Fic: Stay Tuned [TSN, Mark/Eduardo] - Part I
Title: Stay Tuned
Fandom: The Social Network
Pairing: Mark/Eduardo
Rating: Probably R overall.
Word count: ~4,100 [this part]
Summary: Late night talk show AU. In short, Mark's the host of a late night talk show and Eduardo’s the new producer who may or may not be trying to kill him with kindness. There’s fluff and shenanigans.
Notes: This is the AU that took over my life. It is ridiculously self-indulgent, but I have lost the ability to care. [Also, my knowledge of how talk shows work is not all that great. I do have a little broadcast background, but that’s about it. The rest is a product of my insanity. So be forewarned.]
Mark's looking for a new producer. He doesn't necessarily want, or even need one, really, but Chris keeps insisting that the show won't be able to run without a replacement for the last producer (who pretty much ran away in tears). Maybe it was stupid, but Mark was kidding so there's really no reason for this to be happening at all.
Doesn't anybody have a sense of humor anymore? Jesus.
*
Chris sighs long-sufferingly. "You can't keep doing this." He waves the resignation letter in Mark's face. It makes a distracting crinkling noise. "That's the third one this month that’s quit because of you. I’m pretty sure the world’s going to run out of willing and able producers if you scare them off at this rate."
Mark shrugs, looking vaguely unimpressed. "Watch me." Chris stares up at the ceiling, as if willing a higher power to give him strength. "That was not supposed to be a challenge, Mark."
Mark stares blankly back at him.
"Do you get some sort of sick pleasure out of my misery and suffering?" Chris puts his head in his hands. "I'm so tired, Mark. So. Tired." He looks over at Mark imploringly. "Please, out of the kindness of what little heart you have that's not yet wired in, can you get us someone to produce the show? It doesn't even have to be long-term-just until we break for the summer. That's only a few months from now," Chris finishes with another pleading look.
Mark grunts in acknowledgement, not taking his eyes off his laptop screen. He doesn't need to be watching Chris to feel the annoyance and exasperation radiating off of him. Plus, he’s seen it all before.
"All you have to do is find someone competent and nice or just plain dumb enough to want to put up with you for the next few weeks of shooting," Chris explains.
"Yeah, yeah." Mark relents as he waves Chris off, before going back to his typing. "Sure, whatever. I'll let you know by Friday."
That seems to please Chris, who finally makes his way to the door.
"I'm trusting you with this, Mark." Chris says from the doorway. "I’ll probably make one of the new interns check in with you tomorrow. So don't let me down. Again." Mark hears him mutter.
"Please, when does that ever happen? The show is flawless right now-I'm always fantastic on air, we're on top of the ratings, and I've pretty much run this thing all by myself these past few days.”
Mark’s not even really exaggerating-a good number of the staff is frighteningly incompetent when it comes to the most basic of tasks. Mark usually winds up doing a bulk of the work himself. At least whatever’s vital to the show. Or just stuff he remembers.
"Oh, dear god," Chris moans, far more dramatically than the situation probably calls for. "Mark, we’ve been through this a million times-I don't care how brilliant you are, you can't run a late night talk show all on your own. You realize you're going to need sleep at some point, right?"
Mark's not terribly concerned about that.
*
Mark does not actually find someone to produce ZuckOnIt.
He maybe forgets that it's already Tuesday and re-shoots are right around the corner and by the time he remembers what he promised, it's probably too late to start looking. This is not unusual, by any measure. Just annoying as fuck, if Chris and Dustin are to be believed.
It should be alright though, because Chris absolutely knew this would happen and already called in some guy he met in college back in the day, to come in and help out. Which in turn, annoys Mark, because why didn't Chris do it all himself to begin with?
Mark often wonders about his sanity.
*
It's now Monday and Mark's about to be late for the weekly rundown. He spots Chris outside the conference room, chatting with some random guy he's never seen before. Mark doesn't process anything about him other than the fact that he has a steaming hot cup of coffee in his hand. Mark hasn't had any caffeine this morning.
The only thing on Mark’s mind right now is the scent of freshly-brewed coffee so he winds up snatching the drink from the unknown man's grasp and gulping it down greedily, barely even noticing how the liquid scalds his tongue.
Chris looks apologetically at the guy, who just shrugs, before he elbows Mark in the side, a little more roughly than necessary. "Say thank you, Mark. Or at least offer to buy the man a new cup." Mark blinks hazily, still half-asleep and mostly confused before he realizes what just happened.
Chris gestures next to him. "This is Eduardo Saverin. He's going to be taking over all of our production needs for a while."
Mark mumbles something unintelligible and waves a hand in some vague acknowledgement of the man's presence. Strangely enough, the man (Eduardo, his brain supplies, even though Mark can't be bothered to learn names right now, especially since the guy's probably not going to be around for very long) doesn't appear to be at all put off by this behavior. In fact, he looks amused and a little intrigued. Mark maybe files this information for later.
The man turns to Chris and arches his eyebrow questioningly. "He always like this?" His tone is light and almost playful. Mark's not used to that, and definitely not from complete strangers.
Chris laughs. "Nah, he's usually more verbally abusive. You just caught him in caffeine withdrawal mode."
