Saiyuki - Ficlet - PG - Not Alone - Gojyo, Sanzo
Title: Not Alone
Fandom: Saiyuki
Rating: Say PG-13 for Gojyo's 'colourful' language.
Summary: "...of all the things that could have happened today, why this?"
Warnings: Language, Monologue.
Well, shit.
The first thing I see is...nothing. Darkness all around. I'm lying on my back, the air feels thick and dusty. I can hear breathing and it's not just me. There's someone or something else out there. I can hear it rasping away. The situation just went from 'probably bad' to 'up to my ears in shit'.
Now'd be a perfect time to show up, Hakkai...
Well, fuck. Looks like my knight on a white dragon isn't going to show so I'm stuck with whatever the hell is making that racket. I'm gonna go and sho-! ...or I'm going to lie back down. Very fucking carefully. Feels like someone got a little too up close and personal. Ribs are on fire, arms work but nobody's happy about it. Can't move my legs without every nerve (and a few I didn't know I had) screaming.
Nothing to do but lie here and wait for the bastard over there to come finish me off. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed. I was expecting to have to listen to "Evil Youkai Demanding Sutra" for the billionth time. Of course, it'd sorta be wasted on just lil' ol' me...oh, fuck.
The others. I'd have to be on top of Hakkai to sense him but I can't feel the monkey. Goddammit, Goku, you better not have gotten your ass killed! You know Sanzo'll kill me if anything happens to you. Hakkai - well, Hakkai's fine. Hakkai's always fine. Besides, Jeep'll be looking out for him. I'd feel a lot better if I could see him but he'd probably off rescuing the monkey or patching up Sanzo.
And as soon as I can move, I'll just go find him and he can patch me up, right? Right. Just have to wait 'til I can move and hope whoever the fuck is gasping away in the corner leaves me alone until then. Of course, it'd help if I knew where 'here' is. An inn? A bit of road? Am I blind? Am I trapped?!
No. Not thinking about that. Getting harder to breathe - panic's setting in. It'll be cool, just gotta keeping taking it one breath at a time. Think of something else; like where I am. Well, let's see. What's the last thing I remember?
We stopped for the night at that inn with the big waitress with the cutest little- no, not gonna think of that either. Lying on my back in the pitch dark with uninvited company is not the time to be having dirty thoughts. Well, not very dirty thoughts anyway and Hakkai'd kill me if he knew. At least, he would if he knew that I knew that he knew. Complicated bastard. Good thing he's worth it or I'd be borrowing Sanzo's gun...
And thinking about my lover isn't really helping anything.
Heh. 'Lover' - never called him that before. Not to his face, anyway. He wasn't a lover, not at first. It just kinda...happened. I was bored and he was getting kinda antsy and we'd ripped a playing card so we couldn't gamble and I had a lot to drink and things just got a little overwhelming. And that was how it went. No strings, no sweet nothings, just two guys having a fuck when things outside (or demons inside) got too much to bear.
Then Sanzo dragged us right outta that rut and off into the West. Wasn't sure what to do or whether he'd let me push it in front of Sanzo and Goku. Now me, I couldn't care less what the blond bastard thinks but Hakkai really wants his respect and he'd hate me if I fucked that up.
Sanzo. Now there's a man who's "easy on the eyes and hell on the nerves" as Jien used to say. 'Course I was too young to know what he meant by that until way later on but that's another thing entirely. Right now, I'm thinking about the monk and I gotta admit; I'm kinda worried.
The horror of that thought has me patting my pockets in search of cigarette. True to my luck, there's no sign of the half a pack I'm sure were in my breast pocket. I do find my lighter. Not too bad. At least now I can take a look around.
And it's another cave. I'm really starting to wonder if there's some fucker of a God up there who's running along ahead of us to make sure that there are enough dead-end caves for us to stumble into. Curiousity gets me to my feet and I start to limp around along the pile of fallen rocks that were probably part of the ceiling not too long ago. The lighter flickers a little as I poke and prod at a few of the boulders optomistically.
