Friday
11:30
granola bar
honey nut cheerios drowned in milk because it goes bad tomorrow
apple juice
meds
12:00pm
chicken cassorole
mixed veggies
v8
3:00pm
pretzels, granola bar
water
6:30pm
turkey sandwich, pickle, cheese, mustard
green beans
yogurt
water
I can't believe it's Friday and I go back to class Monday. I have so much due. I haven't even begun the 100+ pages of reading for the one class, much less the two papers due for the other. I've been killing myself trying to get my abstract/annotated bib done for Monday, and I haven't even got a solid topic yet.
I don't know how I got here, end of spring break and still so unaccomplished. I worked! Just not nearly enough, it seems. It makes me feel lazy, stupid, and undisciplined.
I hate this. Grad school does nothing but kill my self esteem and make me feel bad about myself. There's so much I want to learn, and looking back, I'm proud of how much I've learned this year. But it's never enough. For someone with a crippling self-doubt and critically low self esteem, this experience is devastating.
But I looked at the degree requirements. Turns out, I only need 24 credits, not 36 to graduate.
And I got retroactively approved for an out-of-state tuition waiver, which means I only in-state, literally half of what I took out in loans for this year.
I need to figure out what to do about that, send the loan money back? Use it for next year?
** edit, Had a nice 5 hour productive streak and now I'm feeling down again. -_-