"Ah," the man nods in understanding. "All the rumors make sense now."
"There's still time to run, you know." Chris lightly knocks him on the shoulder. "I'm pretty sure our friendship can survive that much." He says conspiratorially, like this is some inside joke Mark’s not privy to.
Eduardo laughs in amusement. Mark registers it as a relatively pleasant sound. "Thanks man, but I think I'll take my chances."
Chris slaps him on the back in a friendly gesture. "Well then, I'll leave you to get acquainted. Play nice, boys." Before he goes, Chris gives Mark a pointed look. "That means you, Mark."
Mark scowls at him. "I can be nice. I just don't necessarily want to. It's totally a valid lifestyle choice," he says matter-of-factly.
Chris and Eduardo both burst into laughter.
“Whatever.” Mark rolls his eyes at them and continues sipping at the rest of his stolen coffee. “I'll be on my best behavior or something. Be gone now.” He waves Chris off.
Chris grins widely as he leaves the room. "Have fun, you two."
"Come on, new guy.” Mark crooks a finger at the man who's supposed to be running the whole show for him from now on. “I can show you around or whatever it is Chris didn't get a chance to, but I haven't got all day. I’m a highly sought-after commodity here, you know.”
Eduardo smiles brightly, before giving Mark a half-serious, entirely stupid-looking salute. "Yes, sir."
*
Now that they've been left to their own devices, Mark gets a chance to study the new producer. He's tall and slender, handsome enough, Mark supposes, with a non-threatening face, punctuated with ridiculously expressive eyes. And if the last few minutes were anything to go by, he's pretty easy-going and smiles a lot, the wide kind at that-all perfectly straight teeth and laugh-lines and eyes crinkling at the corners. He also asks plenty of thoughtful questions (even making a note of people’s names and jobs in this pocket-sized notebook of his) and doesn't seem to mind that Mark answers most of them dismissively or even sarcastically.
He won't last the week.
*
It's barely Wednesday afternoon and Dustin has already found a way to make Mark's life so much more difficult than it has to be. Mark has no idea what's actually gone wrong this time, but Dustin is currently standing in his office, looking more than a little disheveled and pout-y and extremely apologetic so it can't be any good.
"First off,” Dustin starts, giving Mark his most charming smile, the one he usually saves for the cameras (and any pretty girls in the area that catch his eye). “Let me just say that you are the greatest boss and friend one could ever hope for. I mean, the sheer wit and brilliance that you exude-"
Mark interrupts him with a glare. "We both know you're not here to stroke my ego so can you get to the point?"
Dustin hunches his shoulders slightly and looks down at his feet, awkwardly scuffing at the carpet with his shoe. "Hypothetically speaking, how much trouble would I be in, and you’ve got to remember Mark, this is all completely hypothetical-"
"You say hypothetical one more time and it's going to lose all meaning," Mark says warningly.
"Okay, okay. So maybe I was trying to help our guests out, you know, the zoo people,” Dustin begins uncomfortably. “They, uh, left for lunch or whatever about twenty minutes ago and I said I'd watch the animals because, like, what's the worse that could happen?"
"That was your first mistake." Mark mutters, but he lets Dustin continue.
"Long story short, I may have set one of them loose. Completely by accident." Dustin glances over at him with sad-looking eyes. “Please don’t kill me,” he adds, a little worriedly.
Mark closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. He senses a headache coming on. "Tell me it was something they won't even notice. Easily replaceable even."
"Um." Dustin tries to make himself look smaller, as if that’ll undo the damage that’s sure to follow.
"Oh god, it's some kind of endangered python that crushes humans isn't it?"
Dustin tilts his head to the side, like he's thinking something over. "In this scenario, is tiger better or worse?"
Mark takes a deep breath. He can still feel his blood pressure rising.
"Before you panic, it's only a cub.” Dustin quickly blurts out. “So I don't think we run the risk of anyone getting maimed or eaten. If that, uh, helps."
"Yes, because everything's perfectly okay now that the people who work here can't get eaten.” Mark gives him a withering glare. “Fuck, Dustin. How did this even happen?"
Dustin pouts, explaining mournfully, "Mark, the thing was like staring up at me with its big sad eyes and the next thing I knew, well-"
“Yeah, I don’t actually need to hear this.” Mark says dismissively, before making a frustrated noise. "How long do we have before the animal handlers get back?"
Dustin checks his phone. "Like half an hour maybe?" He gives Mark a hopeful look. "Does that mean you have a plan?"
Mark sighs. He hates asking for anyone's help, but there's no way he can deal with an increasingly worried Dustin and a lost baby tiger roaming the halls somewhere in the span of thirty minutes. He can already feel an ulcer developing at the mere thought of a potential lawsuit.
"Call Eduardo."
*
This turns out to be the right course of action.
Not five minutes before Mark was set to freak out about the whole situation and maybe even start firing people on the spot, there’s a text from Eduardo telling them to meet by the main stage. That's where they find him, baby tiger in his arms, bottle-feeding it of all things, while a number of Mark's interns and various other staff members stare adoringly (and not at all subtly) at the sight.
It figures that baby animals are drawn to Eduardo. As if the man needed more endearing qualities. (At least, this is what Mark hears. And mostly from Dustin at that. He barely knows the guy. Not to mention endearing is not a word in Mark’s regular vocabulary.)
