The optimistic pessimist
Wave upon wave of unbridled emotion
wearing away the callused soul
til it's soft and pure and waiting.
Defenseless.
Fragile.
Eyes wide and searching.
Full of hope, expecting nothing,
waiting,
breaking,
waiting.
Mom brought me cookies today. How is it, that in one single moment, my entire view of her can shift?
Perhaps it hasn't been in one moment. Perhaps really, I'm just beginning to register how hard she's been trying, lately. Maybe I'm just now beginning to accept that it's a real change and not some spur of the moment glitch in her personality. Something's changed in her, and I don't know how it could have happened. How can a woman her age suddenly acquire a desire for purpose after ignoring it all these years? Who knows, maybe Shana's leaving forced her to face herself... I don't know. But there's something different about her, even if she is still somewhat annoying at times.
Anyway...
So college is hard. Classes are hard. Things are hard. Eh. Sometimes I have to wonder if I'll ever get through all of this. I know I will, but every time I say that, I'm a little less certain. I've lost a lot of confidence in myself since I failed at being a math major. Math is what I really wanted to do. Now, I have very little conviction toward my major.
Actually? I want to switch to science. Not that I'm going to, of course. I can't afford to switch again. But really? Science would be so cool.
Still, at least I have History of the English Language. I like that class; it peaks my interest in a way that few classes have. And with this major, I'll get to travel. I really, really want to travel. I have been here way too long. And maybe I can teach math in other countries. That would be cool, too. Maybe the requirements won't be so strict in some countries.
wearing away the callused soul
til it's soft and pure and waiting.
Defenseless.
Fragile.
Eyes wide and searching.
Full of hope, expecting nothing,
waiting,
breaking,
waiting.
Mom brought me cookies today. How is it, that in one single moment, my entire view of her can shift?
Perhaps it hasn't been in one moment. Perhaps really, I'm just beginning to register how hard she's been trying, lately. Maybe I'm just now beginning to accept that it's a real change and not some spur of the moment glitch in her personality. Something's changed in her, and I don't know how it could have happened. How can a woman her age suddenly acquire a desire for purpose after ignoring it all these years? Who knows, maybe Shana's leaving forced her to face herself... I don't know. But there's something different about her, even if she is still somewhat annoying at times.
Anyway...
So college is hard. Classes are hard. Things are hard. Eh. Sometimes I have to wonder if I'll ever get through all of this. I know I will, but every time I say that, I'm a little less certain. I've lost a lot of confidence in myself since I failed at being a math major. Math is what I really wanted to do. Now, I have very little conviction toward my major.
Actually? I want to switch to science. Not that I'm going to, of course. I can't afford to switch again. But really? Science would be so cool.
Still, at least I have History of the English Language. I like that class; it peaks my interest in a way that few classes have. And with this major, I'll get to travel. I really, really want to travel. I have been here way too long. And maybe I can teach math in other countries. That would be cool, too. Maybe the requirements won't be so strict in some countries.