Comments | aquarius_galuxy: Infiltration (Brigits Flame Dec Week 1 Comp)

aquarius_galuxy

Infiltration (Brigits Flame Dec Week 1 Comp)

Dec 05, 2009 11:40

Title: Infiltration
Author: Aquarius Galuxy
Fiction type: Prose, original fiction (Novel idea #2)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Suspense
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: some gore and violence, maybe murder/death
Word count: 1,129
Summary: An assassin infiltrates an enemy's hideout to save her brother.
Author's Notes: Written for brigits_flame's December Week 1 contest, ( Read more... )

original fiction, writing

Comments 22

rephen December 9 2009, 13:32:20 UTC

Cool action-packed piece :D. The pace was great and I love ninja stories. She seems really kick-ass, and the ending was like WOAH. What happens now! I hope she finds a way out of that pickle and save her brother :D

I really enjoyed reading this. Hope to see more from you.

aquarius_galuxy December 10 2009, 07:16:24 UTC

Thank you! =D I haven't decided if she's going to be able to manage it herself, it's something I'm still considering! And thanks for the inspiration, I was thinking that perhaps someone else needed to save her instead. =P

Hello from one of your editors! fawatson December 12 2009, 09:36:11 UTC

Sorry I have taken so long, but I am one of your editors this week. The editing comments are ready. How do you want to receive them? I could post them here as a comment or I could email them to you if you would prefer to read them privately. Please let me know.

Re: Hello from one of your editors! aquarius_galuxy December 12 2009, 09:38:00 UTC

=o posting them here would be fine, I don't mind either option. =D Thank you!

Comments from one of your editors! fawatson December 12 2009, 11:21:39 UTC

I have started with general comments and then will give you a couple of specific comments.

GeneralYou expressed some doubt about the quality of your writing, because of the time it took you to write this piece. However, I do not think you need worry about it. The general quality of your writing is good. Speed is not an issue, really, and all writers hit blocks at some stage and learning how to write through them is a useful skill to develop. The plot and protagonist are both interesting and likeable; there was a logical progression to the ideas; the paragraphing is fine; there is a nice variety in sentence structure; the spelling, grammar and punctuation are generally OK. Well done ( ... )

Re: Comments from one of your editors! aquarius_galuxy December 12 2009, 12:01:04 UTC

Thanks for the edits ( ... )

Thread 7

mister_troper January 2 2010, 18:39:31 UTC

Hi, I'm one of your replacement editors! I have to, of course, laugh, because I edited the later in this set, so it's cool and all in media res-y to get to go back and read the set up ( ... )

aquarius_galuxy January 3 2010, 00:48:54 UTC

Hello again! =D It definitely is quite the coincidence that you're editing these piece too. Thanks for the edits! I'll think on them.

The only bit I don't quite understand is the "dangling participle-y" line - should the continuous tense be changed to the past tense too? =o

mister_troper January 5 2010, 16:54:04 UTC

When a participial phrase shows up ("cursing under her breath"), the mind tends to go back to the last subject it saw. In this case, that's "clouds." It's not a big example because clouds can't curse (I think) so it's less a matter of confusion as it is a bit mentally jarring.

aquarius_galuxy January 5 2010, 17:07:25 UTC

I see it now, thanks!