Well, I ain't gettin' out of here by myself.
I turn and the light catches just a hint of ...gold?
Oh fuck...
It can't be but even as I lurch forward, I know. The rasp and gasp of pained breathing isn't coming from a Youkai. Genjyo Sanzo is lying in a pool of dark liquid, pale-faced and unconcious.
I drop the lighter and the sudden darkness hides my trembling hands as I lowered myself gingerly to the ground and start to grope around for it. My hand brushes against soft hair and I freeze. It's funny but I'm almost praying for the roar of outrage and the crack of the gunshot. Don't ask me why but he never bothers with the fan if someone gets too close. Straight for the gun and BANG! That's all he wrote.
The only time I've actually believed he'd shoot me was during our first meeting, when I got a little too up-close and personal. He doesn't like being touched and it feels ...wrong.
Wrong or not, I need to know how bad it is. It'd help if I could find the god-damn fucking lighter! Angry now, I'm almost slapping my hand down. The rough stone stings my hands, adding another nagging ache to the growing list. Finally I feel it - a small cold oblong of slippery steel.
I fumble it open - why the fuck can't I keep my hands steady? - and take a deep breath. I can still hear his breathing. Bastard monk isn't going die easy. I ignore the voice in the back of my mind (which sounds a helluva lot like Hakkai lecturing me on first aid) that says the breathing's slowing down. It's getting harder to breathe and I've got to be imagining that faint gurgling sound. I need a smoke.
The light makes me flinch but even with stars dancing across my vision, I can tell the monk's hurting. He's lost a lot of blood and it looks like someone's ripped him open -again-! My breath hisses out between my teeth and all of a sudden, I'm not feeling so bad.
The sutra's there and in pretty good condition. Better than its owner but that's not exactly hard right now. It takes longer than I'd like to wrap the injuries and get him propped up against the wall. I'm tired, I'm sore and juggling the lighter and a limp monk who's oozing blood all over me takes all the concentration I've got. I need a smoke so badly. Gimme the stink of nicotine over all these blood any day.
"Oi, baldy. You owe me new clothes."
Nothing. Not so much as a twitch and I've seen him take a swing at a Goddess while in a coma.
Now I'm really worried.
Damn it, why me? I think I remember how we got here. Youkai, fighting and Goku demolishing a wall then the ceiling falling...if anyone had to get stranded in here with Sanzo-sama, why couldn't it have been Hakkai or Goku. Hakkai'd be able to fix him or blast through a wall or something. Goku...Goku'd be freaking out and smashing things up. Me? I'm sitting here, wishing for a cigarette and chewing on my finge- I take my little finger out of my mouth and stare in disgust at the saliva and teethmarks. I really need a smoke.
Of course...Sanzo smokes. Same brand and everything. So he must have cigarettes. In fact, I know he does. I even know where he keeps them and that's the problem. I sit and stare at the wall, trying to just ignore how badly I want a fucking cigarette. I shift around and check his bandages again. More shifting.
Is it just me or does Sanzo have a target tattooed on his belly in 'visible to youkai only' ink? Every single time he gets hit hard enough to get knocked down and it's a gut wound. I've seen his intestines so many times, I'm starting to think that I'd be able to recognise them all on their own.
Still, I remember the first time it happened. That freak Rikudo and his holier-than-thou bullshit. I've always wondered why Sanzo wanted to save him that badly. Bastard'll never tell me of course but it must be something big. I remember looking at him, lying there in the rain with blood draining away and it suddenly struck me; he's human.
Me, I'm part human but I got youkai blood in here too. Hakkai and Goku are the real thing. And we're all stronger than him. Physically stronger anyway. It's not something we've ever talked about. I don't think we ever gave it a thought before that night.
