Silhouette
Title: Silhouette
Pairings: Yunjae
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Romance
Beta: motty123
Summary: An unexpected text message sends Yunho’s world in a tailspin. What will Christmas bring?
A/N: mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:
EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA">I had this dream that Yunjae ran off together to…Aruba. Strangely after waking I found myself wishing it was true. I wouldn’t care if I never got to see them again…if I just knew they were happy and together.
Yunho’s phone went off, alerting him to a new text message. He pulled his phone from his pocket to see who the text was from and saw it was from an unfamiliar number, but most curiously it read, Merry *gum* Christmas.
He was in the middle of rehearsal for one of the many Japanese music show performances he had scheduled for the end of the year, but at the moment he had some downtime. There was only one person the text could be from, so against his better judgment he found himself texting back. Merry *bridge* Christmas to you.
The reply was instant as if the one texting him could mentally project text messages. Have you had any cheap ramen lately?
Yunho smiled, feeling his heart start to swell, and texted back. No. Have you stolen any hamburgers lately?
I buy my own now, but they don’t taste as good.
Treasured memories flooded Yunho, he knew that soon somebody would be asking him what he found so interesting. Maybe because it was the Christmas season, maybe because sometimes time really did mend all wounds, or maybe just because it was the truth he texted back. I’ve missed you.
Meet me on Christmas Eve night at the place where we first kissed.
Yunho froze after reading the newest text, and chastised himself for even responding in the first place. This is why communication was a very bad idea. One minute he was feeling wonderfully nostalgic, and the next he gets hit with this unreasonable request. It was complete and utter madness to ask to meet…there was no way he could go. He forced his shaking fingers to text out. I can’t.
He then went to block the number from his phone, but before he had time to block it another text arrived which simply read, I’ll be waiting.
Yunho quickly finished blocking the number and then deleted all the texts. He felt frazzled and he mentally rebuked himself for being so foolish. Some things were better left in the past.
“Hyung?”
Yunho looked up from the chair where he had been sitting to see a concerned Changmin looking down at him. “Are they ready for us?” Yunho asked the younger man.
“Yes,” Changmin answered and Yunho quickly got up to join him.
******************
Three hours after midnight on Christmas Day, Yunho found himself standing in the most unlikely of spots. He was outside an old, run-down flat where someone he had once loved with all his heart had lived. Memories of his desperate spent youth engulfed him. He had been so desperate back then, so desperate to prove himself…to make his dreams come true, and he had been desperately in love with one who shared his dreams.
Yunho reached down and turned the knob to the door to the flat, and it opened easily. He hesitated before opening the door. He knew he shouldn’t expect anybody to be in the flat…no normal person would still be waiting at this hour.
But of course the one that would be waiting for him was far from normal. Yunho pushed the door open and walked into the small flat and immediately saw the silhouette of a man standing at a window, looking out on all of Seoul.
Yunho shivered. The room was freezing. He went to flip on the light, and he soon found the flat was without electricity.
“I thought you wouldn’t come.”
Yunho’s eyes that were slowly adapting to the room, that was only lit by the moonlight and the night lights of Seoul shining through the window, turned his focus on the man standing at the window. “I wasn’t going to come.”
“What changed your mind?”
Yunho did not walk closer to the other man. “I couldn’t sleep, because I just couldn’t stop thinking of you,” he admitted. “It was like everything had fallen in place for us to finally meet again. I just felt like I should come…that I shouldn’t let the opportunity slip away.”
“I’m so glad you came, Yunho.”
Yunho took one step closer and stopped. “Jaejoong, it probably isn’t a very smart idea though.”
“Will you be punished?”
Yunho shook his head in annoyance, even though the other man couldn’t see him. “No, contrary to popular rumors Changmin and I are not beaten for our misbehavior.”
“I didn’t mean that. I just…I guess sometimes it’s easier to blame our falling apart on the evils of others.”