Mark watches in equal parts horror and fascination as Eduardo cradles the thing close to his chest, laughing softly as the cub licks at his nose and general facial area. There’s a chorus of awws and multiple variations of that’s so sweet.
His face screws up in an expression of distaste. "This is disgusting,” Mark mutters to himself and then louder, “Okay, the feline’s been rescued and no one’s been mauled. Crisis averted. I'll be in my office if anyone feels daring enough to come bother me."
"Mark-oh, can you, uh, hold on a second?” Eduardo looks conflicted for a moment about the cub squirming slightly in his grasp, before bypassing Dustin's widely outstretched arms and waving an intern over and gently handing it to her instead, with specific instructions to get the animal back to the handlers backstage before they catch wind of what’s happened and start to worry. Or worse, decide to sue.
Now tiger-free, Eduardo uses his stupidly long legs to easily catch up with Mark. In his defense, Mark wasn’t necessarily ignoring Eduardo’s request, but he’s not the type to wait around either, especially when there’s writing and edits that could be done at any moment.
"Hey, so I was wondering if you wanted to go over the script together or something,” Eduardo’s smile looks slightly nervous for some weird reason. “I know it’s only been a few days, but we haven't really spent that much time alone since I got here and I figured-"
Mark shrugs. "Sure, whatever.” Eduardo’s still staring at him. “Oh, did you want to do this now?"
Eduardo seems a bit embarrassed. "Yeah, if you don't mind.” He rubs the back of his head awkwardly. “I mean, I could stop by your office later if you wanted to be alone for a bit. I know the whole Dustin letting a tiger run wild thing was kind of a handful," he adds, jokingly.
Mark’s lips twitch a little at that. "No, uh, right now works." He gestures in front of them. “Assuming you’re capable of multitasking, we can even walk and talk.”
"Great." Eduardo grins, looking pleasantly surprised as he pulls a notebook from seemingly out of nowhere. "So I had a few questions about that sketch where everyone's dressed as pirates..."
*
The thing is, ZuckOnIt’s kind of a big deal. Has been for a couple of years now.
It’s hardly a mystery why people keep tuning in every night. Mark is bitingly and scathingly honest to a fault, with a quick mind and always a sarcastic comment on the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t need modesty, when it’s the truth. The general viewing audience likes a good show and Mark never fails to deliver. The fact that they’re consistently the highest-rated show in late night is a testament to that.
To be fair, Mark's not actively trying to be mean or hurtful or make anyone cry (and storm out in anger or abject humiliation after tossing their mug of water in his face), but if vapid celebrities who get paid far more than they're worth, ultimately wind up in tears or red from embarrassment, well, that's really not his prerogative.
Maybe it's a little sick and perverse how many people stay up to watch ZuckOnIt on a nightly basis, but it keeps everyone on his staff and crew well-fed with a roof over their heads (and plenty of cash to spare) so no one's exactly complaining. People do keep telling him to lighten up a bit onscreen every so often, but that's a whole different matter. Dustin’s the show’s comic relief anyway.
The only thing even close to challenging them ratings-wise is CBS’s media darling, self-declared bad boy and occasional social pariah (that is, when the media catches on to his latest drug scandal or illicit tryst with some underage girl), Sean Parker and his own late night show, which Mark would describe as more of a train-wreck that the simple-minded stop and stare at, than anything with actual substance, but to each their own, he supposes.
The Sean Parker Variety Hour has only beaten them twice in the ratings over the past six months (and that was only due to the show being a rerun both times), but Mark doesn't want to take any chances, especially considering Sean's viewership has been climbing steadily, while theirs has leveled for the most part. There’s still a marginal gap between them so Mark’s not really working that much harder.
*
Surprisingly, (or unsurprisingly, depending on who you ask) Eduardo does, in fact, last the rest of the week. And then the next.
Which is about when Mark really starts to pay attention.
And everything changes. Or goes to hell.
It really depends on who you ask.
*
Mark never really noticed before, but it’s almost as if Eduardo is everywhere.
One minute, he’s on set helping a stagehand adjust the lighting and then the next, he’s dealing with whatever mess one of the new interns (or Dustin, for that matter) has gotten themselves into recently. Right now, Eduardo’s casually sitting in Mark’s office helping him edit a few of the night’s skits.
He looks a little more relaxed than normal, not quite disheveled, but it’s a close thing. His suit jacket’s folded neatly on one of the chairs, and his tie’s been loosened slightly, enough so that it’s sitting askance and his shirt-sleeves are rolled up messily.
Eduardo looks soft, rumpled even. It’s kind of sweet.
Considering how flustered Mark’s getting at the sight of Eduardo’s exposed forearms of all things, he has to admit he may be paying a bit too much attention to these sort of details lately.
*
Eduardo Saverin, producer extraordinaire, (which is apparently what everyone who isn't Mark calls him) is too good to be true. Mark just has to figure out what his game is.
Seriously. It’s reached the point where Mark legitimately feels the need to find some dirt on him and quick. Before it turns out Eduardo secretly kicks puppies or eats babies or something. (Though he did seem fond of cats, that one time.)
