he hates himself most of all.
he eventually cracks though after a few days pass and zitao and baekhyun return to sharing their secret smiles and intimate whispers and pretending that kris doesn’t even exist.
kris corners him after a whole day goes by without zitao’s eyes on him and kris doesn’t think about how this is becoming a habit and he doesn’t admit that he’s been the one desperately watching instead now.
“i’ve been waiting” zitao says before kris even has a chance to speak.
“are you fucking him” kris snaps. he’s not in the mood for zitao’s stupid smiles and games. it’s been fucking months of this and kris is tired of not understanding, tired of losing and tired of zitao.
“does it matter if i am” zitao asks and for a brief moment he looks as tired as kris feels before his face clears and he’s back to the same blank face he always wears when he isn’t trying to make kris’ life hell.
they watch each other silently. zitao is waiting for an answer but kris isn’t ready to say yes yet.
“okay” zitao says after too many silent minutes have passed and it rings with a sense of finality.
he turns to walk away and kris is fucking done with this. he fists his hand in zitao’s shirt and pulls him back.
“i told you not to fuck anyone else” he hisses and crashes his mouth down on zitao’s.
the anger is still coursing through his veins but it fades into the background as he feels zitao’s lips part under his. he’s thought about kissing zitao more times than he will ever admit but it was never like this in his imagination. zitao melts into him all soft lips and tongue and kris wants to hold him forever.
“i love you” zitao gasps as they pull apart “i am so fucking in love with you”
“okay” kris whispers against zitao’s lips as he pulls him close to kiss again.
he doesn’t say i love you too but he’s pretty sure zitao knew from the very beginning
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it’s never easy between them. zitao still feels too much and says too much and acts so far from normal that sometimes kris doesn’t even want to look at him. and kris isn’t sure he really likes zitao all that much but he still wants to climb inside his bones and stay there forever.
sometimes they go days without speaking and even longer without touching and kris thinks that maybe this thing has finally burned itself out but then zitao will brush fingers against his arm and he’ll ache with need.
love isn’t supposed to be like this he thinks sometimes but when he holds zitao in his arms and they melt together he thinks that maybe it really is after all.
A/N: this is terrible and i don't know why it exists
i was going to write happy xiutao but this happened instead hahahahahaha seppuku
Rating: p for profanity
Length: 1800 words
Pairing: tao/kris
kris doesn’t think much of zitao the first time he sees him. kris has been training for three years and has seen trainees come and go, with varying degrees of talent and drive. only the strong survive and zitao seems weak in all the wrong ways.
“you can fall in love with me if you want” kris tells him “but i’ll never love you”
he doesn’t know why he says it. it’s not something one guy should say to another at their first meeting. but there’s a glint of something in zitao’s eyes as he stares up at kris, as though kris is made of something beautiful and he wants to touch.
“okay” zitao replies and it’s not a denial. he doesn’t even sound surprised or upset at the insinuation that he is destined to fall into unrequited love with kris.
and then he smiles and it’s not a nice smile, more of a knowing smirk. and kris thinks that maybe he’s underestimated zitao after all.
-----------------------------------------------
he returns to his original opinion later though. he watches zitao struggle through korean and struggle through dancing and struggle through singing and thinks i was right he won’t make it.
and most of all he watches zitao fall into a painfully obvious crush on him with no hesitation or apparent shame.
“it isn’t okay” he complains to chanyeol “shouldn’t he be embarrassed? normal people don’t just...act like that. especially not about other guys.”
“i don’t know. i think it’s cute” chanyeol replies with a shrug “he seems pretty naive. he probably just thinks he’s acting like a really eager friend.”
but kris remembers that smirk during their first meeting and the way zitao watches him, eyes full of something, and he knows better. no, zitao knows exactly what he’s doing and kris hates that he doesn’t.
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kris gets a girlfriend a few months after zitao joins the company. he’s lasted longer than kris thought he would and he’s steadily improving in everything he does. kris reluctantly thinks that maybe he’ll be sticking around after all.
so he gets a girlfriend.
he tells himself that it has nothing to do with zitao and wanting to watch his face fall when he finds out but he’s never been very good at lying to himself. she’s a fellow chinese trainee, pretty and petite and shy. he spends three weeks holding her hand and kissing her cheek and waiting for zitao’s heartbreak.
but it never comes. zitao just watches and smiles that smile, like he can see inside all the dark corners of kris’ heart and finds all his secrets amusing.
so kris breaks up with her and wishes that her crying face were zitao’s instead.
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“i really don’t like you very much” kris tells zitao one day
“okay” zitao replies wearing that same smile that kris hates
but it’s not okay because zitao comes to dance practice the next day with the mark of someone else’s mouth on his collarbone and kris feels more angry than he thinks he ever has before in his life.
“what the fuck is this” he hisses and presses a finger hard into the mark that isn’t his
“yunho has been helping me with my dancing” zitao says calmly “he gets very... hands-on”
and kris almost can’t breathe from how furious he is because what the fuck. yunho is older and famous and handsome and respected and zitao is a fucking nobody with poor social skills and too heavy eyebags who doesn’t even know how to have a crush properly.
but kris also sees the shift of firm muscles under zitao’s skin and his sharp eyes and curving lips and maybe understands it after all. but he shoves that down along with the knowledge that zitao has quite possibly been having copious amounts of sex while kris was desperately trying to ignore him because those are not things he wants to think about.