“Although many others had a hand in it, we both know we allowed it to happen. Without our cooperation nobody could have separated us.”
“Do you hate me?”
“No,” Yunho quickly answered. “Do you hate me?”
“No, but I sometimes blamed you…when I wasn’t busy blaming myself.”
“I used to take turns blaming you, blaming others, but most of all blaming myself. At first it was really easy to place blame, but I am tired of blaming you, blaming others, and of blaming myself. Sadly, sometimes things are just not meant to be.”
“But it was beautiful when it lasted…the three of us…the two of you…it’s just not the same,” Jaejoong told the man, standing behind him in the distance.
Yunho walked forward, surrendering to the need to be closer. “No, but it isn’t bad. It’s just different.”
“I miss you so much,” Jaejoong said suddenly as a wave of sadness engulfed him. “I am surrounded by people all the time, but it’s never enough. They are my friends and I love them, but they are not the boy who shared this flat with me. They are not the boy who shared my hunger to succeed, and they are not the boy who slept under the bridge.”
Yunho closed the distance between them and walked up behind Jaejoong, wrapping his arms around him, and hugging him tightly from behind. “And nobody else is that boy who sold gum to survive, and who shared his last bag of ramen with me…who took me in when nobody else would.”
Jaejoong closed his eyes tightly, clamped his mouth shut, and tried to control the rush of emotions that threatened to consume him. How long had it been since he had felt Yunho’s arms around him? It had been years. Years of not feeling the incredible warmth that was Yunho…how had he survived without that warmth?
When Jaejoong didn’t respond to him, Yunho asked nervously, “Do you want me to let you go?”
“No,” Jaejoong gasped. “No, I just…I just need to remember how to breathe.”
Yunho hugged him tighter, knowing exactly how Jaejoong felt, because he felt the same way. “Have you not been hugged lately?”
“Not like this, never like this. Nobody hugs me like you do…nobody.”
Yunho smiled, and buried his face in Jaejoong’s hair and confessed, “I miss hugging you. I’d rather hug you than anybody else in the world.”
Jaejoong reached down and covered Yunho’s hands with his own. “Well anytime you feel the urge, just let me know and I will appear.”
Yunho chuckled and his whole body rocked with laughter. “I can just see myself explaining your sudden appearance to the staff.”
“Just tell them I’m here for a quick hug fix, and I will be gone….”
Neither man said a word as the reality of their circumstances intruded upon the moment. The silence between them grew as they thought of their very different lives. Lives that were bound by memories and old love, but separated by obstacles that were determined to keep them forever apart.
“Does anybody know you are here?” Yunho asked suddenly.
Jaejoong shook his head no. “What about you?”
“I didn’t tell anybody about the text, and I snuck out without anybody noticing,” Yunho told the man in his arms.
“Like forbidden lovers, meeting in the night to run away,” Jaejoong said wistfully.
Yunho was suddenly well aware of the fact that Jaejoong had once been his lover, his lover in this very flat, and his lover for many years after fame had claimed them. He had never been as happy as he had been with Jaejoong. “You want to run away with me?”
“When do we leave?”
“That’s all you need to ask?” Yunho questioned in surprise at the other man’s response. He had expected him to laugh…not sound so eager to go.
Jaejoong shifted in Yunho’s arms until he was facing him. “I have the means now, and there is nobody else I would rather run away with.”
Fear and excitement filled Yunho as he heard the genuineness of Jaejoong’s words. “I was teasing. We couldn’t possibly…we haven’t been together in years.”
Jaejoong’s large dark eyes were clearly seen in the light the night provided. “Then all the more reason to go. The thought of escaping to another country, and the thought of starting all over again with you…I can think of nothing I’d rather do.”
“Are you being serious?”
“I have never loved anybody like I loved you. I mean right now…in this cold, old, run down flat I feel more alive than I have felt in years,” Jaejoong explained to the taller man. “I would give everything up to continue feeling like this.”