We still don't talk about it. I've never cracked a joke about it, Hakkai's never used it as an excuse and Goku's never seemed to think about it. But I'm fucking positive that I wasn't the only one who looked down at him that night and wondered what the fuck kept him going.
He's a hard bastard - no denying that - and I used to hate him for it. It wasn't until I started to get to know the bastard that I realised he's a hell of a lot harder on himself than he is on anyone else. Whatever it is that he's looking for, he's going to get it. Not because he'd led a good life or because the gods are looking out for him. He's going to get it because he's not going stop until he does.
I wonder...is that why we're all trailing along behind him? Me, I never did shit with my life. Jien upped and left. Mother was dead. Father was dead. All I had was drink, gambling and women. Not a bad life, but not one I wanted to stay in even when I was old and grey.
Then I pick a stranger off the street and everything gets turned topsy-turvy.
When Sanzo offered us that job, I was so fucking tempted. But I didn't want that bastard marching all over me like he did Goku. Shoulda known I wasn't getting away that easy.
And GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, I need a cigarette!
The cravings always make me philosophical and depressed. Fuck the risk. Monk doesn't need 'em right now and I damn well DO! He wants to shoot me, his problem 'cause I need a smoke! Fumbling with his robes, I find the gun but no fan and, more importantly, no cigarettes!
I'm starting to loose hope when I see the faintest trace of foil. No thought required and I snatch the packet up hungrily. Sanzo got a fresh pack this morning and they're aaaaaaaaaaalllllll mine!
I rip the pack open - the plastic's gone so Sanzo's had a least one - and pull out a cigarette. It's not until it sags over my fingers that I realise it's wet - no, it's soaked - in blood. I let it fall onto the floor and drop the packet like it's redhot.
There's blood all over my hands. I rub them against my legs, trying to ignore the trembling. It's not coming off. Sanzo's gasping for air and the lighter's flame flickers. It's almost outta fuel.
In the last few seconds before it dies, I look at Sanzo's slack face and move so we're side-by-side. Hakkai n' Goku will find us but until then, I'm staying here. No matter what happens, I'm not alone.
Fandom: Saiyuki
Rating: Say PG-13 for Gojyo's 'colourful' language.
Summary: "...of all the things that could have happened today, why this?"
Warnings: Language, Monologue.
Well, shit.
The first thing I see is...nothing. Darkness all around. I'm lying on my back, the air feels thick and dusty. I can hear breathing and it's not just me. There's someone or something else out there. I can hear it rasping away. The situation just went from 'probably bad' to 'up to my ears in shit'.
Now'd be a perfect time to show up, Hakkai...
Well, fuck. Looks like my knight on a white dragon isn't going to show so I'm stuck with whatever the hell is making that racket. I'm gonna go and sho-! ...or I'm going to lie back down. Very fucking carefully. Feels like someone got a little too up close and personal. Ribs are on fire, arms work but nobody's happy about it. Can't move my legs without every nerve (and a few I didn't know I had) screaming.
Nothing to do but lie here and wait for the bastard over there to come finish me off. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed. I was expecting to have to listen to "Evil Youkai Demanding Sutra" for the billionth time. Of course, it'd sorta be wasted on just lil' ol' me...oh, fuck.
The others. I'd have to be on top of Hakkai to sense him but I can't feel the monkey. Goddammit, Goku, you better not have gotten your ass killed! You know Sanzo'll kill me if anything happens to you. Hakkai - well, Hakkai's fine. Hakkai's always fine. Besides, Jeep'll be looking out for him. I'd feel a lot better if I could see him but he'd probably off rescuing the monkey or patching up Sanzo.
And as soon as I can move, I'll just go find him and he can patch me up, right? Right. Just have to wait 'til I can move and hope whoever the fuck is gasping away in the corner leaves me alone until then. Of course, it'd help if I knew where 'here' is. An inn? A bit of road? Am I blind? Am I trapped?!