Mark tries to bring it up casually in conversation one day, while at lunch with Chris and Dustin. Casual was never his strong suit.
Dustin stares at Mark like he's grown a second head or done something even far more unrealistic like announce he's quitting the show. "Oh my god, Mark. You are so insane." He reaches over to dramatically shake Mark by the shoulders. "Snap out of it-there's no elaborate plot to take over your job and Eduardo is not secretly out to kill you with kindness.”
“You can’t be so sure of that,” Mark shoots back. “He’s always around somewhere being all smiley and nice and generally helpful.” Mark punctuates each word with a dramatic wave of his hand, before gesturing at Chris and Dustin to come closer. He leans in as if confiding secrets of national importance. “He clearly knows too much,” Mark practically whispers, his voice oddly serious.
“Oh my god, stop.” Dustin starts laughing uncontrollably, which mostly involves a lot of flailing limbs. “This is too much. Please stop being so delusional," he adds, less jokingly, as he flops back in his seat, still trying to catch his breath.
Chris agrees. “It really says something about your state of mind, when Dustin of all people, is the voice of reason.”
He gets smacked in the arm twice for that.
It takes Chris a good minute to stop from shaking with laughter, but once he sobers up, he studies Mark more thoughtfully. "Where is this coming from? I know Eduardo from college, man. We used to work together.” He gives Mark a strange look. “You already know all of this. I gave you a file to read and everything."
Mark shakes his head. "It's not the same. His résumé’s pretty much flawless. I want details that can't be found on any standard form or work document. Tell me everything. Particularly the embarrassing stuff. Let's start with that."
Chris and Dustin exchange amused glances.
“Why do you even care?”
Mark rolls his eyes. “If Eduardo’s going to be running my show, I need to know everything about him. That includes his dirty little secrets.” Mark pauses, considering. “Um, assuming he has any.”
Chris still looks pretty amused, but he relents.
“Yay, storytime.” Dustin seems excited at this prospect as he moves to sit in his chair like a preschooler-knees folded to his chest, chin in his hands, studiously watching Chris.
Mark shakes his head at the display, but he’s unconsciously done a little of the same, shifting into a more comfortable position in his seat as Chris launches into his stories. He still keeps his laptop in front of him though, he’s not that far gone.
*
According to Chris, he and Eduardo first met back when they were just starting out in the business. The two of them were undergrads interning at a local Boston news station. In between classes, they pretty much lived in the studio, eagerly (and maybe a little naively), hoping to get all the knowledge and experience they could.
Apparently, Eduardo took full advantage of a childhood hobby of his and ended up as the young, up and coming meteorologist, whose boyish good looks and charm had him pegged as the station’s next anchor. Chris, on the other hand, did a lot of the PR stuff, but also the mundane, menial tasks like fetching people coffee and making photocopies, but he promises he’s not bitter about the experience. After all, it did get him where he is today.
“You mean stuck with a socially inept robot?” Dustin offers.
Mark makes a face at that. “Or how about a grown man who still gets giddy at the mention of free cake? And everyone knows you steal half the cookies from craft services,” Mark shoots back testily.
“Right, like you don’t practically own stock in Red Vines.” Dustin replies, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly.
Chris doesn’t exactly do anything in response to their blatant immaturity, but he gets this fond look on his face, like Mark and Dustin bickering is one of the sweetest things he’s seen.
Mark thinks that maybe they’re all a little delusional.
Late night television probably has that effect on people.
*
It's week three since Eduardo took over. Or as Dustin likes to call it, the Golden Age. Personally, Mark prefers the calm before the storm. There's no way things can (or should) be running this well. The tiger incident aside. And that doesn’t even really count as an incident since Eduardo dealt with it more or less single-handedly.
In all seriousness, since Mark had that talk with Chris and Dustin, he's beginning to realize that Eduardo really is an exceedingly competent producer. ZuckOnIt doesn't have the best track record with them, but it says a lot that Eduardo doesn't seem to have the urge to throw large objects at Mark's head. Or run away crying. Or slap him in the face. (Mark's still not quite over that last one.)
He consistently has everything in order, that is, when it comes to all the stuff Mark never really gives a second thought about-like making sure there's always a chilled can of Red Bull within arm's reach to personally confirming the availability of the guests and talent due to appear on upcoming shows. Eduardo never delegates anything that can't immediately be done himself and even manages to find the time to preoccupy Dustin enough to get him to stop popping his head in Mark's office (and invading his personal space) at random hours during the day for no reason in particular other than to serve as a major pain. It still happens, naturally, as Dustin is some kind of hyperactive creature that can never be tamed, but with far less frequency now that Eduardo's come along. Mark thinks that Dustin's just glad to have found a playmate of sorts and that Mark yells at him a lot less these days.
Mark's pretty sure that half the things Eduardo gets done aren't even technically part of his job description, but he's in no position to complain. Not when literally everything is running so smoothly.
Eduardo also occasionally leaves packs of Red Vines in random places throughout the studio and Mark's office. There's always a Post-it note attached with something obnoxiously cute and trite, complete with smiley faces. Apparently, Dustin's not the only one around here with the maturity of a grade-schooler. No wonder they get along so well.