Yunho’s fear started to dissipate as Jaejoong spoke the words he also felt. He didn’t know when he had lost his zeal for life. As he stood in the freezing flat he was well aware his life for a long time had simply consisted of going through the motions. Doing what was expected of him…he missed the passion. He missed Jaejoong. “I’ve always loved you…nobody has ever come close to replacing you in my heart.”
Jaejoong tilted his head up, and met Yunho’s lips with his own.
Yunho bent down crushing Jaejoong’s lips hungrily against his. Their first kiss in years, and like the hug it took their breath away as passions they had been denying for years flooded back, rekindling a fire that had never truly died. Minutes passed and any awkwardness the years of separation had caused vanished as the power of that old neglected love burned, consuming them both.
They broke from the kiss breathlessly, gasping for air, but careful to keep their bodies pressed closely together. Yunho recovered first and said with a new determination, “I don’t want this to be our last kiss.”
“No, it can’t be. This flat can claim our first kiss, but it can’t have our last,” Jaejoong said firmly, knowing the grave error they had made, and vowing to correct it.
Yunho placed both of his hands on Jaejoong’s face, and softly told the other man, “Never our last.”
“If we leave…we can never come back,” Jaejoong warned.
“Leave…you mean the country?” Yunho gasped, realizing Jaejoong’s intentions.
“Yes, the country, and everybody who lives here,” Jaejoong told Yunho. “We will never be able to come back.”
Yunho tried to swallow down his misgivings. How could he leave? He had so many responsibilities, but still he couldn’t resist from asking, “Where would he go?”
“Anywhere we wanted…as long as we are together. We can start all over again…just the two of us,” Jaejoong told him as he wiped his eyes that were suddenly filled with tears.
“Jaejoong, why are you are crying? I wouldn’t ask you to leave your home.”
Jaejoong shook his head quickly and buried his face in Yunho’s chest. “I am not crying because I don’t want to leave. I am crying because I don’t think you can leave. I once left the only life I knew, I once left Changmin, and I once left you. I know how hard it is to leave. You couldn’t do it then, and I fear you won’t be able to do it now.”
Yunho tensed as he understood the reason behind Jaejoong’s fear. “And you could? You could leave your family, your career, your fans…you could leave Yoochun and Junsu? You could leave it all behind?”
“Yes,” Jaejoong said resolutely. “If it meant being with you. If it meant being happy…being wonderfully happy again. If it meant feeling like myself again. I would do it in a heartbeat.”
Yunho clung to Jaejoong’s strength…what would it feel like to be alive again? To be truly happy again, to start over again, and to only answer to himself and this man he had spent years missing. “Also it doesn’t mean that we couldn’t have visitors…it just means we couldn’t come back to South Korea. But if we left after our mandatory military service…then we could return home,” Yunho quickly reasoned.
Jaejoong took a step back and traced the lapels on Yunho’s coat. “I don’t want to wait that long.”
“Me either,” Yunho agreed as the thought of a new life with Jaejoong cancelled out all his other concerns. Those who truly loved him…truly knew him would understand. “We have to be smart, and we have to really plan.”
“You are really considering this?”
“I really am,” Yunho told his old lover not believing it himself, but knowing he was in love with the idea. He was in love with the idea of starting all over again, just like the young boy who had lived in this flat with Jaejoong so long ago.
“We can’t tell anybody. They will only try to talk us out of it,” Jaejoong said, stepping back into Yunho’s arms and hugging him tightly.
Yunho hugged Jaejoong back just as tightly as his mind starting planning their escape…their rebirth. “Agreed, and we have to set up secret ways of communicating with each other till we leave. Gum and bridge will be our secret code…just like they were so long ago.”
“I can’t believe this is happening, and on Christmas of all days,” Jaejoong joyfully exclaimed, pulling Yunho down for another kiss. A kiss that was full of promise, and faith in their love. They stood there together till the morning sun arose and the brightness of the new day chased the silhouettes away, surrounding them with warmth and filling their hearts with hope for a better tomorrow.