No. Not thinking about that. Getting harder to breathe - panic's setting in. It'll be cool, just gotta keeping taking it one breath at a time. Think of something else; like where I am. Well, let's see. What's the last thing I remember?
We stopped for the night at that inn with the big waitress with the cutest little- no, not gonna think of that either. Lying on my back in the pitch dark with uninvited company is not the time to be having dirty thoughts. Well, not very dirty thoughts anyway and Hakkai'd kill me if he knew. At least, he would if he knew that I knew that he knew. Complicated bastard. Good thing he's worth it or I'd be borrowing Sanzo's gun...
And thinking about my lover isn't really helping anything.
Heh. 'Lover' - never called him that before. Not to his face, anyway. He wasn't a lover, not at first. It just kinda...happened. I was bored and he was getting kinda antsy and we'd ripped a playing card so we couldn't gamble and I had a lot to drink and things just got a little overwhelming. And that was how it went. No strings, no sweet nothings, just two guys having a fuck when things outside (or demons inside) got too much to bear.
Then Sanzo dragged us right outta that rut and off into the West. Wasn't sure what to do or whether he'd let me push it in front of Sanzo and Goku. Now me, I couldn't care less what the blond bastard thinks but Hakkai really wants his respect and he'd hate me if I fucked that up.
Sanzo. Now there's a man who's "easy on the eyes and hell on the nerves" as Jien used to say. 'Course I was too young to know what he meant by that until way later on but that's another thing entirely. Right now, I'm thinking about the monk and I gotta admit; I'm kinda worried.
The horror of that thought has me patting my pockets in search of cigarette. True to my luck, there's no sign of the half a pack I'm sure were in my breast pocket. I do find my lighter. Not too bad. At least now I can take a look around.
And it's another cave. I'm really starting to wonder if there's some fucker of a God up there who's running along ahead of us to make sure that there are enough dead-end caves for us to stumble into. Curiousity gets me to my feet and I start to limp around along the pile of fallen rocks that were probably part of the ceiling not too long ago. The lighter flickers a little as I poke and prod at a few of the boulders optomistically.
Well, I ain't gettin' out of here by myself.
I turn and the light catches just a hint of ...gold?
Oh fuck...
It can't be but even as I lurch forward, I know. The rasp and gasp of pained breathing isn't coming from a Youkai. Genjyo Sanzo is lying in a pool of dark liquid, pale-faced and unconcious.
I drop the lighter and the sudden darkness hides my trembling hands as I lowered myself gingerly to the ground and start to grope around for it. My hand brushes against soft hair and I freeze. It's funny but I'm almost praying for the roar of outrage and the crack of the gunshot. Don't ask me why but he never bothers with the fan if someone gets too close. Straight for the gun and BANG! That's all he wrote.
The only time I've actually believed he'd shoot me was during our first meeting, when I got a little too up-close and personal. He doesn't like being touched and it feels ...wrong.
Wrong or not, I need to know how bad it is. It'd help if I could find the god-damn fucking lighter! Angry now, I'm almost slapping my hand down. The rough stone stings my hands, adding another nagging ache to the growing list. Finally I feel it - a small cold oblong of slippery steel.
I fumble it open - why the fuck can't I keep my hands steady? - and take a deep breath. I can still hear his breathing. Bastard monk isn't going die easy. I ignore the voice in the back of my mind (which sounds a helluva lot like Hakkai lecturing me on first aid) that says the breathing's slowing down. It's getting harder to breathe and I've got to be imagining that faint gurgling sound. I need a smoke.
The light makes me flinch but even with stars dancing across my vision, I can tell the monk's hurting. He's lost a lot of blood and it looks like someone's ripped him open -again-! My breath hisses out between my teeth and all of a sudden, I'm not feeling so bad.
The sutra's there and in pretty good condition. Better than its owner but that's not exactly hard right now. It takes longer than I'd like to wrap the injuries and get him propped up against the wall. I'm tired, I'm sore and juggling the lighter and a limp monk who's oozing blood all over me takes all the concentration I've got. I need a smoke so badly. Gimme the stink of nicotine over all these blood any day.