“you can’t” kris says and he hates how desperate he sounds “you’re supposed to be in love with me”
“i never said i was in love with you” zitao replies. he sounds amused. kris wants to tear him apart and leave him bleeding and broken on the floor but he’s beginning to think that maybe he never really had that power.
“you back hug me for selcas. you follow me around. you beg for me to go places with you. you watch me.” he’s almost pleading now. he doesn’t know how things got so turned around but he’s never felt more out-of-control with a person before.
“that’s true. i guess i am pretty in love with you.” and zitao shrugs like saying that is normal and like everything he’s been doing is normal and it’s not.
“then don’t fuck other people” kris snaps and regrets it instantly because saying that makes it sound like he actually cares and he doesn’t, he can’t.
“okay” zitao says with that stupid smirk on his face and then walks away.
what. the. fuck.
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kris thinks that maybe all of it was bullshit, part of some weird plan that zitao has thought up to torment him.
but yunho comes to watch them practice a few days later and he looks tired in a way kris has never seen before. he stands by the door and watches zitao, eyes lingering over the lines of his body as he moves through the familiar steps.
oh god they really did fuck kris thinks and that knowledge burns through him.
yunho leaves after half an hour. zitao never even looks at him.
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he likes to think about zitao on his knees with kris’ cock stretching his mouth wide. he can’t talk or smile because his mouth is too busy sucking kris deep and moaning because he loves the taste and feel of him on his tongue.
sometimes kris thinks about other things too like cupping zitao’s face in his hands and kissing him long and slow and deep. but he shoves those thoughts away and replaces them with images of zitao on his knees begging for kris to fuck him.
kris doesn’t call them fantasies even though they’re the only things on his mind as he wraps his hand around his cock every night.
-----------------------------------------------
by the time it’s officially announced that they will be debuting in a group together kris has mostly gotten used to the idea. zitao ended up being a lot stronger than kris expected.
things mostly stay the same until zitao and baekhyun fall into a strange close friendship and zitao’s crush on kris seems to fade away. the two of them are often together whispering and smiling softly at each other and kris watches and seethes. everyone teases kris about zitao having a new crush and asks if he’s jealous.
he is.
he corners baekhyun one day because he’s easy and nice and kris needs to know.
“are you fucking zitao” he spits out and it comes out angrier than he intends
“he told me you’d ask me that” baekhyun replies and he smirks like he knows. and suddenly zitao’s friendship with baekhyun makes a lot more sense because neither of them is as kind as they pretend.
“are you fucking him” kris asks again although he doesn’t really want to hear the answer anymore.
“why don’t you ask him” baekhyun says and laughs as he walks away, leaving kris even angrier than he had been before.
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he doesn’t ask zitao though. he still doesn’t know what game he’s playing but kris knows that he’s losing and doesn’t want to give zitao the satisfaction of gaining even more ground on him. he knows baekhyun tells him about what happened between them because for days after zitao follows him with knowing eyes and a smug grin.
kris sort of hates baekhyun and he definitely hates zitao but he hates himself most of all.
he eventually cracks though after a few days pass and zitao and baekhyun return to sharing their secret smiles and intimate whispers and pretending that kris doesn’t even exist.
kris corners him after a whole day goes by without zitao’s eyes on him and kris doesn’t think about how this is becoming a habit and he doesn’t admit that he’s been the one desperately watching instead now.
“i’ve been waiting” zitao says before kris even has a chance to speak.
“are you fucking him” kris snaps. he’s not in the mood for zitao’s stupid smiles and games. it’s been fucking months of this and kris is tired of not understanding, tired of losing and tired of zitao.
“does it matter if i am” zitao asks and for a brief moment he looks as tired as kris feels before his face clears and he’s back to the same blank face he always wears when he isn’t trying to make kris’ life hell.
they watch each other silently. zitao is waiting for an answer but kris isn’t ready to say yes yet.
“okay” zitao says after too many silent minutes have passed and it rings with a sense of finality.
he turns to walk away and kris is fucking done with this. he fists his hand in zitao’s shirt and pulls him back.
“i told you not to fuck anyone else” he hisses and crashes his mouth down on zitao’s.
the anger is still coursing through his veins but it fades into the background as he feels zitao’s lips part under his. he’s thought about kissing zitao more times than he will ever admit but it was never like this in his imagination. zitao melts into him all soft lips and tongue and kris wants to hold him forever.
“i love you” zitao gasps as they pull apart “i am so fucking in love with you”
“okay” kris whispers against zitao’s lips as he pulls him close to kiss again.
he doesn’t say i love you too but he’s pretty sure zitao knew from the very beginning
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it’s never easy between them. zitao still feels too much and says too much and acts so far from normal that sometimes kris doesn’t even want to look at him. and kris isn’t sure he really likes zitao all that much but he still wants to climb inside his bones and stay there forever.
sometimes they go days without speaking and even longer without touching and kris thinks that maybe this thing has finally burned itself out but then zitao will brush fingers against his arm and he’ll ache with need.
love isn’t supposed to be like this he thinks sometimes but when he holds zitao in his arms and they melt together he thinks that maybe it really is after all.
A/N: this is terrible and i don't know why it exists
i was going to write happy xiutao but this happened instead hahahahahaha seppuku