Pairings: Yunjae
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Romance
Beta: motty123
Summary: An unexpected text message sends Yunho’s world in a tailspin. What will Christmas bring?
A/N: mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:
EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA">I had this dream that Yunjae ran off together to…Aruba. Strangely after waking I found myself wishing it was true. I wouldn’t care if I never got to see them again…if I just knew they were happy and together.
Yunho’s phone went off, alerting him to a new text message. He pulled his phone from his pocket to see who the text was from and saw it was from an unfamiliar number, but most curiously it read, Merry *gum* Christmas.
He was in the middle of rehearsal for one of the many Japanese music show performances he had scheduled for the end of the year, but at the moment he had some downtime. There was only one person the text could be from, so against his better judgment he found himself texting back. Merry *bridge* Christmas to you.
The reply was instant as if the one texting him could mentally project text messages. Have you had any cheap ramen lately?
Yunho smiled, feeling his heart start to swell, and texted back. No. Have you stolen any hamburgers lately?
I buy my own now, but they don’t taste as good.
Treasured memories flooded Yunho, he knew that soon somebody would be asking him what he found so interesting. Maybe because it was the Christmas season, maybe because sometimes time really did mend all wounds, or maybe just because it was the truth he texted back. I’ve missed you.
Meet me on Christmas Eve night at the place where we first kissed.
Yunho froze after reading the newest text, and chastised himself for even responding in the first place. This is why communication was a very bad idea. One minute he was feeling wonderfully nostalgic, and the next he gets hit with this unreasonable request. It was complete and utter madness to ask to meet…there was no way he could go. He forced his shaking fingers to text out. I can’t.
He then went to block the number from his phone, but before he had time to block it another text arrived which simply read, I’ll be waiting.
Yunho quickly finished blocking the number and then deleted all the texts. He felt frazzled and he mentally rebuked himself for being so foolish. Some things were better left in the past.
“Hyung?”
Yunho looked up from the chair where he had been sitting to see a concerned Changmin looking down at him. “Are they ready for us?” Yunho asked the younger man.
“Yes,” Changmin answered and Yunho quickly got up to join him.
******************
Three hours after midnight on Christmas Day, Yunho found himself standing in the most unlikely of spots. He was outside an old, run-down flat where someone he had once loved with all his heart had lived. Memories of his desperate spent youth engulfed him. He had been so desperate back then, so desperate to prove himself…to make his dreams come true, and he had been desperately in love with one who shared his dreams.
Yunho reached down and turned the knob to the door to the flat, and it opened easily. He hesitated before opening the door. He knew he shouldn’t expect anybody to be in the flat…no normal person would still be waiting at this hour.
But of course the one that would be waiting for him was far from normal. Yunho pushed the door open and walked into the small flat and immediately saw the silhouette of a man standing at a window, looking out on all of Seoul.
Yunho shivered. The room was freezing. He went to flip on the light, and he soon found the flat was without electricity.
“I thought you wouldn’t come.”
Yunho’s eyes that were slowly adapting to the room, that was only lit by the moonlight and the night lights of Seoul shining through the window, turned his focus on the man standing at the window. “I wasn’t going to come.”
“What changed your mind?”
Yunho did not walk closer to the other man. “I couldn’t sleep, because I just couldn’t stop thinking of you,” he admitted. “It was like everything had fallen in place for us to finally meet again. I just felt like I should come…that I shouldn’t let the opportunity slip away.”
“I’m so glad you came, Yunho.”
Yunho took one step closer and stopped. “Jaejoong, it probably isn’t a very smart idea though.”
“Will you be punished?”
Yunho shook his head in annoyance, even though the other man couldn’t see him. “No, contrary to popular rumors Changmin and I are not beaten for our misbehavior.”
“I didn’t mean that. I just…I guess sometimes it’s easier to blame our falling apart on the evils of others.”
“Although many others had a hand in it, we both know we allowed it to happen. Without our cooperation nobody could have separated us.”