"Oi, baldy. You owe me new clothes."
Nothing. Not so much as a twitch and I've seen him take a swing at a Goddess while in a coma.
Now I'm really worried.
Damn it, why me? I think I remember how we got here. Youkai, fighting and Goku demolishing a wall then the ceiling falling...if anyone had to get stranded in here with Sanzo-sama, why couldn't it have been Hakkai or Goku. Hakkai'd be able to fix him or blast through a wall or something. Goku...Goku'd be freaking out and smashing things up. Me? I'm sitting here, wishing for a cigarette and chewing on my finge- I take my little finger out of my mouth and stare in disgust at the saliva and teethmarks. I really need a smoke.
Of course...Sanzo smokes. Same brand and everything. So he must have cigarettes. In fact, I know he does. I even know where he keeps them and that's the problem. I sit and stare at the wall, trying to just ignore how badly I want a fucking cigarette. I shift around and check his bandages again. More shifting.
Is it just me or does Sanzo have a target tattooed on his belly in 'visible to youkai only' ink? Every single time he gets hit hard enough to get knocked down and it's a gut wound. I've seen his intestines so many times, I'm starting to think that I'd be able to recognise them all on their own.
Still, I remember the first time it happened. That freak Rikudo and his holier-than-thou bullshit. I've always wondered why Sanzo wanted to save him that badly. Bastard'll never tell me of course but it must be something big. I remember looking at him, lying there in the rain with blood draining away and it suddenly struck me; he's human.
Me, I'm part human but I got youkai blood in here too. Hakkai and Goku are the real thing. And we're all stronger than him. Physically stronger anyway. It's not something we've ever talked about. I don't think we ever gave it a thought before that night.
We still don't talk about it. I've never cracked a joke about it, Hakkai's never used it as an excuse and Goku's never seemed to think about it. But I'm fucking positive that I wasn't the only one who looked down at him that night and wondered what the fuck kept him going.
He's a hard bastard - no denying that - and I used to hate him for it. It wasn't until I started to get to know the bastard that I realised he's a hell of a lot harder on himself than he is on anyone else. Whatever it is that he's looking for, he's going to get it. Not because he'd led a good life or because the gods are looking out for him. He's going to get it because he's not going stop until he does.
I wonder...is that why we're all trailing along behind him? Me, I never did shit with my life. Jien upped and left. Mother was dead. Father was dead. All I had was drink, gambling and women. Not a bad life, but not one I wanted to stay in even when I was old and grey.
Then I pick a stranger off the street and everything gets turned topsy-turvy.
When Sanzo offered us that job, I was so fucking tempted. But I didn't want that bastard marching all over me like he did Goku. Shoulda known I wasn't getting away that easy.
And GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, I need a cigarette!
The cravings always make me philosophical and depressed. Fuck the risk. Monk doesn't need 'em right now and I damn well DO! He wants to shoot me, his problem 'cause I need a smoke! Fumbling with his robes, I find the gun but no fan and, more importantly, no cigarettes!
I'm starting to loose hope when I see the faintest trace of foil. No thought required and I snatch the packet up hungrily. Sanzo got a fresh pack this morning and they're aaaaaaaaaaalllllll mine!
I rip the pack open - the plastic's gone so Sanzo's had a least one - and pull out a cigarette. It's not until it sags over my fingers that I realise it's wet - no, it's soaked - in blood. I let it fall onto the floor and drop the packet like it's redhot.
There's blood all over my hands. I rub them against my legs, trying to ignore the trembling. It's not coming off. Sanzo's gasping for air and the lighter's flame flickers. It's almost outta fuel.
In the last few seconds before it dies, I look at Sanzo's slack face and move so we're side-by-side. Hakkai n' Goku will find us but until then, I'm staying here. No matter what happens, I'm not alone.