Mark absolutely does not find it charming. Not in the slightest.
*
to be continued.
Fandom: The Social Network
Pairing: Mark/Eduardo
Rating: Probably R overall.
Word count: ~4,100 [this part]
Summary: Late night talk show AU. In short, Mark's the host of a late night talk show and Eduardo’s the new producer who may or may not be trying to kill him with kindness. There’s fluff and shenanigans.
Notes: This is the AU that took over my life. It is ridiculously self-indulgent, but I have lost the ability to care. [Also, my knowledge of how talk shows work is not all that great. I do have a little broadcast background, but that’s about it. The rest is a product of my insanity. So be forewarned.]
Mark's looking for a new producer. He doesn't necessarily want, or even need one, really, but Chris keeps insisting that the show won't be able to run without a replacement for the last producer (who pretty much ran away in tears). Maybe it was stupid, but Mark was kidding so there's really no reason for this to be happening at all.
Doesn't anybody have a sense of humor anymore? Jesus.
*
Chris sighs long-sufferingly. "You can't keep doing this." He waves the resignation letter in Mark's face. It makes a distracting crinkling noise. "That's the third one this month that’s quit because of you. I’m pretty sure the world’s going to run out of willing and able producers if you scare them off at this rate."
Mark shrugs, looking vaguely unimpressed. "Watch me." Chris stares up at the ceiling, as if willing a higher power to give him strength. "That was not supposed to be a challenge, Mark."
Mark stares blankly back at him.
"Do you get some sort of sick pleasure out of my misery and suffering?" Chris puts his head in his hands. "I'm so tired, Mark. So. Tired." He looks over at Mark imploringly. "Please, out of the kindness of what little heart you have that's not yet wired in, can you get us someone to produce the show? It doesn't even have to be long-term-just until we break for the summer. That's only a few months from now," Chris finishes with another pleading look.
Mark grunts in acknowledgement, not taking his eyes off his laptop screen. He doesn't need to be watching Chris to feel the annoyance and exasperation radiating off of him. Plus, he’s seen it all before.
"All you have to do is find someone competent and nice or just plain dumb enough to want to put up with you for the next few weeks of shooting," Chris explains.
"Yeah, yeah." Mark relents as he waves Chris off, before going back to his typing. "Sure, whatever. I'll let you know by Friday."
That seems to please Chris, who finally makes his way to the door.
"I'm trusting you with this, Mark." Chris says from the doorway. "I’ll probably make one of the new interns check in with you tomorrow. So don't let me down. Again." Mark hears him mutter.
"Please, when does that ever happen? The show is flawless right now-I'm always fantastic on air, we're on top of the ratings, and I've pretty much run this thing all by myself these past few days.”
Mark’s not even really exaggerating-a good number of the staff is frighteningly incompetent when it comes to the most basic of tasks. Mark usually winds up doing a bulk of the work himself. At least whatever’s vital to the show. Or just stuff he remembers.
"Oh, dear god," Chris moans, far more dramatically than the situation probably calls for. "Mark, we’ve been through this a million times-I don't care how brilliant you are, you can't run a late night talk show all on your own. You realize you're going to need sleep at some point, right?"
Mark's not terribly concerned about that.
*
Mark does not actually find someone to produce ZuckOnIt.
He maybe forgets that it's already Tuesday and re-shoots are right around the corner and by the time he remembers what he promised, it's probably too late to start looking. This is not unusual, by any measure. Just annoying as fuck, if Chris and Dustin are to be believed.
It should be alright though, because Chris absolutely knew this would happen and already called in some guy he met in college back in the day, to come in and help out. Which in turn, annoys Mark, because why didn't Chris do it all himself to begin with?
Mark often wonders about his sanity.
*
It's now Monday and Mark's about to be late for the weekly rundown. He spots Chris outside the conference room, chatting with some random guy he's never seen before. Mark doesn't process anything about him other than the fact that he has a steaming hot cup of coffee in his hand. Mark hasn't had any caffeine this morning.
The only thing on Mark’s mind right now is the scent of freshly-brewed coffee so he winds up snatching the drink from the unknown man's grasp and gulping it down greedily, barely even noticing how the liquid scalds his tongue.
Chris looks apologetically at the guy, who just shrugs, before he elbows Mark in the side, a little more roughly than necessary. "Say thank you, Mark. Or at least offer to buy the man a new cup." Mark blinks hazily, still half-asleep and mostly confused before he realizes what just happened.
Chris gestures next to him. "This is Eduardo Saverin. He's going to be taking over all of our production needs for a while."
Mark mumbles something unintelligible and waves a hand in some vague acknowledgement of the man's presence. Strangely enough, the man (Eduardo, his brain supplies, even though Mark can't be bothered to learn names right now, especially since the guy's probably not going to be around for very long) doesn't appear to be at all put off by this behavior. In fact, he looks amused and a little intrigued. Mark maybe files this information for later.
The man turns to Chris and arches his eyebrow questioningly. "He always like this?" His tone is light and almost playful. Mark's not used to that, and definitely not from complete strangers.
Chris laughs. "Nah, he's usually more verbally abusive. You just caught him in caffeine withdrawal mode."
"Ah," the man nods in understanding. "All the rumors make sense now."