“Do you hate me?”
“No,” Yunho quickly answered. “Do you hate me?”
“No, but I sometimes blamed you…when I wasn’t busy blaming myself.”
“I used to take turns blaming you, blaming others, but most of all blaming myself. At first it was really easy to place blame, but I am tired of blaming you, blaming others, and of blaming myself. Sadly, sometimes things are just not meant to be.”
“But it was beautiful when it lasted…the three of us…the two of you…it’s just not the same,” Jaejoong told the man, standing behind him in the distance.
Yunho walked forward, surrendering to the need to be closer. “No, but it isn’t bad. It’s just different.”
“I miss you so much,” Jaejoong said suddenly as a wave of sadness engulfed him. “I am surrounded by people all the time, but it’s never enough. They are my friends and I love them, but they are not the boy who shared this flat with me. They are not the boy who shared my hunger to succeed, and they are not the boy who slept under the bridge.”
Yunho closed the distance between them and walked up behind Jaejoong, wrapping his arms around him, and hugging him tightly from behind. “And nobody else is that boy who sold gum to survive, and who shared his last bag of ramen with me…who took me in when nobody else would.”
Jaejoong closed his eyes tightly, clamped his mouth shut, and tried to control the rush of emotions that threatened to consume him. How long had it been since he had felt Yunho’s arms around him? It had been years. Years of not feeling the incredible warmth that was Yunho…how had he survived without that warmth?
When Jaejoong didn’t respond to him, Yunho asked nervously, “Do you want me to let you go?”
“No,” Jaejoong gasped. “No, I just…I just need to remember how to breathe.”
Yunho hugged him tighter, knowing exactly how Jaejoong felt, because he felt the same way. “Have you not been hugged lately?”
“Not like this, never like this. Nobody hugs me like you do…nobody.”
Yunho smiled, and buried his face in Jaejoong’s hair and confessed, “I miss hugging you. I’d rather hug you than anybody else in the world.”
Jaejoong reached down and covered Yunho’s hands with his own. “Well anytime you feel the urge, just let me know and I will appear.”
Yunho chuckled and his whole body rocked with laughter. “I can just see myself explaining your sudden appearance to the staff.”
“Just tell them I’m here for a quick hug fix, and I will be gone….”
Neither man said a word as the reality of their circumstances intruded upon the moment. The silence between them grew as they thought of their very different lives. Lives that were bound by memories and old love, but separated by obstacles that were determined to keep them forever apart.
“Does anybody know you are here?” Yunho asked suddenly.
Jaejoong shook his head no. “What about you?”
“I didn’t tell anybody about the text, and I snuck out without anybody noticing,” Yunho told the man in his arms.
“Like forbidden lovers, meeting in the night to run away,” Jaejoong said wistfully.
Yunho was suddenly well aware of the fact that Jaejoong had once been his lover, his lover in this very flat, and his lover for many years after fame had claimed them. He had never been as happy as he had been with Jaejoong. “You want to run away with me?”
“When do we leave?”
“That’s all you need to ask?” Yunho questioned in surprise at the other man’s response. He had expected him to laugh…not sound so eager to go.
Jaejoong shifted in Yunho’s arms until he was facing him. “I have the means now, and there is nobody else I would rather run away with.”
Fear and excitement filled Yunho as he heard the genuineness of Jaejoong’s words. “I was teasing. We couldn’t possibly…we haven’t been together in years.”
Jaejoong’s large dark eyes were clearly seen in the light the night provided. “Then all the more reason to go. The thought of escaping to another country, and the thought of starting all over again with you…I can think of nothing I’d rather do.”
“Are you being serious?”
“I have never loved anybody like I loved you. I mean right now…in this cold, old, run down flat I feel more alive than I have felt in years,” Jaejoong explained to the taller man. “I would give everything up to continue feeling like this.”
Yunho’s fear started to dissipate as Jaejoong spoke the words he also felt. He didn’t know when he had lost his zeal for life. As he stood in the freezing flat he was well aware his life for a long time had simply consisted of going through the motions. Doing what was expected of him…he missed the passion. He missed Jaejoong. “I’ve always loved you…nobody has ever come close to replacing you in my heart.”
Jaejoong tilted his head up, and met Yunho’s lips with his own.
Yunho bent down crushing Jaejoong’s lips hungrily against his. Their first kiss in years, and like the hug it took their breath away as passions they had been denying for years flooded back, rekindling a fire that had never truly died. Minutes passed and any awkwardness the years of separation had caused vanished as the power of that old neglected love burned, consuming them both.
They broke from the kiss breathlessly, gasping for air, but careful to keep their bodies pressed closely together. Yunho recovered first and said with a new determination, “I don’t want this to be our last kiss.”
“No, it can’t be. This flat can claim our first kiss, but it can’t have our last,” Jaejoong said firmly, knowing the grave error they had made, and vowing to correct it.
Yunho placed both of his hands on Jaejoong’s face, and softly told the other man, “Never our last.”
“If we leave…we can never come back,” Jaejoong warned.
“Leave…you mean the country?” Yunho gasped, realizing Jaejoong’s intentions.
“Yes, the country, and everybody who lives here,” Jaejoong told Yunho. “We will never be able to come back.”
Yunho tried to swallow down his misgivings. How could he leave? He had so many responsibilities, but still he couldn’t resist from asking, “Where would he go?”
“Anywhere we wanted…as long as we are together. We can start all over again…just the two of us,” Jaejoong told him as he wiped his eyes that were suddenly filled with tears.
“Jaejoong, why are you are crying? I wouldn’t ask you to leave your home.”
Jaejoong shook his head quickly and buried his face in Yunho’s chest. “I am not crying because I don’t want to leave. I am crying because I don’t think you can leave. I once left the only life I knew, I once left Changmin, and I once left you. I know how hard it is to leave. You couldn’t do it then, and I fear you won’t be able to do it now.”
Yunho tensed as he understood the reason behind Jaejoong’s fear. “And you could? You could leave your family, your career, your fans…you could leave Yoochun and Junsu? You could leave it all behind?”
“Yes,” Jaejoong said resolutely. “If it meant being with you. If it meant being happy…being wonderfully happy again. If it meant feeling like myself again. I would do it in a heartbeat.”
Yunho clung to Jaejoong’s strength…what would it feel like to be alive again? To be truly happy again, to start over again, and to only answer to himself and this man he had spent years missing. “Also it doesn’t mean that we couldn’t have visitors…it just means we couldn’t come back to South Korea. But if we left after our mandatory military service…then we could return home,” Yunho quickly reasoned.
Jaejoong took a step back and traced the lapels on Yunho’s coat. “I don’t want to wait that long.”
“Me either,” Yunho agreed as the thought of a new life with Jaejoong cancelled out all his other concerns. Those who truly loved him…truly knew him would understand. “We have to be smart, and we have to really plan.”
“You are really considering this?”
“I really am,” Yunho told his old lover not believing it himself, but knowing he was in love with the idea. He was in love with the idea of starting all over again, just like the young boy who had lived in this flat with Jaejoong so long ago.
“We can’t tell anybody. They will only try to talk us out of it,” Jaejoong said, stepping back into Yunho’s arms and hugging him tightly.
Yunho hugged Jaejoong back just as tightly as his mind starting planning their escape…their rebirth. “Agreed, and we have to set up secret ways of communicating with each other till we leave. Gum and bridge will be our secret code…just like they were so long ago.”
“I can’t believe this is happening, and on Christmas of all days,” Jaejoong joyfully exclaimed, pulling Yunho down for another kiss. A kiss that was full of promise, and faith in their love. They stood there together till the morning sun arose and the brightness of the new day chased the silhouettes away, surrounding them with warmth and filling their hearts with hope for a better tomorrow.