"There's still time to run, you know." Chris lightly knocks him on the shoulder. "I'm pretty sure our friendship can survive that much." He says conspiratorially, like this is some inside joke Mark’s not privy to.
Eduardo laughs in amusement. Mark registers it as a relatively pleasant sound. "Thanks man, but I think I'll take my chances."
Chris slaps him on the back in a friendly gesture. "Well then, I'll leave you to get acquainted. Play nice, boys." Before he goes, Chris gives Mark a pointed look. "That means you, Mark."
Mark scowls at him. "I can be nice. I just don't necessarily want to. It's totally a valid lifestyle choice," he says matter-of-factly.
Chris and Eduardo both burst into laughter.
“Whatever.” Mark rolls his eyes at them and continues sipping at the rest of his stolen coffee. “I'll be on my best behavior or something. Be gone now.” He waves Chris off.
Chris grins widely as he leaves the room. "Have fun, you two."
"Come on, new guy.” Mark crooks a finger at the man who's supposed to be running the whole show for him from now on. “I can show you around or whatever it is Chris didn't get a chance to, but I haven't got all day. I’m a highly sought-after commodity here, you know.”
Eduardo smiles brightly, before giving Mark a half-serious, entirely stupid-looking salute. "Yes, sir."
*
Now that they've been left to their own devices, Mark gets a chance to study the new producer. He's tall and slender, handsome enough, Mark supposes, with a non-threatening face, punctuated with ridiculously expressive eyes. And if the last few minutes were anything to go by, he's pretty easy-going and smiles a lot, the wide kind at that-all perfectly straight teeth and laugh-lines and eyes crinkling at the corners. He also asks plenty of thoughtful questions (even making a note of people’s names and jobs in this pocket-sized notebook of his) and doesn't seem to mind that Mark answers most of them dismissively or even sarcastically.
He won't last the week.
*
It's barely Wednesday afternoon and Dustin has already found a way to make Mark's life so much more difficult than it has to be. Mark has no idea what's actually gone wrong this time, but Dustin is currently standing in his office, looking more than a little disheveled and pout-y and extremely apologetic so it can't be any good.
"First off,” Dustin starts, giving Mark his most charming smile, the one he usually saves for the cameras (and any pretty girls in the area that catch his eye). “Let me just say that you are the greatest boss and friend one could ever hope for. I mean, the sheer wit and brilliance that you exude-"
Mark interrupts him with a glare. "We both know you're not here to stroke my ego so can you get to the point?"
Dustin hunches his shoulders slightly and looks down at his feet, awkwardly scuffing at the carpet with his shoe. "Hypothetically speaking, how much trouble would I be in, and you’ve got to remember Mark, this is all completely hypothetical-"
"You say hypothetical one more time and it's going to lose all meaning," Mark says warningly.
"Okay, okay. So maybe I was trying to help our guests out, you know, the zoo people,” Dustin begins uncomfortably. “They, uh, left for lunch or whatever about twenty minutes ago and I said I'd watch the animals because, like, what's the worse that could happen?"
"That was your first mistake." Mark mutters, but he lets Dustin continue.
"Long story short, I may have set one of them loose. Completely by accident." Dustin glances over at him with sad-looking eyes. “Please don’t kill me,” he adds, a little worriedly.
Mark closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. He senses a headache coming on. "Tell me it was something they won't even notice. Easily replaceable even."
"Um." Dustin tries to make himself look smaller, as if that’ll undo the damage that’s sure to follow.
"Oh god, it's some kind of endangered python that crushes humans isn't it?"
Dustin tilts his head to the side, like he's thinking something over. "In this scenario, is tiger better or worse?"
Mark takes a deep breath. He can still feel his blood pressure rising.
"Before you panic, it's only a cub.” Dustin quickly blurts out. “So I don't think we run the risk of anyone getting maimed or eaten. If that, uh, helps."
"Yes, because everything's perfectly okay now that the people who work here can't get eaten.” Mark gives him a withering glare. “Fuck, Dustin. How did this even happen?"
Dustin pouts, explaining mournfully, "Mark, the thing was like staring up at me with its big sad eyes and the next thing I knew, well-"
“Yeah, I don’t actually need to hear this.” Mark says dismissively, before making a frustrated noise. "How long do we have before the animal handlers get back?"
Dustin checks his phone. "Like half an hour maybe?" He gives Mark a hopeful look. "Does that mean you have a plan?"
Mark sighs. He hates asking for anyone's help, but there's no way he can deal with an increasingly worried Dustin and a lost baby tiger roaming the halls somewhere in the span of thirty minutes. He can already feel an ulcer developing at the mere thought of a potential lawsuit.
"Call Eduardo."
*
This turns out to be the right course of action.
Not five minutes before Mark was set to freak out about the whole situation and maybe even start firing people on the spot, there’s a text from Eduardo telling them to meet by the main stage. That's where they find him, baby tiger in his arms, bottle-feeding it of all things, while a number of Mark's interns and various other staff members stare adoringly (and not at all subtly) at the sight.
It figures that baby animals are drawn to Eduardo. As if the man needed more endearing qualities. (At least, this is what Mark hears. And mostly from Dustin at that. He barely knows the guy. Not to mention endearing is not a word in Mark’s regular vocabulary.)
Mark watches in equal parts horror and fascination as Eduardo cradles the thing close to his chest, laughing softly as the cub licks at his nose and general facial area. There’s a chorus of awws and multiple variations of that’s so sweet.
His face screws up in an expression of distaste. "This is disgusting,” Mark mutters to himself and then louder, “Okay, the feline’s been rescued and no one’s been mauled. Crisis averted. I'll be in my office if anyone feels daring enough to come bother me."
"Mark-oh, can you, uh, hold on a second?” Eduardo looks conflicted for a moment about the cub squirming slightly in his grasp, before bypassing Dustin's widely outstretched arms and waving an intern over and gently handing it to her instead, with specific instructions to get the animal back to the handlers backstage before they catch wind of what’s happened and start to worry. Or worse, decide to sue.
Now tiger-free, Eduardo uses his stupidly long legs to easily catch up with Mark. In his defense, Mark wasn’t necessarily ignoring Eduardo’s request, but he’s not the type to wait around either, especially when there’s writing and edits that could be done at any moment.
"Hey, so I was wondering if you wanted to go over the script together or something,” Eduardo’s smile looks slightly nervous for some weird reason. “I know it’s only been a few days, but we haven't really spent that much time alone since I got here and I figured-"
Mark shrugs. "Sure, whatever.” Eduardo’s still staring at him. “Oh, did you want to do this now?"
Eduardo seems a bit embarrassed. "Yeah, if you don't mind.” He rubs the back of his head awkwardly. “I mean, I could stop by your office later if you wanted to be alone for a bit. I know the whole Dustin letting a tiger run wild thing was kind of a handful," he adds, jokingly.
Mark’s lips twitch a little at that. "No, uh, right now works." He gestures in front of them. “Assuming you’re capable of multitasking, we can even walk and talk.”
"Great." Eduardo grins, looking pleasantly surprised as he pulls a notebook from seemingly out of nowhere. "So I had a few questions about that sketch where everyone's dressed as pirates..."
*
The thing is, ZuckOnIt’s kind of a big deal. Has been for a couple of years now.
It’s hardly a mystery why people keep tuning in every night. Mark is bitingly and scathingly honest to a fault, with a quick mind and always a sarcastic comment on the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t need modesty, when it’s the truth. The general viewing audience likes a good show and Mark never fails to deliver. The fact that they’re consistently the highest-rated show in late night is a testament to that.
To be fair, Mark's not actively trying to be mean or hurtful or make anyone cry (and storm out in anger or abject humiliation after tossing their mug of water in his face), but if vapid celebrities who get paid far more than they're worth, ultimately wind up in tears or red from embarrassment, well, that's really not his prerogative.
Maybe it's a little sick and perverse how many people stay up to watch ZuckOnIt on a nightly basis, but it keeps everyone on his staff and crew well-fed with a roof over their heads (and plenty of cash to spare) so no one's exactly complaining. People do keep telling him to lighten up a bit onscreen every so often, but that's a whole different matter. Dustin’s the show’s comic relief anyway.
The only thing even close to challenging them ratings-wise is CBS’s media darling, self-declared bad boy and occasional social pariah (that is, when the media catches on to his latest drug scandal or illicit tryst with some underage girl), Sean Parker and his own late night show, which Mark would describe as more of a train-wreck that the simple-minded stop and stare at, than anything with actual substance, but to each their own, he supposes.
The Sean Parker Variety Hour has only beaten them twice in the ratings over the past six months (and that was only due to the show being a rerun both times), but Mark doesn't want to take any chances, especially considering Sean's viewership has been climbing steadily, while theirs has leveled for the most part. There’s still a marginal gap between them so Mark’s not really working that much harder.
*
Surprisingly, (or unsurprisingly, depending on who you ask) Eduardo does, in fact, last the rest of the week. And then the next.
Which is about when Mark really starts to pay attention.
And everything changes. Or goes to hell.
It really depends on who you ask.
*
Mark never really noticed before, but it’s almost as if Eduardo is everywhere.
One minute, he’s on set helping a stagehand adjust the lighting and then the next, he’s dealing with whatever mess one of the new interns (or Dustin, for that matter) has gotten themselves into recently. Right now, Eduardo’s casually sitting in Mark’s office helping him edit a few of the night’s skits.
He looks a little more relaxed than normal, not quite disheveled, but it’s a close thing. His suit jacket’s folded neatly on one of the chairs, and his tie’s been loosened slightly, enough so that it’s sitting askance and his shirt-sleeves are rolled up messily.
Eduardo looks soft, rumpled even. It’s kind of sweet.
Considering how flustered Mark’s getting at the sight of Eduardo’s exposed forearms of all things, he has to admit he may be paying a bit too much attention to these sort of details lately.
*
Eduardo Saverin, producer extraordinaire, (which is apparently what everyone who isn't Mark calls him) is too good to be true. Mark just has to figure out what his game is.
Seriously. It’s reached the point where Mark legitimately feels the need to find some dirt on him and quick. Before it turns out Eduardo secretly kicks puppies or eats babies or something. (Though he did seem fond of cats, that one time.)
Mark tries to bring it up casually in conversation one day, while at lunch with Chris and Dustin. Casual was never his strong suit.
Dustin stares at Mark like he's grown a second head or done something even far more unrealistic like announce he's quitting the show. "Oh my god, Mark. You are so insane." He reaches over to dramatically shake Mark by the shoulders. "Snap out of it-there's no elaborate plot to take over your job and Eduardo is not secretly out to kill you with kindness.”
“You can’t be so sure of that,” Mark shoots back. “He’s always around somewhere being all smiley and nice and generally helpful.” Mark punctuates each word with a dramatic wave of his hand, before gesturing at Chris and Dustin to come closer. He leans in as if confiding secrets of national importance. “He clearly knows too much,” Mark practically whispers, his voice oddly serious.
“Oh my god, stop.” Dustin starts laughing uncontrollably, which mostly involves a lot of flailing limbs. “This is too much. Please stop being so delusional," he adds, less jokingly, as he flops back in his seat, still trying to catch his breath.
Chris agrees. “It really says something about your state of mind, when Dustin of all people, is the voice of reason.”
He gets smacked in the arm twice for that.
It takes Chris a good minute to stop from shaking with laughter, but once he sobers up, he studies Mark more thoughtfully. "Where is this coming from? I know Eduardo from college, man. We used to work together.” He gives Mark a strange look. “You already know all of this. I gave you a file to read and everything."
Mark shakes his head. "It's not the same. His résumé’s pretty much flawless. I want details that can't be found on any standard form or work document. Tell me everything. Particularly the embarrassing stuff. Let's start with that."
Chris and Dustin exchange amused glances.
“Why do you even care?”
Mark rolls his eyes. “If Eduardo’s going to be running my show, I need to know everything about him. That includes his dirty little secrets.” Mark pauses, considering. “Um, assuming he has any.”
Chris still looks pretty amused, but he relents.
“Yay, storytime.” Dustin seems excited at this prospect as he moves to sit in his chair like a preschooler-knees folded to his chest, chin in his hands, studiously watching Chris.
Mark shakes his head at the display, but he’s unconsciously done a little of the same, shifting into a more comfortable position in his seat as Chris launches into his stories. He still keeps his laptop in front of him though, he’s not that far gone.
*
According to Chris, he and Eduardo first met back when they were just starting out in the business. The two of them were undergrads interning at a local Boston news station. In between classes, they pretty much lived in the studio, eagerly (and maybe a little naively), hoping to get all the knowledge and experience they could.
Apparently, Eduardo took full advantage of a childhood hobby of his and ended up as the young, up and coming meteorologist, whose boyish good looks and charm had him pegged as the station’s next anchor. Chris, on the other hand, did a lot of the PR stuff, but also the mundane, menial tasks like fetching people coffee and making photocopies, but he promises he’s not bitter about the experience. After all, it did get him where he is today.
“You mean stuck with a socially inept robot?” Dustin offers.
Mark makes a face at that. “Or how about a grown man who still gets giddy at the mention of free cake? And everyone knows you steal half the cookies from craft services,” Mark shoots back testily.
“Right, like you don’t practically own stock in Red Vines.” Dustin replies, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly.
Chris doesn’t exactly do anything in response to their blatant immaturity, but he gets this fond look on his face, like Mark and Dustin bickering is one of the sweetest things he’s seen.
Mark thinks that maybe they’re all a little delusional.
Late night television probably has that effect on people.
*
It's week three since Eduardo took over. Or as Dustin likes to call it, the Golden Age. Personally, Mark prefers the calm before the storm. There's no way things can (or should) be running this well. The tiger incident aside. And that doesn’t even really count as an incident since Eduardo dealt with it more or less single-handedly.
In all seriousness, since Mark had that talk with Chris and Dustin, he's beginning to realize that Eduardo really is an exceedingly competent producer. ZuckOnIt doesn't have the best track record with them, but it says a lot that Eduardo doesn't seem to have the urge to throw large objects at Mark's head. Or run away crying. Or slap him in the face. (Mark's still not quite over that last one.)
He consistently has everything in order, that is, when it comes to all the stuff Mark never really gives a second thought about-like making sure there's always a chilled can of Red Bull within arm's reach to personally confirming the availability of the guests and talent due to appear on upcoming shows. Eduardo never delegates anything that can't immediately be done himself and even manages to find the time to preoccupy Dustin enough to get him to stop popping his head in Mark's office (and invading his personal space) at random hours during the day for no reason in particular other than to serve as a major pain. It still happens, naturally, as Dustin is some kind of hyperactive creature that can never be tamed, but with far less frequency now that Eduardo's come along. Mark thinks that Dustin's just glad to have found a playmate of sorts and that Mark yells at him a lot less these days.
Mark's pretty sure that half the things Eduardo gets done aren't even technically part of his job description, but he's in no position to complain. Not when literally everything is running so smoothly.
Eduardo also occasionally leaves packs of Red Vines in random places throughout the studio and Mark's office. There's always a Post-it note attached with something obnoxiously cute and trite, complete with smiley faces. Apparently, Dustin's not the only one around here with the maturity of a grade-schooler. No wonder they get along so well.
Mark absolutely does not find it charming. Not in the slightest.
*
to be continued.